Oral Problems
 

I've tried figuring out how to write this so it doesn't seem crass, but my girlfriend is really terrible at giving blow jobs.

It's been a problem for as long as we've been dating (about seven months now) but it wasn't that bad as it is now because I was only able to see her once every 4-6 weeks and even then for only a night or two. When I did see her then, I was horny beyond belief, so just giving me a sexy look and pushing me down on the bed was more than enough to make me come (figuratively, haha).

But now, I've been seeing her almost daily for the last two weeks because I've come back from college - I wasn't able to see her while I was at school because my varsity rowing schedule really took up all of my time - and when she tries to go down on me its an utter failure. Handjobs too, she'll be going for a few minutes and I'll feel myself getting smaller and she'll be working on me for close to half an hour and It'll feel nice, but there's just no way to make me come, it seems.

I've tried telling her what I like, but she's unable to do all of it - she can't fit more than a third to a half of me inside of her mouth without choking or gagging and she can't suck and lick as hard as I'd like either. Her grip is also not great.
I've tried showing her what I like, but it's always not right. "Not right" is a good way to say it, actually. What she is doing to me feels good, but it's not what I need to be feeling in order to orgasm!

I'm not sure if my particularity with all of this is because I'm a very picky guy or if she's just bad at it, or if it's a combination of the two.

I'm more than able to get off when I'm doing it myself - to porn, to images of my girlfriend in my head, or when she's right in front of me. I'm actually fearing that because I'm so used to doing it my own way when she does it to me it's not exactly perfect and that's why I'm unable to orgasm.

This is my question, and I'm really dying for some advice. I've read a lot of forum posts about oral issues and I know I'm not alone in having difficulty achieving an orgasm this way.
So, how can I help my girl friend get better at pleasing me?
Is there a way I can learn to be a little less picky so maybe going down on me is easier for her?

Is there anything else I should add?
My girlfriend's been able to orgasm each time I've given her oral. The last time I did it took a really long time though because she was crying after not being able to give me a blow job that caused me to orgasm. She's not obsessing over it yet, but after each failed attempt she does pace around and looks really upset and wonders why she can't even give me a good blow job.

I can really see how this can screw us up eventually, so I'm really struggling to find a way that will make me come!

Well quit. If orgasm is the goal, go hire a hooker ;)

Sex between loved ones should not always be focused on the orgasm. It will inevitably lead to disappointment and feelings of failure. The tone of your post sounds like you're all but telling her "you are required to make me orgasm." As though you're setting up a "I got you there, now you owe me" situation. Start approaching things from a different direction first off.

Second, it sounds like you require oral pressure sufficient to make a diamond out of coal. That is your issue, not hers. Stop squeezing the crap out of it when you masturbate. Learn to appreciate the lighter touch, and then her lighter touch will be that much better.

First of all, thank you for replying, and I will try using a lighter touch. I don't know if I'm doing it THAT hard :p but certainly the pressure thing is leading to some difficulties.

Second, I guess you're right, but I think for both of us orgasm is a logical endpoint for us when either goes down on the other. I think we both love doing it, but i would be CRUSHED if I licked her for forty minutes and she hadn't orgasmed. Is that my tinted tone right there? Maybe it is, but at least to me right now, it seems like if you're going to give someone oral, and you really like her, and you want to give her pleasure, and you like seeing her in that pleasured state, wouldn't you like her to orgasm?
Does that make sense at all?

I think i've described where I'm coming from, but I don't want to give the impression that she "owes me" at all. It's nothing like that. If anything, I came here because I'm afraid that my desire for a blow job and her current inability to give me a good one will simmer and come in between us and lead to some kind of future problem. I don't want to see something stupid like this messing us up, that's all. And I can't think of a good way to help either of us, so I came here.


ha, and I realize I basically agreed with you and then disagreed with everything you had said, but aren't so many posts about sexual problems? One person is not able to please the other during sex. That leads to relationship problems, doesn't it? Why have sex if you know at the end of it you're just going to be a means for the other person to have fun while you sit there and don't have nearly as much (or none at all)?
Am I approaching this from the wrong angle? It just seems that having an orgasm (for either my girl friend or me) is how we know that the other is having a really good sexual experience. Is that wrong to think that? And when my girlfriend tries to give me a blow job, I LOSE my erection. It slowly goes back to being flaccid. Surely that's really embarrassing to her, no?

Anyway, hopefully something in here is good enough to help you help me, I really need some advice!

what if you found some videos on YouPorn or RedTube or other similar sites that conveyed what you'd like in a blow job and then watched them with her. Like instructional videos.

Before I give any advice, let me check two assumptions:

Your GF does not mind giving you head?
Your GF is receptive to your suggestions to improve, but somehow they don't translate through?

i was going to say what craven said...

instructional videos are always best...

or if you could suck you own dick, then you could show her yourself

I've had trouble in the past with a particular girl who bragged about her oral skills to anyone who'd listen--she even put two fingers down her own throat, in a bar. It was impressive. But it had been a while since she'd sucked any actual cock. I was her first in like seven or eight years... and it was WAY lousy. She held her mouth really OPEN. All I could feel was lips, and nothing else was actually touching me. It makes sense--evidently the old boyfriend was substantially larger than average. Anyway, she'd lip me for a little while, and when that was obviously not working, I'd put her on her back and finish between her (very impressive) boobs.

My problem was, I hated to burst her bubble about her so-called skills. So I pretended she was doing fine, rather than just saying: Girl! Dammit! Use your tongue!! It went on like that for several months.

Eventually I took her finger and demonstrated what I was after, and things improved substantially.

Moral of the story? Say what you freaking want. She doesn't want to have it not work. She wants to have it work! I think guys know that every girl is different and you have to learn what works for this particular one you're with right now. Girls seem to think every guy wants things done exactly the same way, and it's just not true.

How many partners have you had in the past, and did you ever have these issues with any of them before?

She really likes to do it, and yes, they don't seem to translate through.

---------- Post added at 09:50 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:46 PM ----------

I've had one-time partners. Or two-times. In those cases, like it was for my girlfriend when I saw her infrequently this past school year, I was so revved up when I saw her that the issues were kind of washed over with my sexual excitement.

Perhaps this is mental for me too? I love her and I'm just as attracted to her as I was when I didn't see her all the time, but maybe the constant access to her makes it harder for me to get off when she gives me a blow job?

Fuck her instead?

Hey Captain .... sexual pleasure is a journey. Ease up on the expectations (and the performance pressure) and both of you should enjoy the ride. (CAUTION Bad Pun on Board) I think you've blown this out of proportion (groan) and from what I'm reading neither you or she are having the fun you seek. Why not turn your next night together into a carnival and go on every ride? Your stimulation, and hers, will be enhanced by a few minutes of this and a little bit of that, followed by something else, with a little OMG how'd we get in that position? ..... use your imagination - it's a more powerful tool for reaching orgasm.

Not being able to get off during blow jobs or fucking is a common thing for young people. Are you in your teens or early 20s? Did you/do you masturbate a lot to porn? Do you masturbate often and almost daily? If so I can tell you more about what's going on, as this is a common issue that I too suffered from. It's not necessarily her fault either.

Everyone has already given solid advice, so here's the little bit I can add:

I can't remember who, but one of the females in this forum wrote a thread about giving good head. It has lots of good advice. You should let her read it.

I read a strange book once about sex, and it talked about "oral practicing" groups...yeah...strange but true. women get together and hold seminars, and "practice" on sex toys....perhaps your lady should try on one? especially for deep throating?

Also, demonstrate with your mouth and her finger(s). She doesn't want to hurt you, and since us ladies have no idea what it feels like to you, she's likely hesitant to really get into it. So show her how hard you want it. ;) Then perhaps have her practice on your finger? *shrugs*

And hey, if you want her to strengthen her grip (a thing I greatly needed to do, my handshake was whimpy), get her a hand strengthener...like a captain crush gripper. it works.

To me it doesn't sound like you're putting too much pressure on the girl - it's just that after awhile it becomes a matter of pride and you start wondering what am I doing wrong? what's wrong with me that I can't even get off this guy who obviously cares about me and finds me attractive?

The finger thing and instructional videos sound like an excellent idea - I know that's how I learnt to originally give a blow job - she might also be worried about hurting you - hence the lipping and lack of pressure. As a woman / girl you constantly hear about how sensitive guys are and you become terrified of hurting a partner when you do get to touch him. The hand strengthener sounds good to, you could also try stress balls or suggest she take up some form of keyboard instrument or somewhat addictive computer game (great for hand strength).

with all said

i can only tell you to apply some chocolate syrup in your cock just before the deed :)