ash_1050

Ok this is probably going to be a long and complex explanation to give everyone as good as possible grasp of the situation. First off im 18 and am originally from a small country town so I have only really started to get my act together when talking to girls I dont know etc. Im also in Australia and am an Aussie if that makes any difference. Anyway my housemates girlfriend came over early last night as she normaly does and had a friend with her who is pretty attractive (we will call her Jess). As our kitchen and lounge are in the one open room I was doing my own thing joining in the conversation while cooking myself tea as im friends with my housemate and get along with his girlfriend. Jess was joining in as well though didnt think she was showing me any abnormal amount of attention not that I was too fussed as I wasnt trying to have sex with her or anything like that.

After a bit they leave and go out for the night and im home on the couch because I didnt feel like going out. About two hours later at probably 11pm Jess arrives back at our house by herself because "she was tried" and kept emphasising this with loud obviously fake yawns. We sat about talking on the couch for probably an hour and from what I notcied she was pretty keen on me despite throughout the conversation realising I was 3 years her junior. After a while my housemate and his girlfriend arrived home and joined us on the couch for 10 minutes or so before heading off to his room again leaving me and Jess alone. It was already predetermined Jess was sleeping on a mattress that was located behind the couch I was sitting on. She got herself ready for bed and then lay in it all the while talking to me and texting her friends and flicking through FHM failing to mention how "tried" she was. This probably went on for another 10 minutes all the while me knowing im in with a prime chance here and not knowing how to seize it and have a crack at her. Eventually I cut my losses, made a point of getting ready for bed, watched a couple of more minutes of tv and then went to bed.

My question to you guys and gals is this. What would you have done if you were in my situation and in the future how can I go from sitting on the couch to laying in her bed with her? Im quite confident eitherside of this problem its just that I havent yet been able to perfect this area of my game and im looking to fast track this with a little help from TFP.

Willravel

For a man, in most situations sex is something you earn with honesty, confidence, and effort. I've never liked situations where I just fall into sex with women, I like to pursue so that I know that I've demonstrated through effort that I've earned her affections. I've found most women like this, too.

I suspect you might have been missing one or more of the ingredients, because she didn't seem interested. I can't really blame her, she just met you. It's hard to gain trust or form more than just a basic physical attraction in one night, especially considering that from your description she wasn't really in the mood.

My advice is this: be honest, be as confident as you're comfortable with, and make an honest effort to woo. And don't expect women to sleep with you right after meeting you.

The_Jazz

One word: chloroform

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Bear Cub

Whatever you do, don't jerk off in her hair.

That aside, I would have given her the ol' "goodnight," and then just leaned in and started to kiss her. If she pulls away, then you come back with Jazz's idea.

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mcgeedo

Very good, Will. Well said.

Yakk

Did you with word or deed indicate that you found her attractive? Doing that (once, clearly and firmly) is a good move. An example of this is, while taking to her, with eyes looking at her eyes, taking your eyes off her face, and explicitly looking down her body and back up to her eyes.

If she is interested in you, that should signal that you are interested in her. If you do it once, after having a conversation, and don't make a habit of repeating it, it indicates that you are both interested in her physically, capable of controlling yourself (the once), and perfectly willing to let her know that you are interested in her physically.

Was there any casual physical contact initiated by her? Ie, did you have a couch that you where both sitting on? Many people like the pattern of reciprocal increased intimacy, be it verbal, emotional or physical.

The reciprocal part is where you match the increased intimacy of the other person, then continue slightly past it in order to indicate that you want more intimacy. The other person (in theory) picks up on this, and then matches and continues past it.

The effect is then both people are in control of the ramp up of intimacy, you don't have to be explicit about it, either party can withdraw by simply not ramping up without conflict, and as it happens over time there is less chance that it suffers a miscommunication.

This is all socialization 101-style stuff -- overly dry, and if you try to pay too much attention to it as you do it, you will come off as less than competent at it. But it can help you guide your practice, if you find you are socially ... incompetent ... at this kind of thing.

Note that such a ramping up can easily occur over multiple encounters. As noted, many people aren't comfortable with a ramping up of intimacy that is too steep, as that ... devalues ... the intimacy being exchanged in a sense.

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Last edited by JHVH : 10-29-4004 BC at 09:00 PM. Reason: Time for a rest.

litcool

Daniel_

Meet her again, and make sure you tell her you are attracted to her.

Good: I find you very attractive.

OK: I really fancy you.

Bad: Get your kit off, you've pulled.

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cj2112

Call her!! Tell her you really enjoyed hanging out w/ her and would love to see her again. Log out and do it now.

mixedsubstance

Honestly, she sounded like she didn't care much HOW you pursued her, she just wanted you to pursue her. period. To me, that's what I detect, and for you (if it matters to you), you should be careful in engaging in something like that. Not that I want to burst your bubble or make assumptions of her (please correct me if I'm wrong)...but
A- She's a slut
B- She's desperate & lonely
C- She's got an STD
D- She just so happened to be really horny that night
or
E- She actually likes you.

But- did you guys ever 'hit it off'? Was it more than the physical attraction? Or does that matter to you? Most out of curiosity: What were was her body language when interacting with you? That's usually a great indication....BTW- even if you do make a move, it doesn't have to go to sex. You can find ways to wait....just as you did.

Did she seem disappointed when you went off to bed?

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Devoid

Ok, I chuckled.

Seriously, though, it depends on what you want. If you just wanted to seal the deal, then create another opportunity and take advantage of it. Not of her, just the situation. If you want to actually date her, then make excuses to spend time with her.

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ash_1050

Willravel: Im usually the type of guy you describe in your post as someone who is not after a quick deal, rather something that has more substance. However being a uni student there is a lot more quick casual experiences about and I wouldn't mind being able to get into this setting as well as the more fulfilling experience you describe. I must say though I think its harder to change from a casual player to someone who cares a lot more and is prepared to put in some effort so im not in too bad of a position as it, simply looking to branch out a bit more.

Yakk: After reading your post this is where I feel I may have let myself down I dont think I gave her one compliment about her appearence and as you said it is best to float one out there now and then and leave it at that, over doing it acts in a negative manner. She briefly sat on my couch for 5 minutes or so when my housemate and his girlfriend arrived home despite three couches being on offer so it may have also been a missed sign. Her positioning for the rest of the night was either directly across from me or at an angle that wasnt too large such as opposite ends of two couches facing each other.

Daniel & Cj2112: She wasn't someone I would drop anything for to see again though she was pretty awesome. I have no doubt she will be back before the year is out and most likely in a couple of weeks for our biggest uni bash of the year so ill hold off on contacting her as she will be back at our place. To me it puts me in a better position with her when she comes back as opposed to actively seeking her out. If I was looking for a girlfriend or more than a one off night I would employ your tactics but having come out of a 6 month relationship a month or so ago im not looking to bunker down for a while yet.

Mixed Substance: Im too hesitant with everything thats my current problem, though I can see where going gung ho into the situation without prior analysis can leave you worse for wear or shot down. Being a uni student chances are like most uni students she is a lot more relaxed sexually than in the wider community and as such is more likely to be a slut but I figure that is good starting material if I am to develop a "game" as im already starting ahead. Going off her bubbly personality and job as a bar maid I figure she isnt desperate or lonely as there would be a steady supply of guys having a crack at her simply because she is good to talk to and has some looks to back it up. As for the STI part its possible though doubtful as most girls who pass through the house, even friends get talked about after coming and my housemate did not mention an STI in relation to her. If she had an STI he is the sort of guy who would give us a heads up before hand in case something happened, no matter how unlikely. As for D & E thats also possible though I didnt really determine which if either was the case though from the way we were getting along it would be one of them though this may be a little biased. Body language is something else I failed to take notice of and have since realised is a key mistake, I should have been looking at where her hands where, how she positioned her body and shoulders etc.

Deviod: As mentioned above im not looking to date but if I were thinking along that path then your advice sounds about right for the situation. If/when she comes here again and im not busy my plan of attack is this. Have a quick chat to her when she arrvies "how are you going/what have you been up to etc" and then leave her be for 15 minutes or so, hopefully by backing of a little its showing her that im not desperate and am confident enough that I dont need to latch onto her as soon as she arrives. After that period of time elapses have more of a conversation with her whenever the opportunity presents its self and take it from there.

Thanks for the advice guys (and girl/s?) im quite happy to hear any more people may have.

Anormalguy

It's difficult to read the situation without having witnessed it, but from what you describe...

She was making herself available, but she was waiting for you to make the first move. If that's your thinking & it bothers you that you might have missed out on some easy sex, don't beat yourself up over it; consider it one of lifes lessons. Everybody has been in a situation like that & blown it. Hell, if I had dollar for each time.................

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mixedsubstance

Ash- now that you mentioned her being a Bar Maid, that says a lot. Not saying ALL Bar Maids are like that (i.e. Slutty) but my fiance is a bartender and I hear and see a lot of 'sluttiness' go down there from the bar maids- they are what you call 'bicycles'- everyone gets a ride. That's just how they (most) are, they love the attention and don't know when to stop. Trust me, from what I've been around for the past 4 years (which neither of us go out and drink anymore anyway) I can tell how the general populous of bars are- staff or patrons. But- hey- if you don't mind, if you just want to go for it, that's totally up to you. Just make sure you don't have 'feelings for her' if she ends up blowing you off.

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Well, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?!?

*Without energy, there would be nothing.*

3GPositive

What did you find out about her?

Two things my parents told me about girls when I was a kid...

Dad said - Talk about her stuff.
Mum said - Shine your shoes.

No wait it works!

Over the years I've found girls love attention. So don't talk about stuff you've done, talk to them about their stuff. What they are doing, what they would like most like to do if they had the chance. Show an interest in things they like and ask them leading questions. I met a girl last weekend at a party. She'd only intended to stay an hour...four hours later I know more about her about her and what she likes doing than her mother. I know what she finds sexy and where to take her on a date (and where not to take her). I discoved shes written two books that nobody else knows about and I have an invite to her place to read them.

About the shoes... I didn't believe my mum about the shoes but a few years years later a girl said to me "you allways wear smart shoes!" right before she jumped me out of the blue :-)

Yakk

Given that you are an inexperienced child at this, might you want to think about learning how to get into a relationship with someone instead of just scoring with whoever opens her legs first?

Another alternative would be to try using some 'open sex' personals (most online services have these) and find someone who also wants no-strings attached sex.

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Last edited by JHVH : 10-29-4004 BC at 09:00 PM. Reason: Time for a rest.