Gay? Bi? I don't know.
 

Well isn't this a hell of a topic.

I can't think of a better place to post it.

A few years ago, on my birthday no less, I had sex with a man.

That was my first. Since the first time, we had sex probably 10 times. Scattered around maybe a year. I've never gone out and seen any other men, and haven't really pursued it.

Since I was 17 I've been interested and pursued women. So this experience with a guy was a little different. I had explored with guys when I was much younger a few times, but nothing very serious. No actual sex.

Now since this experience a few years ago I have been different. Recently I have been obsessed with thoughts of my male lover. When I masturbate I often think of him instead of previous female lovers. I even purchased a prostate toy to play with while I masturbate, and now it's rare for me to masturbate without it.

It has consumed my life almost, and I don't know what to do. I find myself thinking about it a lot and I don't know where to draw the line.

I think I prefer women, but there is a special place in my sexuality for men I think. Ever since I was a little boy I have been interested in it. I was surprised when I actually had the opportunity to act on it, and I was pleasantly surprised how turned on it made me. I just remember how much I loved it.

I think I like the role reversal the most. I like being the one getting fucked, instead of the one fucking. It's like looking in a mirror at what I would be doing, and I love watching it.

So this isn't really a question, or a statement. It's just an exploration of thought, and if you have an opinion, please share.

^^ You are bi, go nuts ... have fun ..

Here's a simple test you can memorise:

As a man, if you like women, and only want women, you're heterosexual. If you like men and only men, you're homosexual. If you like both, and want both, you're bisexual.

An interesting fact is that in my trade (sexual health) people working in the real world (not academia, and not on the internet) don't talk about "gay/bi/straight", they talk about Men Who Have Sex With Men (or MSM), because so many men who have sex with other men still self identify as straight - personally I feel that this is most likely due to stigmatisation of "gay = rubbish".

The "gay community" (whoever they are) are sometimes cited as being hostile to bisexual men - one gay friend told me that many gay men see sexuality as totally polar, they deny bisexuality as strongly as the "straight community" deny bisexuality.

You sound bisexual to me. If I may be indelicate, is your attraction to sex with a man that you are aroused by being fucked or is it more than that? If you like being fucked, have you had a woman fuck you? Was it different/better/worse?

The point is, you could be a straight man who likes anal penetration and mentally see that as something that can only be done by a penis - but I doubt that.

Whatever you do, as with all sexual activity, keep yourself safe - use condoms, use lube, and have fun. :D

You like what you like. Why analyze? So you fit into some round hole (sorry) that society tries to force square pegs into? Bah. Enjoy what you enjoy, fantasize about what you fantasize about, and don't sweat the small stuff. And it's all small stuff.

(And what Daniel says--use protection.)

You don't pursue men, but when you ended up with a guy, you enjoyed it and still think about it often. That sounds like a small poke into the other side that revealed you like it just as well. If you didn't, wouldn't you remember it as a sign that you're straight?

How did you end up having sex with him? Maybe the occurrence being unlikely is why it's only happened once.

I have been too shy to ask any of my female partners, as it seems like something I could only do with an experienced partner or one I've had for a while. Lately I've been a roaming nomad of sexual partners, so my exploration with each is very short lived. I was living with a girlfriend for about a year, and we dated for the last 4 months of that year, which was a bad idea. Her and I had a lot of fun, she could orgasm multiple times very easily and that made my work easy :thumbsup: However, with every female partner I tend to prefer anal sex, and she wasn't up for it. That isn't to say that's what ended our relationship, it was more along the lines of her telling me "I want to have your babies"

Maybe there is another clue? Why am I so obsessed with anal sex with every partner? I think there are a rare few partners I've had that I didn't attempt or ask for anal.

I think I would be extremely turned on by a female penetrating me, yet on the other hand, I'm a big fan of the real thing too!

No, dude. What we're saying is: it's ALL "the real thing".

Sex is sex. You like what you like. There are no "clues". You're not going to find out what you "really" are, because there IS no "what you really are". Sex is a big, wide, messy spectrum, and those of us who don't fit in some preconceived notch on that spectrum need to find our own confidence and comfort from within ourselves, because society isn't going to provide it in the form of some neat little label.

Ratbastid has won the internet in this thread. Soak in his wisdom via intellectual osmosis and have yourself a wonderful life of indulging in what you like.

Will is 100% correct, and Yes, Ratbastid is totally right on in the way he describes this situation. You're not the first to ask about being bi here in the Forum. And we don't judge becuase alot of us understand and have been there at one time or the other.

Once you/people try to label and make rules you/people start to endure mental or physical problems or "issues". Just go with the flow, enjoy and be SAFE.

And be honest when your partners want to know whether you are just playing around, experimenting or looking for a "real" relationship.

So many of us have been there and it's totally normal to experiement. Hope we've all givien you some insight.

Maybe you could get a nice girl to strap one on and fuck you in the ass. Best of both worlds.

Yes, it could be that you enjoy anal/prostate stimulation, although your comments seem to indicate that you're bisexual. Whatever, use protection & enjoy.

I have to +1 what's been said above.

You like chicks. Awesome.
You like dudes. Mazel tov.

Do whoever makes you feel good, and do them safely.

It's all good, man.

For the record, and BTW, I am quite straight, and also love love love the anal-- also never had a partner I didn't ask for it (well, giving it to her, anyway-- can't say I've ever fancied being on the other end). I don't think it has to mean anything about sexual identity. You can just love ass because ass is awesome.

I agree with everyone else, I think you're fairly aware of yourself. You like men and women, this is totally awesome and normal. Good on ya. Maybe try finding a girl who enjoys anal, or someone who wouldnt mind giving you some anal stimulation. This mught be what you're looking for. Or maybe you arn't, maybe you just like both. Or maybe you lean to one side. Like others have said, go with the flow. Have fun. And remember, no glove no love ;)

And one of the best things is.......
you have a 50% better chance of a date on a saturday night.

Although it hasnt actually worked out for me that way, hmmmm
must review statistics

Bare with me here: Technically and statistically, you are not normal. Statistically, homosexuality is about 10% of the population. Bi-sexuality is less than that. The thing is - "normal" does not mean "good" and "abnormal" does not equal "bad". Those are just labels people use/misuse to make us feel better about ourselves and to exclude others. You are not "normal", and that's okay. Be safe and have fun.

You appear to be conflating "normal" and "most common".

Something can be "normal" and "rare".

I agree with you and retract my statement.