Sexual Hunger
 

What do you do when you have an immense hunger for passion and love-making that seems to never be quenched? My wife's a prude and she's like making love to a mannequin( you know, motionless, no reciprocity,) I want to make love to a real passionate woman. For now, my marriage vows are keeping me in check. The hunger deepens with every day. Any ideas?:confused:

Are you into men at all?

Re: Sexual Hunger
 

Live with it and hope or take independant action; life is too short, you don't want to wait the 30+ years of unsatisfying marrige that I have; do what's best for you; I'm getting out after WAY too long; I'm just hoping that I still have a chance.

have you tried talking to her about it?

just sit down and say "look, im not getting pleasure like i should be. I have an urge, and its not being met." and say it in the most seriouse tone so she knows that your not just trying to get laid and its really a problem deep inside.

if that doesnt work there are "camps" you can go to, to learn how to be better lovers.

and if all else fails, get drunk, pick up a girl, and blame it on that, or hell be out front about why you did it. "i want getting it here" either she will leave (and you can maybe go and find someone who will listen to your wants and needs) or stay and work on whats wrong in bed.

I think you two should sit down and have a nice talk about your feelings on the matter. Tell her your desires and what you want to get out of making love to her. Ask her what she desires.

Maybe she's just inexperienced and lacks the confidence to be a demonstrative lover and perhaps a little coaxing and compliments could help set her off on the right track.

marriage counseling.

if you want to save the marriage.

i'm sorry, but it just seems like something's seriously wrong here.

good luck.

I had a little trouble finding this thread, but I think it's important enough that I did a littl looking; now I'll rant.
Why is it that women think that they have exclusive rights to being unhappy in a relationship; I've lived in a situation that very few women would tolerate at all, much less the 30+ years I've put up with. I was in a position that would not allowme to leave for many years; now I want my life back; marrige counselling isn't an option. I want out.

um...where do you get that idea?

then get out.

don't walk away.

run.

fast.

now.



......


seriously. no one deserves that shit. and it saddens me to hear of people living for soo long in unhappiness.
this is the only life you've got.
set yourself free to live it.

-----

and kinda ontopic regarding the thread..and it's topic..

i kinda believe that both partners have a responsibility in a marriage to do their best to keep the other sexually satisfied.

granted, that's only going to work if the rest of the relationship is good, etc..

i dunno.

good luck.

Not to sound flip or anything, but is this something an evening with a couple too many margaritas might be able to fix? Or have you tried that?

I don't drink, I'm an alcoholic; that was part of the problem, but I haven't had a drink in 12 years.

That's got to be pretty hard for you. Sexual hunger sucks, especially when you love someone and that person can't satisfy you. I know how it feels.. :(

Hope you'll find a solution.

Sounds like yall need to communicate these issues with your spouse's or significant others. From my experience, my last gal friend was horrible at the start, but after talking to her and telling her what fulfills me and asking what would do the same to her we slowly progressed into a absolutely fantastic sex life. It takes time... but anyone can do it.

I would suggest that first and foremost, you talk to your wife. Tell her straight up in a nice kinda way that you would like to spice up your sex life. I don't suggest you plain out say it like that, but unless you say something ... it will not get better, and your frustration may progess to the point where you feel the need to find satisfaction elsewhere, and well ... that isn't what you want. Talk to your wife.

While she just lies there doin nothing.. get sneaky and go down on her ;) See if that gets a reaction..

All the talking in the world, won't change what's a part of someone.
Some are just cold.

He said she is a prude. Don't think she'd be too happy about that ;)

COMMUNICATION! That's what it's all about.

What's she concerned about that has her behave like a cold fish? What's she scared of? What's holding her back?

Do you know the answers to those questions? If not, you haven't talked to her enough. Talk to her until you know the answers to those questions. Then interact with <i>that</i>.

Trying to get some hot, hot lovin' is just an attempt to cure the symptom.

I agree whole heartedly. No matter how much you like the person, in order for a marrige/relationship to work, you have to be compatible on all levels. This includes sex. Without knowing the other person involved, it's pretty hard to offer any sort of meaningful advice, but I'm going to make a brief attempt because this particular point hasn't been mentioned yet. (actually, all the core important points got mentioned by ratbastid, but this is something I feel strongly about so bear with or ignore me :) )

I've known a couple of people who could be called prudes and seem to not be into sex all that much. Most of those people though were scared of something. That ranged from, 'I'm ugly' to 'I'm terrible in bed' to 'I'm a geek so no one wants me'.

The common thread between these of course is the lack of self confidence. These people all felt that they were undesireable, and had felt undesireable for a lot of formative years (teens and such) so they supressed much of their sexual desires. Supressing these thoughts and feelings for so long made it natural and a habit to do it. Thus, when a relationship appears, they are nearly unable to let themselves go and really open up.

The cure is easy in theory and incredibly difficult to pull off. The person in question has to have absolutely no doubts (on any level, this is very hard to find out and isolate) that you have utterly dedicated yourself to them. Once they are convinced of this, it becomes a matter of showing them how incredibly beautiful/sexy/crazy/creative etc they are. Words are not enough on this front either, this is at the very least a part time occupation, so set aside time. And keep setting aside time, this job will continue until the end.

This is a slow process. In the people I've known, it required undoing many years of self degradation, which for them it was comforting. If you truly love this woman though, by which I mean everytime you talk to her you think, 'Goddamn, you're REAL!', then it will be worth it. You are in this for the long haul, what's another few months when you are looking at payoffs that potentially can last for the rest of your life.


Yeah,stuff.

Hope that made some sense and maybe provided some insight into something. Again, not knowing your exact situation, this might not be applicable at all, but maybe it'll help someone else. You know her, you love her and you are the closest thing to an expert on her, so use that knowledge.

Good luck.

talk it out with her. let her know how you feel. that might help

MZ, was sex ever good at any point in your relationship?

Do you know if your wife has a history of being sexually abused?

Has she seen a gynocologist recently - are you sure there is nothing physically wrong with her?

If all checks out on the physical end, then I suggest what others have said here. Carefully, but truthfully broach the topic - and the discussion should include both of you seeing a sex therapist.

I say, you only live once, you do what you have to do. You know your life better than anyone else, but i think this will eventually lead to a subconcious hatred of your wife...either make her get freaky, or go get some..

Thank you everyone. I was pretty vague and I got a whole range of advice.

Hmmm from your signature alone I would guess you aren't living your honeymoon still :p
Talk to her...if you love her and want a more active love life then the only way you'll get it is if you communicate that need to her. If not...either decide to a) live with her as the way things are and gradually get more and more miserable and bitter or b) get the hell out and fast and make yourself happy
I see things in black and white.

Maybe it's just my youth or something speaking, but was it this way before you got married? I kinda think you would have had the red flags beforehand. At this point it sounds like you two are either headed for marriage counseling or a divorce.

Hang on until the female 'viagra' hits the market. It's supposed to increase female libido....and really work.

If your wife was a prude before you got married, then you are, in my opinion, stuck with her because you knew about her problem and decided to marry her anyway.

If you guys never had sex before hand, then you are still stuck with her.

If she clammed up after getting married, then you can kick her to the curb because she decieved you into thinking you guys were sexually compatible.