I love the guy, but I don't love his lack of hygene...
 

How do I tell my sensitive boyfriend that I wish he would shower and brush his teeth more often without hurting his feelings and/or crushing his fragile male ego? He has the audacity to ask for oral when he's gone 3 days without a shower.....without batting an eye or thinking about how much effort I put forth to smell nice and stay appealing to him. Maybe I should just stop waxing my bush and shaving my legs and underarms.

Sound like a plan to me. Just tell him. I'm sure his "fragile male ego" can take it.


This is kind of on the same topic. A friend of mine came up with the perfect way to get a girl to shave her naughty bits bald. He was dating this girl that would trim. But only like once every few weeks. So he refused to go down on her. He explained that going down on her would be like her sucking his dick if hair grew all the way up the shaft to the tip. Not just really long hair. But actually hair coming out of the shaft. She shaved the next day.

Tell him. I would'nt even worry about his ego if he doesnt shower for 3 days.

Ohh Gosh, the thought of it makes me cringe!

I would expect to get nothing if I didn't shower LOL.

Just tell him...I'm sure his ego can handle it, and if not, you might want to find a more hygenic boyfriend :)

My boyfriend has the same problem. I just tell him. He got a little butthurt but bathed and brushed his teeth anyways.


How it went down:
him: **hard** wanna lick it?? ;D
me: .... uhhh.. no thx.. I can smell it and it stinks and there's a piece of lint on the head. you need to take a shower if you want me to go down there with my mouth.
him: it's not like it matters, though!
me: my FACE will be down there and I'll have to hold my breath and then afterwards I'll have to cough up the lint and hair and stuff from it. So.. just go shower.. and I'll do it. anywhichway you want as long as it's fresh.


So.. he took a shower.. actually we did.. and I did it to him in the shower.. and out of the shower and it was nice. No more lint or hair for me to choke on and no more smell for me to gag from.

Why the heck would you even be with someone who was so nasty? yuck

I've gone for two weeks without a shower before and I don't recommend it. Thanks, Army.

I'm glad I was deployed at the time because there is no way a woman would come near me.

...

OP: You need to ditch this loser.

Hygiene is more about personal pride than anything and this guy clearly doesn't have any.

And may have mushroom-cheese forming on his scrotum. Take warning.

Damn.. two weeks? My boyfriend doesn't take showers for a couple days but two weeks??? If he didn't take a shower for that long, I'd ignore him until he did.

And.. his hygiene is only bad because he goes to school online and isn't working atm. But, when I knew him in highschool just a couple years ago, he was clean and everything.. just his teeth were still yellow and I tooold him to use some type of teeth whiteners but nooooo. He was too lazy to go out and buy some.

Now, after I told him he's got some hygiene problem, he takes care of himself more often. Sometimes he forgets to because he has too many assignments to do.. but I don't mind as long as he doesn't expect me to give him a blowjob while he's stinking up the place.

Ohh my god, this really happens? People can survive 24 hrs without a shower?!?!?!

The walls don't cave in and the skin deosn't start falling off? You mean to tell me that whordes of killer flies don't come at you and eat you alive the mummy style?

Man, my mother really did a number on me!!

Tell him nicely. If that doesn't work, spray him with Lysol until he gets the point.

Eeew ditch the loser or tell him straight up. Shit, I even have good hygiene when I'm depressed as shit, he has no excuse. I've actually met some women like that. She didn't shower most days and had hair growing *all* over. She got all upset when I asked her to take care of herself. She had some weird thing where I was supposed to accept her smells, hair and all, "just the way" she is. She just didn't get it. Needless to say I ditched her.

I mean... I have a shower every morning, but its a bit over the top to consider three days without a shower as revolting and evidence that the guy is a total loser isnt it?

ditch him.

if he's like this now, imagine what it'll be like when you're married to him when he really doesnt give a shit because he 'expects it'

Yeaa, I wasn't going to comment, but: Part of respecting your partner is keeping yourself desirable. Jeeze.

I think the continuum is like this:


___X_____________________X___________________X___
Desirable _____________ Acceptable ____________ Poo-Poo Stank

...

I think this dude needs to get to the middle before he can swing it all the way to the left.

How is bathing and brushing your teeth and shit optional? Don't informal social controls kick in?

Nice try but no cigar.
His hygiene is bad because he's a slob.
Making excuses for him isn't going to help either of you.

I don't think ditching him is immediately necessary. Talk to him first -- don't worry about his ego, you are doing him a lifelong favour. If he doesn't clean up his act (ha!) then dump him. If he's not willing to clean up for sex, he's not going to clean up for anything.

Sex. Motivating men for eons.

Ummm... if the OP has a pool of a million men that can do the hygiene thing without needing any comment or "corrective action," why settle for the dude that is clueless? We're adults, right? Adults are creatures of habit. Settle for a slob? Oh hellz naw. This isn't sex positions or eating habits... this is Sesame Street basic life skills stuff. If I ever have to tell a partner to bathe or brush their teeth... I'd better get my suitcase out as well: my ass is gone.

Wow, that's total coercive bullshit and yet chock full of genius. Smooth.

Hm. Well.

I wouldn't want a man that filthy near my *ahem* much less in my mouth.

There really is no tiptoe-ing around it. When your loved one stinks, tell him. If he doesn't handle it well the first time, he'll get used to it.

Here are some ways to put it:
"Next time you're in the restroom you might want to do something to smell nice."
or
"What did you just eat? I can still smell it on your breath and it's a bit distracting."
or
"I appreciate you trying to save water, but some things shouldn't be sacrificed. Go brush your teeth and shower."

I hear it's possible for some men to get by a day or two without a proper shower. I just haven't ever met one.

Whoa, whoa, whoa... day-um.

I'm sorry, this passive aggressive mamby-pampy Dr. Phil routine seems like such a joke for a couple to engage in at any point, especially over personal hygiene. We're talking about something that is relatively no nonsense, right? "And the LORD said: thou shalt soapeth thy ass once daily." I don't know what kind of parents or life choices this dude had/made but not bathing for three days, being unemployed, and going to school "online" smells like someone who's got "aim low" issues beyond just smelling bad.

Why am I so dazed and amazed by this?

Are we really this desperately lonely? Take that trash to the curb, lady.

The only reason I am saying that she shouldn't dump the guy right away is because she says that "she loves the guy". Clearly there is something there besides his stink that keeps her around (or better, keeps her around despite the stink).

Research has shown that ballsweat is thicker than love.

I had a nice little vision of this happening. I laughed pretty damn hard. There is a guy out here who I have to be around occasionally for work and he smells terrible, perhaps I should carry about some Lysol spray for those wonderful moments.

Tell him, if he's unwilling to keep himself up for you, he's not really wanting to meet your needs (this being a very reasonable one), then tell him it's over.

oooh, or ' let's take a shower together ' I'm no fan of the stinkety stank, but everyone deserves at least one opportunity to get the point, I think....

Now, I'd be the first to admit that I like a little funk with the junk, but 3 days is pushing it. But this whole thread amazed me. The answer is simple. Tell him no. If you don't want to go down when he stinks, say so! And tell him why! Sensitive or not, he should know that not bathing is impacting his chances of getting head. For most guys that's a pretty simple equation.

*Tilt*

Pleas...

*Tilt*

Pleas...

*Tilt*

Please define.

*Tilt*

Command prompt error: "Sweaty balls..." does not compute.

Command prompt error: "Using the toilet for 3 days without showering..." does not compute.

The longest I've gone without showering would be when camping was prolly 3 days... me and the girl were both pretty stinky by that time...


I always get at least one a day...
but in the summer time I usually take 2... just so humid here if I dont I feel sticky and gross

A little funk is the natural man smell. Pretty normal after a day. We're not talking ball cheese and shucking oysters. We're talking putting your face there and inhaling the essence of *him*.

Is anyone else wondering why "Harsh Mistress" is having trouble telling her man he stinks too much to go there?

A "day." Like waking-up-and-showering-working-all-day-and-coming-home. So like MAYBE 12 hours. Not the 48-72 that the OP may be hinting at above.

...

But, yeah... I know what you're saying, Shaindra... many of my former partners liked it when I came home from GI Joe work and ditched the sweaty BDUs for hot-hot Discovery Channel make-outs. They'd keep one of my worn-once brown T-shirts in bed with them during the week when I was gone because it smelled like me "in a good way." I don't mind a little sweat on my lady. All those pheromones and the like, but none of the nasty-nasty butt-funk stank yet.

Have you ever met someone who can be presentable after three days without showering? If nothing else, instinct should motivate you to shower and not end up smelling like raw meat and cat food.
Take him aside and tell him politely. If that doesn't work, go for it.

Im not saying that going three days without a wash is a good thing, Im just saying I dont think its as horrific as some of you guys make out. When people are down its easy to stop taking care of yourself in ways like that.

I understand that when one is down it's easy to let yourself go. I do however don't understand how for any reason, you don't see more than a day, without a shower, is a catastrophe!!

Oh yeah, I'd be jumping you before you dropped your ruck and filching dirty t-shirts all the time. :thumbsup:

I actually broke up with a guy who wouldn't come to bed without showering extensively. I didn't want to smell his body wash...I wanted to smell his *body*!

ok this is just gross. Tell him. If you like him a lot, tell him in a tactful way.

I'm bi-polar. When I go through down swings I tend not to take care of myself well (medicate properly, brush/floss, shower, shave, etc). I just have no will to do anything but lay and breathe.

Is this a natural thing for him (not to shower) or is he going through a weird time?

I am a confirmed lover of blow jobs, but would never expect a woman to go down there if it was not "shower fresh" I want her to be a cock sucker, but never a dirty cock sucker.......

AHHHH It burns like hygiene!!!

Sorry - well not really

Personally I couldn't handle being in a relationship like that, the other half and I bathe atleast once a day - usually twice. We are both fanatical about things like body hair to (well more me then him really but he humours me). Like Shaindra I like the smell of HIM though - he laughs at me cause he'll get home from a training class and I'll just bury my face in his neck or chest and breathe deeply for a few minutes - then jump him. :p

I'm not sure there's anything you can say that will leave his emotions and pride completely unscathed - maybe just invite him into the shower with you before you intend on any hanky panky - you know start off with a steamy shower scene.

Not really a long term fix though.
Maybe as he finishes his online schooling or something then he'll improve on the hygiene standards but if it is causing you discomfort he needs to know.

That's very poetic. I like it.

Tell him how you feel but dont make a big deal out of it. Its not a big deal and he is less likely to get his feelings hurt if you can present it as just a casual request.