Problems reaching orgasm via masturbation
 

Okay so my problem is I have always had a problem reaching full orgasm when it comes to masturbation. It tales me about two hours until I've had enough and are too tired to reach a fuller orgasm myself and that's with a vibrator. Even clitoral and oral stimulation from my man it takes forever and I only end up getting mini orgasms as I like to call them. It's like it takes a ton of pressure and whatnot just to get a mini one. Now, I get full orgasms with penetration so that's not a problem. I just don't know what to do and I don't know how to help my man better understand how to get me off by clitoral stimulation. Does anyone else have this problem and if so any tips? Much appreciated.

Also hello I'm new here, lol sort of. I used to post in here a few tears back but I lost all my log in info and whatnot.

Any help is greatly appreciated. I am trying to do my part and comment on other posts too hehe give me time there is a lot to comment on this site :-)

You may wish to ask a mod to move this thread into Ladies Lounge, where it will get a more feminine readership. Obviously as it is by a man, this post would then be taken away. :D

Well men can respond to this if they know any good tips for my man lol. Dunno if any guy has come across a woman that is hard to get off clitoral wise.

2 hours? Do you have blisters?

Have you tried different vibrators? Different speeds or intensities? Can you orgasm using your hands, rubbing against a pillow or in the bathtub? Have you tried clitoral vacuums or any other sex toy or intensifying gel? Have you tried adding extra lubrication gels/oil? Do you touch your clitoris directly or do you just rub the hood?

What is your emotional state during this? Are you relaxed and in the moment or worried about other things? Aren't you getting pretty tired after 30 minutes? What kind of foreplay are you doing leading up to this? Are you on anti-depressants or other drugs that make reaching orgasm harder? How often are you trying to reach clitoral orgasm?

Yea for writing an entire posts of questions...

(If the women aren't reading Tilted Sexuality that is their own fault. I have never touched a vagina, yet know the basic things to try)

One of the things that crossed my mind was that you're desensitizing yourself if you're going that long. ASU has some good questions.

yeah, avoid stimulants, relax, wine or something. Hot bath, massage, get the blood flowing and release your mind.

If that approach does not work.

Try the opposite, stimulants.

more often than not, the body works, its the mind that is the problem. Clear your mind. or put some sexy thoughts in there.

Try lubes, like astroglide? try massage first, or lying naked together, skin to skin for a while before sex.

Do you read romance novels or erotic stuff, or watch flims/shows with erotic stuff in it, like HBO programs and the like? Get the brain going.

That is the next level of masturbation. It's easy for guys to know when they have done this right, they get an erection without touching anything.

Or just buy a Sybian. They seem to be able to get off any girl that sits on it.
Sybian Home Page

And if you need more advice, ask these people. They will help.
The Smitten Kitten

I have a similar problem, it takes me a very long time to reach orgasm in any fashion.

Penetration for me is a no go, this has never yielded an orgasm on its own, the accompaniment of a vibe is always needed. As for purely clitoral orgasms go, there are some days I just know it not going to work, I can tell this in about 20-30 minutes of stimulation.

Thankfully I have found a vibe that works most of the time, but even with this I have problems. Like remmy said, it is very much about the mind and being utterly aroused, but I can still have difficulties even when I am completely turned on and raring to go.

For oral, I am surprised his jaw hasn't given out yet. He is a trooper and will try for as long as I let him, I know we have reached an hour easy, most of the time I will make him stop before this. What seems to work best for me is to clear my mind and sort of drift off. It almost feels like I am going to fall asleep, I am that relaxed. This has had the best success for me.

If nothing else, you know that you can have an orgasm via penetration so go with that until you can achieve orgasm via direct stimulation. Many woman can't have an orgasm with penetration alone, perhaps you are just the opposite. But the more you stress about it, the more likely it won't happen.

I have had problems in the past too. If my mind is somewhere else I just can't help it. Stress, work etc... That's why music, shower etc.. is so important to separate yourself from the world.

Ever try a jog, gym or dancing together? Get the blood and minds flowing in a different way.

Everybody is different and most people do have their "one" way of getting off. With each of my GFs we'd do stuff, play and what not but in the end, to finish off, we'd go to that one position or "one" way that works.

Being in good aerobic shape is a good thing. As is watching what you eat (low sodium). Check your blood pressure to make sure it is a normal number

Try to not try....love comes thru doors you do did realize you left open....maybe tis the same for orgasms. Quit trying....

This. As mentioned above, it could be that you are putting too much pressure (no pun intended) on yourself to orgasm.

Lie in the tub, feet up on the wall, faucet full blast aimed at the clit. Lay back and relax.

I don't have any suggestions but instead an observation and some questions.
In my experience, most women have the opposite problem that you have. They are unable to get off from penetration and/or with a partner, but can only get off from clitoral stimulation.

Do you always cum from penetration? Can you masturbate using penetration and achieve an orgasm? Can you achieve an orgasm my clit stimulation when you are alone?

What is it that gets you off with penetration? Is it physical, emotional, psychological? (all can play a huge role). I've been with women that get off no matter what you do, I've been with women that only would achieve orgasm through penetration, or through digital/oral stimulation. I've also been with women that I wasn't able to achieve orgasm with through oral, but could with penetration, and vice versa. Everyone is different. As long as you're satisfied and your partner is satisfied, it's a beautiful thing. That being said, on both sides of the equation, it can be a stressful, confusing, sometimes frustrating issue. Sometimes it just takes some (or a lot) of relaxation and just enjoying the experience. Instead of maybe just concentrating on getting off, try both thinking about and visualizing what it is that gets you off when you do achieve orgasm and apply that when other means of stimulation aren't getting the job done.

Sometimes it's just a matter of relaxing and letting yourself go. Don't think about it, just enjoy the experience.

Thanks for all of the advice :-) It could be a mind thing but I've had this issue since I was younger just masturbating which was a pain. I don't have time this second but I will answer questions people have asked later on today.

Here's the answer to the questions:

1. 2 hours? Do you have blisters?- lol no I do not have blisters. But my clit does get rather numb after that long.

2. Have you tried different vibrators?-I have tried many (though not the rabbit ones which I hear are great), but most of them end up dying on me O_o

3.Different speeds or intensities?-The only speed that works is the highest speed and even then sometimes depending on the toy its not enough.

4. Can you orgasm using your hands, rubbing against a pillow or in the bathtub?-I cannot orgasm just using my hands unfortunately. Ive tried, but my fingers do nothing for me. I know where to feel but I dunno maybe I cant totally reach the spot? I just feel nothing when I have my fingers in there. Ans as for the clit, it feels good, but I can never orgasm from it. As for the pillow lol I used to do that when I was younger. Bit messy for my tastes now lol.

5. Have you tried clitoral vacuums or any other sex toy or intensifying gel?-The vaccumes I am not totally for trying lol as for the gels I have tried a couple but all they do is feel minty. They dont help any.

6. Have you tried adding extra lubrication gels/oil?-Extra lubrication on my clit makes it even harder for me to feel any sensations. I need harder friction.

7. Do you touch your clitoris directly or do you just rub the hood?-I try a mix of both, sometimes directly on the clit is too much to the point of pain, so usually I go for the hood or on either side of it.

8. What is your emotional state during this?-My emotional state is always comfortable. I can't get in the mood if I am upset or other things are on my mind lol.

9.Are you relaxed and in the moment or worried about other things?-Yep I am always relaxed and most things in life do not stress me out.

10.Aren't you getting pretty tired after 30 minutes?-I can go for a very long time (I guess thats why I will put up with 2 hours of masturbation lol) so 30 minutes is nothing to me.

11. What kind of foreplay are you doing leading up to this?-Usually some kissing, he plays around my clit and opening, he touches me anywhere really. He is good at what he does, my body has always just been this aggrvating when it comes to stimulating it.

12.Are you on anti-depressants or other drugs that make reaching orgasm harder?-Nope, never been on any.

13.How often are you trying to reach clitoral orgasm?-Not really that often anymore. We live with his father so we dont always get to fool around let alone have sex. But recently he has felt bad because I am always getting him off and I can't get off because it either takes too long or I squirt (from fingering) and thats a bit of a mess lol. KInd of a pain when we need to be quick and quiet.

---So yeah. Mostly I think maybe I am one of those women who gets off mostly on penetration. I have masturbated a lot, but never can get off because I feel that need for penetration to push me over. I cant do it myself, it doesnt work. But I just want to figure out how my man or I can get me off just with clitoral stimulation. (Since I make a mess otherwise lol). I know this isnt really a problem, it would just be nice to fix it. We joke about how my clit is broken even but it would be nice to get off for once without needing penetration. Course, there are sometimes where I need clitoral stimulation in order to get off with penetration too. It seems my body likes to choose when it wants to get off and when it doesnt lol.

I fail to see the problem. Masturbation is masturbation, right? It's not like you can only do one thing one way. If your goal is orgasm, then fiddle the hell outta your clit and curl a finger inside to hit the LAUNCH button. I've had partners with zero internal sensitivity that required manual clitoral stimulation to get off and I've had partners that require both internal and external to really go off like a "frog in a sock." When I'm using my tongue like a speedbag below the belt line, I almost always have a few fingers doing something down there, whether it's stroking the labia, tickling the ceiling, etc.

Changing genitals for a moment: "Hey TFP, I can't masturbate without touching my balls." Okay, so touch your balls. It's not a crime. Do what feels good.

P9 - you know I love you, but no matter how much you ask I'm not masturbating whilst touching your balls, friend.

When was the last time you tried all by yourself to have just a clitoral orgasm? And have you ever tried to do this someplace where your subconscious won't be worried about making a mess, getting caught, taking too long, being loud, or squirting? If the pillow worked when you were younger, maybe you should add a towel and some waterproof allergy pillow covers to it and see if it still works.

And I would recommend trying some other vibrators to see if one would work better than another. And if not, just focus on what does work and go with that.

...but I don't have any!

*TFP Touche*