How do I stop wanting to bang other girls??
 

I'm heading over to the 5 year mark of being with the same girl. I've noticed more and more that other girls are looking good. I mean REALLY GOOD. So what do I do? I'll tell you right now that I know I will never find a more understanding perfect girl. She's got it all, but I still can't stop looking at other girls. It's starting to drive me nuts especially now that summer's here and oh yeah, my balcony overlooks the beach!!!

Would I be a horrible person if I screwed around for a while, just to get this shit out of my system? or will i start some sort of viscious circle? I've already discussed this problem with my girlfriend and she says she understands but to just not tell her if I do anything and to be safe. But I know she'd be devastated if I told her one day i fucked another girl. And (yes I know I'm a hypocrite) I would not dig it if I found out she fucked another guy.

So what the hell do I do????

yeha i was the same way with my last gf... 2 year relationship... other girls just looked better and better everyday, i would of only done one i swear, well we ended up breaking up but not for those reasons.... still trying to get into as many ladies pants as possible with litte success.... i live in a crap hole of a town

Maybe just masterbate until you get all those cheating thoughts out of your head?

I have similar thoughts. In fact, I'd submit that most men do, no matter how committed to their partner they may be. It's a natural response mechanism - a survival instinct, if you will. Men are wired in such a way as to instinctively want to deposit as much DNA in as many quality beavers as they possibly can.

That said, sometimes one needs to recognize that the mind simply has to override the physical instincts from time to time.

For example, if you're lost at sea and you're thirsty, your body may tell you to drink some sea water. You know, however, that if you drink it, you'll only get more thirsty. So you don't.

With regard to your partner, I think your mind needs to address the issue of trust, and how infidelity may impact your relationship. Even if she never finds out, the fact that you're in here asking the question suggests that you will feel guilty if you sleep with another woman. That guilt can then manifest itself into stress, anger, and ultimately resentment for the one about whom you fuilty guilty in the first place. In other words, it won't be worth it in the long run. It will only cause problems and be no more lasting than a memory.

Given what you wrote in your post, I'd say you should remain faithful. Try instead to introduce some variety into your sexlife with your current partner, like watching porn while you have sex, or something like that. Who knows, maybe that will quench your thirst...

Her response says she's not ok with it. If you'd like her to stay around, don't do it. It really is a choice. I wonder what it would feel like to jump off a building but I'll never do it because of the consequences.

If you cheat on her, realize you're cheating on her and own up to the consequences. Don't try to rationalize it, ya know?

Sounds to me like she basically gave you permission to cheat as long as she doesn't know. That's fucking awesome in a way...

but...

my conscience wouldn't let me do that. Of course I check out other women, I think that's just natural. But I don't think it's proper or morally right to fuck other girls to "get it out of your system".

Just my 2 cents.

Rock--Rococo--Hard place...

Morally, if you screw other chix, that makes you a cheater. Sorry dude, if you want to keep your girl, look all you like, just don't touch others. She may say one thing, but means totally the opposite.

My $.02

I say you start fucking to your little hearts desire...

I have a feeling your gonna do it anyway so I'm just going along with what you want.

Well if you really love your GF then I say do not mess around, if you are really lusting after others and feel no guilt then maybe you should have another look at your relationship. My ex screwed around on me and even though we were on the outs anyway and most likely soon to split it still hurts like hell so if you love her and want to keep her and know she would surley hurt then keep it in your pants and channel that energy to her, give her the fucking of a life time.

Don't cheat. My brother cheated, and wanted to kill his damn self afterward. If you have a guilty conscience, don't fucking do it. It will eat you alive.

thats like asking how do i stop breathing! you cant!

dude that girl seems way too awsome to fuck the relationship up.

You don't have to stop wanting to bang other girls, you just have to not act on those impulses. You think that the minute you make a commitment to one person your libido becomes magically focused on them? Nothing wrong with noticing and even thinking about it - what's important is that you love your gf, and you know that cheating would hurt her so you don't do it. If you can't put up with that, then yeah, maybe fucking around for a while would be a better move. In all likelihood it'll just make you miss your gf.

auto-lobotomy, it's the only way to curb your carnal desires

She's to cool for your own good...I wouldn't fuck around on someone like this. She seems really awesome and understanding; However if you fuck around you won't be good enough for someone like that. Sorry, but that's my opinion. Only fuck over assholes in life...not good ppl. Be faithful or break it off and chase all the pussy you can fuck.

You need a guy’s night out, a slab, a good game on the TV and a group of mates. Then afterwards just take some porn and those thoughts of all those hot chicks you been wanting to fuck and wack off all night. Well....that was I did. I've never had a relationship that has lasted anymore than 3 years. I just can't settle down yet.

suggest a threesome? ^-^ but be ready if she says yes and then one day want a threesome with you and another guy...er...

or take a break in the relationship for like 2 or 3 months...both of you can screw around and know if each other's really worth it in the long run.

Make a decision.

If you want to stay w/ your girlfriend, then stay loyal to her. She should be worth it.

If you want the other women more than your girlfriend, then that speaks for itself.

Thanks for the interesting points. I didn't even need to ask, the answer is already there; don't fuck other girls or it will suck in the long run. And everyone here seems to agree. But I'd like to add that i've tried a few things suggested here. First of all, whackin the weasel does not help. I could bust a nut and see a girl seconds later and want more. I've done the porn thing, it was a nice change for a while but it did not stop the urge. The one thing that has not been tried, that I'm so fuckin up for, is the threesome. It has been discussed in full detail many times. And yes, she says she'll do it. And yes, she's asked (jokingly, although you know there's some truth behind it) about doing it with me and another guy. Sorry I'm not going to watch another guy ram my girlfriend. Call me whatever names you want, but sure go ahead and fuck my girlfriend but you may not get home alive. (don't say you were never warned) Anyway so I'm very up for doing the 3-some but it's been a totall flop so far because i've tried to suggest it to 2 of her friends and it's all good to joke about, but when it comes down to it, no fuckin way. too weird. So does anyone know how I can get her friends to do a 3-way? I think this will be the cure!!

I did it once. It was cool. But I wasn't dating either girl at the time, and have since lost contact with both. As to how it would be with someone you ARE involved with? I don't know... think of the double standard though. You want to invite another girl into your bed with you and your gf, and want her to understand and go along with it (basically fuck her and another girl) but if she suggests inviting another guy, you're against it. Many men in here (including me) would share that point of view, but think about how that looks from her side. It's like you're asking her to allow you to go outside your relationship for sex, (even if she's there and consents) but she can't enjoy that same feeling of exploration and fantasy (even if you're there).

Hey man, most guys chase that dream all their lives and never catch it. Those who do many times end up wishing they never did. As to your first question, you have to decide what your true feelings are for this girl. If you don't feel the ABSOLUTE commitment to her, then you should break up with her BEFORE acting on your 5-year itch. After 5 years, you owe her that much.

-Mikey

You have a few options:

1) Cheat. Go find another woman and have sex with her. Pray it is only a one-night stand because a long drawn out relationship is not only emotionally messy but a lot easier to get caught. Also be prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions. If you get caught you will have to deal. If you feel guilty you will have to deal.

2) Go to a massage parlour/escort. Pay money to a professional to relieve that sexual itch. Men have been doing it for centuries. Play safe. You should also note that guilt can rear its ugly head here as well. The upside is no messy second relationship. There is also the major convenience factor... very beautiful women (perhaps more so than you could expect from a bar pick up) who don't want to tie you down and won't call your house at an inopportune moment.

3) Don't seek extra-relationship sex. Masturbate frequently. Get much sex from your partner. Fantasize. This can (and does) work for many men.


Ultimately you must either learn to be happy with what you have and fight your internal voice (the one that makes your cock want something else) or give in to tempation in the best way possible. A way that will cause you the least amount of grief and still allow you to carry on with the woman you love.

Rent or purchase from an online download service the movie The Sex Monster, and then think about if you wanna do that threesome. Even an FFM can backfire drastically if two of you are in a relationship. I don't think I would do a 3 some with a girl and a gf...just too messy.

It all boils down to "you can't have your cake and eat another girl's pussy too". Either pick your girl or be a player and leave her.

Many good suggestions in here, but I can't believe this one has been missed ...

Spice it up.

Have a weekend of almost non-stop sex with your woman. Try lots of crazy new positions. Experiment and have a good time.

It should at least temporarily help your perspective on things, but more likely it may even improve your sexual relationship with your lady.

Says you. It completely depends on the girlfriend/wife. There's a big difference between a woman that you have to coerce into this situation and the one who's asking you. Nothing's black and white, dude - adjust to your environment. ;)

I would seriously have to direct you away from doing it with anyone either of you already know. That is also asking for trouble. If it just happens one night after a jacuzzi and some wine coolers, so be it, but I wouldn't go seeking that out. If you're serious about it and she's really on board, you'd do better having her come on to a girl in a dance club or something and go from there. Besides, it gets her more involved in the process... let her pick someone _she's_ attracted to and it's all a lot smoother. And with a stranger, there's little weirdness afterwards - no competition between the girls, etc. You can choose to see that person again or not.

As for "the cure"... I don't know, friend. It sounds like you're looking at this the wrong way. The only "cure" is working through this with her. Adding someone else to the mix can be a lot of fun, but I'd generally not recommend it to someone who's trying to rescue a relationship with it, ya know? It's a pretty low-percentage shot...

But I'm thinking of this particular situation. He said it would destroy his gf if he cheated...obviously she thinks that they should be exclusive but has aquiesced to his desire for fear of losing him altogether. It obviously shows how much she values him. Maybe another gf would be fine with all the extracommital partners but it sounds like she's just giving in to keep him. Not everything is a gray area either. ;)

Well, fair enough but I read it as low self-esteem on her part. She's acquiescing even though she's really not ok with it and if that's true, hell, he can get away with this forever. She'll always take him back.

But who wants to live like that? I have yet to see such a situation lead to happiness for either person. Just because you can get away with it, that doesn't imply you should actually do it. Take the high road whenever possible, ya know?

A different idea
 

Obviously there will be no more poking of strange snatch for either of us, brother. I'm in the same boat. Your girl loves you to the point of understanding your need enough to let you go if it's more important to you than she is. Tell her you've come up with a better idea.

Ask her how she'd feel if instead of sleeping with other women, you close your eyes and imagine she's someone else? Maybe you can call her by another name. Maybe she can wear a costume. Maybe you can set up little scenarios in the evenings where she's the teacher and you're the naughty student, or where you're the plumber coming by to give her pipes a good cleaning.

If she's really committed to helping you steer clear of other women's panties, the options here are limitless.

By the way, about the threesome... the only way I see that working for you is if your girl brings home someone she wants to hook up with that has met you. You're probably not going to find anyone that will turn on your at least slightly nervous girlfriend unless you look in specific places or are VERY lucky.

Good luck, man. Turning off my little head's brain/radar around the strange is going to be really hard, I mean difficult.

Estrogen shots might help.

When does sarcasm cross over to sardonic?

I feel for you young person, wish I was one again.

Best of luck to ya...

You are more than your hormones and instincts.

You've already made your choice, stick to it if your resolve is strong enough.

My all means, keep masturbating to porn. But forget trying to solve this problem with pornography and masturbation. It only reminds you of your dilemma.

You are a human being with the power of choice. This means you can opt for pair bonding if it suits you. You are also a complex organism intent on self-propagation. This means you will never stop wanting to fuck other girls. The impulse will be with you until you are either very old or dead.

The sorry truth is that there is no real solution to this problem. It is oh so human. Or at least oh so human male. So you have a decision to make. With your choice will come consequences. You can always change your mind later, which, of course, will bring new consequences.

Stop being a male.

4+ year old thread. That's all I have to say. :)

Maybe he took some of the Bonerol.

Exersize your demons through fiction. Write dirty nasty sex stories about things you want to do to other women, then once you are done, make mad crazy love to your girl. The fantasy is always better then the real thing anyway, and this way you can get as nasty and fucked up as you want.

Watch some porn. Beat off. Get over it.

I don't think it's a matter of eliminating the desire. I think it's more about eliminating the ability to get girls easily.

Maybe gain some weight, and let yourself go? I've seen some huge dudes with gorgeous girlfriends, or wives, while at work in pharmacy. With that setup maybe it won't be so easy to meet new ones.

I mean, if I were a playa, I wouldn't really worry about losing the girl I'm with, if I can easily get another. Of course, this is just an assumption because I've never been in that position.

No, seriously... this thread is a zillion years old.

Ha... I just noticed. Oh, well, he'll have valuable info when/if he gets back.

Doesn't mean it won't help the next kid who stumbles into this dark little corner of the web looking for advice :)

Is it just me, or does there seem to be an awful lot of this kind of thread necromancy going on lately?

Looks more like thread necrophilia to me...

I now want to watch The Chronicles of Riddick. Thanks.

Hey, Rococo.
I know that you're still out there. So...out of curiosity...after four years, how did this work out for you? Still with the same gal?

Damn, the cobwebs on this thread are thick.

He's probably so busy banging other girls, that he hasn't had time to reply...

I still want to bang other girls and guys and I've been in a relationship for 3 years.

Ask for a threesome, that's what I do.

Having a threesome: typical teen/young 20-something male response. And by far the dumbest "solution" anyone could come up with for this problem. It shows how little one knows of not only the female sex, but also of human behavior in general. Before I read the posts suggesting a threesome, I was going to just state that because your girlfriend stated explicitly that she doesn't want you to tell her about any outside sex that you have, that you should realize that she isn't comfortable with you sleeping around. It is still your own choice, but you just need to understand the hidden meaning behind what little she had said about this to you.

There are few heterosexual couples I have come across that are comfortable with having "open" relationships. There are many straight girls who have FMF threesomes, because they really like the man they're with and convinced themselves that this will help them stay together. I have never met a mature woman who had a FMF threesome while in a relationship with a man unless it was an open relationship and they had numerous sexual encounters with other people already. Needless to say, those women are rare, and you certainly aren't going to find one who is a college undergraduate. Sorry, fratboys, but that girl who agrees to have a threesome is not sexually self-confident, but in fact the opposite. Anyway, I digress. Usually if the average couple has a threesome, it equals the beginning of the end for their relationship. Having a threesome is jumping too far down the road in terms of sexual exploration when here you are skipping the mile markers along the way. Like I said, she isn't comfortable enough to know who you are sleeping with or when. And that's perfectly normal. But she shouldn't feel like she should have to engage in a threesome for your enjoyment in order to feel like it's the only way to keep you from straying: and that is basically what you are saying to her, and it is far more immoral and chauvinistic than just having a brief tryst, no matter what silly notion of "I want her to enjoy this, too" that may be popping into your head. I should add that I'm not attacking the topic creator for thinking this: but any young man who thinks this is a good idea.

Ummm...just for the record...jennaboo4u is female. Just sayin'...

NICE!

Actually, I'm a female and I largely agree with Cyborg Ninja. The only way I would have a threesome is if I had no emotional attachment to the man. Though if I did have a threesome it would be with two men. I'm not into women. BTW, men are not the only ones who have this issue. So "stop being male" or "get an injection of estrogen" are not exactly the best responses.

Well I don't know what his girlfriend is like, or if she's completely against it. I'm just saying that he could always ask but you have to go around it in a smart way. She could be very offended, or she could be thrilled. And hopefully she wouldn't just agree and keep her feelings bottled up inside.

I'm just saying, if the other partner is up for it, it's a good way to get some of those feelings out. But I know it isn't for everyone, considering the fact that not every woman is attracted to other women.

Best way to stop wanting to bang other chicks is to bang other chicks.

Yes this can lead to issues with your current chick.

Another fix is for your current chick to get more attractive to you. Physically, emotionally, whatever. The problem of course is that one is in her control not yours.

So this leads us to the meat here, you will always want to bang other chicks, until you get to a point in life where you want to bang no chicks. There is no magic point where you say 'this is the one forever' and feel that way until death do you part, unless of course death comes swiftly. Sure you might feel it for a while, but for every gorgeous woman out there, there is a guy bored of fucking her. Its just how we are wired as gene spreading machines.

So either suffer through it the good Christian way, or bang other chicks. There really isn't any other way.

I think it's a result of posters exercising due diligence and actually searching for related topics, rather that starting a new thread.

It didn't seem to me as though he was looking for advice as much as just an outside justification for going ahead and cheating on his girlfriend.

This was a huge hurdle for me.

You don’t fix it. You embrace it. You become honest with yourself and your loved one. As a men we love women. We WANT women. We get hardons for women. It’s who we are. To deny this is to lie to oneself.

A relationship is at it’s very core an AGREEMENT. If your agreement involves monogamy (as mine does) all we are doing is making a choice NOT TO ACT on our nature. We are making a choice to use all that zest and energy and love for all the women in this world and turn it all towards our girl. But that doesn’t change who we are. To try to hide it from ourselves is dangerous. To hide it from our lover is lying. To hide it from the world is sad.

It’s up to every man to figure out how to manifest his true nature.

I love women. My girl knows this. She knows that I adore and appreciate women for everything that makes them feminine. I don’t hide this from her. I don’t hide this from the other girls. I want women to know that I appreciate them. They light up my world; the least I can do is make them feel good about themselves.

Doesn’t that mean I might “slip up” one day? No. I am totally honest with my girl and myself. This is not something dark and unwanted within me. I embrace it. I am cool with it. As such I have a very clear perspective on why I CHOOSE to stay with my girlfriend. There are many, many women out there. Most of them have some quality that shines above all others – including my girl. But it’s not just about an ass, or energy or wit. It’s about the total package. My girl is perfect for me. She makes me happy in every way. I love her for that. I may appreciate other women but I will never forget what’s important to me. My CHOICE is the only power I have in this world. I don’t take it lightly.

Can a better girl come along? Will my behavior increase the chance of me finding someone else? Lets be honest. YES. But I won’t betray who I am. I won’t lie to my love about my nature. Most importantly I have FAITH in us. It’s not certain. Love is not a science. Love is about having faith in yourself and the one you truly care for. This faith has to come from an honest place otherwise you’ll create a monster that will eat away at you and the relationship.

That’s my prerogative. Honesty, open communication, faith.

Nice post Mantus.. just out of curiosity what do you do? Are/were you a teacher/lecturer/preacher/speaker of a party or what ?

thanx y'all
 

Hi folks,

Yes, this act of "necromancy" was my doing. I was in the beginning of what is now a slightly longer monogomous relationship, having doubts about my own ability to stay faithful. Some of the posts here have helped me immensely and I just wanted to say thank you.

Time to re-aim the laser cannon again...

- Dave

yeah, wanting to bang other girls is part of what most men are. Right after we got married I told my wife "when I stop looking, take my pulse."