Dealing with my girlfriends Ex - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Slims · 06-28-2003, 01:20 AM

Edit: I married the girl, and no longer need to air out her/our personal issues.

Thanks

rogue49 · 06-28-2003, 04:35 AM

be careful,
just the fact of confronting him
might get her pissed off at you, and create empathy towards him.

handle it wisely

nowthen · 06-28-2003, 05:55 AM

What I WOULD'NT do is go find him, plant him a good punch square on his jaw and tell him to "stay the fuck away from _____".

I tried this with the ex of a past girlfriend of mine, and, well, thats one of the major reasons she is a "past" girlfriend. It seems chicks only dig macho bullshit in the movies....

Best thing you can do is just play it real cool. Don't even mention the guy, just make it a complete non event. Sure, at the end of the day Ally has to make a decision, but if you make a big deal out of it, this other loser is already starting to win by making your time with Ally less pleasurable.

Dorkums642 · 06-28-2003, 06:37 AM

i wouldn't get violent but i'd talk to the guy and tell him he had his chance and that he should face reality and realize she wants nothing to do with him relationship wise.

Also, you should talk to Ally and tell her how you feel about this guy. Maybe she can tell him to back off and that she's with you and not him for a reason. I think if Ally really cared about your relationship, then she'd do something about the strain that he is putting on you. Make it clear that you wouldn't normally be threatened by an X-BF except that this guy is not willing to go away quietly.

Then, there's always a restraining order

Or, you can hire some people (contact me) to take care of him and Ally would never know it involved you

and what's up with him transferring to your school. Now THAT is creepy. I think you need to point out to Ally that this guy is going wacko.

Good luck and keep us posted

I always like a happy ending and I've no doubt you'll have one.

shadrock · 06-28-2003, 06:57 AM

I can live with my girlfriend being friends with an ex, but not if the ex is trying to get back together with her. She should be the one telling him to back off. Tell her explicitly that it really bothers you and that she either needs to tell him to back off or you will.

daoist · 06-28-2003, 07:26 PM

holy shit! my girlfriend's loser ex-bf does the exact same shit. Unfortunately I can't stay as level-headed as you are, so you've got that goin for you at least. Hell, my girlfriend's ex still tells people they're together...god that pisses me off.

the best thing I can say is that I agree with nowthen; i try to keep it calm. From my own experience, if you have ANY questions about what's going on or what's going through her head, ASK her. Sometimes I make assumptions. they're wrong about 97% of the time.

teknophile · 06-28-2003, 07:30 PM

A lot of good advice, but something that bothers me is the fact that it seems ally isn't really beating the guy off with a stick? She should value your feelings about this situation. And the fact that she hasn't stopped hanging around a guy that is an EX and is still trying constantly to win her back isn't very considerate of your feelings toward her. I think if anyone should have a talk it should be you and ally.

TaLoN · 06-28-2003, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by nowthen
What I WOULD'NT do is go find him, plant him a good punch square on his jaw and tell him to "stay the fuck away from _____".

but what you should do is pay someone else to beat him into a bloody pulp. make it look like a good ole fashion mugging

zfleebin · 06-28-2003, 10:03 PM

If you want to know how she feels for you just ignore it completely and let her bring it to you. Trust is a very important part of any relationship and this is your chance to see how much you can trust her. He will go away unless he is a complete loser that cant get any one else.

Slims · 06-28-2003, 10:57 PM

Edited to remove old dirty laundry from the board.

daoist · 06-30-2003, 01:31 AM

hey, at least your girlfriend's ex doesn't do things like my girlfriend's ex does: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=12685

dawg1998 · 06-30-2003, 08:02 AM

I had this situation happen once. It backfired on me, the NEW boyfriend when the girl didn't like me giving her an ultimatum. Bottom line: If your girl doesn't completely cut ties with this guy, you are in line for a hurtin'. There is no reason for her to risk what YOU and her have for an ex, even a "friend" one. That is, unless she still has feelings for him.

Darkblack · 06-30-2003, 09:42 AM

She needs to tell him like it is. I don't love you, I never did, I never will. If you keep calling me I will have you arrested for harassment. Get a life. Click.

No man would ever even think he had a chance after that. If he is still calling she has not convinced him that she doesn't want him back.

blkdmnd · 06-30-2003, 10:07 AM

Since you say that he lives in her home town, I assume you do not. How often do you see her?

Were they bf/gf in high school? I assume yes. Did she lose her virginity to him? I'll make no assumptions here. However, if she did, you've got a long road ahead.

They probably see each other alot over the summer because they hang with the same crowd as they did when they were in HS. Bad news. Everything is cool between them again because it's summer break, he's there, you're not, lots of parties, friends, booze, etc., etc., etc.

Look, not all women are like this but, some girls have been know to play both sides of the fence. (Ladies, read where it says, not all women are like this.) I got played like this when I was in school. We dated while we were in school together. All was good. When she went home for the summer, 'Brian' was back in the picture. I had heard about him but, I thought it was over between them before she went home.

I was wrong. Either she mislead me or I mislead myself. who knows. The point is, who cares. That was twenty years ago. Chalked it up to a learning experience.

Let her handle the ex. Prolly not a good idea for you to butt in. Tell her that you don't want to hear about him unless he threatens or some how intends to harm either of you. If she wants him gone, she can make it happen. If you keep bringing it up, all it does is get you pissed off.

Meanwhile, take the summer and find yourself some local honey to have a good time with. When you get back to school, see who she hangs with, you or him.

Good luck, and remember there are plenty of women to go around.

<edit>

FYI. I was in Cullowhee when this happened. Must be something about the water and the NC women.

daoist · 06-30-2003, 10:11 AM

well i'm glad to find out that i'm not the only guy this shit happens to.

th0r · 06-30-2003, 11:23 AM

Don't be getting violent, from experience I can tell you it doesn't work. Just keep cool. I'm sure you and your girlfriend will get through it fine.

lurkette · 06-30-2003, 01:27 PM

The best thing you can do is ignore the guy unless he gets scary intrusive. Your girlfriend is showing every sign of loyalty, and it sounds less like she's hanging around with him than that she and he still have mutual friends. You might be able to enlist those mutual friends in showing the guy the cold, hard truth. Sounds like they're comfortable enough relaying messages from him to her (stupid move), should be willing enough to go the other way. Confronting the guy yourself is not going to do any good - like he cares about your opinion?! If she tells him again to cease and desist, and his/her friends tell him to knock it off, and he still doesn't get the hint, and he is being harassing, sounds like a restraining order is in order.

Dorkums642 · 07-01-2003, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Greg700
She has told him off in the past, and until just recently, she was convinced that he was getting over her. When she realized other wise she did tell him off. I spoke with her about this yesterday, and she is dealing with this in a very positive and direct way.

She is doing everything an awesome and loyal girlfriend should be doing, but he just doesn't give up.

Hopefully things will change since her last talk with him, but I doubt it.

2 words: restraining order

I was thinking you should try another angle of attack on this one. In addition to your GF telling him to leave her alone, also tell his friends (if he has any) to tell him to lay off. Maybe go after his parents too (I don't know how old y'all are). A little peer pressure goes a loooooong way.

I'm happy that your GF is willing to go the extra mile for your relationship.

bermuDa · 07-02-2003, 01:50 AM

take him out, get him drunk, and hook him up with some nice skank.

double points if he contracts an STD, it's hard to win back an old gf when you've got genital warts

Erik-the-Red · 07-02-2003, 08:41 AM

Quote:

take him out, get him drunk, and hook him up with some nice skank.

double points if he contracts an STD, it's hard to win back an old gf when you've got genital warts

bahahahhahaha

gibingus · 07-02-2003, 10:50 AM

sounds like the ex is a loser. from the ladies i've talked to, confidence is one of the bigger qualities that initially attract them to guys. pining away and plotting schemes to win back girls when it is over verges on pathetic... and pathetic is not a strong and secure place.

now if she is into the ego boost that she gets from having this guy obsess over her, that's something you should be very wary of. bail now, there are plenty of fish in the sea and you sound like you've got plenty of time for fishing.

never give anyone an ultimatum. it's the relationship equivilent of getting into a land war in asia. never punch out a ex unless he swings first and there are witnesses to vouch for you.

but, if you are going to hook him up with a skank, get it on video. even if it backfires on you in your relationship, you'll have great material for revenge on the guy who started the problem.

daoist · 07-02-2003, 06:31 PM

if you're going to hook your girl's ex with a skank, make sure you're 100% confident in your ex...you don't want to end up with herpes :-P

mrquackers · 07-04-2003, 05:22 AM

Kind of a dumb question here, but have you asked her what, if anything, you can do to help her with the situation? Might be good to know if she wants you to butt out or get involved.

Slims · 07-04-2003, 07:12 AM

Everything is good now.

ratbastid · 07-04-2003, 07:24 AM

Yeah, you've got a lot to worry about. He's obviously got that sexy "stalker" vibe going on....

Seriously, if Ally's on your side and you're clear you've got nothing to worry about with <i>her</i>, then he's just a nuisance. Ignore him.

dirty80 · 07-05-2003, 10:10 AM

He is a stalker for sure. I'd kick his ass, with her watching. Then take her back to your place and boink her brains out. She will feel safe with you from then on. Put him in the hospital.

06-28-2003, 01:20 AM	#1 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	Dealing with my girlfriends Ex Edit: I married the girl, and no longer need to air out her/our personal issues. Thanks Last edited by Slims; 12-02-2008 at 09:56 PM..

06-28-2003, 05:55 AM	#3 (permalink)
nowthen Insane Location: Republic of Panama	What I WOULD'NT do is go find him, plant him a good punch square on his jaw and tell him to "stay the fuck away from _____". I tried this with the ex of a past girlfriend of mine, and, well, thats one of the major reasons she is a "past" girlfriend. It seems chicks only dig macho bullshit in the movies.... Best thing you can do is just play it real cool. Don't even mention the guy, just make it a complete non event. Sure, at the end of the day Ally has to make a decision, but if you make a big deal out of it, this other loser is already starting to win by making your time with Ally less pleasurable. __________________ "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." George Bernard Shaw

06-28-2003, 06:37 AM	#4 (permalink)
Dorkums642 Junkie Location: Twilight Alehouse	i wouldn't get violent but i'd talk to the guy and tell him he had his chance and that he should face reality and realize she wants nothing to do with him relationship wise. Also, you should talk to Ally and tell her how you feel about this guy. Maybe she can tell him to back off and that she's with you and not him for a reason. I think if Ally really cared about your relationship, then she'd do something about the strain that he is putting on you. Make it clear that you wouldn't normally be threatened by an X-BF except that this guy is not willing to go away quietly. Then, there's always a restraining order Or, you can hire some people (contact me) to take care of him and Ally would never know it involved you and what's up with him transferring to your school. Now THAT is creepy. I think you need to point out to Ally that this guy is going wacko. Good luck and keep us posted I always like a happy ending and I've no doubt you'll have one. __________________ I've never come across this in real life, but then I went to a small liberal arts college so that probably didn't help.

06-28-2003, 07:26 PM	#6 (permalink)
daoist Crazy	holy shit! my girlfriend's loser ex-bf does the exact same shit. Unfortunately I can't stay as level-headed as you are, so you've got that goin for you at least. Hell, my girlfriend's ex still tells people they're together...god that pisses me off. the best thing I can say is that I agree with nowthen; i try to keep it calm. From my own experience, if you have ANY questions about what's going on or what's going through her head, ASK her. Sometimes I make assumptions. they're wrong about 97% of the time. __________________ I:IV:XV

06-28-2003, 10:57 PM	#10 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	Edited to remove old dirty laundry from the board. __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence Last edited by Slims; 12-20-2010 at 06:27 PM..

06-28-2003, 04:35 AM	#2 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	be careful, just the fact of confronting him might get her pissed off at you, and create empathy towards him. handle it wisely

06-28-2003, 06:57 AM	#5 (permalink)
shadrock Crazy	I can live with my girlfriend being friends with an ex, but not if the ex is trying to get back together with her. She should be the one telling him to back off. Tell her explicitly that it really bothers you and that she either needs to tell him to back off or you will.

06-28-2003, 07:30 PM	#7 (permalink)
teknophile Upright	A lot of good advice, but something that bothers me is the fact that it seems ally isn't really beating the guy off with a stick? She should value your feelings about this situation. And the fact that she hasn't stopped hanging around a guy that is an EX and is still trying constantly to win her back isn't very considerate of your feelings toward her. I think if anyone should have a talk it should be you and ally.

06-28-2003, 10:03 PM	#9 (permalink)
zfleebin Addict	If you want to know how she feels for you just ignore it completely and let her bring it to you. Trust is a very important part of any relationship and this is your chance to see how much you can trust her. He will go away unless he is a complete loser that cant get any one else.

06-30-2003, 01:31 AM	#11 (permalink)
daoist Crazy	hey, at least your girlfriend's ex doesn't do things like my girlfriend's ex does: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=12685 __________________ I:IV:XV

06-30-2003, 08:02 AM	#12 (permalink)
dawg1998 Upright	I had this situation happen once. It backfired on me, the NEW boyfriend when the girl didn't like me giving her an ultimatum. Bottom line: If your girl doesn't completely cut ties with this guy, you are in line for a hurtin'. There is no reason for her to risk what YOU and her have for an ex, even a "friend" one. That is, unless she still has feelings for him.

06-30-2003, 09:42 AM	#13 (permalink)
Darkblack Banned Location: Pennsytuckia	She needs to tell him like it is. I don't love you, I never did, I never will. If you keep calling me I will have you arrested for harassment. Get a life. Click. No man would ever even think he had a chance after that. If he is still calling she has not convinced him that she doesn't want him back.

06-30-2003, 10:07 AM	#14 (permalink)
blkdmnd Addict	Since you say that he lives in her home town, I assume you do not. How often do you see her? Were they bf/gf in high school? I assume yes. Did she lose her virginity to him? I'll make no assumptions here. However, if she did, you've got a long road ahead. They probably see each other alot over the summer because they hang with the same crowd as they did when they were in HS. Bad news. Everything is cool between them again because it's summer break, he's there, you're not, lots of parties, friends, booze, etc., etc., etc. Look, not all women are like this but, some girls have been know to play both sides of the fence. (Ladies, read where it says, not all women are like this.) I got played like this when I was in school. We dated while we were in school together. All was good. When she went home for the summer, 'Brian' was back in the picture. I had heard about him but, I thought it was over between them before she went home. I was wrong. Either she mislead me or I mislead myself. who knows. The point is, who cares. That was twenty years ago. Chalked it up to a learning experience. Let her handle the ex. Prolly not a good idea for you to butt in. Tell her that you don't want to hear about him unless he threatens or some how intends to harm either of you. If she wants him gone, she can make it happen. If you keep bringing it up, all it does is get you pissed off. Meanwhile, take the summer and find yourself some local honey to have a good time with. When you get back to school, see who she hangs with, you or him. Good luck, and remember there are plenty of women to go around. <edit> FYI. I was in Cullowhee when this happened. Must be something about the water and the NC women. __________________ I blow my nose at you. Now go away before I taunt you a second time. Last edited by blkdmnd; 06-30-2003 at 10:11 AM..

06-30-2003, 10:11 AM	#15 (permalink)
daoist Crazy	well i'm glad to find out that i'm not the only guy this shit happens to. __________________ I:IV:XV

06-30-2003, 11:23 AM	#16 (permalink)
th0r Upright Location: None	Don't be getting violent, from experience I can tell you it doesn't work. Just keep cool. I'm sure you and your girlfriend will get through it fine.

06-30-2003, 01:27 PM	#17 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	The best thing you can do is ignore the guy unless he gets scary intrusive. Your girlfriend is showing every sign of loyalty, and it sounds less like she's hanging around with him than that she and he still have mutual friends. You might be able to enlist those mutual friends in showing the guy the cold, hard truth. Sounds like they're comfortable enough relaying messages from him to her (stupid move), should be willing enough to go the other way. Confronting the guy yourself is not going to do any good - like he cares about your opinion?! If she tells him again to cease and desist, and his/her friends tell him to knock it off, and he still doesn't get the hint, and he is being harassing, sounds like a restraining order is in order. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

07-02-2003, 01:50 AM	#19 (permalink)
bermuDa don't ignore this--> Location: CA	take him out, get him drunk, and hook him up with some nice skank. double points if he contracts an STD, it's hard to win back an old gf when you've got genital warts __________________ I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.

07-02-2003, 10:50 AM	#21 (permalink)
gibingus Insane Location: 38° 51' N 77° 2' W	sounds like the ex is a loser. from the ladies i've talked to, confidence is one of the bigger qualities that initially attract them to guys. pining away and plotting schemes to win back girls when it is over verges on pathetic... and pathetic is not a strong and secure place. now if she is into the ego boost that she gets from having this guy obsess over her, that's something you should be very wary of. bail now, there are plenty of fish in the sea and you sound like you've got plenty of time for fishing. never give anyone an ultimatum. it's the relationship equivilent of getting into a land war in asia. never punch out a ex unless he swings first and there are witnesses to vouch for you. but, if you are going to hook him up with a skank, get it on video. even if it backfires on you in your relationship, you'll have great material for revenge on the guy who started the problem. __________________ if everyone is thinking alike, chances are no one is thinking.

07-02-2003, 06:31 PM	#22 (permalink)
daoist Crazy	if you're going to hook your girl's ex with a skank, make sure you're 100% confident in your ex...you don't want to end up with herpes :-P __________________ I:IV:XV

07-04-2003, 05:22 AM	#23 (permalink)
mrquackers Exhausted Location: Northeastern US - please send help!	Kind of a dumb question here, but have you asked her what, if anything, you can do to help her with the situation? Might be good to know if she wants you to butt out or get involved. __________________ "If you're walking on thin ice, you may as well go ahead and dance."

07-04-2003, 07:12 AM	#24 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	Everything is good now. __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence Last edited by Slims; 12-02-2008 at 09:58 PM..

07-04-2003, 07:24 AM	#25 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Yeah, you've got a lot to worry about. He's obviously got that sexy "stalker" vibe going on.... Seriously, if Ally's on your side and you're clear you've got nothing to worry about with <i>her</i>, then he's just a nuisance. Ignore him.

07-05-2003, 10:10 AM	#26 (permalink)
dirty80 Upright	He is a stalker for sure. I'd kick his ass, with her watching. Then take her back to your place and boink her brains out. She will feel safe with you from then on. Put him in the hospital.