inBOIL

A question for the men: how would you feel about dating when you don't have a job?

For me, it would be awkward; I'd feel like I have no business pursuing a relationship if I don't have my shit together in regards to supporting myself.

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And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

wraithhibn

I was recently laid-off and my gf gives me a lot of shit about finding a job and not being worthless, but as long as I'm actively seeking employment she doesn't care.

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If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Craven Morehead

Good question, since I lost my job at the beginning of the month. If I can figure out how to date without my wife finding out, I'll let you know.

Manic_Skafe

I think it's more of a matter of why you were laid off than the fact that you're jobless. If you were terminated for laziness or idiocy then you've got more pressing issues than being single. But if you were let go through no fault of your own then it's excusable so long as you're working towards putting yourself in a better position.

But it's pretty awkward in either case and it really isn't anyone's business but your own. Definitely wouldn't be the first thing I'd say after introducing myself.

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"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

Punk.of.Ages

Street punk chicks couldn't give a shit less whether you have a job or not...

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"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

SabrinaFair

I'm in school and only work part time, which is enough to meet my expenses but doesn't leave a lot left over. Even though I'm a woman, I feel a bit awkward about dating when I can't often offer to pitch in or pick up the tab. I don't feel like I should suggest we do something unless I can pay for it. If he asks *me* to do something I feel a little less weird about it. Besides, I pride myself on being self-reliant.

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"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

ratbastid

I think as long as you're in action about it, rather than being a couchlump, you've still got something going for you.

MSD

I'm employed and I can't afford to take anyone out on a date

genuinegirly

I focused on friendships, not dating, while jobless. Less pressure to pay for things, more opportunity to get to know people. I've never been jobless for long. Seems like you'd have a few people excited about the idea of going on a date by the time you have the money. Then again, I'm only fond of dating men who are already friends whom I know I can trust. If you don't have my same trust standards, and disagree with the concept of dating friends, then this will not likely work for you.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

dlish

just because you're laid off, it doesnt mean you cant get laid!

i say go get em!

depends on the type of relationship you are pursuing i guess. but if its a serious one, some women may want someone with a bit more security than someone who doesnt have a current job.

her - "so what do you do?"
you - "i play playstation all day because i dont have a job"

real relationship killer!

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

genuinegirly

Alternative conversation:
her - "so what do you do?"
you- "I tinker with computers (ie- surf the net all day). I'm not very good at it. Hey, want to go for a walk in the park? I hear the sunset is beautiful over the lake."

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Willravel

I'd absolutely not seek out actively or passively a new relationship when I was unemployed. While I'm very responsible with prophylactics, there's always a chance of pregnancy and there's no way I'm going to be unemployed trying to support a family.

If I were in a relationship, I'd probably back off a bit until I was gainfully employed again. I'd not end the relationship or anything, but we'd have to stop vaginal intercourse and I'd probably be spending 12 hours a day, 7 days a week looking for employment which means less time together. My hope is that my SO would be understanding and let my insane, single-minded tenacity take over for a bit so that things could eventually go back to normal.

World's King

I still seem to pull a ton of ass while unemployed.



It also helps to get the girl really drunk before you tell them you're unemployed.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

dlish

yeah exactly GG..change the topic!

she'll find out at some point. you cant be vague forever.. females are curious creatures!

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

SSJTWIZTA

you beat me too it, man.

i like it better this way, you know they arent in it just to clean out your wallet or get a free dinner.

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First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

Baraka_Guru

On the other hand, there are also self-made women out there who don't mind.

As long as you keep yourself novel, you'll keep yourself kept.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Strange Famous

I'd like to think it wouldnt make a difference, but Ive worked the same job since straight after college - so Ive never really been unemployed... even when I was claiming the dole for a month before my first job I was doing a bit of cash in hand at a warehouse and so on.

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

FelixP

Hmm...so if I guy is interested in you he should TRY to get caught in the friend zone. That's gotta be a first.

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Free will lies not in the ability to craft your own fate, but in not knowing what your fate is. --Me

"I have just returned from visting the Marines at the front, and there is not a finer fighting organization in the world." --Douglas MacArthur

bloody_rose20

Alright, my man is currently jobless...has been for a few months now. And, honestly I don't care that he doesn't have a job. We have just barely started dating almost a month ago, and its been working so far. I mean, he has a big problem with not being able to take me out often or buy me gifts here and there, but its not important to me for my man to have money. I am very capable of supporting myself. I just like spending time with him, and I don't always need to spend money to do that anyways. I never got the big deal about guys needing to have money. Or a good job. *shrugs* If I like the guy, its not going to matter what he does, or how much (or little) he gets paid. So its possible to date while being unemployed, you just have to find the right chick to go out with lol.

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"The only way to enjoy life, is to try different things, and take risks. Sometimes you just have to jump in with both feet and hope for the best "

Plan9

Whoa... hey... day-um. Patrick Bateman with a conscience.

...

OP: I'm a "full time plus" college student, which is kind of like being unemployed... with a small-but-powerful vacuum cleaner attached to your wallet.

I've had all sorts of dating issues. Not a lot of women approve of my "life progress time line" position. Understandable.

They can find a younger guy with a grad degree who's prime pickings to settle down in suburbia. I'm factory seconds.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

NorthernGirl

Ive never had any shame in wanting to get my rocks off. I showered, I shaved, lets do this .

Plan9

...and this totally sounds like something a man would say.

Like those quaint T-shirts that declare: "I shaved my balls for this?!"

...

I usually buy dinner and talk for several hours. If I'm lucky I get make-outs in the parking lot.

I think when you reach a certain age dating becomes more of a partner selection process game.

Subtle interviews. People don't waste as much time when they get close to their 30s.

They expect you to have an education, a career (not a job), a giant throbbing hard-on.

Ya know, adult stuff.

Whatever that is.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

mandy

Try being unemployed and married i just recently lost my job and when i got my last pay check all i could think was that hopefully this would get me through keeping up my end of the responsibilities of running the household for at least two months...but what happens after that if i havent found a job yet in that time. How am I going to hold up my end of the bargain?

I think as long as you're not sitting and loafing around and you're actually doing something about it is cool. it may even get you some sympathy from a girl who actually understands that you losing your job doesnt make you any less of a person. Dont go outright blurting it out that you dont have a job but should the question " so, what do you do?" arise, you could answer with, " well i used to do ........... but currently i am in the world of the unemployed, I would like to do .............. however but still looking for new employment to tide me over until i can actually do what i really want to"

People can never fault you for trying.

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The Imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create

Shaindra

I've dated unemployed guys. I've even made out with them in the parking lot after paying for half of my dinner. What can I say, I'm not a golddigger. I make my own healthy living and I'm not looking for a meal ticket. However, if someone seemed a little too comfortable with the time off, or it seemed like a not uncommon situation, I probably wouldn't be pursuing a long-term relationship. I don't need to carry my ass and his too.

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"Never regret something that once made you smile."

Plan9

Whoa, whoa, whoa...

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Poppinjay

heh, yeah. Where we're you when the 91 Recession was on? Probably 12. And now I'm being arrested.

Seriously, I'm statiscally unemployed and married. My severance ends in two months (I was really overpriced for my market) and I'm walking dogs for as much as I made as a major market broadcaster. I'd rather have fun with these dogs than worry about the bullshit ABC, CBS, or NBC (not to consider the ethnic hubris the Fox bastards) pay.

It may be just my industry, and I've always felt that I make way more than I should, but leave the ego at the door. Pick up people's trash. Mow their yard. It can pay.

Otherwise, if you're wondering why you are losing a partner to an unemployed git, it's because he has initiative and is getting the job done. Or maybe an oversized penis, in which case he has a job in the porn industry.

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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

Shaindra

Oh? is there a question from the audience?


(Yeesh, he ignores the haiku about sucking his dick and responds to this. Odd man.)

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"Never regret something that once made you smile."

Plan9

Newflash: I don't have a dick.

...

Yeah, I was pointing out the "making out after you pay for your own dinner" thing.

I assume you don't do the Dutch 50/50 thing very often, which I feel is a good policy for first dates.

Both parties walk away feeling equal and it doesn't create the food-for-blowjob atmosphere some imagine.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Shaindra

Honestly? If I insist on going dutch with someone, it's because I don't feel there is much of a future there. If I think there is potential, I tepidly offer to go dutch, and see what he does. Sad to say, I've never had a good experience with a guy who takes me up on that tepid offer.

No dick? Oh right...four foot, with tentacles.

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"Never regret something that once made you smile."