UnclearContent

I'm 25 with a girlfriend of 22. We've been dating for 2 1/2 years, living together for all of it. We are very close and I love her deeply.

Recently our financial situation has sucked. I'm about to be sued for student loans and my medical expenses are insane. My girlfriend recently lost her job and I am about to be terminated due to medical absences.

My girlfriend stripped for a short time before we met. We've talked off and on about her doing it again. Obviously the money is great, and as my girlfriend is just gorgeous she wouldn't have any lack of customers.

We decided to try it. She has given me full permission to pull the plug at any point where I am no longer able to tolerate it. She has also agreed to pull the plug if she believes it will hurt our relationship in any way.

My girl is able to separate stripping entirely from her sexuality. She just sees it as a job. She put boundaries in place and wil adhere to them. She doesn't remove her bottoms/thong and does not lap dance but only gives 'private dances' with no touch.

I trust her. I'm not worried about her leaving me or crossing her 'no touch' boundaries for extra money. It's not the kind of person she is. All of my logic points to this being a great idea, thousands of dollars a month to pull us out of our hole.

Problem is I've started to have panic attacks. I haven't had panic attacks since I was taking heavy stimulants. I don't know exactly why I'm upset. Every time she mentions something about the strip club my stomach turns cold and I nearly double over. I have the ability to stop her from going but I can't figure out WHY I'm so upset about this. I don't want to cost her financial freedom, the ability to pay for health care costs and put herself through school. I also don't want the stress to hit a point where I start shitting blood (fun stress response of mine).

Anyone have any opinions? Things to think or options to try?

Shell

...it doesn't matter why you are upset...what matters is that you are. And nothing is worth risking your health. Plus, it doesn't sound like you would be holding her back from achieving her dreams since you mentioned it's for financial reasons only. Put your heads together and make a list of alternative jobs she could do that would generate the same income.

__________________
..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

Xerxys

^^ I dare say there isn't a similar job that would pull the same income shell. You see, I have actually looked at a the net income of a PIMP and was ever so deeply impressed. Now, stripping in the USA being legal has to be more if not the same.

But shell has it straight up. You gots ta pull the plug my brother!! Get two night jobs as well as your internship and schooling duties. Case in point, the suing didn't cause this much stress but the stripping did. I dare say you'll handle the two jobs better.

I think the reason you feel like this is because anything sex related carries emotional baggage that you, my friend, can't handle. People will tell you you have to disassociate it. That only you can attach this baggage.

It doesn't work like that.

Manic_Skafe

Then don't. Stressing to the point that you begin to shit blood is an unacceptable and intolerable response - one that certainly shouldn't be catered to if doing so results in canceling out an opportunity for you and your partner to get ahead.

As it's obvious that you aren't, I'm not arguing that you should be completely comfortable with the situation but I suggest you take and long and hard introspective look at yourself and consider whether or not your inability to deal with stress is the real issue here.

After all, if you two trust each other as much as you say you do, what's the big deal?

__________________
"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

Plan9

A little Confucius for you: "I'm fine," says the man who craps blood.

...

Yeah. I hear being a drug dealer is good money, too. I'm not making a judgment here, but I am suggesting that "easy money" is never easy.

If you're really both okay with her resorting to this to make money during hard times, you shouldn't be dying inside... especially physically.

Panic attacks? Internal organs crying tears of your crimson life-fluid? Something ain't kosher.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Shell

(close your eyes a sec, UC)...well, as we all know, one can be 100% trustworthy and still fall victim to an uncontrollable magnetic attraction* outside the home that weakens, changes priorities, and sometimes causes one to jump ship.

*i'm not talking about cheating due to loose morals. I'm talking about becoming genuinely confused with who to love when faced with another choice.

...being a stripper ups the ante for temptation vs other careers. UC also knows that deep down and that's what's eating away at him (or maybe it's just the oogling by others...in a disrespectful way...of what belongs to him).

...with that being said though...that can happen anywhere (and if it does then i would let go and move on because if someone didn't love me enough to stay true then i'd be off to find one that did)

__________________
..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

cellophanedeity

Is there anything else beyond the stripping that's causing you anxiety? It sounds like there may be other issues at hand as well.

Talk with your girlfriend and explain what's going on.. Tell her you think it may have something to do with her stripping again, and see what she suggests.

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who am I to refuse the universe?
-Leonard Cohen, Beautiful Losers

UnclearContent

Thank you for the responses, all.

My biggest hang-up in all of this is this is currently our best option to give her a chance at a successful school life. The job doesn't stress her much and she can easily pay her way to her real career.

I'm not one to make decisions based on emotionality alone. I always think things through before making a big decision. Because of this I'm stuck with my mind telling me one thing and my varied organs telling me another.

The oogling bothers me. The lax security there bothers me. The drug use and prostitution (not an assumption, I know for a fact both go on heavily in that club and my girl does as well) bother me. But I don't want to tell her to give up everything she's working for and set herself back a few years financially.

I'm worried that if I weren't in such a financial bind that I would have already pulled plug. I'm afraid of my mother being sued for my student loans and losing her home. At this point I feel that I'm pimping my girlfriend out to pay my bills and no part of it feels right.

We both have medical issues and can not work multiple jobs. This job lets her make her own schedule and make as much as if she working 60-80 hours a week at a 'normal' job.

She has told me our relationship is more important in this situation than anything else. I love her; I don't want to compromise her goals and ambitions because I'm just bothered about her current job. We're trying to make a life together and her doing this will solve both of our financial crises and get us going.

I'm stuck.

I'm sorry if this sounds like a repeat of the OP. I appreciate all of the responses given so far. I just wanted to add a little detail and see what people have to think. My girlfriend and I are both reading all of these and discussing them.

Glory's Sun

ya know, there's more than one strip club she can work at.. find one with better security and not so much drug use etc..

Martian

Just as an aside:

If your absences are legitimate and documented, you need to fight that shit. Don't let your employer bully you around.

Regarding your girlfriend, you need to figure out if this is something you're truly comfortable with. If you can't be okay with her choice of career, then you need to sit down with her and be honest about the situation.

You're talking to the wrong people.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

SecretMethod70

Exactly. She deserves to know how conflicted you're feeling between your emotions and your logic. It's her choice too, and she needs to be making an informed decision. Explain it to her just as you've explained it here, make it clear that you're not saying no, just trying to work it all out in your head, but discuss it with her.

__________________
Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

MSD

I don't really see the average strip club patron as the kind who's going to tempt a girl on stage when she has a boyfriend.

ratbastid

Maybe so, but only because YOU have you stuck.

All this "don't want to set her back" stuff is very noble, but it's your justification for being stuck. You want to see the truth of how you're feeling? Watch yourself crap blood.

She's giving you the answer. Stripping is the easiest way to make money, but she's willing to do something harder. Your bloody shit says to take her up on the offer.

Anything more complicated than that is YOU having it be more complicated.

Cimarron29414

First of all, I have never been to a strip club where there wasn't touching. It always says "No touching", but there always is. That is a simple fact and you need to be realistic about that part.

Secondly, Martian is most likely incorrect about your medical absences being okay as long as they are documented. Many states are right to work states, and if you can not meet the requirements of your job description, you can be fired. It doesn't matter "why" you can't meet those requirements. Your only resort would be short-term disability, then FMLA.

Thirdly, and I mean this delicately because I don't know you or your situation and I don't mean the following to be overly harsh. Your girlfriend should not be paying your bills. Your mom should not be paying your bills. You are 25 years old. As long as she is single, your girlfriend has no moral obligation to pay your way through life and may choose not to do so at any time. Prepare for this fact because only you are responsible for them. Since your girlfriend has become your benefactor, you really have no basis to criticize, oppose, or worry about the manner in which she pays your bills. Rather than stress and worry over how she is paying your bills, pull yourself together and position yourself so that you are no longer a financial burden to your loved ones. Get your head on straight and work this through as a grown 25-year-old man. Go talk to your company and figure out how you can work together to keep you as an employee. Talking to them will go a long way towards keeping you on the payroll. If you apply for FMLA, they can't fire you and you get half of your salary. Get your body healed up. Get your mind straight towards what you need to do to be independent financially.

In the mean time, go give your girlfriend a big hug and thank her. Call your mom and thank her too. They are both sacrificing a lot for you.

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genuinegirly

Let's look at those student loan issues - what type of student loans are they exactly?
Are you still technically a dependent on your parents for tax purposes? If you're in the US, you shouldn't be dependent at your age unless your health issues are so bad that you've done the paperwork to give up some of those rights.

Have you spoken to your student loan officer about taking away your parents' responsibility by transferring them to your name alone?

Or were these Parent Plus loans? - there's no way to transfer those to your name, your parents are entirely responsible and you have no legal obligation to pay.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Punk.of.Ages

I wouldn't be cool with my girlfriend turning herself into an object to be purchased by the highest bidding cock either...

I have a girlfriend who works two part time jobs, goes to college, has the free time to go have fun with me or anyone else whenever she wants, and is well on her way to being very successful.

Guess what, she's not even selling her body a little bit. There are other ways to achieve life. Most of them won't make you shit blood...

Pull that plug.

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"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

Aladdin Sane

Tell her not to do it. It'll wreck her and your relationship. Period.

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wooÐs

Sorry I'm not reading the thread. But the title was enough to make me lol...

lol!

Shell

....waaaaaait a minute..."your" girl you say you love is heavily doing drugs and prostitution at a strip club?...you both have medical issues (why am i not surprised?)... you used mother for loans and now she might lose her home because you can't hold down a job to pay your bills...so your plan is to pimp out your girlfriend and use her for your crutch when she can barely pay for her schooling. Then you say, "it doesn't feel right"...duh!....wake up!!! no wonder you're "anonymous"...

....reread Cimarron's post (especially the 3rd paragraph)

...i'm out...bye.

__________________
..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

Glory's Sun

Uhhh he was saying that he and his gf know about the drug use and prostitution that go on at the club... Not that she does it.

genuinegirly

Step back, cool down, and re-read the words you quoted, Shell. I'm fairly certain that you misunderstood what the poster wrote. He meant that both he and his girlfriend know that shady things happen at that stripjoint, and they both want to stay out of danger.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

FelixP

I think he was saying that his GF knows about the hooking and drugging going on at the club. That being said, I do agree with the general sentiment of your reply.

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Shell

...okay, thanks everyone...the quote is exactly what he said but perhaps i misunderstood what he meant. I apologize for the first line of my comment but the rest is factual.

__________________
..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

Glory's Sun

the quote is what he said, and while his grammar was lacking.. it's still pretty apparent what he was saying..

all that being said.. I don't see what the big deal about her being a stripper is? So fucking what? She's using her body to make old men have wet dreams and she's getting paid to do it. It's not like she's fucking these guys..

the problem here is the lack of communication and the shady operations of the club. Jealousy is starting to creep in and it's affecting the relationship..so basically, at this point, the OP needs to have a good long sit down with his girl and see what's really going on mentally in their relationship and make a decision. If they still decide that stripping will not harm the relationship, then they need to address working for a better club.

Shell

...it obviously wasn't all that apparent to me...i misunderstood...and i apologized.

...i've never even been in a strip club in my life so i'll refrain from adding my 2 cents since i'm clueless...over and out

__________________
..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

Punk.of.Ages

Some guys don't have a problem dating a girl who sells her body to other men. Obviously this fella' does.

I don't see a problem with a girl choosing to be a stripper. I just wouldn't feel comfortable dating one.

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

Xerxys

I have no problem whatsoever with stippers at all. In fact I love them. They make my life easy and fill me with hope. You, OP, however, do have a problem. If you love this girl you have to pull the plug on this shindig and your life as well.

I think shell has it right again in her post#19. In fact, clearer than may actually seem. The both of you have taken the easy way out and you need to stop. If you think you can handle it then by all means go to a strip joint that is more secure (although less cash I assume).

Glory's Sun

I totally understand it.. I was aiming more at the seemingly highbrow remarks that seemed to pop up in here.. people here the word stripper and automatically assume she's going to fuck for money or turn into a coke whore. There are plenty of whore strippers and there are plenty of strippers who only take the cash and keep everything professional.

would I feel comfortable.. eh.. I've dated strippers before but it wasn't a relationship that I was worried about losing.. so I can't really answer that the right way..

the only way for the OP to get an answer he wants is to discuss it with his girl. sometimes drastic times call for drastic measures.. this could be a months worth of stripping and she's done and nobody is any worse off..

ratbastid

I don't have anything moral about stripping. Honorable profession, as far as I'm concerned. Kinda wish I was equipped to do it. (EDIT: Who am I kidding? I'd never leave the house.)

My point is, if it's optional for her and makes him crap blood, I'd say finding her a gig at Kinkos instead is a no-brainer. I don't really understand the "stuckness" about it.

Anormalguy

In brief, you have numerous issues causing stress in your life, and your GF stripping is a major issue, perhaps the one that pushed you over the edge.

First, get her to stop stripping. Second, figure out a way to get your financial situation under control. It won't be easy, but you need to do it for your mental & physical health.

__________________
In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow

Plan9

... why did I just have a weird image of a high school guidance counselor saying something really wrong at a crucial moment?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

SecretMethod70

UnclearContent: Sorry for speaking about you in the third person for much of this post...

Before people keep beating up on UnclearContent's financial situation, I'll just remind everyone that 1) we don't know the details, and certainly not what his medical issues are, and 2) medical bills are the number one cause of bankruptcy in the United States. It's not exactly fair to UnclearContent to assume he's been somehow irresponsible to end up in this situation. He clearly has medical issues that are complicating his personal and financial life, with student loans on top of it, at a time when they are the worst deal that they've been in a long time. Exploring the idea of his g/f stripping, when she's comfortable with it, is not the "easy way out." It's just one more job option, and one which they happen to know will provide a good income to address their financial needs. People do jobs all the time that aren't ideal, all in order to maximize profits, pay off debt, or what-have-you.

The issue here is not the financial situation - which could be what it is for a great number of legitimate reasons - or the idea of his girlfriend stripping - which is a perfectly legal job, and one which can in fact pay well and provide significant help to their situation. The issue is that UnclearContent is not communicating with his girlfriend about how the prospect of her stripping makes him feel.

Stripping may be a perfectly respectable job, but that doesn't mean it's a job that UnclearContent has to be comfortable with. Clearly, UnclearContent, you're very much uncomfortable with the idea of your girlfriend stripping, so it seems you need to explain to her how you feel, just as you've explained it here, and start brainstorming other ways to get out of your financial hardship.

Good luck.

__________________
Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

UnclearContent

Thank you all for the replies.

Shell, I did mean that my girlfriend and I both know about the drug slash prostitution. My grammar suffers when I'm falling asleep or waking, and both of my posts were basically written while half-conscious. My girlfriend doesn't engage in either the drugs or prostitution, both for moral and health reasons.

Since my financial situation is an issue I'll explain in more detail.

When I started college my father agreed to pay for it all. I had wanted to take a year or two off after graduating from high school to save up money but my father refused to pay anything if I did (yes, flat out refused to pay anything if I took so much as one semester off before starting college. He also told me he would have my health insurance cancelled if I took any time off). So I joined. After seven months my father was laid off of work and decided to take a few years away from corporate work due to burn-out. At this point I have zero income and a lot of bills to pay. So what did I do? Took out student loans. I went to school for another year on fiancial aid and student loans. At the end I realized that this had the potential to become a burden for both me and my mother. After some debate (and a lot of encouragement from my father) I joined the military.

I enrolled in split-option for the Army Reserves. I completed my basic training and was sent home. Within a month of returning I fell off my buddy's front porch and mangled my ankle. Two bone bruises and five sprains, all confirmed by MRI. Because of this I could not run or really exercise for about nine months. While I recovered I gained most of the weight I had lost in basic and by the time I was cleared to run I could not meet standard to go to AIT (second half of my military schooling).

I dropped out of school and worked overtime to cover my expenses. Over the next few months I saved up enough to go back to school for the spring. I joined the ROTC program and lost all of the weight and passed my PT exam. I turned this exam in to my sergeant and asked him to queue me for AIT. Instead, he lost my paperwork and never told me. I spent two months waiting for my orders to come in. At the end of the two months I received a notice for uncharacterized discharge due to PT failure.

I'm out of financial aid, and to keep the student loans from becoming due I have to stay in school. So I take out more loans. I get two full-time jobs and try to take classes that only require I attend the exams so I can just study at home. I work over 100 hours a week between two warehouses. About a month in I tear the medial miniscus in my right knee and am on crutches. I lose one job and the other job reduces my hours. A week later I am hit on the interstate by a kid who said his brakes just randomly locked up and lost control. Most of my injuries are in my lower back. Now I can't work and go on disability.

I'm barely supporting myself as my girlfriend hasn't been working during this time and I was the sole source of income. She finds a few part-time jobs and stays in school, but it's rough. About six months later I am having terrible vertigo, chronic sinus infections and am losing the sight in one eye. A CAT scan reveals a mass of nearly one inch in my brain. An angiogram shows it to be a brain aneurysm. I have the surgery to repair this. My monthly medical expenses are pretty high at this point.

I fully accept responsibility for my situation. A lot of bad choices and a run of bad luck. I love my girlfriend and I do not ask her for help with this. When we got together we had planned for me to work while she goes to school as she has a better shot at success than I do. Now I'm in a situation where I can barely pay for my own food and she's having to cover her education entirely on her own. She can't get financial aid because her parents make too much money. Her parents don't help her.

I want her to go to school. I want her to be successful. I want to get out of this mess. THAT'S why I don't want to tell her to quit a job that has this kind of money-making potential. She can't work two jobs or her immune system crashes. One job and school is still enough to send her over the edge most times.

This is why I'm stuck.

I just want to figure out if it's possible to accept this. If I can change my view-point. If not...I really don't know what I can do.

---------- Post added at 10:34 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:22 PM ----------

Xerxys -

I do have some emotional baggage, I believe. I'm not sure yet how to deal with it.

Manic_Skafe -

I have some issues coping with stress. Have since I was a kid. And, yes, shitting blood is unacceptable. I want to get this whole situation under control as quickly as possible.


Crompsin -

Hysterical.

And, no, I'm not really okay with it the situation.


Shell -

You may be right about the disrespectful oogling. I don't like the idea of anyone looking down on her.


Guccilvr -

I know she's not fucking these guys. I'm not really sure why I'm so bothered by this. I can't pinpoint anything.


SecretMethod -

EXACTLY!!! And thank you for the benefit of the doubt.


To all -

My girlfriend understands my feelings. My inablity to understand what exactly is bothering me is why she recommended I come to this forum. She's had a lot of success getting good advice from you all and thought you may be able to help me sort a few of these things out. I appreciate all of your time with this.

SecretMethod70

Thanks for the clarification UnclearContent (seriously, no pun intended!)..

I'm not sure if there's any advice that can be given to make you feel more comfortable with the idea of her stripping, especially if it upsets you as much as it does now. You certainly need to try and figure out what exactly is causing you to be so physically upset, otherwise there's no way to address the feeling. Are there other, more respectable strip clubs she could work at around where you are? Perhaps that would help?

__________________
Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

SSJTWIZTA

morals.

'nuff said. (i summed this all up in three god-damned words)

__________________
First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

Iliftrocks

I couldn't agree with the above more. You've got a good one, if she's willing to do this for you, or quit for you. It's obvious she doesn't really like the lifestyle since she had already quit it. Fix yourself up and get moving. Good luck

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

Anonymous Member

OP was made by my boyfriend.

For the recommendations that we talk about this, we have. In depth. For hours.

He's stuck, I'm worried about him. The thought of all of our bills coming crashing down around us right now has us both a bit hysterical. I'm not just doing this for his bills, I have some of my own as well, but I certainly will be paying for his bills.

I don't make as much money as the other girls because I won't take off my bottoms or allow anyone to touch my vagina. I don't want to do this job for very long, it isn't a career choice. I'm prepharmacy right now. I just got fired from my pharm tech contracting position after 2 weeks at the army hospital, I was out sick and my contractor told me they would call the base and let them know, but something happened with the communication and the hospital is blaming me, so I'm fired.

I wasn't expecting to be fired, had no money in savings.

My boyfriend and I both have anxiety and panic issues. Mine's more general anxiety and PTSD and he has OCD. I sometimes have panic about situations that don't require it, as does he. So, I was curious how his feelings would hold up after a few days.

Making the decision to work at the club took a few steps. The first was discussing it, he said that he would be okay with this idea, I told him that I wanted him to check out the club where I would work before he made a decision. Then, the next day, we went there and I talked to the owner, he said that he had a good feeling from the owners (they don't require me to take off my bottoms or do anything I'm uncomfortable with). Then, we went to buy an outfit for me, and after that was when he started having anxiety.

I told him that we didn't have to do it now that he was feeling differently, but he said that then we'd be out the money I spent on the costume, so I worked Fri and made the money back. Friday night he was very anxious and said he needed someone to talk to about this, so I suggested that he post here so he could get different viewpoints without having to tell his friends what I'm doing. I also told him that I'd take off Saturday and not work so he could have a break from worrying about me going in.

We told him mom what I was doing, she said that it's important that I not do this because I feel I can't do anything else or because I have to do it, and said that if that is the case we will all work 2 jobs. Unfortunately, that's not realistic. His mom has a lot of medical issues with her back, the last time OP worked 2 jobs, he blew his knee out and had to have surgery, I'm already in school and working 2 jobs with lupus and school would kill me, I can barely work 1 and not have to sleep 10 hours a night.

I'm doing this job temporarily to get us out of this hole. I didn't expect to get fired and he's about to lose his job, so I don't see any other options that give me cash daily pay without taxes taken out.

That being said, my relationship with him is very important to me. The past 2 years have been hell on everyone involved. If he needs me to quit, I'll quit. But he doesn't even know if I need to quit, because none of the choices have good outcomes. I don't do anything there that makes me uncomfortable, and so I don't feel that I'm disrespecting our relationship. I set my boundaries very high with the guidelines that he and I both outlined when we first discussed me working here.

I'm not sure where to proceed, because it pains me to see him this way. I have told him that if I don't see him getting used to the idea of me working here, or at least stop having massive stomach pains, i will have to quit. I'm not going to have him suppressing his emotions just to be okay with me doing something he isn't okay with. So yes, we've been open and honest with communication (where I've been able to force him to talk to me and not withdraw) every step of the way. I've certainly been open and honest about my motivations/boundaries/feelings with everything. This doesn't bother me to work here, but it bothers me that he's so upset.

He seemed better about it yesterday. I'm not sure what to make of that. I'm just waiting to see.

UnclearContent

Yes, I understand that there will be guys hugging her, touching her arms/back/legs and that random guys will try to cop a feel.

Because my first three months were through temp agency my full year doesn't start until November and I do not qualify for FMLA.

My company has a revolving door policy towards it's employees. We have a near 70% turnover rate per year.

I thank them both, but will do it again.

---------- Post added at 08:09 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:05 AM ----------

She's explained this better than I did. She has been completely open with me about the whole thing. I'm not upset with her. I just can't figure out why I'm so upset about this. I want to deal with it so I can cope with the situation and drive on.

Cimarron29414

I'm just going to be honest here and say that right up until the brain aneurysm, all I read were a lot of excuses. The dog ate my homework. The only difference between your problems and everyone else's is that they are yours. You are letting life happen to you instead of happening to life. Everyone keeps saying your irritable bowel syndrome is due to your girlfriend stripping. It is more likely caused by the fact that you are not getting your shit together, and subconsciously, you know it. What seems like a big problem is really just a group of small problems clustered together. Let's get down to it:

Here's are some options

1) If you haven't already, get a medical deferrment for the Student Loans.
2) Sue the shit out of the driver that hit you. In most states, you have 3 years statute of limitations. Since you are 25, it seems the timeline fits within 3 years.
3) Start paying $10 / month on each medical bill. Medical offices will not sue you as long as you are "current" - meaning you pay something every month. Yes, I mean $10. After 5 to 10 years, the hospital will simply write off your debt and quit sending you bills. It happens all the time.
4) Apply for Social Security disability. This will require an attorney. S.S. will deny you at least twice before you are accepted. Keep trying.
5) Talk to your employer and get on track with them. Be honest and ask them how to get back to 40 hours. Set a plan. Your company may have an EAP that will get you some physical therapy for free.
6) Go see a counselor at the local clinic and get on an anti-depressant. Your hormones and chemicals are probably so out of whack that you might not be making rational decisions. You don't have to take it forever, just long enough to get everything straightened out.
7) Go outside and get exercise every day! Even if it is twice to the mailbox. Sunshine is your best fucking friend.
8) Before every shift, help your girlfriend get dressed and put on her makeup and hair. Get involved in her success and let her know she is supported.
9) After every shift, wake up and give your girlfriend a foot rub. She just wore the most uncomfortable shoes on the planet for 6 hours - for you.
10) Call your mom again. She's worried about you. Discuss your plan with her and ask her how you can help her.

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UnclearContent

You make solid points. I've been stuck in a depressed rut for about a year. I'm tired of letting everything happen and not making more effort. Thank you for your comments. Following responses:

1. I will try.
2. My lawyer has stopped taking my calls. He's been blowing me off for months. And I've already been told that if I switch lawyers I will be charged for all of the time he has spent on this case.
3. Good idea.
4. Do you really think I can get disability? If I could receive it long enough to get through college that would be amazing.
5. I work 40 hours, but my company is not too happy with me. I found out that they have been encouraging us to break the law the entire time I've worked there and I made a fuss about it to a manager. I'm about to be fired for breaking their new attendance policy that no longer excuses medical absences. They don't really care about the employees. I'm sending out resumes to try to get into something a little more employee friendly.
6. I'm freaked out about anti-depressants and I don't really trust the mental health care community at large.
7. Until the mono bout I was exercising three to five times a week, and at least once a month hiking in the park for a few hours.
8. The make-up idea is cute. I may have to try that.
9. I do rub her feet at night.
10. I talk to my mother at least three times a week.