Strategies for breaking up - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

sapiens · 04-21-2003, 06:59 PM

Does anyone have any good strategies for ending relationships? What strategies have you used? What happened? I'm thinking about both long-term relationships (marriages, living with a partner, etc.) and short-term relationships (girlfriends, boyfriends, preventing sex from turning into a long-term relationship, etc). I'm very happily married, but I think it's an interesting topic.

Somenosuke · 04-21-2003, 08:28 PM

Good strategy: I think we should break up for these reasons. A: Reason. B: Reason. C: Reason. And they should be good reasons.

Bad strategy: You're a doody-head and your mother smells of dried up semen. Goodbye!

Tiser · 04-21-2003, 08:39 PM

What are some good reasons? I never understood how people fall OUT of love. But they do.

Either people change or want change... I suppose.

kingal · 04-21-2003, 08:48 PM

Uneffective strategy (esp. if you don't care): fuck your significant other's best friend in your bed and get caught in the act.

Effective Strategy: Come clean with what's not working and why. No blame, no finger pointing. I say that because it is always two people in a rellationship. Many times we make up various stories and meanings to what they do or say. We act based on having convinced ourselves that those stories are true. Many times, we build up resentment for uncomunicated intentions, and then blame the other for our unhappiness.

So my response is...What is the context of the breakup? Different scenarios call for different actions and communications.

SecretMethod70 · 04-21-2003, 10:07 PM

I don't think there is or can be a strategy for breaking up. Plus, sometimes there is no tangible reason. Sometimes the relationship simply ends. The only "strategy" is to just be honest with it and not drag it on out of fear over hurting the other person.

hotzot · 04-21-2003, 11:45 PM

I was always the dumpee, so I don't know.

Spidey · 04-22-2003, 06:05 AM

Step 1: MAKE SURE YOU WANNA DO IT FIRST, you don't wanna regret it later.

First thing is make sure the person you are about to dumb is in a stable position. You don't want them to go psycho at you when you inform them of the break up. Firstly you'd sit them somewhere private, quite so you can be alone. Then start telling them that you don't feel quite the same way you felt when you first started being together. Then go on to say that its not working and go on about the reasons why it isn't. Its also best if you blame the reasons on yourself so that way they can't say that they'll change for you. (although they must like you alot if they are willing to do so) Then give them a hug/kiss and give them your phone number so they can ring you up if they need anymore answers. MAKE SURE YOU ANSWER THEM. If all goes well then they should understand the situation. If not then run for your life :\

davidc209 · 04-22-2003, 06:31 AM

Or tell them that they "are too nice".

troit · 04-22-2003, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tiser
Either people change or want change... I suppose.

You hit it right here...Individuals goals and ideals change over time and could very easily become different than their current partner... (so I recently learned)

TaLoN · 04-22-2003, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tiser
Either people change or want change... I suppose.

this happened to me... i changed. i had an epiphany one day and just could not see a future with that girlfriend

ratbastid · 04-22-2003, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by davidc209
Or tell them that they "are too nice".

Heh. I wondered who was going to tie this thread in with that one....

Don't do what I did. I was a senior in High School and told Girl 1 that I had an opportunity to date Girl 2, who I'd been interested in for a long time, and so it was over. Bad move. I basically got away with it with her, but not with her friends. I was the official school Bad Guy for months, and the second girl broke up with me only a few weeks later.

Not that you shouldn't be honest, but... There's honesty and then there's being cruel.

Threads like this make me remember (one of the reasons) why I'm so happy to be married!

gibber71 · 04-22-2003, 10:33 AM

If you want out, tell the other person you feel the relationship has run it's course and that you'd like to grow and change as an individual,since you don't feel that is happening for you anymore and that you'd like to experience other people that may be better suited to where you are headed in life ..If the other person can't except that,then chances are you've made the right decision.Honesty is the best policy no matter how much it may hurt someones feelings,but that's life.We only go around once.Also never compromise yourself,since compromise is a weakness and the total inability to make strong decisions.

neoinoakleys · 04-22-2003, 10:45 AM

The truth....it always worked for me. Tell her how you feel and why....and be honest!!

I definitely like what Kingal wrote..."Come clean with what's not working and why. No blame, no finger pointing. I say that because it is always two people in a rellationship. Many times we make up various stories and meanings to what they do or say. We act based on having convinced ourselves that those stories are true. Many times, we build up resentment for uncomunicated intentions, and then blame the other for our unhappiness."

Definitely the best approach....always worked for me...

i8one2 · 04-22-2003, 01:31 PM

Be honest and straight up.... give the reason why its not working, try a trial separation, and then end it clean with no ill will, if it can't work.

snowy · 04-22-2003, 01:59 PM

Don't blindside someone. One of my exes did this with me. I had no idea we were having problems until he broke up with me. Let them know that there are problems with the relationship before breaking it off, and tell them you're thinking about it. That way perhaps you can both come to some mutual decision.

This worked really well for myself and my former boyfriend--he let me know he wasn't happy and didn't think he wanted to be in a relationship versus just breaking up with me out of nowhere. So we came to a mutual decision to end it. It felt a lot better than any other break-up I've ever had, definitely less hurtful and more productive.

The other thing--be honest. And the third thing--don't break up with someone two days before Valentine's Day or any other significant romantic holiday. One of my exes did that...I could've scalped him.

LateNiteRevenge · 04-23-2003, 08:22 PM

Do not blindside someone when breaking up with them. It's only more damaging. You should definitely think things over and discuss it with your partner.

merkerguitars · 04-23-2003, 09:19 PM

Don't do what I have seen many people do.....which is cheat on them so they will break up with you.....makes you seem like the biggest loser/ass in the world...

fhqwhgads · 04-23-2003, 11:58 PM

Just pat her on the ass and tell her "Nice hussle out there. You'll get it next time", and walk out the door. Works for me...

Binder · 04-24-2003, 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by i8one2
Be honest and straight up.... give the reason why its not working, try a trial separation, and then end it clean with no ill will, if it can't work.

great advice. honesty is the best policy.

duckduck · 04-26-2003, 01:26 PM

Honesty is the best policy, but only if it's honesty for the right reasons. Hear me out. Telling your bud that he's a dirty man whore may be honest. Telling your friend that you're worried about the way he's treating his body through sex is also honest. Which one do you think he'll not get ticked off at and storm off over? Some call it sugar coating it, some just call it honesty with the best intentions. Basically, it's the opposite of blind siding.

But, yeah, honest talking is the way to go. Though, I hope that you've discussed your problems before hand and tried to work them out. Quitter's suck

04-21-2003, 06:59 PM	#1 (permalink)
sapiens Junkie Location: Some place windy	Strategies for breaking up Does anyone have any good strategies for ending relationships? What strategies have you used? What happened? I'm thinking about both long-term relationships (marriages, living with a partner, etc.) and short-term relationships (girlfriends, boyfriends, preventing sex from turning into a long-term relationship, etc). I'm very happily married, but I think it's an interesting topic.

04-21-2003, 08:28 PM	#2 (permalink)
Somenosuke Insane Location: The 7th Level..	Good strategy: I think we should break up for these reasons. A: Reason. B: Reason. C: Reason. And they should be good reasons. Bad strategy: You're a doody-head and your mother smells of dried up semen. Goodbye! __________________ Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.

04-21-2003, 10:07 PM	#5 (permalink)
SecretMethod70 Human Administrator Location: Chicago	I don't think there is or can be a strategy for breaking up. Plus, sometimes there is no tangible reason. Sometimes the relationship simply ends. The only "strategy" is to just be honest with it and not drag it on out of fear over hurting the other person. __________________ Le temps détruit tout "Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

04-21-2003, 11:45 PM	#6 (permalink)
hotzot We're having potato pancakes! Location: stalag 13	I was always the dumpee, so I don't know. __________________ The Bully Boys are here!

04-22-2003, 10:45 AM	#13 (permalink)
neoinoakleys Psycho Location: Michigan	The truth....it always worked for me. Tell her how you feel and why....and be honest!! I definitely like what Kingal wrote..."Come clean with what's not working and why. No blame, no finger pointing. I say that because it is always two people in a rellationship. Many times we make up various stories and meanings to what they do or say. We act based on having convinced ourselves that those stories are true. Many times, we build up resentment for uncomunicated intentions, and then blame the other for our unhappiness." Definitely the best approach....always worked for me... __________________ It's My Duty to Please That Booty!!

04-21-2003, 08:39 PM	#3 (permalink)
Tiser Crazy Location: Some big island.	What are some good reasons? I never understood how people fall OUT of love. But they do. Either people change or want change... I suppose.

04-21-2003, 08:48 PM	#4 (permalink)
kingal Crazy Location: sunny so. CA	Uneffective strategy (esp. if you don't care): fuck your significant other's best friend in your bed and get caught in the act. Effective Strategy: Come clean with what's not working and why. No blame, no finger pointing. I say that because it is always two people in a rellationship. Many times we make up various stories and meanings to what they do or say. We act based on having convinced ourselves that those stories are true. Many times, we build up resentment for uncomunicated intentions, and then blame the other for our unhappiness. So my response is...What is the context of the breakup? Different scenarios call for different actions and communications.

04-22-2003, 06:05 AM	#7 (permalink)
Spidey Crazy Location: Wellington, New Zealand	Step 1: MAKE SURE YOU WANNA DO IT FIRST, you don't wanna regret it later. First thing is make sure the person you are about to dumb is in a stable position. You don't want them to go psycho at you when you inform them of the break up. Firstly you'd sit them somewhere private, quite so you can be alone. Then start telling them that you don't feel quite the same way you felt when you first started being together. Then go on to say that its not working and go on about the reasons why it isn't. Its also best if you blame the reasons on yourself so that way they can't say that they'll change for you. (although they must like you alot if they are willing to do so) Then give them a hug/kiss and give them your phone number so they can ring you up if they need anymore answers. MAKE SURE YOU ANSWER THEM. If all goes well then they should understand the situation. If not then run for your life :\

04-22-2003, 06:31 AM	#8 (permalink)
davidc209 Tilted Location: Miami, FL	Or tell them that they "are too nice".

04-22-2003, 10:33 AM	#12 (permalink)
gibber71 Loser	If you want out, tell the other person you feel the relationship has run it's course and that you'd like to grow and change as an individual,since you don't feel that is happening for you anymore and that you'd like to experience other people that may be better suited to where you are headed in life ..If the other person can't except that,then chances are you've made the right decision.Honesty is the best policy no matter how much it may hurt someones feelings,but that's life.We only go around once.Also never compromise yourself,since compromise is a weakness and the total inability to make strong decisions.

04-22-2003, 01:31 PM	#14 (permalink)
i8one2 COMPLETED and A TRAINER Location: BEAN_TOWN	Be honest and straight up.... give the reason why its not working, try a trial separation, and then end it clean with no ill will, if it can't work. __________________ LEATHER, LATEX and LACE "SSC" "Nothing That Gives Pleasure is Bad" Quality is for those who know what they want and are at peace with what they have. "S/M is about emotion; the erotic tension between my impulse toward something and my resistance against it."-- Virginia Barker

04-22-2003, 01:59 PM	#15 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	Don't blindside someone. One of my exes did this with me. I had no idea we were having problems until he broke up with me. Let them know that there are problems with the relationship before breaking it off, and tell them you're thinking about it. That way perhaps you can both come to some mutual decision. This worked really well for myself and my former boyfriend--he let me know he wasn't happy and didn't think he wanted to be in a relationship versus just breaking up with me out of nowhere. So we came to a mutual decision to end it. It felt a lot better than any other break-up I've ever had, definitely less hurtful and more productive. The other thing--be honest. And the third thing--don't break up with someone two days before Valentine's Day or any other significant romantic holiday. One of my exes did that...I could've scalped him. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

04-23-2003, 08:22 PM	#16 (permalink)
LateNiteRevenge Upright Location: Trenton, GA	Do not blindside someone when breaking up with them. It's only more damaging. You should definitely think things over and discuss it with your partner.

04-23-2003, 09:19 PM	#17 (permalink)
merkerguitars Buffering......... Location: Wisconsin...	Don't do what I have seen many people do.....which is cheat on them so they will break up with you.....makes you seem like the biggest loser/ass in the world... __________________ Donate now! Ask me How! Please use the search function it is your friend. Look at my mustang please feel free to comment! http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=26985

04-23-2003, 11:58 PM	#18 (permalink)
fhqwhgads Junkie	Just pat her on the ass and tell her "Nice hussle out there. You'll get it next time", and walk out the door. Works for me...

04-26-2003, 01:26 PM	#20 (permalink)
duckduck Psycho Location: Where hockey pucks run rampant	Honesty is the best policy, but only if it's honesty for the right reasons. Hear me out. Telling your bud that he's a dirty man whore may be honest. Telling your friend that you're worried about the way he's treating his body through sex is also honest. Which one do you think he'll not get ticked off at and storm off over? Some call it sugar coating it, some just call it honesty with the best intentions. Basically, it's the opposite of blind siding. But, yeah, honest talking is the way to go. Though, I hope that you've discussed your problems before hand and tried to work them out. Quitter's suck __________________ Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way!