Dating vs Relationships - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Shauk · 07-07-2009, 04:01 AM

"The point of dating is NOT to end up in a relationship -- the point of dating is to get laid."

this was advice dispensed on an open forum.

I did not have this point of view about dating, but I suppose it makes more sense with the behavior I experienced with certain people in my past....

I feel like I just got hit in the face by a 2x4

is the difference that distinct? because with my upbringing, I thought dating was part of the relationship, not a separate thing.

I guess it goes to show, there are many different viewpoints out there.

what's yours?

neflyte · 07-07-2009, 04:25 AM

I feel somewhat the same. I was brought up to see dating as part of the process, but from my dating experience it seems like it really wasn't; unless i was doing it wrong. i mean, sure i'd love to get laid, but i'd rather a lasting relationship where it's more likely i'll get laid on a regular basis.

little_tippler · 07-07-2009, 04:44 AM

Some people date to find a partner. Some people date to get laid. I would say that within a few minutes of being on the date, a person has decided whether they want to get laid, or if the other is a potential partner, or even neither. But yes, some people outright go on dates with no visions of the future, just looking to score. I don't think that's the majority, at least not where I'm from. If it's like that in the States, that's got to be tough to handle. So if you want to find a potential relationship partner, what do you do, if not go on a date first? Seems crazy.

thespian86 · 07-07-2009, 05:10 AM

Dating has always been a way to dip a toe in the relationship pool; sometimes it's tepid, sometimes it's icy cold. Because in the end, I date to end up with someone.

I think others date for the sake of dating but it's not for me.

Shell · 07-07-2009, 05:13 AM

...the answer can be found in the evolution of generational semantics (i just made that up...lol...whatever it is, it sounds good to me). I don't know if that accurately expresses what i'm going to say but here goes...

...the last generation "dated" and meant that whoever does the asking out pays for the planned evening...it may or may not end up with sex. The now generation "hangs out" for just-friends sake. In between there is us....floundering for a simple and clear definition. Those definitions change over time like the word "sucks" or "screwed".

...i'm old fashioned (sometimes not...give or take) so i'm still using "dates" to mean an engagement to go out with someone with whom you have a romantic interest. and "hanging out" is just friends

Punk.of.Ages · 07-07-2009, 07:18 AM

I don't date a girl just to fuck her. I fuck a girl just to fuck her. I date her to figure out if I like her enough to pursue a relationship.

I guess I'd say the difference is a matter of commitment. I may casually date a few women, but, if any of them ever goes into relationship status, it becomes just her and I...

genuinegirly · 07-07-2009, 07:59 AM

Perhaps this is the definition that a friend of mine had when she responded horrified to me asking if she wanted to go on a double-date.

Never heard this definition. Dating for me was more about getting to know a person and evaluating if I am interested in pursuing a relationship, whether it be permanent or long-term.

Plan9 · 07-07-2009, 08:05 AM

Wait... you're serious?

How the hell does anybody, especially a guy, go for 2X years and not see this philosophy in action?

It's practically written into the genetic code of some male individuals.

Hanging out at TFP for 48 minutes reveals a thread about this philosophy.

You've posted in these types of threads before.

...

Dating and relationships... they're just words. Symbols propped up by our personal agendas.

I go out on a date to meet my next wife. You go out on a date to find a warm hole to fill.

It's still dating.

Halx · 07-07-2009, 08:46 AM

Yeah, dating is whatever you make of it. Even if we settle on a definition HERE, the rest of the world will still be making up its own meaning.

Zeraph · 07-07-2009, 09:55 AM

My own experience matches up with the OP. However, I'd like to see more dating leading up to a relationship thing. Unfortunately the relationship girls want to jump right into a relationship and the dating girls never want a relationship. Both end up badly.

DaniGirl · 07-07-2009, 11:01 AM

I feel that dating is like a job interview, just to figure out if there is reason to start a meaningful relationship, but dating and relationship are just words that can be interpreted in any way. Its commitment we are really talking about. If you have the commitment to be in a real relationship with just one person.

Allyallyally · 07-12-2009, 12:49 PM

Dating can either be the part before the "relationship", or it can be just fun. In which case, I prefer to call it "dating around".

In any case, of course it *can* lead to a relationship. No one goes from the first date into a serious commitment. Dating is the fun bit.

07-07-2009, 04:01 AM	#1 (permalink)
Shauk Confused Adult Location: Spokane, WA	Dating vs Relationships "The point of dating is NOT to end up in a relationship -- the point of dating is to get laid." this was advice dispensed on an open forum. I did not have this point of view about dating, but I suppose it makes more sense with the behavior I experienced with certain people in my past.... I feel like I just got hit in the face by a 2x4 is the difference that distinct? because with my upbringing, I thought dating was part of the relationship, not a separate thing. I guess it goes to show, there are many different viewpoints out there. what's yours?

07-07-2009, 04:25 AM	#2 (permalink)
neflyte Tilted Location: Kitchener, ON, CANADA	I feel somewhat the same. I was brought up to see dating as part of the process, but from my dating experience it seems like it really wasn't; unless i was doing it wrong. i mean, sure i'd love to get laid, but i'd rather a lasting relationship where it's more likely i'll get laid on a regular basis. __________________ "I'm not a vegatarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." -- A. Whitney Brown

07-07-2009, 04:44 AM	#3 (permalink)
little_tippler Leaning against the -Sun- Super Moderator Location: on the other side	Some people date to find a partner. Some people date to get laid. I would say that within a few minutes of being on the date, a person has decided whether they want to get laid, or if the other is a potential partner, or even neither. But yes, some people outright go on dates with no visions of the future, just looking to score. I don't think that's the majority, at least not where I'm from. If it's like that in the States, that's got to be tough to handle. So if you want to find a potential relationship partner, what do you do, if not go on a date first? Seems crazy. __________________ Whether we write or speak or do but look We are ever unapparent. What we are Cannot be transfused into word or book. Our soul from us is infinitely far. However much we give our thoughts the will To be our soul and gesture it abroad, Our hearts are incommunicable still. In what we show ourselves we are ignored. The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged By any skill of thought or trick of seeming. Unto our very selves we are abridged When we would utter to our thought our being. We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams, And each to each other dreams of others' dreams. Fernando Pessoa, 1918

07-07-2009, 05:10 AM	#4 (permalink)
thespian86 change is hard. Location: the green room.	Dating has always been a way to dip a toe in the relationship pool; sometimes it's tepid, sometimes it's icy cold. Because in the end, I date to end up with someone. I think others date for the sake of dating but it's not for me. __________________ EX: Whats new? ME: I officially love coffee more then you now. EX: uh... ME: So, not much.

07-07-2009, 05:13 AM	#5 (permalink)
Shell Cheers Location: Eastcoast USA	...the answer can be found in the evolution of generational semantics (i just made that up...lol...whatever it is, it sounds good to me). I don't know if that accurately expresses what i'm going to say but here goes... ...the last generation "dated" and meant that whoever does the asking out pays for the planned evening...it may or may not end up with sex. The now generation "hangs out" for just-friends sake. In between there is us....floundering for a simple and clear definition. Those definitions change over time like the word "sucks" or "screwed". ...i'm old fashioned (sometimes not...give or take) so i'm still using "dates" to mean an engagement to go out with someone with whom you have a romantic interest. and "hanging out" is just friends __________________ ..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

07-07-2009, 07:18 AM	#6 (permalink)
Punk.of.Ages Forming Location: ....a state of pure inebriation.	I don't date a girl just to fuck her. I fuck a girl just to fuck her. I date her to figure out if I like her enough to pursue a relationship. I guess I'd say the difference is a matter of commitment. I may casually date a few women, but, if any of them ever goes into relationship status, it becomes just her and I... __________________ "The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager "Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

07-07-2009, 07:59 AM	#7 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	Perhaps this is the definition that a friend of mine had when she responded horrified to me asking if she wanted to go on a double-date. Never heard this definition. Dating for me was more about getting to know a person and evaluating if I am interested in pursuing a relationship, whether it be permanent or long-term. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

07-07-2009, 08:05 AM	#8 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Wait... you're serious? How the hell does anybody, especially a guy, go for 2X years and not see this philosophy in action? It's practically written into the genetic code of some male individuals. Hanging out at TFP for 48 minutes reveals a thread about this philosophy. You've posted in these types of threads before. ... Dating and relationships... they're just words. Symbols propped up by our personal agendas. I go out on a date to meet my next wife. You go out on a date to find a warm hole to fill. It's still dating. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake." Last edited by Plan9; 07-07-2009 at 08:13 AM..

07-07-2009, 08:46 AM	#9 (permalink)
Halx Please touch this. Owner/Admin Location: Manhattan	Yeah, dating is whatever you make of it. Even if we settle on a definition HERE, the rest of the world will still be making up its own meaning. __________________ You have found this post informative. -The Administrator [Don't Feed The Animals]

07-07-2009, 09:55 AM	#10 (permalink)
Zeraph Banned Location: The Cosmos	My own experience matches up with the OP. However, I'd like to see more dating leading up to a relationship thing. Unfortunately the relationship girls want to jump right into a relationship and the dating girls never want a relationship. Both end up badly.

07-07-2009, 11:01 AM	#11 (permalink)
DaniGirl Addict Location: Fucking Utah...	I feel that dating is like a job interview, just to figure out if there is reason to start a meaningful relationship, but dating and relationship are just words that can be interpreted in any way. Its commitment we are really talking about. If you have the commitment to be in a real relationship with just one person.

07-12-2009, 12:49 PM	#12 (permalink)
Allyallyally Tilted Location: London, UK	Dating can either be the part before the "relationship", or it can be just fun. In which case, I prefer to call it "dating around". In any case, of course it can lead to a relationship. No one goes from the first date into a serious commitment. Dating is the fun bit. __________________ Smile - it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.