I dont know what to do. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Locke · 07-19-2003, 09:54 PM

I have a slight problem. I have never encounered anything like this before and don't know how to handle it. So I turn to everyone here for advice.

My girlfriend and I have been together for over 4 years now. Everything has been great. We get along great and have fun together. we know everything about each other. Great times. But, she reciently admitted to me she may be bi-sexual. We are told that a great many of us ( guys ) would love to be in this type of situation, but I dont know what to do or what to think. Do we stay together or work it through? maybe I'll be ok with it someday. I don't know. Maybe a good part of my problem with this comes from the fact that my mom is lesbian ( I dont go around telling many people that) and I dont want to make that "mistake." So, what do you think?

MrCubanmafia · 07-19-2003, 10:00 PM

Seriously... I think she's trying to make an excuse to leave. Put in this situation, I would probably go ahead and seperate. You can always find someone who isn't a lesbian/bisexual, however, you can't fix the inevitable. Thats my two cents, for whatever they're worth.

BTw- If she tells you she slept with a girl tomorrow, would you stick arround?

Craven Morehead · 07-19-2003, 10:08 PM

Why did she tell you? Was it because she wanted you to know since you are very close and tell each other everything - or - was it because she wants to try it? I don't know how you can work through it other than accept it. It might be easier for you to deal with if your Mom wasn't also a lesbian. On the other hand, you might be able to see she;s still the same as before. Just an added dimension.

Stinky Pee · 07-20-2003, 01:09 AM

It is definately possible that MrCubanMafia is right, but you never know. She could really be having a sexual dilemma, or possibly even both.
Know this though: Bringing a third person into a relationship is one of the easiest ways to end it (Also the most fun). Most couples out there cannot handle the pandora's box that is opened when a third person becomes involved.
Talk to her about this. If you are not comfortable about it, than she needs to decide what she wants. She can either respect your feelings and remain faithful to you or not. If its carpet that she wants, that relax and accept it. Hug, kiss and go your separate ways, but don't totally destroy a relationship over it.

tikki · 07-20-2003, 04:44 AM

Nothing like having your mate leave you for another lady to boost the self esteem. Happened to an ex-friend of mine (yes, I have a lot of them), and he was really down about it. Made him feel like less of a man.

ratbastid · 07-20-2003, 06:06 AM

As the very happily married husband of a bisexual woman, I promise you there's nothing inherantly troublesome about her orientation. The question isn't who she's attracted to, but where your relationship is in terms of stability, fidelity, etc.

This is something to work out (drumroll please) IN COMMUNICATION.

If you layed out your concerns to her (instead of--or along with--coming here and asking what you should do), you'd actually stand a chance of growing as a person and strengthening the relationship.

You have nothing to fear but fear itself.

motdakasha · 07-20-2003, 03:01 PM

Ask her why she is telling you?
It could be a few things. Like maybe she is just trying to figure out her own identity/sexuality, which may involve coming out of the closet. This doesn't necessarily mean she wants an open relationship. Just because someone is bi-curious doesn't mean they are just going to sleep around with whomever. If they choose to be monogamous, that's what they are.

However, an open-relationship is yet another possibility. Talk to her and find out. COMMUNICATE.

Until you find out if she is going to continue on in your relationship, learn to accept her. She probably wants support and acceptance. The way you describe her words makes it sound like she's unsure.

Locke · 07-20-2003, 09:00 PM

Thanks for the advice everyone. We have been talking and things are going well. She says shes just curious and I'm dealing with it lots better. Thanks again.

giblfiz · 07-20-2003, 09:48 PM

Glad to hear it. Someone being Bi should _never_ be a problem for a relationship. It just means that you get to focus your porn purchases a little tighter.

on the other hand be very careful about involving third parties. If anyone feels even a little nervous about the relationship (which you clearly do) then don't bring anyone in.

MacGnG · 07-20-2003, 11:34 PM

only good advice is to sit down and TALK IT ALL OUT. other wise whatever u do will mess things up. sit down and just talk to her, make sure you find out the entire story before you make a decision

07-19-2003, 09:54 PM	#1 (permalink)
Locke Insane Location: The reddest state ever. :(	I dont know what to do. I have a slight problem. I have never encounered anything like this before and don't know how to handle it. So I turn to everyone here for advice. My girlfriend and I have been together for over 4 years now. Everything has been great. We get along great and have fun together. we know everything about each other. Great times. But, she reciently admitted to me she may be bi-sexual. We are told that a great many of us ( guys ) would love to be in this type of situation, but I dont know what to do or what to think. Do we stay together or work it through? maybe I'll be ok with it someday. I don't know. Maybe a good part of my problem with this comes from the fact that my mom is lesbian ( I dont go around telling many people that) and I dont want to make that "mistake." So, what do you think?

07-19-2003, 10:00 PM	#2 (permalink)
MrCubanmafia Upright	Seriously... I think she's trying to make an excuse to leave. Put in this situation, I would probably go ahead and seperate. You can always find someone who isn't a lesbian/bisexual, however, you can't fix the inevitable. Thats my two cents, for whatever they're worth. BTw- If she tells you she slept with a girl tomorrow, would you stick arround? Last edited by Nikki; 07-20-2003 at 05:00 AM..

07-20-2003, 01:09 AM	#4 (permalink)
Stinky Pee Crazy Location: In My Pants	It is definately possible that MrCubanMafia is right, but you never know. She could really be having a sexual dilemma, or possibly even both. Know this though: Bringing a third person into a relationship is one of the easiest ways to end it (Also the most fun). Most couples out there cannot handle the pandora's box that is opened when a third person becomes involved. Talk to her about this. If you are not comfortable about it, than she needs to decide what she wants. She can either respect your feelings and remain faithful to you or not. If its carpet that she wants, that relax and accept it. Hug, kiss and go your separate ways, but don't totally destroy a relationship over it. __________________ Eat my fuck.

07-20-2003, 04:44 AM	#5 (permalink)
tikki Justified Location: West Lafayette, IN	Nothing like having your mate leave you for another lady to boost the self esteem. Happened to an ex-friend of mine (yes, I have a lot of them), and he was really down about it. Made him feel like less of a man. __________________ Take notice. Take interest. Take me with you.

07-20-2003, 03:01 PM	#7 (permalink)
motdakasha Hiya Puddin'! Miss me? Location: Silicon Valley, CA	Ask her why she is telling you? It could be a few things. Like maybe she is just trying to figure out her own identity/sexuality, which may involve coming out of the closet. This doesn't necessarily mean she wants an open relationship. Just because someone is bi-curious doesn't mean they are just going to sleep around with whomever. If they choose to be monogamous, that's what they are. However, an open-relationship is yet another possibility. Talk to her and find out. COMMUNICATE. Until you find out if she is going to continue on in your relationship, learn to accept her. She probably wants support and acceptance. The way you describe her words makes it sound like she's unsure. __________________ =^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.) Last edited by motdakasha; 07-20-2003 at 03:08 PM..

07-19-2003, 10:08 PM	#3 (permalink)
Craven Morehead Custom User Title	Why did she tell you? Was it because she wanted you to know since you are very close and tell each other everything - or - was it because she wants to try it? I don't know how you can work through it other than accept it. It might be easier for you to deal with if your Mom wasn't also a lesbian. On the other hand, you might be able to see she;s still the same as before. Just an added dimension.

07-20-2003, 06:06 AM	#6 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	As the very happily married husband of a bisexual woman, I promise you there's nothing inherantly troublesome about her orientation. The question isn't who she's attracted to, but where your relationship is in terms of stability, fidelity, etc. This is something to work out (drumroll please) IN COMMUNICATION. If you layed out your concerns to her (instead of--or along with--coming here and asking what you should do), you'd actually stand a chance of growing as a person and strengthening the relationship. You have nothing to fear but fear itself.

07-20-2003, 09:00 PM	#8 (permalink)
Locke Insane Location: The reddest state ever. :(	Thanks for the advice everyone. We have been talking and things are going well. She says shes just curious and I'm dealing with it lots better. Thanks again. __________________ CUBS WIN, CUBS WIN!!!! - Pat Hughes "Don't surround yourself with yourself." Yes

07-20-2003, 09:48 PM	#9 (permalink)
giblfiz is a shoggoth Location: LA	Glad to hear it. Someone being Bi should _never_ be a problem for a relationship. It just means that you get to focus your porn purchases a little tighter. on the other hand be very careful about involving third parties. If anyone feels even a little nervous about the relationship (which you clearly do) then don't bring anyone in. __________________ Use the star one and you'll be fighting off the old ones with your bare hands -A Shoggoth on the Roof

07-20-2003, 11:34 PM	#10 (permalink)
MacGnG Know Where!	only good advice is to sit down and TALK IT ALL OUT. other wise whatever u do will mess things up. sit down and just talk to her, make sure you find out the entire story before you make a decision