GCF

so this is a serious question.

my boyfriend and i are committed to each other and recently he shocked me with a special request: that i empty my bowels onto his chest after sex.

i don't know how to deal with this situation..mostly because I don't understand where he's coming from. How is this sexually appealing?

Can someone please help me to understand where he is coming from? I'd greatly appreciate your thoughts.

thespian86

hahahahahahaha I'm sorry. It's just the best title ever.

Well, I don't think you should do it if you're uncomfortable with it. Oh, and tell him to watch Two Girls, One Cup; if he isn't disgusted, leave him.

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Jozrael

Different strokes for different folks. If it disgusts you (as it would me or many others), refuse. If he can't take that, leave.

GCF

I am put off a little... I've heard of things like "Dirty Sanchez" and such -but I've always taken them as just jokes. but he was serious. when i pressed for his reasons he became quickly embarrassed and we haven't really talked about it since.

I guess I'm just trying to understand how someone could find someone shitting on their chest hot. and if they do, i would like to know the reasons why.

abaya

Yes, this fantasy exists, and it's usually known as "scat" play. It's not very common, but it's out there.

I think it's extremely difficult to understand the "why" behind people's sexual fantasies and inclinations, no matter whether they are normal or more extreme desires. None of us can really judge what is going on in his mind--but it comes down to you two, and what you in particular are able to handle.

How much have you talked about this together? Does he feel that you are judging him for sharing his fantasy with you? Is he open to compromise, or is he unwilling to be in a relationship where this desire of his remains unfulfilled? This can be the really difficult part of negotiating sexual boundaries... to talk about what is comfortable and necessary for both of you, without making each other feel alienated or "freakish." It's essential, I think, for maintaining openness and trust in the relationship.

I would say that given his particular fantasy, there are going to be very few people who will be able to accommodate his needs. I say that not to judge it, but because it's quite far out of the normal range of human sexual behavior. In that sense, given that your sexual desires probably fall a little more along "normal" lines, it's understandable if you don't like it.

If he is willing to compromise and you two can find a way to both be comfortable and satisfied with the situation (even if it means that he has to tone down his desire a bit, and you have to do a bit more work on your side), then it could work in the long run. But if he is absolutely inflexible and will remain unsatisfied and resentful towards you for not being "into" his fantasy, and if it thoroughly disgusts you on a visceral level (which it sounds like it does), then I am not sure if it can work between you. Sexual compatibility has to have some flex to it... if you are at opposite extremes and judging each other or feeling negative about the most intimate part of your relationship, then it can't really work.

How serious is the relationship? Has he ever talked about this with previous partners, and if so, what was their reaction?

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Peaches

I think only your boyfriend can answer the question you're asking here. Everyone is different and is attracted to things or acts for different reasons. You guys need to talk it out. Obviously, if it doesn't appeal to you, you're not going to do it, but maybe you could explore through watching a few video clips together and he might be able to better explain what appeals to him about it. I would only caution that you handle it in a loving, supportive way. Try to remember not to degrade him in the process. Phrases such as "That's disgusting" are probably not helpful, and can lead him to close up and not share his desires with you in the future. From your description, he already seems embarrassed and insecure about it and you want him to relax and open up to you. No one should pressure you into doing anything you're not comfortable with, but the tone you set now is likely to have long lasting effects on your relationship.

Jozrael

Abaya, I felt everything you said, but couldn't express it as eloquently. Props to you for being so tolerant.

abaya

Thanks Joz, though Peaches said it even better and more succinctly!
Quoted for truth. Extremely important to remember, even if the relationship might not last.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Vigilante

Not that this is my bag either (not a scat guy haha), but ladies, try to remember that most mens' fantasies are probably far outside of the realm of normality you expect them to be in

However odd it may be, if you take one for the team, he may expect it (or suggest even stranger requests) down the road. I suspect this act is really a form of dominance, because "shitting on somebody" is usually what you mention when someone is being socially dominated, at work or elsewhere. See if he's into less messy (yet covert, because he didn't exactly ask for leather and whips) forms of domination, such as being spanked or anal play, or maybe even being tied up or being peed on. Hey it may not be what you think about when you wake up in the morning, but he might like it, and it might be something you grow to enjoy once you observe his experiences. Point is, just saying "no, honey would be a big letdown, plus a huge ego hit since he's trying to open up in ways he can't in social situations, but "no honey, but I'm willing to try this other thing if you're interested" would let him know that 1) you can't do scat, but in the nicest way possible and 2) that you're still game for some other sexually deviant behavior if he wants to go for it. If your suggestions aren't a turn on for him, see if he'll suggest something else. If he's not playing along, then try to give him a good fucking and he'll get over it. Trust me on that one, when my wife forces me into makeup sex (force meaning strips down, because once I see her my mood hardly ever goes any direction but up LOL) I hardly ever hold onto whatever was making me upset in the first place.

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Amaras

Abaya and Peaches. you are hereby congratulated on the advice you gave in this situation.
It should be handled in a sensitive manner, and he should be looked upon as nothing other
than someone turned by something that has the opposite effect on me.
Like men who like men.
His proclivity just happens to be statistically quite rare, apparently (maybe lots of folks
won't admit it, like homosexuality a long time ago).

GCF, as to where he is coming from, as with everything else in sexuality, only he could
possibly know.
BUT;
To have unusual sexual desires is called Paraphilia.
The clinical psychiatric name for this version is Coprophilia. You boyfriend has a
form of it. He hasn't said he wishes to consume it, only for it to be on his
chest. Slang term for that is a "Cleveland Steamer" (the things you learn on Family Guy!).

HERE IS WHERE POPULAR PSYCHOLOGY (AKA bullshit) COMES IN:
Due to the fact that most folks are squeamish about this type of stuff (Hell, I know I am) the
DSM (the book doctors use to diagnose stuff with) used to describe this type of behaviour
as indicating that the participant wants to be humiliated.

TAKE THIS WITH A MOUNTAIN OF SALT.

I know this doesn't really help.

Abaya said:
Has he ever talked about this with previous partners, and if so, what was their reaction?

This seems to be a really good place to start a dialogue.

Good luck!

By the way, you do know about anonymous postings, right?
-----Added 16/10/2008 at 11 : 46 : 29-----
I like the idea here about asking if you could start somewhere else.
Man, we were posting at the same time!

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Love is a verb, not a noun.
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The_Jazz

Ok, this one is waaaaay over my line for acceptable, so I'm going to say DTMFA - dump the motherfucker already.

Scat play is dangerous since lots and lots of nasty bacteria like e. coli live in shit. Yes, your shit too. And unlike anal sex, where you can take precautions to avoid disease, you're being asked to avoid those precautions. Its also incredibly messy.

I suppose in a perfect world you could talk through this, but, for me, this is the same as my wife wanting to watch me get fucked by a horse or have sex with a toddler. But that's my own personal boundary, and I won't go past it. If this is past yours, you need to deal with it but realize that if he's serious and its important to him, he's going to find someone else to poop on his chest, and then you're dealing with her gut flora and fauna too.

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Cynosure

In a perfect world, human beings would not need to defecate, at all.

Bear Cub

Or maybe... they'd defecate all over everybody!

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Living in the United Socialist States of America.

The_Jazz

Incorrect. I, for one, take great pleasure in my morning constitutional. Why, I'm sitting on the can this very minute.

As a guy who says "poop goes in the potty" an average of 5 times a day to a relcutant toddler, I think there may be other issues here as well.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

abaya

Believe me, I'm far more aware of that fact than you might think. I would not have responded in the manner I did, otherwise.
-----Added 16/10/2008 at 01 : 12 : 28-----
Would you @#$% quit doing that, Jazz?? You're going to scare away new members.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Cynosure

That reminds me of an old joke about life in Hell.

EDIT: Here's the joke, in case you don't know which one I'm talking about, or you haven't even heard it before...

A guy in the afterlife is given a tour of Hell, before he is assigned to his specific place of eternal damnation and torment. He is shown into a pit-chamber that is packed with people standing knee-deep in shit. However, the people are standing casually about, chatting while drinking coffee.

"This isn't so bad, if these people get to drink coffee," the guy says to himself.

Then an overseer devil descends into the pit-chamber and cracks his fiery whip. "Coffee break is over!" the overseer snarls. "Everyone, get back to standing on your heads!"

Vigilante

Gotcha. Some women get it, some don't. My wife still wrestles with it from time to time

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Willravel

Because he loves and trusts you.

Poppinjay

In a perfect world you would all exist FOR ME TO POOP ON!

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_Yossarian

I think there have been some good posts here, but this one is very important to remember. Odds are he doesn't bring this up to everyone especially since you have been together long enough to be committed (how long?) and you didn't hear about it till now. He brought it up not only because he wants to be pooped on, but also because he actually trusted you enough to share something that most people would probably be disgusted by and thought that he had a decent chance of not being turned away by you as a freak. So whether this is something that you are willing to do or not at least talk to him about it as you would have before or as if that it is really something less offensive than the holocaust. Honest and open communication without judgement is the only way the relationship is going to work, feces or no feces.

Vigilante

Win. This has got to be the quote of the year.

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We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-Winston Churchill

Bear Cub

Poppinjay: You win. Hands down, you win.

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Living in the United Socialist States of America.

ratbastid

I'm of the opinion that while sexual proclivities and interests MIGHT be explainable, they don't NEED to be explained, and they "why" of why the person is interested in that is probably best left unquestioned. The embarrassment of going into "why you like that weird thing you like" is basically guaranteed to drive the person attempting to broach the subject back into their closet.

You like what you like. Some desires are common and some desires are unusual. That's really all there is to it.

You don't have to choose to indulge him, but if you do, I'd recommend you do some googling on scat play. Presumably there are safety precautions you'd want to study up on.

GCF

hey all,

thanks so much for your messages and thoughts... they are very helpful. I appreciate your comments!

hunnychile

This is Waaaay more intriguing than the Presidentail Debate last night.

Just saying.

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dlish

poopin-jay?

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I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
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surferlove007

Wow...yea I could NOT do that to JStrider. I would seriously probably never do #2 again anywhere near him! It was for a great laugh though hahaha sorry. The title is priceless as well as the comments. Hope you work it out!



Make sure to put a tarp down!

nomcat

Reminds me of the one about the constipated mathematician... he had to work it out with a pencil

byte1919

you gotta give kudos to the guy for having the guts (or whatever you'd like to call it) to share a fantasy like that!

dlish

guts?

well not his guts anyways

__________________
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I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
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LoganSnake

I don't know what I'm more amused by. The thread itself or the serious replies it's getting.

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mixedsubstance

All i can say is....OMG EWWWW. Sorry, no imput here that already been suggested. Gonna go throw up now.

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Well, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?!?

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ratbastid

It crossed my mind that this was a troll, although the OP has commented a couple times. Even if it is, the topic is worth honest consideration.

LoganSnake

I just wonder if it would get the same serious replies if it was about bestiality or sex with kids.

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Frosstbyte

It wouldn't, for obvious reasons. Namely those are illegal and done without the consent (or with meaningless consent) of the other party. The whole point of this thread is how you deal with a...surprising...sexual request from your significant other.

The_Jazz

I have done my best to do my usual job of seeking the lowest common denominator and trying to reduce it further.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

james t kirk

If you do decide to do it, make sure he understands that he gets to clean it up.

Either that, or out in the backyard with a shovel and a hose handy.

The_Jazz

The worst case scenario here, I think, is her finding some other girl's shit on his chest. Talk about awkward.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

LoganSnake

Do you think male animals give a flying crap if the female wants him mounting her? You could argue that they do it during the mating season...so would it be okay for people to do it during mating season too?

Anyhoo, this thread is just amusing. Mostly because of the paragraph long replies on how to deal with your SO wanting to take a dump on your chest. I'm sure there are fetish boards with members who have done it and would give better advice.

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Bear Cub

Honey, is that corn stuck in your chest hair? I DIDN'T EAT ANY CORN!!!

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Living in the United Socialist States of America.