Masturbation with household veggies!
 

Please let me know if this has been done before...so today, I bought a small cucumber for experimentation. I have to say, it worked great. However, perhaps I should have done more research as the cervix area seems a little sore. I am curious to know what other options are out there in this vein, as well as the pros/cons for each item. I can personally say that a cucumber was not bad for the first try. It is flexible and has a smooth surface. Some negatives would be an angry cervix and it sort of hurts to pee. But that could be something else entirely, couldn't it?

I hope you washed it thoroughly to get off any pesticides that might have been on it

yep - I took a soapy sponge and smoothed the cucumber down for a couple of minutes under warm water right before using it. That could have been bad.

they say that lebanese cucumbers are best. but maybe im just biased. :D

i dont know anyone that has told me that they have tried this, but im sure someone i know has done it...it cant be all that uncommon.

as long as you're environmentally friendly about it and dont waste a precious resource, then i say go for it. ;)

Please tell me you cut it up and served it to friends after...

Keep at it, and before you know it you'll have worked your way up to buttenut squash.

:lol:You know, I'm going to remember that comment each and every time I eat a salad, probably for the rest of my life. And hubby is going to wonder why I suddenly pick the cucumbers out of my salad.

Once a girl told me that they use egg plant.

I advise you to cover it with condom. The large, green, curvy Bananas are good if peelem & covered with a condom. can you please come back and post feedback? It will be valuable

I'm not a female, so I can't say I've tried this - but I'm surprised a female hasn't responded yet with how unsanitary this is, and infections it can cause, etc. They make toys specifically for this purpose :)

You think you will get these toys in all places? especially Tfp is a global forum. But you get veggies all over the world hehehe (pun intended)

Only true champions can conquer the watermelon.

Two and a Half Men made a side reference, or allusion to this in last night's (new) episode. It was very funny, and so quick that anybody but a pervert such as myself would have missed it. Alan (the chiro brother) mentions about using a melon if it's warm. Charlie gets a quizicle look on his face and says 'what?" . Alan replies 'never mind' and the show moves on. Very subtle.

As for using a condom, that would take all the charm out of veggies. Might as well go to the plastic toys then. Sounds like fun experimentation.

One of the first medical calls I was dispatched to involved a lonely woman, a no sex/social life, and a carrot.

Protip for women: FFS don't use carrots.

You can't leave it at that. What happened that she would need to call for help?


And this ad seems all too appropriate. ;)


It sounds like either you rushed it too much or you put it in too far if your cervix is sore. It takes some time for the vagina to lengthen and get your cervix out of the way.

ASU that video clip was way too funny.

I had a friend who told me about how she and her boyfriend went vegetable shopping for that purpose. She told me they got eggplant and cucumbers.

I have thought about it, but I don't see myself actually doing it.

I don't really use vibrators or dildos to masturbate either.

Not suprisingly, this thread is on pace to have enough zingers and one-liners to merit itself a 'Hall of Fame' nod.

Well, don't mind me then.



Oh, and I'd rather not post in a thread without contributing a bit of something so here, a topical jump: Sex with vegetables



Select excerpts from the story:
"Since my wife turned veggie I'm lucky to get a shag once a month," complained Arthur Scutbucket (48).

"There should be restrictions on the marketing of vegetables to children through television and other media," added a concerned mother, whose sixteen-year-old daughter, Sharon, recently underwent an uncomfortable surgical procedure to remove two leeks and half a cucumber from her furry front bottom.

"We're not completely naïve, you know," bristled the Minister. "Pre-packaged, fresh, diced vegetables will be unaffected by the ban. As will tinned carrots and pickled cucumbers. Let's see the filthy sluts try to masturbate with those!"

I don't think I could ever use vegetables to mastubate with. Don't ya'll feel a little creeped out using them?

What is the difference in pleasure between a cucumber and a dildo?

Sorry I wasn't able to respond sooner, computer problems are my one true enemy. I haven't had the chance to reuse it in an environment friendly way, but I'm horrified the day will come when my roommate will use it in her salad. It's becoming something short of an addiction, my cucumber. I'm currently studying abroad in Japan and would otherwise use sex toys if they were a cost effective alternative. Fresh produce it is. I'm not creeped out by the thought of using produce for non conventional purposes. a male friend suggested the idea. At first I was concerned because of the chance of infection. Yet the idea grew and grew until curiosity got the better of me. It has improved my masturbation. I can't wait to get out of class and have a quickie. The eggplants in this country have the same dimensions of a watermelon so I'll wait to get back to the States for that one. I will go for bananas next. I considered trying carrots but I liked the "full" feeling of a cylindrical object rather than that of a cone (the shape my fingers make). I have given myself more time to prepare since my first attempt, and have had no soreness, etc. hmm...If I could get my hands on a ribbed condom it could definitely add more pleasure. To the video and article - LOL! Thanks for sharing everyone, I appreciate the feedback. These are really good questions that have been brought up. I'd like to hear more about any stories you may have. And, out of plain curiosity, have any guys attempted this?

I once read that you can take a large plantain banana, cut off the end and squeeze out the insides. Voila, you have a little sock to use. I've never tried this, as I was never convinced that a plantain was big enough.

Bragger! :lol:

I suppose if I were a gal, i'd be tempted to use a baloney sandwich on a hoagy roll....


I just really like baloney!

Naw, it's not unsanitary (so long as you wash it). I'll bet she washes it better than if she were going to eat it.
-----Added 15/10/2008 at 01 : 28 : 24-----
Real pros use pineapples!

I bet it enjoyed that. I know I did :)

Actually no, he's not.

Never tried a veggie, or a sock. I once fit my (erect) junk in a high-top
basketball shoe and walked around with it like that for like ten minutes.
That's about it for inanimate objects.

I'll take your word for it, & won't ask how you know.

Please note: :lol:

LOL taken, back at you bub!:thumbsup:

I can say that I have not participated. I can say that I would suggest a condom placed over the veggie as irritation has been known to occur. A very bright shade of red has been known to be displayed after your physician explains to you that perhaps you should choose a dildo as the vegetable matter shown on the wet prep may have been the likely cause of the irritation. Yes, we have found things where they were not intended to be, on exam in the clinic. "Sorry ma'am, we did not find a yeast infection but I did find a kernel of corn which could have been the cause."

This may be horribly wrong, but I am hoping for a little infection so I can explain to a Japanese doctor why I have cucumber stuck up in there. It would be worth it, in my opinion.

try a bag of Heinz mixed veggies then

Open the tin first!

I never had any problems with carrots. What was the problem? Did it break inside her?

I concur...I've always been in the, "If you need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm" camp. ;-) That being said, it's always nice to know if you need a lil extra somethin', it's in your crisper. :-P

Ok well some options for you are courgettes, cucumbers, bananas, carrots, squashes and aubergines

If you use a peeled banana (and it's ripe) or a carrot please for the love of god put a condom over the top. If the carrot snaps or you get squishy banana everywhere it won't be fun.

Alot of the girls I work with do this - you'd be surprised how much money you can make for putting on a show with vegetables or strange objects (screwdrivers are easy and guys seem to love it for example - though not very satisfying so I would advise against for masturbation purposes)

Here's a link with masturbation tips - some of them seem a little strange to me but hey if it helps /shrug

Sex with Food: How to Masturbate with Food

Mainly for men in regards to the food section but there was an entire different section on women that might help

Zucchini works as well depending on the sizes you can find. I've only used veggies on rare occasions when I didn't have a dildo big enough to replicate the guy I was with at the time. And I'll add another vote to the condom thing.

This is weird to me. No I've never tried it. I don't mind using food in sex, like pouring honey or whipped cream over each other to lick or something...but this veggie business turns me off. Eh.

So sweet, thank you! Never had a clue about all these innovations :)

I was actually trying to find the story about a guy who thought it would be a good idea to microwave a melon and use that as a msturbation aid - unfortunately he didn't account for the high water content of melons and the inside was a little too warm ... resulted in 2nd and 3rd degree buns in a very sensitive area ....

I found that link instead and thought it might be useful

Agh! Burning, that's horrible. Thanks for sharing that, as I was considering it to heat up the veggie. Up until now, I have been running hot water over the veggie so it didn't feel like a cold OB/GYN tool when in use. It takes a while, around 5 minutes, and I was considering the microwave as an alternative...
Knowledge is power, lol.

eerrr.....microwaving because you wanted to kill the bacteria right?

If you can hold it in your hand for a while, it won't be too hot. At least for carrots and cucumbers I would think.