Zeraph

I'm trying to find a reasonable balance in my dates. Where do you draw the line? Especially in regards to attractiveness?

There's this woman, she's very cool. My body reacts to her (read: I get hard) but I don't really enjoy kissing her. Is her personality enough? Will I learn to be more attracted to her as we spend more time together? How much is enough?

::sigh::

KellyC

I have to physically attracted to a girl to date her, personality alone won't suffice.

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Martian

Personality is great for friends. Physical appeal is great for fuck buddies.

I don't believe in forcing it. Find someone who satisfies your criteria in both categories.

I'm single. Take that how you will.

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blktour

I think if you are attracted to her, and then begin to get into her more, and like her more, and enjoy being around her. You will eventually love kissing her. that is if you feel that you are falling for this woman.

As we grow closer to people we tend to live with their faults, and the bad. Which I dont think this is a BAD thing, but just something that you are not use to at the moment.

I personally have to be attracted to them before I even decide to talk to them. they don't have to be drop dead gorgeous though. Little things like great eyes, or nice smile, or sincere face, will win me over.

Charlatan

Geez... if you don't like kissing her what's the point? Just be her friend and find someone you do like to kiss.

For me it definitely has to be a combination of looks and personality. The thing to remember is that both of those things are very personal. What works for me, in looks and personality, isn't always going to work for someone else. Some lose track of this.

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JStrider

looks are good for the initial interest... but as the relationship gets longer the personality has to be there

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Zeraph

That's sort of my question. Will looks matter in the long run?

Bear Cub

Yes.

If you're not attracted to the person, there won't BE a long run. Attraction is a combination of both looks and personality, and if you're not attracted in the beginning when feelings tend to be their strongest, it sure as hell won't last.

Time cures a lot of things, but ugly isn't one of them.

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grumpyolddude

The right personality can trump a whole host of physical flaws.

That being said, you still need to find the other person reasonably attractive. Just getting a boner doesn't constitute attraction. That's just pure animal lust. Anyone with the right plumbing and a triggering pheromone can get you off.

But, not even desiring to kiss her? Move on, brother!

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Baraka_Guru

Dismissy no kissy missy.

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Alta

I agree.... you don't want to kiss her? but you get hard? oops, that sounds like a reaction to paid sex, not a potential lover.

World's King

Yeah... Get a hooker. You'll have to pay extra to kiss her anyway.

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thespian86

Meh, it's worth the five bucks.

I personally find myself more physically attracted to girls as I get to know them. My last relationship, the girl was obsessed with me and I didn't care about her at all, at first, and as I got to know her she was more and more hot. Get to know her, turn down the kissing, or persue it. Whatever you're comfortable with.

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Zeraph

Thanks guys. It seems like an obvious thing but it's something I needed to hear.

Acetylene

Maybe she's just a bad kisser. See if you like doing "other things" with her better

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girldetective

You like her, shes cool, she arouses you.

Why dont you like to kiss her? Perhaps you could show her how you like to be kissed, after she brushes and flosses?

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Zeraph

Eh, it's kind of a guy thing. We can get aroused pretty easily. This girl isn't ugly, but she isn't pretty (to me) either, so I don't enjoy kissing her. It's not exactly gross, just boring. I'd enjoy fucking her but not kissing her, I think most guys are the same way.

thespian86

hahaha don't speak for all of us

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EX: Whats new?
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EX: uh...
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inBOIL

I agree, sort of. For me, "kissable" is a more exclusive condition than "fuckable." However, that's because "kissable" requires the kind of attraction that persists after the horniness has been vanquished, and that kind of attraction usually depends on personality.

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diddagirl

Just what I was thinking. Good looks and good personality aside- its hard to enjoy kissing someone if they are not a good kisser...and most importantly if you guys maybe dont have chemistry together.

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Martian

Is this something I'm supposed to be politically correct about?

You're not attracted to her. Bottom line seems to be the story here. You lust after her in the same way that all men lust after women. It's pretty much what we do. But you don't really want her. Move on to greener pastures and let her find someone who is attracted to her.

No love for the uggos.

Attraction is such an arbitrary thing. Everybody has a type. She's not yours. Why try to ignore that? What's the gain?

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

percy

I read this and for some reason thought of Potsie from Happy Days saying this and almost peed myself. Don't know why.

50% looks, 50% personality and the rest will cancel out.

imkeen

Its always a package deal, its the brain, the personality, the looks, the way she uses her brain and personality to manipulate her looks to satisfy your wants, needs and desires...its not a simple question and you can't get a simple answer without neglecting part of what the answer really is.

In the end, if you can't stand kissing her, I think its a deal breaker.

Daniel_

Just remember that when the hardon wears off, you'll be left with a woman who you dont want to kiss.

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percy

But remember.Some girls don't like to kiss. I don't like too. At least not needlessly just for the sake of it.

MSD

If you're not attracted to her, let her go so you find someone you want to be with and you're not tying her up in a half-assed relationship while she could be out there finding someone who actually likes her.

Attached Images

attractivenesscale.jpg (20.6 KB, 124 views)

snowy

That's a great graph, MSD.

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imkeen

I've never seen it put so elegantly MSD. Very nice.

Cernunnos

If I'm not physically attracted to a person, there has historically been no perceived chance of a romance with them. Friendship could certainly result if we enjoy spending time together, but unless there is mutual desire, nothing's going to happen.

sunshine16

I'd have to say if you dont like kissing her but your attracted to her obviously your just growing into it. You may not like kissing her right now because you dont know her enough to be mentally and physically attracted to her.. It will grow but thats only if you see yourself putting effort into the relationship.

Gabbyness

You beat me to it MSD! I was trying to find that diagram.

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