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Old 09-27-2008, 09:35 AM   #1 (permalink)
Insane
 
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I like this girl at work

Ive liked this girl at work for about 6 months now. Ive been trying to lose weight before i asked her out. A couple of weeks ago we started working together more and i thought i was reading her body language right and decided it was time to ask her out. So i got it in my head that i wanna ask her out and a couple weeks go by. One day i was talking to another dude i work with and he said that he was going out with the girl for about 4 months now. Ok, now what the hell do i do. I decided to just ask her out. It took another two weeks to do that. so last night at work we were working together and i asked her if she wanted to go to a movie with me. She said the other dude (not mentioning any names) wouldnt like that. I was like Why? She said he's my boyfriend (note that she stumbled through that). I was like ok, I didnt know that.

So now i dont know what to do. I really like this girl and she gives me vibes that she likes me too. And i hear the dude talk about how he hasnt seen her in two days and she's so busy with school. I would think going two days without seeing your boyfriend would be pretty tough. so i get the feeling something else is going on there. Anyway, I dont know what to do. I was thinking of telling her i still wanna be friends just so things arent awkward, but the truth is i dont want to give her up.
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Old 09-27-2008, 09:46 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I've gone multiple days without seeing my SO when I was dating, if we didn't live together...life gets busy, not everyone has to be super clingy. I wouldn't take that as a sign of anything.

Unfortunately, the fact that she was comfortable working out with you while she was dating someone else indicates that, by waiting 6 months to ask her out, you have probably wedged yourself squarely into the friend zone.
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Old 09-27-2008, 09:49 AM   #3 (permalink)
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You get the vibe she likes you too?

Is she sending the vibe by dating someone else?
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Old 09-27-2008, 09:50 AM   #4 (permalink)
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You're trying to break up a relationship so you can be with her. How would you feel if you were dating her and the other guy was trying to wedge her away from you?

Let it be until she's single. I know it sucks and hurts but you can't live your life thinking that other people should break off relationships because you feel it would be better with you.
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Old 09-27-2008, 09:51 AM   #5 (permalink)
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She has a boyfriend, she told you that for a reason. Her boyfriend tried to save you the trouble already. I can see the misunderstanding of "going out with" vs being a couple. I am sure you asking her out flattered her a bit, perhaps that is the vibe that you are feeling. It isn't a good thing to push harder on a female that is already taken, if you "won" what have you truly "won" other than someone who has little respect for longterm relationships? Not to mention the future awkwardness between the three of you at work after the relationship is broken, not a good game plan.
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Old 09-27-2008, 09:51 AM   #6 (permalink)
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The ship has sailed. It doesn't mean anything about you. Only next time, don't take six months.
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Old 09-27-2008, 09:54 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Time to find out if she has a sister.
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Old 09-27-2008, 09:55 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Ever heard a saying "Don't shit where you eat"?
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Old 09-27-2008, 09:58 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I prefer "don't stick your meat where you get your bread"
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Old 09-27-2008, 10:16 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I always say "don't dip your pen in the company's ink"
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Old 09-27-2008, 10:17 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Getting involved, or trying to get involved, between the relationship of two other people is a very bad idea. Doing so at work makes that a bad idea times ten.

Take ratbastid's words to heart. He, as well as others, are giving you good advice. Breath in, breath out, move on.
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Old 09-27-2008, 10:59 AM   #12 (permalink)
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you snooze you lose.

early bird gets the worm.

and yeah don't fish off the company pier.
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Old 09-27-2008, 11:53 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Location: WA
Firstly I appreciate your honesty.

I know and can understood how bad it is to let go a girl who you like a lot. But know what? years from now you wont even remember her. You must have made your move bit early.

One of my personal policy is NOT to flirt, date or affair with colleagues. no matter how great they look. Girls have a tendency to be very nice and kind to you if you are very helpful for thier work. make sure you dont interpret as any vibes. Now that doesnt mean they want to get personal with you.... Neither does that mean they are bitching you. It is just the way it works.
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Old 09-27-2008, 12:38 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Yeah the whole at work thing is a deal breaker for me. Maybe if you had hit it off outstandingly well for like a year plus maybe it would be cool...then there's the BF thing, sorry to say it but he's there for a reason she chose. Be her friend if you can do it without complicating things, but if not then keep it business.
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Old 09-27-2008, 01:17 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Maybe she's just a flirt. At an old job of mine, there was a guy that flirted with me constantly. I thought he was into me, so one night I asked him if he wanted to hang out outside of work sometime. He laughed and said he had a girlfriend. Though I told him that if they ever split up to give me a call, I left it at that. We continued to flirt, but I never tried to get any further.
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Old 09-28-2008, 08:56 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tully Mars View Post
Getting involved, or trying to get involved, between the relationship of two other people is a very bad idea. Doing so at work makes that a bad idea times ten.

Take ratbastid's words to heart. He, as well as others, are giving you good advice. Breath in, breath out, move on.
Plus one.
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Old 09-29-2008, 07:36 AM   #17 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
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1: She wasn't attracted to you in the first place
2: She finds you attractive but is in a happy relationship and isn't planning on leaving anytime soon.

Does it matter which one is the truth?
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Old 09-29-2008, 07:42 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Location: DC/Coastal VA
I shit where I eat. I find it very awkward to knock on my neighbor's door to ask to use the toilet.

Also, my employer has a perfectly good restroom with nice books to read. Bonus: somebody else cleans it.

Go ahead and ask her out again! The early bird may get the worm, but the squeaky wheel gets the grease!
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Old 09-29-2008, 11:41 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Location: Nova Scotia
In my line of work, the squeaky wheel gets replaced by one that doesn't squeak! Then the squeaky wheel is taken apart by an underpaid guy with a bad temper to find out why it squeaks. Then the squeaky parts get thrown over the side of the ship into about 80 fathoms of water, never to be seen again.
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Old 09-29-2008, 11:50 AM   #20 (permalink)
Here
 
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Don't you love it when people come here for advice then don't respond... ?
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Old 09-29-2008, 12:14 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Location: Georgia soon, please
Quote:
Also, my employer has a perfectly good restroom with nice books to read. Bonus: somebody else cleans it.
But how many other people use that restroom? And do you really want someone else cleaning it? I'd prefer to clean my own restroom tbh, don't want othres to have to, that'd be very irresponsible of me.

But on the note of not seeing for two day, I'm in a long distance relationship, and I haven't seen my dearest since July 8th. I miss her tonssss, hopefully I'll get to see her this october. If not then we got her a ticket to come up here for Thanksgiving. I can't wait.

She's worth the waiting. <3
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Old 09-29-2008, 03:57 PM   #22 (permalink)
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At least from my personal experience, do Not date anyone you work with. Trust me on this. Just let it go.
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Old 09-29-2008, 08:51 PM   #23 (permalink)
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NO
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