keys

I am in my late twenties, and not that experienced sexually. I recently started seeing a girl on a FWB basis. The sex is good – we're both enjoying it and all – but I've not been able to cum, either during sex or afterwards when she's jerking me off or blowing me. I've no problem staying hard, I can stay hard for as long as she needs.

Now, in general ejaculating isn't a problem. As I said, I don't have an expansive sexual history, so there's been quite a bit of fapping in the past and I have no trouble cumming to porn. What's bothering me is why I can 'complete' to porn but not when there's an actual real-life girl pounding and sucking away. Actually, I even took over the manual application last time but still nothing. (I think I could have probably cum if I watched some porn over her shoulder though. That can't be healthy, right?)

Any advice/tricks/methods?

Martian

Relax.

You're psyching yourself out. You need to let go of the fear and/or anxiety. Then you'll have no trouble.

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The_Jazz

1) Stop watching porn. Seriously. You're mentally associating porn with orgasm, like Pavlov's dogs.
2) Stop jerking off. You're probably squeezing too hard and desensitizing your penis. If you've got to jerk off, use your non-dominant hand and try a new technique.
3) What Martian said.

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Lucifer

are you on any medication? Some anti-depressants can cause anorgasmia (an inability to reach orgasm).

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Bat

You should read up on delayed ejaculation, check wikipedia for some good resources.

Redlemon

I'd say don't stop, but do use the new technique. No death grip squeezing.

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ratbastid

Alternate approach: Find some she likes too, and put it on during sex. Nothing wrong with that.

Anonymous Member

You guys getting enough foreplay? I frequently have trouble cumming w/ my girlfriend when I'm not turned on.

lulu_mq

Yea, stop the porn watching biz. There really shouldn't be a need to rub one out if like you said "she's pounding and sucking" you all the time. I'm not saying you have to completely stop watching porn every now and again, But I think The_Jazz is right to say that you are more then likely squeezing to hard. Also increasing your stamina by whackin it so much will stop you from cumming so quickly. To add a question to this. You did not specify on how long it takes you to cum (during intercourse). Are you going for hours and hours with no result? or are you fucking for 20-30 min and just getting impatient? Oh, before I go, Might I add that usually you get off to porn quicker due to the fact your fantasizing (dur). Most men I have talked to about this, have roughly the same issue. When explained why they cum so fast watching porn. They tell me it's because A: Its not them B: It feels wrong (But sooo good) as they say. and C: IT'S FUCKING HOT! I would assume a mixture of all for you? yea? Anyway, stop fwap fwapping it to porn and just let your cock have a few days off.

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curiousbear

I would love to have this problem I come in 5 to 6 minutes and cant stay hard after that

Plan9

I think Halx's old advice to "drink a Budweiser, not a Bud Light" fits here.

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Shadowex3

This advice interests me because I had roughly the same problem as the OP with my ex while we were dating, although at the time I'd thought it was due to having worn the wrong size condom.

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neflyte

I'm pretty much having the same issue with the woman i'm seeing right now. However, I believe she may have some expectations about when or how a man should cum. For example, I get the distinct impression that she wants me to cum almost 'on command' or when /she/ wants; of course that's not going to happen. I also get the distinct impression that she wants me to cum only with regular intercourse; something that i've done with a past partner, but have not been able to do since.

I do pleasure myself regularly, but i don't use the same stimulant. Sometimes it's porn, other times it's my imagination. I've seen people advocate periods of no stimulation to regain the sensation, but I take issue with that. Why would I deny myself pleasure when she's not around? I figure I ought to be able to have the same fun if she's there or not. Well, more fun if she's there.

I like sex and have a relatively active libido. I don't want to stifle that. :/ Would the same recommendations apply?

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Tech

i would also suggest stop watching porn/jacking off for a bit. will it work? maybe, but it's certainly low on the investment end.

i find how much i am "involved" with myself has a great deal of effect on my ability to orgasm during sex. if i haven't done anything/had anything done to me in a week or so i'm practically jumping off the walls and i'm just lucky if i make it inside before i go off. conversely, if i know it's coming, and i am looking to extend my stamina, i'll whack off several times over the past few days/day of.

anyway, like i said above, it doesn't take much on your end to give it a try, see how it goes. good luck!

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~I swear sometimes i feel like i'm married to a child.
~You better watch who you're calling a child, Lois, cause if i'm a child than you know what that makes you? a pedophile. and i'll be damned if i'm going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert.

orionnebula

I have this problem when I want to come at all cost.... guess that's the I want to reproduce porn part.

The thing is RELAX and enjoy the fuck and you will come.

And also if you know that you will see your fwb, try avoid the masturbation part for a couple of days.

Derwood

I have the exact opposite problem

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tres

I've had this problem and its normally due to anxiety for two reasons:

#1- can't get good stimulation with a condom
#2 - FEAR of getting her pregnant.

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Iliftrocks

I've only had that problem for a short time while I was still 18, and there was no porn involved, or masturbation for that matter. It will resolve itself. Don't worry, as worry is happiness' ( and good sex's ) nemesis. Get her off and relax. Try backing off of the porn for a while too, can't hurt, right?

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HLP

I say that sex should normally last around 10 minutes (hold on before you call me fast) but before that should be lots and lots of foreplay especially if you both have not been turned on earlier in the evening, or afternoon, or morning if you're lucky.

I know everyone wants to jump to vagina as quickly as possible (guilty) but give her a massage, finger her, go down on her, get both of you turned on and the sex and orgasm will come (teehee) much easier and will feel much better!

phathom

I've had this problem before. It was due to using a condom where when I got a BJ, HJ, whacked it, there was none. It de-sensitized me. Shop around for some new condoms, you'll find some are better than others and it will help.

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Shagg

I've got the same problem. I was 34 the first time I had sex. 22 years of masturbation, major anxiety issues, low self esteem, and psoriasis. Never mind moderately overweight and out of shape.

It's a year later, I'm on lexapro from the anxiety, humira for the psoriasis, still overweight but in slightly better shape. I also have a fiancee. I've had maybe 7 orgasms from sex over the last year. I really have to work for them and I've never had one with a condom. The condom part isn't that big a deal as her getting pregnant isn't really a bad thing.

Then again, subconsciously, I'm not really sure if I want her to get pregnant and if that's a factor in my performance. I've cut back my masturbation by about 90%, started eating better (kinda) and I get more exercise than I used to.

Erections are a bit erratic, ranging from unable to get it up, getting it, but not able to keep it, to an hour of pounding with no climax.

Fortunately, my fiancee is very understanding and is helping me work through the issues. But it seems like as soon as one thing is solved, something else becomes a problem. I've got some levitra, but I've been reluctant to try it. The urologist I talked to gave it to me in kinda of an off hand manner, along the lines of "fuck if I know what's wrong, try this."

Only thing I have really learned so far it that this isn't going to be a quick or simple fix for me.