ratbastid

I don't even know where to start, Baraka. "Someone else's cock in my wife's vagina" equaling "cuckoldry" is NOT a new evolution of the term. THAT'S the medieval usage. It was applied whether or not the cuckold even knew about the situation--ie whether or not he even had an opportunity to be jealous. In the antique usage, jealousy had nothing to do with it. It has evolved into contemporary use by a particular fetish subculture that's ALL about submission, humiliation, and jealousy. Go google it if you're unclear on that.

I also like how you can claim to be enlightened about an evolution of the term cuckold, be wrong about that, AND simultaneously dismiss the evolution of compersion/frubble. So... only your words get to evolve, and only in the way you say? It's weird because you claim to be on the cutting edge of this term while clinging to a centuries-outdated notion of what it is, with no real clue about the particular fetish community you're referring to.

Linguistics aside, okay? If you're going to talk about the cuckolding fetish, at least understand what that is. If this guy went on Craigslist and said he wanted to fulfill his cuckolding fantasy, I guarantee what he'd get isn't what he's said here that he wants. So. Don't tell him what you think the term is, because that's not the term.

Baraka_Guru

I didn't dismiss the evolution or compersion or frubble, nor do I claim to have a "cutting edge" on anything.

And if you don't call someone else's cock in one's wife cuckoldry, what do you call it? I've already asked that. I've already admitted that the term is problematic because of its archaic ties, which you as well seem to have a problem with. In its archaic use, it was a derisive term. It isn't only that now, especially with the fetish communities we both have referred to. This means the word has multifaceted meanings. Many old words are like that.

So I ask you again, what do you call someone else's cock in one's wife? And why do people get off on that?

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Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
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genuinegirly

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Cimarron29414

Agreed, you guys are being downers.

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Halx

Everyone has their own boundaries. I would enjoy exploring with a girl who is not my GF, and I would let my GF explore with another girl. However, other men are a different matter, UNLESS I have completely vetted them for competitive qualities. I would not let another guy touch my girl if I thought for a moment he would disrespect me.

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Cimarron29414

Swinggirl/Warmoney:

Have your sex lives always been this vibrant? I know you said it's ramped up in the last few years, but were you ever ho-hum / stuck in a rut? If so, how did you get out of it to where you are now?

Frequently on this forum, we have people who post on how their significant other doesn't care about sex anymore, etc. I would be really interested to hear how you guys rev'd it up! Did one of you initiate it? Did either of you resist? Were you kicking yourselves for not realizing you were both thinking the same things? Anyway, if you want to share - I'd love to hear how you got here.

Regarding the OP, when I initially read it, I was thinking, "Oh dear God, don't do it." Then, when I heard you had done some swinging - even if it was soft-swapping - it all made more sense. Perhaps the reluctance I would have is that you can't take it back. If it invokes unexpected feelings, you can't undo it.

If I were you swing girl (but I'm a dude), I think would be plagued with my inner thoughts: "Am I outwardly enjoying this too much? Is he thinking, 'how come she never screams like that with me?'..." Because the thought doesn't seem to turn you on much, perhaps it would feel a bit like a performance - which might ultimately feel degrading?

What about one of those dick covering strap-ons, so WarMoney can screw you with a mule's pecker, but it's still him?

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

fresnelly

Motivation? I think it's a bit like the ultimate in "Reality" porn.

You get to objectify your wife as a sexual being and that can be hot, especially if you've been in a marriage for a long time.

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mixedmedia

Personally, I wouldn't advise it unless you're absolutely sure that you want to do. Fulfilling your lover's fantasies is a wonderful, giving thing, but the dynamics change when you consider bringing another person into it.

And I tend to agree with fresnelly, this is more of a voyeuristic thing than anything else. It's just kinky, doesn't have a name that I know of.

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PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

WarMoney

Cimarron,
Our sex life has never been boring. We have been married for almost 16 years. When we dated, we fucked like rabbits. We just wanted to take it up a notch!

Oh, and communication is the key. If you have a fantasy, throw it out there. All she/he can do is say no. If you get turned down it may be weird, but at least you are starting a dialogue.

Wes Mantooth

Just though I might add a little something to thread after a conversation earlier this evening. I'm tipping back some drinks with an old friend of mine who happened to be in town and we got sharing stories of about various sexual exploits and she tells me this she had her boyfriend fuck another girl while she watched from the corner. Being the inquisitive person I am, I asked why, and she said it was a power thing. Yeah I said "huh, say what?" too. So she explained that she likes feeling in control of her boyfriends penis, from a fantasy perspective of course, and in this case got off on "giving him permission" to fuck somebody else while she watched.

Now I've heard of this fantasy/fetish before and never have I encountered anybody who views it in that way, but the more I thought about it...it kind of made sense. Anyway not much to add but I remembered this thread when I hoped online to check my email and thought maybe it would add a new spin to the convo.

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ASU2003

Is it a power thing or is it that they want to know their partner is still attractive and sexually desirable by others?

curiousbear

Swinggirl, I cant imagine watching my SO with an other guy.
I also cant imagine her watching me with an other girl.

However there are two ways in which I would love to watch her
(1) She with a very hot stranger girl or a very close friend (girl) of hers
(2) There was a video in Tfp Titty Board where a girl gets massage and gets orgasms on and on and on. The trembling, moaning was so much I would definitely like her to have. In this case if the professional is a guy - it is still perfectly ok with me

In both cases the key thing is she should be mindlessly in bliss.

Wes Mantooth

Well I think its probably different for everybody, in the case of my friend it was part of an ongoing "control" game and they seemed to keep upping the stakes so to speak. For others the reasons might be completely different and probably fall somewhere in between all the various reasons listed in this thread.

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curiousbear

last night i had a dream. I, my SO and a bunch of fellow class mates are illegally exploring a magical premises. We are all wizards. Lot of wizard / witch stuff and at the end I & my SO next to each other leaning to a wall, this white guy comes nude. He is our class mate. My SO held his cock with her thumb and index finger as if she wants to know how thick he is. And both of us were laughing. Not much happened - but I was surprised it all seemed harmless and funny

I am gaining a lot curious on the "Soft Swapping" - Need to look up the literature ...

james t kirk

I've done it in the past with a couple of GF's. I've set up the reality, and I've gone to swinger's clubs. It's very hot, it's just sex, and I don't get confused about it. I have lead a very satisfying sex life over the years.

As long as both people are up for it AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, will not get all weepy about it later on - then go for it. I find the scenario of a woman taking on a guy far more exciting than her taking on another female. (Perhaps because I think of the f/f thing with a guy being involved as being contrived. Pandering to the 16 year old boy's Penthouse fantasy.)

With me, I find myself attracted to the "hot slut wife" fantasy. The kind of woman who has a high sex drive, who loves cock, and at some level, can't be trusted. I get off on the competition in a way. In the end, I don't feel threatened by the other male in the least for several reasons. 1. I've come to a point in my life where I figure if it goes south, it goes south. It either works or it doesn't and if it does go south, you're better off. 2. I'm confident in my abilities in the bedroom, 3. I'm confident in my abilities to provide for her more so than most males and 4. it completely eliminates "cheating" or adultery from the context of a relationship (she is free to have sex with other men, so how can she cheat) 5. Monogamy is not natural behaviour for humans. We'd like to think it is, but it isn't. Admitting that and being honest about it and honest about desiring other people sexually is like a huge sigh of relief. You don't feel like you have to lie about your desire. (Actually, that's one of the harder things to ever get your head around - your partner asks you when you are out somewhere if you find that woman attractive and you'd like to have sex with her and you answer yes (as opposed to how we men have trained ourselves to lie and say, "No baby, it's only you that I want"). It's like a 10 thousand pound weight off your shoulders.)

I can't remember who said it to me, but they are absolutely correct. "If you have a good relationship and you are both open to swinging, swinging will make your relationship that much stronger. If you do not have a solid relationship - it (swinging) will blow it apart"

(I'm using the term swinging simply as a way to refer to having sex with someone other than your partner - take it in whatever context and apply whatever label you like.)

lulu_mq

I agree. I think the first step would be to research poly-am. I would advise you to check out Mistress Matisse for advice in three sums, coupling, poly-am and relationship guidelines regarding choosing a stranger or a friend as your third. On the other hand, your husbands fantasy of you with another man is completely normal. The man still loves you. But be sure when you do your research you include your husband as well. He needs to know what he is getting into also. Lots of trust plays a significant role in this sort of thing. So be careful and have fun!

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curiousbear

Lulu_mq, what if it is a one time attempt out of curiousity? or like a birthday gift?

Have anyone tried it like a one night stand? Just to find out whether that is something for ya?

Plan9

Well, seeing that this is one of the most common male fantasies, it's probably safe to suggest that most men are secretly still mentally in the teenage years. Lord knows I am. My aspirations to "bang it" to two girls at once and drive a Ferrari while toting a sweet mustache have yet to fade.

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Whatever you can carry.

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Cimarron29414

Don't fret man, one out of three ain't bad.

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

Plan9

But... but... I'm never going to be Magnum PI.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Bill O'Rights

1.) There ain't nothin' "secret" about it.
2.) The theme from Magnim P.I. is my ringtone. Just puttin' that out there.

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Cimarron29414

Ah, the fabulous Friday night shows of childhood:

Dukes of Hazard
Magnum PI
A-Team
Knight Rider
Miami Vice

Who didn't want to shoot out the tires of a '79 Caprice with a mini-14 while hanging out of a van!?!?

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

james t kirk

Compared to all the so called Reality CRAP that is out there now, those were the Golden days of Television I guess.

Actually, I kind of liked Magnum PI.

Cimarron29414

I had a parrot back then which I named Higgens.

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

Plan9

Aaah, '80s TeeVee derailment. My favorite kind. Continue, gentleman... I'm going to go get my Captain Bellybuster hat and find Billy, my invisible dog.

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cardigan

Quote:

Originally Posted by SwingGirl OK so I should have given a little more background info. This all began with both of us agreeing that it would be fun and exciting to have same room sex with another couple(s). We have done it a couple times and sometimes it has led to more (girl/girl and me messing around with the guy a little) which hubby and I loved every minute of. That being said, my intention with this thread was to get some perspective on why or how it is appealing for my husband to see me have sex with another man when the thought of him with another woman makes me cringe. ...

I have thought about this for some time, and it does depend on the personality of your hubby. Adding risky elements and thrill to spice up sex is good for a couple, but if you have maintained a monogamous relationship for many years, and find that to be more comfortable, for spiritual or personal reasons, I would say, stay with this caution that is already caught up in your person hood.

You mention above about a couples night out, and showing him a side of yourself he may not have seen before (playing around a bit with girl/girl and me 'messing around with the guy' a little). Then you say you both loved it. So the question is outstanding, how much is "a little?" LoL. It is implied one guy, but did this happen with more than one?

Again this depends on your husband, but you may have displayed a scenario in front of him, and shown enthusiasm. Was this to test him for jealousy and by mistake you have evoked communications that have not prior happened?

These are merely reflections into the psyche of a man's mind. Some men have already crossed this area without much spiritual import being placed on the vow or oaths between a woman and a man.

This is okay for them. But if you are a woman who valued monogamy, it is a time to shift into a different focus:

He may be following your non-verbal cues and remembering the delight in your face or the way you moved your body with a stranger in his presence.

When monogamous couples venture out on this ledge, it can be thrilling but it can also backfire, collapse the marriage and ruin the trust prior established in agreeing before hand, to be monogamous.

This crosses a spiritual boundary of vows and prior oaths. Oaths spoken and observed in years past. This can be the sacred ground between a man and a woman. or marriage of two adults who have grown fond of one another over the years.


If he has seemed to be a faithful husband, you must have a measure of adoration, especially if you do not like the idea of him being with another woman.

I say adoration above but you can insert the word appreciation or respect. The idea is that you cherish him to yourself in the marriage, and therefore a certain degree of adoration is appropriate and serves to calm a husbands misunderstandings or troubled emotions. It can also serve as a balm to quiet misunderstandings you may have inadvertently or intentionally awakened in your husband.

Caution is better if you want the marriage to last. And I see you have some caution or reservations here.

At the bottom of all this, I am interpreting (perhaps wrongly - it again depends on your guy), a subtle form of insecurity that is difficult for a man to voice, when he sees his favorite dame being naked with as you said "girl/girl and ... messing around with the guy a little" ... if it was girl girl, less chance for insecurity to creep in, but with another swordsman present (again it depends on the guy) it can cause unsettling notions or confusion that a man has not worked out yet. His voicing such a thing, could be a voice speaking from misunderstanding and you have to sort that out. It is okay to put on your nurturer's hat every once in a while to help a guy sort out a confusion in his spirit or mind.




You have brought up the subject of why he might want to see you with another man? You are puzzled because of your own feelings of him being with another woman. To properly answer you, we may need to take a quick detour.

Now lets focus on whether you were trying to see if he would still be jealous: Too many woman play this game to bad consequences. Because they do not know how to arrest the jealousy and stop it once the desired observance is achieved. After that things can go stupidly for both parties, and the hurt can expand to other areas of their life together.

Not all women are this way, but some women have a tendency to manipulate a man's emotions and think of it as entertainment, and something to gossip about. This of course is a fatal mistake when it comes to sex in a (prior declared) monogamous marriage.

It is a verbal declaration of monogamy that binds you to preserve yourself, in the oath or declaration. We all fall down, but as long as you have been faithful there is no need to compromise your word, because your husband is experiencing a confusion from you trying to see if he would still be jealous. This is like taking a drain plug or cork out of a water damn, and forgetting to put the cork back in after you are done. As the water trickles out at first (as expected) it seems harmless. But then over time, a week or a month, the water may bore a hole wider and the cork you took out, no longer fits. Then it is only a matter of time for a larger piece of the circle to break off, so the shape becomes irregular. Then a chunk.





I want you to answer, were you trying to see if he would be jealous? This is sometimes the game of a woman and we may not be qualified to answer your original post, unless you are honest with us and yourself.

You may have unintentionally caused him to be confused and to speak to you later, out of misunderstanding, saying he wants to see you in that way.

We all know males can be confused even as adults. When they get confused spiritually or in marriage, they can make stupid mistakes. It is important for a wife, not to exploit a man's confusion. The woman has superior intuition and this is for a reason: In the natural world if a man learns to listen to his woman's intuition, it will save him from making many blunders or mistakes. This intuition is one thing about a woman, some men cherish. In this narrow focus they may recognize the woman has superior discernment in certain things and this can lead to a deeper level of love, commitment and understanding. Genuine gratitude. Respect and often relief, on an unspoken level. Joy. And then more passion of course.=]

It is like a divining signal that saves the smart man from all types of trouble and anguish. We are not talking logic, we are talking intuition. Two different things.

The one area where a woman's intuition fails, is when she is naked with two or more men. When this happens her intuition is less stable and cannot always be trusted to keep her man safe from trouble.

So we go back to the question: Were you trying to cause him jealously, directly or indirectly to see if he would still be moved in this way by you?

I have more to say. I can help you with this, but you have to be honest and authentic in this narrow point.


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