do i have reason to worry? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

illdeviant · 07-13-2003, 11:00 AM

heres the story:
it's my gf's b-day, and her friend got her a dildo/vibrator. right now shes in conneticut and me in NY. we go to the same college and we make it a point to visit. so its not a typical longterm relationship. now the question is, should her having a dildo/vibrator bother me, or rather, do i have a right to contest the usage ( i dont see how its any diff than gettin fucked my someone else). i mean i take pride in what i do in bed(no im not a one minute man) and dont want it bein overshadowed by a toy. so do i have reason to worry about her gettin hooked on them and would they be able to outperform me? ::shrug:: my pride's at stake here.

i'd prefer especially, if the ladies would help me out. they'd kno best, right? i thought about posting it in the ladies lounge, but technically im not supposed to. so here it is. thanks all for the help.

SiN · 07-13-2003, 11:02 AM

Do you have reason to worry?

No.

not about this, anyways...

wraithhibn · 07-13-2003, 11:25 AM

a dildo isnt a lover. thats where you have hte advantage. with many women, it will make them want a penis more.

tikki · 07-13-2003, 11:26 AM

Use that thing to your advantage my friend.

lurkette · 07-13-2003, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by illdeviant
( i dont see how its any diff than gettin fucked my someone else).

Um...it's plastic and there's no man attached to the other end of it? Are you threatened by the fact that she has fingers?

The only thing I can see to worry about is that you seem a little insecure.

In my experience, toy or no toy, most women are able to masturbate to better orgasms than they can have through sex anyhow, so a toy doesn't much change your situation. Sex isn't just about the BANG at the end, although that's pretty satisfying, it's about the whole experience, and the whole range of sensations, and being with the other person. I much prefer my husband to my toys.

Be happy she has a little plastic friend and, like others have said, offer to learn how to use it with her.

Donkeypuncher · 07-13-2003, 01:45 PM

This has little or nothing to do with your pride. My friend, put your insecurities in a box and bury them in the backyard. Have a little ceremony if it helps... just get rid of them.

Be happy you have a woman who's comfortable with her sexuality and is willing to explore instead of someone who's uptight and only likes one position, afraid to try anything interesting; you'll be a happier man for it. Be a part of it. Learn to use it as well. Can you be inside her and go down on her at the same time? I'm guessing not, but I'd bet she'd enjoy the sensation and unless you feel like having a real, live penis present with you (don't answer, I think I already know) this is a fun way to try things that are just impossible otherwise w/o involving someone else.

Look at it this way - if she prefers a dildo to you... for whatever reason... this is gonna go south soon anyway, whether you "allow" her to use it or not. And if it goes south because you're insecure and controlling, she's just gonna end up laughing about it with someone else down the road... someone who's getting great sex and wondering if you ever realized what you were missing out on because you couldn't get over yourself.

fnaqzna · 07-13-2003, 02:22 PM

Before she had you, she had her hand... after you're gone, she'll still have her hand.

Find something else to worry about... this one isn't worth the time nor the trouble... that is... unless she prefers the tool... in which case, you may need to work on your skillz.

isandro · 07-13-2003, 03:19 PM

Donkeypuncher pretty much said what I had in mind.
I've always found it cool when my g/f would have a dildo and experiment with it- the thought of her playing with it was always a major turnon for me. Usually she'd be full of ideas when we got together again.

And playing together is even more fun

Besides, it's a piece of plastic. Imagine if you had a rubber vagina, think you'd still want her?

dudemac · 07-13-2003, 03:50 PM

I got my wife her first vibe, when we were dating we would dirty talk on the phone and she would go to it. Later it was both of us, trust me its not going to replace you, but it will make your sex life better. Ask if you can watch her with it , my bet is that she will drop the vibe and mount up

Schwan · 07-13-2003, 04:00 PM

She needs to get off as often as you do, besides, as tikki said, take advantage of it.

isandro · 07-13-2003, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Ask if you can watch her with it , my bet is that she will drop the vibe and mount up

Dude, that's a win-win situation

bermuDa · 07-13-2003, 04:19 PM

it's just masturbation, don't be such a prude!

Donkeypuncher · 07-13-2003, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dudemac
Ask if you can watch her with it , my bet is that she will drop the vibe and mount up

Bruh-thah!

Watching my woman get herself off, in most any manner, turns me on like crazy. And of course, with you in the room, pretty soon she's going to want you in her NOW.

I've bought her a few toys as well... the one so far that has worked out best for _me_ is the dildo with the suction cup. She had no idea they made such things (ex's all freaked out at the idea of her having toys so she's never had any fun with it before) and now not only does she like me to watch her with it, but I get phone calls from her after some of the better showers and she recounts them in detail. Holy schnikeys that gets me going!

Donkeypuncher · 07-13-2003, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by illdeviant
i dont see how its any diff than gettin fucked my someone else

It occurs to me that this is the core of the issue and from where I sit, you're really wrong about that. As bermuDa said, it's just masturbation - she uses fingers, why not something that gets where her fingers can't?

Not only is it a different concept entirely... they aren't even remotely related. If she wanted someone else that bad, likely she'd go GET someone else. Relax, have fun and add it to the menu of things you do together. It's cool. =)

MSD · 07-13-2003, 04:37 PM

Do you like sex any less after you masturbate?

Didn't think so.

swmacneil · 07-14-2003, 09:23 AM

my fiance and i use a vib when we have sex sometimes, i give her oral while using the vib, drives her insane.

my man, as the saying goes, man cannot live on bread alone....a woman cannot live on a vib alone, she will need you too bud.

absorbentishe · 07-14-2003, 09:51 AM

Does she worry about you coming back to her after you wank? Shoe doesn't fit on her, so foget about it. Unless you're too hung up on this, then it will only hurt your relationship.

07-14-2003, 11:16 AM

Whoa there son..... how is using a vibrator any different from any of your masturbation habits? You're a member of the TFP - which is great as a community in and of itself, but don't forget the sheer amount of pornographic material. Do you object to her masturbating in any way, shape, or form? Do you remain chaste during your time apart? Think about these things. A dildo/vibrator is nothing more than the requisite plastic and optional batteries. It's not a person, nor is it a suitable replacement for your presence/emotional availibility. Hell, if there weren't dildos/vibrators/and other assorted sex toys in our house, I'd never get a minute to myself because I'd be too busy doing the deed. This should be the least of your problems.

smithrussell · 07-14-2003, 12:06 PM

don't worry about it. when you masturbate...are you cheating? the vibrator can be a nice addition to your everyday sex lives.

BigJayz · 07-14-2003, 02:22 PM

Ok, I think pretty much everyone else has said what I have to say but I'm gonna say it anyways....

You masturbate right? (c'mon you can admit it amongst friends) Do you ever use vaseline or lotion or any other lube? Do you use porn to assist in your masturbation? Of course you do! It is a tool to help you get off better faster and more often right? Well that's all her toy is, it's a tool. Learn how to use it with/on her and you'll both have more fun in the end.

To do a job better faster and more efficiently use the proper tools!

Donkeypuncher · 07-14-2003, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BigJayz
you'll both have more fun in the end.

huhuhuhuh...you said...

LordEden · 07-14-2003, 02:32 PM

I piece of plastic will never replace a real live person, its just saying you prefer your hand of a real life girl

, and I don't think alot of guys would say that. Let her have her toys, they just get her more riled up for when you come and visit. BTW Donkeypuncher, it gets me firey hot when I see my gf start to masterbate in any way, huge turnon.

shadrock · 07-14-2003, 04:12 PM

I have bought my girl a few toys actually. They can add a lot to the bedroom. Like others said, ask her if you can watch her use it some time. Actually, chack that, don't ask. Sometime when you are talking about sex, tell her that you have fantasized about her using it and it really turns you on. That way it shows you aren't threatend and gets her going too.

Best thing about your girl having a toy, is her using it while you kick it doggy style. Damn how the kitty can squeeze!

Dnz · 07-15-2003, 03:32 AM

thats right, toy as in accessory..

Accessories are there to complement something.

And currently they will be there to compliment you.
Its no like its gonna run off with her and buy her dinner or something hahah

07-13-2003, 11:00 AM	#1 (permalink)
illdeviant Crazy Location: Lawn Guyland	do i have reason to worry? heres the story: it's my gf's b-day, and her friend got her a dildo/vibrator. right now shes in conneticut and me in NY. we go to the same college and we make it a point to visit. so its not a typical longterm relationship. now the question is, should her having a dildo/vibrator bother me, or rather, do i have a right to contest the usage ( i dont see how its any diff than gettin fucked my someone else). i mean i take pride in what i do in bed(no im not a one minute man) and dont want it bein overshadowed by a toy. so do i have reason to worry about her gettin hooked on them and would they be able to outperform me? ::shrug:: my pride's at stake here. i'd prefer especially, if the ladies would help me out. they'd kno best, right? i thought about posting it in the ladies lounge, but technically im not supposed to. so here it is. thanks all for the help.

07-13-2003, 11:02 AM	#2 (permalink)
SiN strangelove Location: ...more here than there...	Do you have reason to worry? No. not about this, anyways... __________________ - + - ° GiRLie GeeK ° - + - ° 01110010011011110110111101110100001000000110110101100101 Therell be days/When Ill stray/I may appear to be/Constantly out of reach/I give in to sin/Because I like to practise what I preach

07-13-2003, 11:25 AM	#3 (permalink)
wraithhibn Dopefish Location: the 'Ville	a dildo isnt a lover. thats where you have hte advantage. with many women, it will make them want a penis more. __________________ If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

07-13-2003, 11:26 AM	#4 (permalink)
tikki Justified Location: West Lafayette, IN	Use that thing to your advantage my friend. __________________ Take notice. Take interest. Take me with you.

07-13-2003, 01:45 PM	#6 (permalink)
Donkeypuncher Psycho Location: Pasadena, CA	This has little or nothing to do with your pride. My friend, put your insecurities in a box and bury them in the backyard. Have a little ceremony if it helps... just get rid of them. Be happy you have a woman who's comfortable with her sexuality and is willing to explore instead of someone who's uptight and only likes one position, afraid to try anything interesting; you'll be a happier man for it. Be a part of it. Learn to use it as well. Can you be inside her and go down on her at the same time? I'm guessing not, but I'd bet she'd enjoy the sensation and unless you feel like having a real, live penis present with you (don't answer, I think I already know) this is a fun way to try things that are just impossible otherwise w/o involving someone else. Look at it this way - if she prefers a dildo to you... for whatever reason... this is gonna go south soon anyway, whether you "allow" her to use it or not. And if it goes south because you're insecure and controlling, she's just gonna end up laughing about it with someone else down the road... someone who's getting great sex and wondering if you ever realized what you were missing out on because you couldn't get over yourself. __________________ "take me down, little Susie, take me down I know you think you're the Queen of The Underground"

07-13-2003, 02:22 PM	#7 (permalink)
fnaqzna Meat Popsicle Location: Left Coast	Before she had you, she had her hand... after you're gone, she'll still have her hand. Find something else to worry about... this one isn't worth the time nor the trouble... that is... unless she prefers the tool... in which case, you may need to work on your skillz.

07-13-2003, 03:19 PM	#8 (permalink)
isandro Crazy Location: Groningen, Netherlands	Donkeypuncher pretty much said what I had in mind. I've always found it cool when my g/f would have a dildo and experiment with it- the thought of her playing with it was always a major turnon for me. Usually she'd be full of ideas when we got together again. And playing together is even more fun Besides, it's a piece of plastic. Imagine if you had a rubber vagina, think you'd still want her? __________________ -Life, liberty and the pursuit of hamburgers.

07-13-2003, 03:50 PM	#9 (permalink)
dudemac Tilted Location: College Station, TX	I got my wife her first vibe, when we were dating we would dirty talk on the phone and she would go to it. Later it was both of us, trust me its not going to replace you, but it will make your sex life better. Ask if you can watch her with it , my bet is that she will drop the vibe and mount up __________________ Dudemac Author Somewhere

07-13-2003, 04:00 PM	#10 (permalink)
Schwan A boy and his dog Location: EU!	She needs to get off as often as you do, besides, as tikki said, take advantage of it.

07-13-2003, 04:19 PM	#12 (permalink)
bermuDa don't ignore this--> Location: CA	it's just masturbation, don't be such a prude! __________________ I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.

07-13-2003, 04:37 PM	#15 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	Do you like sex any less after you masturbate? Didn't think so.

07-14-2003, 09:23 AM	#16 (permalink)
swmacneil Tilted	my fiance and i use a vib when we have sex sometimes, i give her oral while using the vib, drives her insane. my man, as the saying goes, man cannot live on bread alone....a woman cannot live on a vib alone, she will need you too bud.

07-14-2003, 09:51 AM	#17 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	Does she worry about you coming back to her after you wank? Shoe doesn't fit on her, so foget about it. Unless you're too hung up on this, then it will only hurt your relationship.

07-14-2003, 11:16 AM	#18 (permalink)
smithja0423 Guest	Whoa there son..... how is using a vibrator any different from any of your masturbation habits? You're a member of the TFP - which is great as a community in and of itself, but don't forget the sheer amount of pornographic material. Do you object to her masturbating in any way, shape, or form? Do you remain chaste during your time apart? Think about these things. A dildo/vibrator is nothing more than the requisite plastic and optional batteries. It's not a person, nor is it a suitable replacement for your presence/emotional availibility. Hell, if there weren't dildos/vibrators/and other assorted sex toys in our house, I'd never get a minute to myself because I'd be too busy doing the deed. This should be the least of your problems.

07-14-2003, 12:06 PM	#19 (permalink)
smithrussell Upright	don't worry about it. when you masturbate...are you cheating? the vibrator can be a nice addition to your everyday sex lives.

07-14-2003, 02:22 PM	#20 (permalink)
BigJayz Crazy Location: Sunny So. Cal.	Ok, I think pretty much everyone else has said what I have to say but I'm gonna say it anyways.... You masturbate right? (c'mon you can admit it amongst friends) Do you ever use vaseline or lotion or any other lube? Do you use porn to assist in your masturbation? Of course you do! It is a tool to help you get off better faster and more often right? Well that's all her toy is, it's a tool. Learn how to use it with/on her and you'll both have more fun in the end. To do a job better faster and more efficiently use the proper tools!

07-14-2003, 04:12 PM	#23 (permalink)
shadrock Crazy	I have bought my girl a few toys actually. They can add a lot to the bedroom. Like others said, ask her if you can watch her use it some time. Actually, chack that, don't ask. Sometime when you are talking about sex, tell her that you have fantasized about her using it and it really turns you on. That way it shows you aren't threatend and gets her going too. Best thing about your girl having a toy, is her using it while you kick it doggy style. Damn how the kitty can squeeze!

07-15-2003, 03:32 AM	#24 (permalink)
Dnz Tilted	thats right, toy as in accessory.. Accessories are there to complement something. And currently they will be there to compliment you. Its no like its gonna run off with her and buy her dinner or something hahah