mrbuck12000

I'm new to the single world. Was in a relationship for many years and got out of it about a year ago. I've gone on a few dates with girls from meeting them thru friends, from the bar scene, from internet match sites. I'm still getting up the courage to talk to girls strait up, but tonite I saw a girl in the supermarket and she was alone, no wedding ring (which i know does not mean anything), and I wanted to talk to her, but had no idea how to approach her. I didn't have an 'in.' I need some advice about just seeing women and wanting to talk to them in public places, for a friendship...maybe more. Does this make sense? Any help is much appreciated.

mrb

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"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, it's probably in Tennessee --that says, fool me once, shame on ... shame on you. Fool me ... You can't get fooled again." - G.W. Bush quoted by the Baltimore Sun - Oct 6, 2002

tenchi069

Generally start with 'Hello.' Then introduce yourself. If she is remotely interested or in some cases just being polite, she will say Hello and introduce herself. If she just says 'Hi' and walks away, then you know 0 interest. From there is just basic conversation. In a grocery store would be difficult to keep going with any sort or relevance, but try to be tactful. If you are in the produce aisle maybe mention a recipe you saw for a citrus fruit salad while youre picking out the items. Just don't look in her cart and mention what nice melons she has.

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ERROR- PLBSAK
Problem Lies Between Seat and Keyboard.

Glory's Sun

you'd be amazed at how well "hello" works.

ratbastid

Ask something grocery-related.

Glory's Sun

"Do you have any sugar for me?"

Baraka_Guru

Ask for her opinion on something. People like to share what they think; they like people who will listen to what they think.

The next time you see a girl inspecting a food product, ask her how she knows whether it's any good or how she will use it to make something worthwhile out of it. (Basically, ask her about whatever it is that's captured her interest in whatever public place.) Lead off with a complement if it's suitable. Don't complement her looks or anything; complement her taste, her ability, or whatever it is that's apparent in what she's doing at that moment.

Let her talk, prompt her along, resist the temptation to take over the conversation (in your head, keep telling yourself to shut up and let her talk), and at the end of it ask her if she'd care to meet up sometime to talk about cooking (or whatever she ends up talking about at that moment)—because, you know, you want to learn more about what interests her.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

kel

Some girls are shy. Everyone says "just say hello" but shy girls will say hello back and walk away, regardless of whether they are interested, simply because you didn't give them anything to respond to and they are too shy to make small talk with a total stranger. Unless you want to write all shy girls off your list, then focus more on being friendly but non-threatening - make eye contact, then look away; discuss the topic at hand (food) or even ask her advice. Girls love to be asked their advice and opinion because it shows you respect and value them - if you TAKE the advice, of course! Silence doesn't always mean "no".

And just because she isn't into you right away, doesn't mean she won't be into you after 10 minutes of quality conversation. Girls like personality and an average-lloking guy can rapidly become irrestible if he's charming.

EDIT: oops, baraka beat me to it.

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"It better be funny"

LordEden

"Do you know where the eggs are at, cause I'm thinking about making you breakfast."

*rimshot*

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genuinegirly

I'm honestly a bit creeped out when a guy says hi and starts talking to me, seemingly out of nowhere. Even more creepy if he starts talking about what I'm looking at, trying to get to know me - I would likely be wondering how long he has been watching me and if he would likely try to follow me if I politely stepped away from the conversation.

So, my advice: When you see a woman who appears single, that you'd like to get to know, and you have no real reason to talk to her - DON'T. Leave her be. Instead, join a club, take a class, or volunteer somewhere you think you'll run into women with your same interests. Then feel free to get to know them in a comfortable setting before you ask them out.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

PonyPotato

When I'm grocery shopping, unless you're REALLY cute or witty, I'm not going to stop and give you my time. I'm a "get in, get my shit, get out" mood whenever I go grocery shopping, and I hardly ever notice the people around me.

As far as starting conversation, though, you can try saying hello and ask about something she's showing interest in. Noticing something about her or in her cart is just asking for creepy vibes (how long has he been watching me shop?), but if you're browsing produce you could always ask her how she tells that an orange is good or something like that.

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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

Baraka_Guru

I'm thinking this depends on what region you're in. Go to BC (e.g. Vancouver) for a while, and you'll notice that strangers will up and talk to you without any formal introductions. It's not uncommon to see spontaneous conversations pop up in virtually any situation. It happens here in Toronto too, but on a lesser scale. I hear the Maritimes is known for this too.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Cimarron29414

Baraka_Guru - how can a guy be so wrong on politics and so right on girls? Well done. Love ya!

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

Baraka_Guru

Did you just call me a communist womanizer?

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

cellophanedeity

I love being approached by people who want to talk, and I love approaching people to talk. I make friends on the subway, and talk with some of my customers beyond selling them things. I like the first adrenaline rush when you approach someone for the first time. It's fun to see if people are going to reach back or not.

The best approach seems to be to mention something in the immediate area and comment on it, like the previous posters have mentioned. Make sure you smile and are friendly, without being too hyper or sleazy. If she smiles back and the conversation goes well, feel free to casually mention that she's pretty.
Don't use the words "hot" or "sexy" or whatever, but a nice "I think you're pretty" can make her day. Or at least, it can make my day.

At worst, it gets awkward, but you never have to see that person again. Most people won't be rude, and if they are, then they weren't worth knowing.

Take the risk and talk to her. It'll be worth it in one way or another.

__________________
who am I to refuse the universe?
-Leonard Cohen, Beautiful Losers

Glory's Sun

eh..what's the worst that can happen?? she ignores you and your pride is hurt a little bit..

that just means you should move on to the next one who catches your attention..

Plan9

Picking up women at a grocery store? That just doesn't seem right.

I'm too food-mercenary when I go into a store, anyway.

I might actually ignore naked breasts in favor of a frozen pizza.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

allaboutmusic

There are some good resources out there now on starting conversations with women, even in the daytime. Search the Internet and you should find some without too much trouble - I've found it helpful anyway.

Washington

Possibly good advice but very easy for a girl to say...YOU don't have to approach men, you just get to sit there and look cute.

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there is no absolute, only the moment.

genuinegirly

Now that's hilarious! You said this in reference to the wrong woman. I made all the moves to ensnare my husband. I'm not the kind to just sit back and wait for someone to make a move.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Glory's Sun

heh.. my wife asked *me* out.. and asked *me* to marry her..

but then I'm the shit so that makes sense

women can smell fear a mile away.. you need to be confident even if you are asking if the cantaloupe is ripe or not.

Bear Cub

Ask her to look at your nuts.



Then, when she's staring at you like you're crazy, show her your testicles.

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Living in the United Socialist States of America.

little_tippler

I am one of the girls who won't take offense. If I find you at all interesting or witty, then I will take a little time to chat. I think Baraka has the right approach.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Punk.of.Ages

I use the goofy weirdo tactic. It involves me making really stupid comments in a silly, obviously not serious way. It goes something like this:

I see a pretty girl.

One or more of these lines pop out of my mouth.

"Hi, Dreamgirl."
"I work out. It's not a big deal or anything..." (I clearly do not work out...)
"I'm in a band."
"Marry me."
"You complete me."
"I'm good with children."

This sounds really stupid, I know, but it's upfront, it makes the girl laugh, it's not the run of the mill, same old boring hello, and it leaves plenty of room for the girl to walk away if she's not interested.

You'd be surprised how many chicks I've met this way.

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

genuinegirly

I can picture this tactic working really well - catches them completely off-guard what with your mohawk and all.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

FelixP

You are my brother from another mother.

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Free will lies not in the ability to craft your own fate, but in not knowing what your fate is. --Me

"I have just returned from visting the Marines at the front, and there is not a finer fighting organization in the world." --Douglas MacArthur

jojonmagingging

the very simple thing to do is say hi and just be yourself.
Whether you are nervous or cool, if she likes you, she'll accept your greeting. But even if you are very very cool and make no mistakes but she is not in a mood to chat or meet someone, she'll reject you.
Sometimes it's not always about you, but the person whom you want to approach must seems nice or friendly too. And to do that you have to find out first before you make your move.
Good luck.

uncle phil

you've spent too much time in the desert...

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Plan9

No, NO... GIMMIE MORE! MORE!

...

I would feel far more comfortable hitting on a girl where both of us weren't attempting to follow a list as quickly as possible and get home.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Crack

Walk up to her cart and throw some condoms in, when she looks at you funny, tell her "You'll need them later"

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Strange Famous

Ive never in my life had the nerve to just walk up to a girl when sober and try and start to chat. If you care to, one of muy blogs features a story about what happened when I did catch the eye of a nice looking girl in a superstore (but you will have to decide for yourself if its true... especially the part about the guys skeleton being turned inside out)

Seriously, I wouldnt have the balls to approach a good looking in girl in a superstore with anything other than a real question - everyone Ive ever dated in my life I knew them through some other way (school, work, introduced by a mate, etc) first.

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Willravel

Shauk

And people tell us males to have confidence.

Plan9

Pfft... you can walk away from pepperspray. You can't walk away from a .38 Special +P to the face.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

UnclearContent

Learned this from some source years ago, I would cite it if I could remember.

Walk up to girls you normally would be too shy to speak to. Start a conversation. Do this for two weeks. The difference? For those two weeks talk to these girls with zero intention of asking them out. Because there is no goal other than small-talk you remove a great deal of the pressure you would normally feel to 'work up' to asking them out. If you bomb who cares? You weren't going to get a date anyways. This lets you focus more on quality conversation. Later on when you meet someone you really like the 'talk' will come naturally and you will feel, and be, more confident.

I agree with genuinegirly that you're a lot more likely to find a match while in a group of like-minded people. However, for practice making conversation it's often better with total strangers that you won't have to see over and over again.

genuinegirly

This is a good point -I hadn't thought of it in that light.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

MSD

Saying "hi" and introducing yourself is a great opener. After that you'd better have some idea of what to say because you've got about five seconds of her responding before you have to say something else and keep her attention. If it's about the food, wait until she's not looking at cans of spotted dick. If it's something about her, the spectrum runs from creepy to well-received compliments to looking like a gay guy admiring her fashion sense. You want to be in the middle, and lean toward the gay guy side rather than creepy if you really don't have something middle-of-the-road to say.
This seems like a personal hangup. I know some people who aren't comfortable being approached by strangers, but the majority wouldn't mind.
It works great. The key is to not be afraid of looking foolish if she doesn't bite.
This is good advice. After you're comfortable striking up conversations with strangers, you can conquer your fear of rejection by having a contest with a friend at a bar to see who can get the most rejections in one night. Loser pays for the cab home.

Punk.of.Ages

I doubt it would work as well without the mohawk...
_________

The other night at the bar, I used a new line:

"I have my own apartment. I can go out on a school night like that!"

*snap*

It had the chick I used it on rolling...

I then proceeded to inform Jen I was hitting on other girls and meant nothing by it. =p

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike