Going down... who's got the harder task?
 

So, I've been thinking on this for a bit. While we can all agree that the 'job' of going down, performing oral, giving head, is usually one performed with pleasure and eagerness to please, we might also agree that there are times when our tongues have gotten a bit tired, our jaws sore, our lips numb, etc. So the question at hand: which gender is the more difficult to give oral sex? For the purposes of this question, let's assume we are talking about the full act. Is it harder to bring a man or a woman to orgasm via oral sex?

For clarity, it would be helpful to give your gender at the beginning of the post and, if you are comfortable, your sexual orientation/experience. One could argue that the only people who are really qualified to answer this question are experienced bisexuals of either gender. But I'd be interested in hearing from everyone who has something to say on the subject.

My thoughts on the topic. I'm male and have only had experience with oral on women. I think that it is more challenging to bring a woman to orgasm by oral sex for several reasons.

1. Emotional Content - Women typically have to be in the right mood/emotional state to really be ready to receive pleasure and possibly to climax. You can't just start in on a woman the way that you might with a man. Further, during the act, if she gets distracted by her own thoughts (non-sexual thoughts creeping in) or other distractions. For men, or at least for me, you couldn't distract me with a hand grenade while I'm getting head.
   
2. Physical Issues - Female genitals are more difficult to navigate than male genitals. Put simply, a dick is a dick is a dick. Lick, insert, suck, repeat. With a woman, each is built a little bit differently with different sensitivities and the erogenous zones vary from woman to woman and differ with arousal level and can even be different for the same woman at different times of the month, etc. Also, there is seldom a 'sure-fire' method that will please a woman every time. It is necessary to be keyed into her responses as you go and alter your touch, pressure, and intensity of contact, not just with her clit, but also inner and outer labia (touching and kissing), penetration during oral and more. Admittedly, this is some of what makes oral sex fun. But if and when it isn't going well, it can become frustrating for both of you.
   
3. Working your mouth - I may not have the experience to comment much here. Maybe it is fairly difficult to open your mouth wide enough to accommodate a girthy penis without scraping it with your teeth. And there may be other challenges to giving head to a guy that I just haven't thought of. But I can say that it is pretty challenging to stick your tongue out of your mouth and wiggle it around while varying the speed and pressure you are applying for 10-30 minutes. Women, if you don't believe me, try it out for yourselves. Stick out your tongue and then move it from one corner of your mouth to the other for just 5 minutes. :P Not so easy is it?

I hope that the content of this post doesn't come across as misogynistic or like I am negative on oral sex. Neither of those is the case here. Far from it. I love women and I love oral sex, both giving and getting. I'm just curious as to the experiences of my fellow TFPers. So let's have it!

I'm a bisexual woman (albeit a little rusty on the girl-on-girl action). My take on this would be -- yes, oral sex on women is more difficult. There was a great line on Californication a while back where a female character had sex with a woman, and when discussing it afterwards with a friend, she said (paraphrasing) that getting a woman off is like trying to disconnect a bomb. All that complexity, you don't know what's going to work, if you do the wrong thing it could blow up, etc...

I agree with a lot of your points. IME (as a woman and as someone who has slept with women), women need a certain level of concentration to reach orgasm. It's not that we are necessarily more distractable, but if we ARE distracted, it can derail things. Even having to give verbal directions can be a distraction for some of us. This can be a problem to say the least. (In which case - ask for tips before or feedback after, but don't expect coherent sentences during.)

Physically, some women can't go from 0 to 60 with oral sex the way a guy could. There needs to be some level of arousal before you go after the clitoris, or it can be physically uncomfortable.

Also, yes, you do have to be tuned in to her responses. This is true of either gender, but I think it's especially crucial with women (see my point earlier about how it's distracting and counterproductive for some women to try to play sexual traffic cop). And the responses may be more subtle. Men's level of arousal is easier to gauge. With women, listen for differences in breathing, vocalizing, look for changes in muscle tension, etc...

I'm not sure I would agree that there isn't a sure-fire method. For some women, once you figure out what works, it just works. Like, draw a map on the wall and jot down some notes, 'cause you found it and it's not going anywhere. It can be frustrating if a guy seems to figure it out one time, and then the next time, he's obviously taking random guesses as to what to do... seriously... if something works, remember it.

Typically, when a guy is on the way to orgasm, he isn't thrown off by minor changes in stroke, rhythm, etc (IME at least). With women, you pretty much have to provide repetitive stimulation in a consistent rhythm. Slowing down or changing position or throwing in random "let's try this" licks tend to throw a monkey wrench in the works, big time. When you find a technique she is responding to (judging by the nonverbal cues if she's the quiet type) stick with it until she's not.

Regarding working your mouth. A lot of women prefer a softer tongue or whole mouth instead of the rigid pointing tongue sticking out of your mouth. Instead of sticking your tongue out and waggling it, try putting your whole mouth there and moving your head. And while I'm on the sex tips topic, circular motions are often a good bet. And women who like penetration tend to like it during oral as well. All those nerve endings work together, which is why the rabbit vibrators are usually so effective. Every woman is different, but if I were out in the dating world today, I would have my mental bag of tricks ready. I know what I'd try first.

As for guys, in my experience, oral sex on guys is easy, fun, and almost foolproof. If you get your hands in on the action, you can't lose.

It's all good. Just different. Geez, this is a fun topic, I hope more people respond.

I COULD NOT have said it any better than this so Im just going to go with +1 because you hit every single point that I would have in a clear concise way :)

Heh, I have to go with ShaniFaye here.., minim and braisler if you want responses try leaving us some things to say.... **curses your writing skills**

Now, mustering all the creativity in a cobwebbed brain.... I have to say I find it harder for me to get off from oral than it is for the girl. I'm male, straight... In fact, I have never gotten off from oral sex before, only from a handjob. And sometimes this has to be accomplished by myself. myfreepasite be damned!!

When it comes down to it I pay attention and work it like a guitar, which is not that hard to do, I like vajayjays!!! But it does make me have to start getting aroused again after she's done. So I would think going down on a woman has to be harder.

I have to give credit to the ladies out there and say it's harder for them.

Yes, the female mind can at anytime reset herself to zero in addition to any shared male issues (teeth, rhythm, etc). Yes, some women like more/less clit/g-spot stimulation and/or other differences.

However... I just imagine keeping my mouth open for 5-20min around a banana and I get tired. Any slight teeth-grind and I'm reset to zero (it fucking hurts), and she has to start again. Changing rhythm for me also resets me (though not all the way), I understand this is a double-hit as girls change rhythm when they're tired. In addition, oral for women include not just the mouth/tongue, but the arms, neck, and back.

So men having the harder time is like convincing me doing 50 push-ups is harder than 50 push-ups, 50 pull-ups, and 50 crunches.

In addition, it's more giving when a woman goes down on a man. The reason is that when a man goes down on a woman... he still gets sex. In addition... the sex is usually 10x better as she's already gushing and can't get much hornier. When a woman goes down on a man.. she's not getting any herself for a good 20min.

I just like to say... I love women who love to go down. You make the world a better place.

Quoted for motherfuckin truth.

I don't know who has it harder, but I know if I'm down there for awhile my damn jaw starts to hurt. I don't complain though, I love to eat pussy. :]

Men have the harder task.

You could give the worst blowjob in the world, and a guy is still going to get off eventually from anything short of a cheese grater.

I think you're adding some psychology into the mix there seaver...I usually would rather have a hummer as a prelude, rather than as a substitution. I tend to think that it's a little harder to give oral sex to a woman, but then again I've never sucked dick. However, given the relative size difference between the clit and the head of a cock, and given the angles involved, I'd say it's harder to eat pussy well than it would be to suck some dick. With dick sucking you can keep the head wet, and basically jack a guy off and you're probably golden. And you can do it from your knees in a straight on fashion, or at the least the dick is usually going to be 6 to 10 inches up from the general croch area. Eating pussy, however, you're trying to repetitively lick a 1 mm^2 region, in time, while (usually) thrusting your fingers into the vaginus canalis majoris, on counter time, all while prostrated on your knees, head stuck down at a "listening to the ground for buffalo" angle. That shit takes some talent, and some ability to deal with muscle cramping...because the shit you can't do is get her 85-90% of the way home, then call a 5 min break while you do some yoga to get the muscles in your neck and back to stop twitching.

That said, I respect the fact that shoving a bratwurst down your throat, while coiling your hands around that shit, fending off attempts to have the guy slam your head up his balls somewhere, and knowing you're going to get popped with a geiser of stale molten cheesewhiz can't be the easiest thing to pull off. And you have to look enthusiastic, because nothing is worse than a malaise blowjob. And avoiding scrapage.

I'd say they both have their challenges, but as in so many other ways, women pose the greater challenge, the greater reward, and the greater mystery.

You have a point there. Trying to hold myself up while going down totally wears out my arms. I keep wishing there were a handle bolted to the bed about halfway between the head and the foot, so I could keep myself in place without sliding down.

Yeah, but it's like the best porn in the world, right there in your face. Whether it's a man or a woman, having the choice bits right there in your face, with everything wet and warm and turned-on, is awesome.

For men... it's a lot like trying to use your tongue-fist on a tiny speedbag.

As a male, I have always enjoyed eating at the "Y" and I think the women were pleased too. It is a way to get the juices flowing and I want to make sure my partner is aroused (and hopefully gotten off a few times) before I enter her.
As for receiving head, well, I'm not a young man, and had never received head until I met my current girlfriend. Unfortunately, my reaction was taken the wrong way, honest, it felt great. I guess my preconceived notion was that girls just didn't want to do that (I guess I got that from too many pictures of girls being forced to do something they didn't want to do, basically being treated like a piece of meat). So my girlfriend has refrained from giving me head, thinking I don't like it. We did discuss it and hopefully we will visit that area again sometime soon.
Whether it is easier for the male or female, who can really say? A lot has to do with each participant and their reaction to giving or receiving.

I guess the task difficulty depends on the goal, really.

If we're going for a "leg-shaking" good time, then I'd say the man's task is easier. I think it's difficult to please men that much.

Pleasing men period? Sure, yeah. Not so tough.

going down on a woman may be harder, but so much more satisfying. If done correctly and with the right results ensuing. WEEEEEEEEE!

For girls, definitely. It's no fun when it's just...in there, feels great when they gag though. But, I know that's really uncomfortable.

What you're implying here is that:
a: you've never gotten bad head
b: you're not one of the many, many guys I've heard complain that they can't get off from blowjobs

If you can't get off from a blowjob... she needs to use more teeth. Or more fist action. Way simple.

Seriously... I've had blowjobs that were far superior than the actual "parking of the beef bus in tuna town."

The mouth and hand have more points of articulation than the va-jay-jay.

I think it feels better giving while getting, and so much depends on the individuals involved.

Oral sex ideally amounts to play rather than work, I think, so harder is better.

You've apparently never had a girl who knows what she's doing. Many a times I couldn't even move afterwards as everything and been drained (or sucked) out of me.

You and I could not disagree more with this statement. Teeth just kill it for me.

No one explains it better:

This may be true for a lot of guys, but I know for myself I tend to have the same kind of response that a woman would to those type of changes, where if it changes it throws the whole thing off and I basically have to start over with the new change or have her try to get back to the old motion which almost NEVER works. If the guy's liking it, keep at it and don't throw in a "let's try this" move. We're pretty simple, keep at it if we like it and we'll get there.

I can only go from my own experience. Despite many enthusiastic attempts, from a variety of willing and talented partners over the years, I think I've cum from getting a blow-job maybe 3 or 4 times. Meanwhile, most of the women I've been with have cummed regularly - maybe not 100% of the time, but the significant majority of the time - from oral sex.

Which leads me to conclude that women have the harder job pleasing their male partners.

Haha, that video is priceless. Yea, I can remember getting to that point of numbness a time or two, now that he mentions it.

Um, my current perception is probably colored a lot by my current situation.

I lovvve getting head (I'm male).... and my wife is pretty good at it - so I'd say it's pretty easy for her. The only thing is, the tongue has to be on the UNDERSIDE of the penis. Thus 69 doesn't work so good for me (Other reason is nose-in-ass).

She on the other hand, doesn't really favor it so much, for some reason. Makes me sad, because I love it, and the intimacy it seems to imply. I thought I was pretty good at it -- totally surprised my 16 yr old girlfriend years ago by bringing her off that way the first time she gave me the chance. But my wife has always preferred penetration more.... so when I do do it, there are fingers involved. I can usually get her off or most of the way there - generally I'll do that and then move to intercourse because that's her preference. So I never have to get tired of it. (BTW, I have probed to find out if I'm doing something wrong, and nothing has come to light).

Really, I love to do it (eat pussy) as long as I can, as long as the woman is responding. I feel it's particularly tough on women who are sucking a guy off if they really don't like cum in their mouths. I have come across women who were scared of getting a mouthful, and got very nervous about it - that's probably a turnoff for both of us, at that point, at least from my perspective.

I would think, long-term, if you had to go at your SO so long you got numb, and it never got any better, I might question sexual compatibility, at least in that area. I hope for most people, endurance and receptiveness to your loved one's touch would eventually meet in the middle. After all, if your loved one really turns you on, it should get easier. Then again, I cum fairly quickly, so have never really jibed with a woman that needed 30 or 40 mins of intercourse (or other genital stimulation) to get off.

I have been with guys who always get off from a blow-job, and guys who find it harder. But I have, so far, always managed to get them off, despite any difficulties. They key is determination and awareness. I, on the other hand, find it very hard to get off when I'm given oral. I can count on one hand how many times I got off through oral. So, I think guys have a pretty hard job, with me at least. But, I can't say I've worked any less harder on the reverse of it.

I'm going to say that girls have a tougher job (I never heard of guys gagging during oral) but they whine about it less :p

Anatomically speaking, excluding all other factors, the penis is much easier to access than the clitoris (yes, I have a talent for pointing out the obvious :)).

If you factor in personal preferences, willingness, skill, sensitivity, size, hygiene, orgasms, etc., the answer to the "harder task" question very much depends on the individuals involved.


FWIW the first couple of times that my wife gave me BJs I couldn't get off because I didn't know how she would react to me coming in her mouth. Once she assured me that she wanted the experience I was fine. OTOH, she had no problems orgasming from cunnilingus once we sorted out which techniques felt the best to her.

I completely agree.

Personal example: with the proper skill set, I come VERY quickly from oral. Unfamiliar technique, and it may take me longer to find my rhythm as it were. Moreover, I've been with guys who come pretty easily from head, and others with whom I've had to damn near dislocate my jaw in order to please. I don't believe there is a bright line rule in this analysis.

I'd say it's a little more difficult to go down on girls. I mean.. my boyfriend doesn't go down on me very often.. but when he does it gets pretty messy.

It used to be messy giving him head, but he says I've gotten better. For me to give good head, I have to be horny and have to WANT to give it to him.

But, when it comes to fingering, that's way easy. On me, at least. I have a huge and sensitive G-spot, so it's pretty easy for him, I guess.

I couldn't care less WHICH is harder, If I am down there running my lips and tongue all over a woman's nether-parts, I don't care if i develop a blister on my tongue! I'm not stopping til she has hers... And that's that!....lol

braisler...you are quite experienced and share & write with such truth - about the deep dark details of good cunninglingus,far better than most poeple I've discussed this very subject with. I'm impressed. In truth, I love to give a good -ahem...great blow job to my guy! But as far as the men I've had go down on me, well, that's been enlightening because so many couldn't lick their way ANYWAYS even close or near to good climax for me, much less, make me want more or have multiple orgasms. It does seem we ladies do get disconnected far too easily. And men seem to be so much easier to please. Ah, Gawd, I DO LOVE Men!!!

I'm a bi male. I find that with girls I tend to get sore much more often and it's harder to get them off.

FYI girls, if you can't get a guy off with your mouth, use your hand on the shaft and you mouth on the head. Recently, I've found on another forum that a majority of women apparently don't know this.

Apparently the "look ma, no hands" trend featured in adult films has gone too far.

I have never had an issue getting a man off from a BJ. Therefore I assume that men have the harder task.

Huh... maybe this thread is really about the difficulty of getting to the giving of the head part. Hmm. Let's think about this:

Men have the harder task based on modern dating conventions. We have all these hoops to jump through in order to get to the skirt-off-nose-in-the-carpet point.

Women? They don't have to work to get an opportunity to inhale the crotch-seeking flesh missile. They just have to rub a thigh and it practically unzips itself.

I don't think either hubby or I necessarily have a hard time with it (no pun intended). But it's probably easier for me to do it. Although when I do it, it's a toss up who gets scraped/poked/torn up more from my braces. On the bright side, I get the braces uninstalled this summer. On the downside, he'll be gone with the army by then, for quite some time.

It's all in the angle. If I tilt my head back a bit, my jaws naturally drop open and don't tire nearly as soon. And when my neck gets tired, I can turn onto my side and let hubby move for a while instead of me.

And if he's pampering me during all this with a back rub or neck rub, all the more incentive for me to keep going. Especially if he's brushing my hair. Except he accidentally yanks my hair out when my braces scrape him ... at least ... I think it's an accident ... hmmm ...

<< insert blushing smiley that I couldn't find >>

I guess people try to imitate what they saw in porn, not remembering that they just used a BJ for warmup.

it does however help to master that technique when handcuffs are involved.....

What? like you never....:shakehead:

I've noticed that, too. Sex is nothing like what people see in pornos. Those positions are practiced and done specifically because it makes for a better shot and it's sad that women-- even some men-- don't realize this.

i know when i was in high school\college my girlfriend gave some awesome blowjobs and got me off just about every time. it wasn't much work for her. i rarely actually got her off through oral alone. since being married to a different girl for the past 7 years, i rarely get BJ's cause she hates doing it. too much work. she is worn out after like 30 seconds.

me on the other hand, i love eating her pussy. and i do think its easier for us guys. granted, it may take longer, but there are ways around that. get her warmed up with your hands first. or even get her off once before you go down on her. its always easier to get a chick off the second time.

and i love for her to finish while i am down there. she on the other had has only let me cum in her mouth one time. in 7 years. its been a long time since i had a good BJ and i sure miss them.

overall difficulty though, i guess it depends on the person. i would say typically its harder for the guy, but in my marriage, its harder for her.

Jimmy, I just love you handle!!!

thanks xerxys! you are actually the first person that has ever commented on it. i was starting to think it wasn't as clever as I thought it was.