Psychology, Erection and Condoms
 

I have run a search for this and read about 15 threads and didn't see any discussion directly related to my situation. If I've missed the correct thread please feel free to move this.

This is probably a bit long, but I do think it's all somehow relevant.

I got set up with a girl through a mutual friend about 3 months ago and we went out a couple times. She'd been out of any kind of relationship for quite a while (not exactly sure how long, but I'm thinking a couple of years). Because of that we took things fairly slowly at first, way more 'heavy petting' etc then I'd thought was possible at 26.

After about a month or so we were at the same mutual friends wedding and got a room together at the hotel. After the reception we went back to the room and looked to be getting down to business. We were 'warming' up for a good while before moving forward. I put on a condom and we tried to have sex, however, she was so tight that it was impossible. She was wet was saying she wanted to, but it's like she was clenching herself closed. We tried for probably 30 minutes, during which I stayed rock hard the whole time. Eventually we had to stop because it was hurting her. Turns out we somehow ended up causing a small tear in her vagina.

This incident definitely had an impact on me, as I can't stand the idea of causing pain to a girl during sex. Fast forward to the present and we have had sex a couple of times; now, however, I'm having trouble staying hard as soon as I put on the condom.

She's definitely much more vanilla then other girls I've been with (everything we've done has been missionary, and I'm definitely an ass man) and she's very tentative about sex (won't go down on me, is very quiet, fairly still during) yet she verbally is always very positive and gets very physically aroused.

Background info: The last couple of girls I was with were longer term things/BC and we weren't using condoms. I've always used this same brand (Lifestyles ultra-sensitive) and I even use them when masturbating. I have no problem get/staying hard with one on when I'm by myself, or again the first time we tried. Correction, the first time we tried I was using and Inspiral, which I've liked in the past, but with what happened with here I haven't gone back to that.

I think a big part of it is that for me the girl's pleasure/orgasm is very important and it's been very tricky to get her really into it, though she says she rarely cums (and doesn't own/use any toys), combined with our strange experience early on I feel that our bedroom time is sort of awkward. She keeps contact me though and expressing her desire to have sex so I'm really confused.

Well I'm pretty much rambling now, but hopefully one of the carnal sages on here will have something interesting to proffer.

Is she a virgin?

Nope. At least on her account, and we have had sex now, poor sex, but done nonetheless

Edit: She's 28

Some women are built... smaller than others. Back in my misspent youth, I had a few relationships with women that took time to break in (and I mean that in the most loving and respectful non-horse-like way). If I may suggest, you should start with oral. Going down on her could help her learn to relax her vaginal muscles a bit. Once you've had a few of those, maybe start working in your finger, which is hopefully much smaller than your member. Work your way up to two, then three. Eventually, with a little help from Mr. lube, you should be able to get in there without her crushing you like the Mariana Trench.

Regarding your doubt leading to softness, you shouldn't think about it that way. It may be a penis defense mechanism. If I were about to make the loving with a woman that could snap my johnson off inside her, I suspect performance anxiety could kick in simply out of self-preservation. I like my penis unbroken.

I see where you're coming from with that first bit, but I don't think that's quite it. I do go down on her for quite a while and use fingers for probably 15 - 20 or until she says she's ready. By the time we try she's quite ready.

The second bit may be on to something though.

I have the same issue as far as being tight, but never to the point of tearing. I mean, if something's uncomfortable, I'm piping up lol. It's actually a joke between the guy I'm seeing and me - we were at a friend's house and I needed a tampon. All she had was Super. I can't get them in. I was joking with him on how I was straddling the toilet cramming the fucker in and it wouldn't budge. Sounds like an exaggeration but I honestly can't fit Supers or Super Plus' - and I'm not lubing my tampons. I'll stick with my Slender Regulars and Regulars.

I have to say though, something seems fishy about what you've said regarding this girl. Something tells me she was indeed a virgin when you first started messing around with her.

Man, that totally hits close to home. Heh. I'll hafta tell you that story sometime.

She should use some toys on herself... getting more comfortable with the whole situation will both loosen her up, so to speak, and help her have better/more orgasms.

you could (together) buy a toy that is bigger that you, and slowly get her used to that, after which you shouldnt have problems?

have you talked to her about it?

Thanks for all the opinions/thoughts/advice.

It wasn't really working out for us in other areas too, and we've called it quits, so this problem is no more.

The important thing is that you've got the info in your skull for the next situation.