Originally Posted by A semi-universal answer to the question: "How do I get my girlfriend to do ____ with me?" - by Inter10per

I feel like recently there's been a bunch of "How do I get my girlfriend to try facials/anal/swallowing/etc?" posts. I answered this question for one person in another thread, but I figured it might be useful to answer it here in one place where more people will see it.

First of all, I mean no disrespect to women in this post. I aimed the post at guys because I don't have any idea if this "method" will work for you ladies trying to get your boyfriends to try new things. I've always tried everything a girl has asked me to do, so it would certainly be unnecessary on me. It would definitely work on me, though, if it ever came to that.

Second, everyone's different. I've had good success by this "method", but you may not.

Third, it's not really a "method", but rather a way of opening up and sharing your desires at the correct time and without putting pressure on her. It's not meant to be some contrived technique, and it's something that I did naturally before I understood why it works.

Get your house in order

For this to work there are a few preconditions that must be satisfied.

1. Your relationship has to be good already. This won't work in a failing relationship, so if you're fighting all the time don't even bother trying. If, on the other hand, everything else is going well but you're just a bit bored and want to spice things up, this might be for you.

2. You must be absolutely genuine with her, all the time. Frankly there's not really any reason you should be lying to or deceptive with a sex partner. She must know the "real" you. If you're not genuine with her, there's a pretty good chance this won't work.

3. You must be a giving partner. If you're a selfish partner you're out of luck, it's almost guaranteed that this won't work unless you're an emotionally manipulative jerk (in which case I hate you). Go back and learn how to be giving before you waste your time.

How to bring up what you want

The key to success has two parts:

The first part is not to ask for or suggest what you want. Asking for or suggesting something puts pressure on the askee for a favorable response. For things with low barriers to action, asking or suggesting works great. "Hey, can you hold my balls while you're already doing that thing with your tongue?" will probably work out just fine. "Hey, can I tie you to the bed and jam my cock up your ass tonight?" will vary considerably from person to person.

Rather, instead of asking, you want to share how you genuinely feel. Let's imagine your partner is not thrilled by the idea of getting a sticky load of cum in her face. "Can I come all over your face?" is going to be far less effective than "It makes me really hot to imagine coming all over your face."

The second part is to do it at the correct time. There's a favorable time to bring up any request, and this is only different in the sense that you actually have some control over when that optimal time is.

The short explanation is that your girl will be more receptive to pushing her boundaries when she feels awesome, sexy, and wanted. It's important to connect the idea of what you want to do how you feel about it and how you feel about her.

After all, why do you want to come on her face? Sure, you saw it in porn, but that's not a complete answer (and she probably won't relate to it). Somehow it's the idea of doing it that drives you crazy, and the idea of doing it with her. Learn to recognize and articulate those feelings.

An example: bringing it all together

I personally learn best by example, so here's an example of how you might share the idea that you want to give your girlfriend a facial. For the record, this is pretty much how I told my first girlfriend I wanted to come on her face almost ten years ago. There was nothing planned or contrived about it, I just sort of said what I was feeling and felt a bit embarrassed about it afterward. One day later we were having sex and she asked me to come on her face.

1. Wait until you're heavy into foreplay (you shouldn't make a habit of rushing foreplay, but especially don't rush it this time), she should be feeling really hot and worked up. Drag things out a bit longer than you usually would. Tease her, touch her, escalate things and then back off, escalate again and back off again. Talk to her, let her know how hot you think she is. Get her feeling fucking sexy, like she's the hottest girl in the world. Let her know how much you want her.

2. At some point slow down for a moment, look in her eyes, and give her a mischievous but genuine smile. Keep your hands on her, don't break contact with her skin. Lean forward and whisper this in her ear: "Can I tell you a secret?"

3. She will say yes, either by nodding or vocalizing it. Whisper something to this effect (and mean it): "You are so fucking sexy, someday I really want to come on your face" ...or... "It gets me so hot to fantasize about coming on your face".

4. Do not wait for an answer. Do not give the impression that you were expecting an answer. Immediately get your hands moving again, start kissing her again, making her feel good again, go back to foreplay and then go ahead and escalate things into sex like you usually would.

5. She may give you a response right away, or she may not. Do not put pressure on her either way. Regardless, if you were honest and genuine she will almost certainly smile, and if she does it's a good sign.

6. If you did everything right she will probably be willing to try it, but it needs to be on her own terms. One day you'll be having sex or getting head and she'll ask you to come on her face. She may even want to try it right away. Either way, put no pressure on her to do it.

If it doesn't work

So... I have a confession to make: I've never had this not work. Not for facials, not for anal, not for BDSM, not for non-monogamy/swinging, not for anything I can think of. Every time I've openly shared my honest desires my partners have always asked to indulge them. That being said, I don't share certain fantasies with girls I'm pretty sure won't ever consider participating in them. For example, one of my favorite partners freaked out whenever her foot got stuck in the sheets. I obviously never told her I wanted to tie her up.

So if it doesn't work, I'm not really sure what you should do. I wouldn't recommend asking a second time unless you think she's opened up more someday down the road. People tend to remember when you share fantasies with them, so I think it would be unlikely that she's forgotten. People do have limits, and it's critical to let them push them on their own timetable and to respect those limits when they don't.

What do you guys and gals think?