Crack

Ladies...... What is the freaking deal? Why do you keep guy friends around? I know tons of girls that say that they have very good male friends. I can only speak from a guy's prospective when I say this, but as a rule, men do not have female friends. Its true, we don't come right out and say it, but its the case 98% of the time. We have females that we are friendly with, but this is because we want to sleep with you, or otherwise have the possibility at some point in the future. You can tell yourself differently all you want, but its a fact of life. We as men can only assume that you are the same way. We think that if you are friendly with us, that you want to sleep with us, or otherwise retain the option at some point in the future. Its the way the world works. I can see you sitting there shaking your head, but if you really looked at the reality of it, you would see it too. We are pigs. Some of us are a bit more evolved, but we all think the same way.

The question I feel I need to ask is why? Ladies, do you really believe that those guys you keep around and hang out with are there because they value your friendship? And guys, back me up here if I am right. Do you have any female friends that you hang out with that are attractive to you, but you see them only as a friend? I want to hear some stories people. Prove me wrong!

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Martian

I have several female friends that I do not and have not ever wanted to sleep with.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

DomJustCame

I love everything you just said. I also love this forum. Every girlfriend i have ever had always NEEDED to have another man in their lives. Many of the girls i have been with would get jealous if i tried friending another female. I guess thats the base for any womans ideology. hypocrisy but kidding aside, i would love to solve this mystery. It may be some womens way of not feeling as "tied down"

Crack

Thank you! Maybe that's it. Maybe they really can be friends with a guy. But if the woman is attractive to the guy, a man will not, nay, cannot be friends with a woman.

On a side note, how do you deal with your female SO's male friends? Its always been a thorn in my side.

__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

genuinegirly

I have several male friends. They are also friends with my husband.

Sexual attraction?
I can honestly say I'm not interested in them. Whether they're attracted to me or not is irrelevant. If they are, and they act on it, they'll not only lose a friendship but they'll also end up bruised, battered, and unable to reproduce.

Yuck.

As for any sort of double-standard? My husband also has female friends. He has made it abundantly clear that he finds them sexually repulsive.

My husband is the monogomous sort. He finds me attractive and tells me so frequently. I find it impossible to be jealous of any of his female friends. I suppose there are scenarios where I would be jealous, but this relationship doesn't have room for jealousy.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Martian

Conversely, Magpie is friends with many guys who she has no intention of having sex with. I can only assume that they're not interested in her -- they had their shot before I came on the scene, and didn't take it.

I don't particularly care if guys think my girlfriend is hot. I also don't care if she thinks other guys are hot, for that matter, and the same is true for me looking at women. So long as I'm the only one getting into bed with her at night, it's not anything I feel I need to worry about.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

DomJustCame

I hate it. Im not typically a jealous guy but any long term girlfriend showing affection to another male will stir up some feelings. Relationships are all about compromise

LoganSnake

Are they all unattractive?

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Craven Morehead

When Harry Met Sally pretty much summed it up.

james t kirk

I have one female friend I've never slept with in 26 years now. May have if the opportunity had of arisen in the past - but it never did - so we did not. Probably the same for her. She's married now. I can tell her husband finds me moderately intimidating, but neither of us cares. My ex used to make a HUGE ordeal about my friendship with her and wanted me to end my friendship with her. But I never did. It was a HUGE reoccuring arguement with my ex.

I have 3 other female friends (note - they were friends, never GFs) who I have slept with in the past, but we are not bonking at the current time. We are all still friends even after the sex ended. We may or may not sleep together again ine future, it just depends on the timing. (Timing is everything.) Right now, speaking for myself, I have no plans to sleep with any one of them. So we remain "just friends".

I'm also on speaking terms with a few ex GF's and see them from time to time for dinner, or social occasions. Not currently sleeping with any of them and really don't desire to either at the current time. Maybe things will change in the future - you never know. My current GF asked me just the other week which of my ex's I'd like to sleep with if given the opportunity. I had to think about it for a while. Only one came to mind and I haven't seen her in 10 years or so. (Though we email on occasion.)

I am not currently (secretly or otherwise) lusting after any other women - friends or otherwise.

snowy

I have more male friends than female friends. My SO and I share a number of male friends; he's introduced me to his and we've become friends, and vice versa. I would be nearly friendless if males were unable to carry on meaningful platonic relationships with females; my best female friend was introduced to me via friendships with guys. My SO has no reason to be jealous of any of my male friends. I know some of them find me sexually attractive, but they would never act on it for a variety of reasons, some of which genuinegirly mentioned above.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Wes Mantooth

To each his own I guess. I have lots of female friends I've never had any intention of sleeping with, some friendships are just worth too much to turn into a one night stand.

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KellyC

Well...I have some female friends that I find no physical attraction whatsoever. BUT there is one that I was immediately attracted to, and I became friends with her. Overtime our friendship grew very close and we developed feelings for each other and we acted on it. It lasted a little over a year. She lost the connection we once had, but I still do. Now I find it impossible to be friends with her on a platonic level. She was my best female friend, too, and she considers me her best friend. FUCK.

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

bazkitcase5

I have to say, I think the OP is being a bit short sighted and stereotypical

sure, a lot of men may be like this (maybe even the majority), but the OP makes it sound like nearly every male is like this

despite our brains working this way, we can't always just put people in little boxes and assume that because a lot of X type people, the rest of them are like that too - as humans, we are way too complex for such simple classifications

Baraka_Guru

This was my first thought too.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

wooÐs

I get along with men better than women. I do have friends of both sexes, of course, but I'm most comfortable when hanging with the guys. And yeah, for me there is a slight attraction I have for the male friends in my world. All of them are good looking, have great personalities and they make me laugh. They're all married though and I wouldn't dream of actually being with them. A couple are even old enough to be my very young dad, not that age matters. I guess there's just good chemistry between us. But that doesn't mean my goal is to get them in my bedroom. They're good, honest, trustworthy people / company and that's it.

CinnamonGirl

What if the woman's bi? Do all friends immediately amount to nothing but potential sex? Or what if she has lesbian friends? Is that just potential sex, too?


I've known my two closest guy friends for nearly 20 years. Except for one crush-type situation back in 8th or 9th grade, there's never been anything sexual or romantic mentioned.

I just don't relate well to a lot of women. I have way more guy friends than girl friends, and the girls I am friends with have that same tomboy streak in them that I do (for what it's worth, I'm supertight with the few female friends I have.) I like video games and beer and sports and being a geek...I have no interest in celebrity gossip, designer purses, tanning, or Carrie Bradshaw. Obviously, not all women fall into that pattern, and not all men eschew it; I'm generalizing a bit.

Oddly enough, I had this conversation with my most recent ex quite a bit. He was one of those guys, though, that thought women were only good for fucking, and not much else.

For me, and I'd hope for most people, friendship has nothing to do with gender. If you find someone you can relate to, and care about, and have fun with, then it doesn't matter if they have dangly bits or not. And if there's one-sided sexual attraction, then fine-- but it doesn't automatically exist just because one person's a man, and one's a woman; it's not automatically excluded because both parties are women; and unless it becomes mutual attraction, nothing will ever happen.

__________________
"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Daniel_

I'm not sure - I have always found it easy to be friends with women; some of whom I consider sexually attractive and some I do not. I'm a very faithful guy (I think), I have a "look but don't touch" policy that's worked for me for my entire adult life, and has not (as far as I'm aware) upset any woman I've been in a couple with.

My wife has male friends and it doesn't bother me.

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

settie

I have what I consider two good male friends, and I consider all the rest mere acquaintances, because I agree and find that my definition of being friends with a man never works, except in unusual circumstances.
Of the two male friends I have, one is an ex-boyfriend, and we keep in touch often, play games online, and help each other out. And the other was never a boyfriend, but was a lover at one point. I am sexually attracted to him, I have been for years. But it wouldn't ever work out, he lives too far away. But he knows because I've told him, that if he and I lived closer together, I'd definitely want him to be a lover or fuck buddy of some sort. Our relationship is kind of skewed that way already. I love him dearly, but I'm also attracted to him. lol.
But yeah, I'd say that in general, its difficult for men and women to be friends free of sexual tension, etc.

highthief

In all honesty, everyone one of my female friends I DO find attractive. I'm seriously married and have no intention of jumping their bones, but I do enjoy the company of female friends who are attractive. I don't think I've ever willingly gone to lunch with a woman I didn't find attractive. Shallow? Maybe. I also like them for other reasons, but physical attraction is part of it, even if it is something I'm never likely to act on.

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Si vis pacem parabellum.

thespian86

Every close female friend I've ever had in my short lifetime, I have either: a) tried to fuck her, or b) fucked her.

Sadly, column A far outweighs column B.

__________________
EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

Seaver

I've always had female friends. My girlfriends have always had male friends.

I guess I just don't get the jealousy issues. If she wanted to be with him she wouldn't be with you. If I wanted to be with my friends I wouldn't be with another girl.

__________________
"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

curiousbear

Had a bunch of female friends during college. Even though I use to adore some of them, never had sexual interest. It just never occurred to me ... Now we exchange emails on occasions.

Now I don't have any female friends. The only female I have in my life is my gf. Even if I have female friends, even if I find them sexually attractive, I cant act on it - There is TOO MUCH to loose if I do

genuinegirly

I tend to think they're attractive, but most of them are heavier than me... I suppose I don't see them as competition.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

LoganSnake

There you go. They're probably just outside of your husband's attraction bracket.

Would he say the same about somebody who looked like Emmanuelle Chriqui? Would you see her as competition?

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

genuinegirly

Logan, the response was in the first message.
If he had a beautiful female friend, he would not be likely to act. He has said many times, even women that I find insanely attractive, he finds the thought of having sex with them repulsive. But hypothetically, if he had an attractive single female friend, and he was sexually attracted to her, I would be excited. If he were to become polyamorous, I would consider it a victory.

I learned a long time ago that there was no room for jealousy in a healthy relationship. I tend to work through those emotions quickly.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

LoganSnake

Alright.

Although I can't comprehend how a straight male finds the thought of having sex with an attractive woman repulsive. Regardless of whether he's in a relationship or not.

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Baraka_Guru

I think this is a matter of distinguishing between I want to fuck... vs. I would fuck....

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Xerxys

^^ True, Had I been involved with someone I'd WANT to fuck anything that is wearing a skirt and will stand still long enough (derr.). Would I do it though, well, no. I wouldn't cheat on my SO under any circumstances. Honestly it's really very easy, do not put tongue in mouth, do not accidentally fall over and over again on top of her in bed with your clothes off.

/threadjack

Seaver

Having seen many friends who turn into friends +, I just don't break the barrier.

Honestly I've never had a female friend who wasn't attractive. Most of them (not all though) I started trying for something more but it just.... evolved.

Once you get your testosterone under control you'll see that there are PLENTY of lays out there... but only a handful of good friends you can count on. Plus... the good side is they'll hook you up with their friends

__________________
"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

robot_parade

I think in part I disagree with you, and in part I disagree with your framing of the issue.

I have several female friends. Some of them are hot, some of them not. Some of them I'm sexually attracted to, some not. Obviously I'm more likely to be sexually attracted to the 'hot' ones, but it isn't a direct relationship. One of my hottest female friends I feel almost no attraction for in that way. Another, who an objective observer would call 'average', I'm incredibly attracted to. Even female friends I'm attracted to, I still consider 'good' friends - I don't spend time with them just because I want to boink them - I spend time with them because I *like* them, and enjoy spending time with them. I just don't see how the two are mutually exclusive.

If you have a 'hot female friend', and the only reason you're friends with them is because you want to have sex with them, would you stop being their friend if they were in a terrible accident and were no longer hot? That just seems...sad.

raging moderate

Those are just the guys that got stuck in the FRIEND ZONE!!

__________________

These are the good old days...



formerly Murp0434

Wes Mantooth

Eventually if the friendship develops far enough it starts feeling like your hanging out with your sister. A really great bond, somebody you share everything with, can depend on but sex is just out of the question...it just feels creepy at that point anyway.

One of my best friends is a girl I met my freshmen year of college in music theory class. It started off smoking at the picnic tables outside to practicing together to auditioning for a jazz group together about a year later. We both got in and often car pooled together to practice, when the band begin to play shows we pooled our resources and traveled to each gig together. Some of my fondest memories of my years in that band wasn't criminal amount of free pot and whiskey or the great parties or getting head in the bathroom after a show it was riding in that little car under a starry winter sky and laughing our collective asses off at coast to coast call ins. Other times we just talked to pass the miles, sharing life stories, asking for and giving advice on relationships, crying over lost loves or just getting silly and trying to out do the other with bad jokes. During really long trips we'd get a room together and pass some cheap shit called crown royal back and forth over bad movies. We'd find local bars and get roaring drunk while helping the other get laid before meeting up the next morning for bad truck stop food over stories of our previous nights conquest.

The band broke up when everyone started graduating and a year later she got married. I stood in at her wedding as an usher and hung out in a waiting room with her husband (hes a really great friend now too) and family when her first was born. She was the first person I called when my fiance left me last year and she stayed on the phone with me until sunrise just to listen. Those moments and others created the dynamic of our friendship and as it developed it didn't matter that she was hot before long I'd stopped noticing all together. A truly great friend is something you only stumble upon a handful of times in life in the end what does it matter weather that friend is a guy or a girl?

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Magpie_1

Your and idiot.

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"Art is what you can get away with."
- Andy Warhol

ZombieSquirrel

^^ hee hee heeeee

I have male friends. I have lesbian friends. Boys have had issues with the male friends, but rarely the lesbian friends.. Hmmm...wonder why.

I can't say I've never been jealous of a boy's female friends. Usually it was a specific female and not all female friends.

It comes down to trust. If the girl gives you reason to question her relationship with anyone (blatant flirting that goes beyond being platonic), then you should talk it over. It's amazing what conversation can do for a relationship, but no one seems capable of doing so.

I personally have a lot of male friends, because I seem to have a lot more in common with them. I attribute it to having two older brothers.

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Attack ZombieSquirrels

captaincanada84

Ever since my last girlfriend fell in love with her best friend, part of me will always not trust male best friends. It's not a life-ending distrust, there's always just going to be a little part of me that worries about the same thing happening again.

MSD

So, uh, congratulations on being stuck in the mindest you developed in 6th grade.

wooÐs

must....................................resist...................................correcting grammar..............................

girldetective

I think both men and women start out sniffing, or sniff at some point. But we humans are evolved and in some way communicate to the other the ifs, ands, or maybe the butts, and go in whatever directions suits us. Its the evolved that allows some us to think there is value in someone beyond their body.

I like it. I like it all.

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

Lindy

Actually, you are only speaking from one guy's perspective. And, assumption is the mother of all fuckups. But you might want to audition for some of those humorous beer commercials we see during NFL games.
And realize that many men/guys really do have thoughts and feelings that emanate from somewhere above the waist.

Lindy