Makia

Wow, I could see maybe not remembering it if it wasn't a big deal to him. But "it must have been someone else" or "you imagined it"? I mean, unless you were standing very far away or something (which it doesn't sound like you were), to me, that's code for "I'll deny it until my dying breath."

He also must not think very much of you to think you'll believe such a pathetic lie. Honestly, I'd drop him like a bad habit, or I'd at least be seriously considering it. I dated a pathological liar once during a time when I was very naive--in the end they cause nothing but heartbreak.

ratbastid

There is something extremely sketchy going on. Yellow alert.

little_tippler

errr....this sounds like maybe he knew her already. Maybe something's going on? Denial is not a good sign.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

pig

yep - that's fucked up allright.

Reasonable response: "I don't even remember doing that...I'm sorry it bothered you - if I did that, I wasn't thinking."

Crazy response: "You must have mistaken me for someone else."

Personally, I'd be concerned if I thought my girlfriend was mistaking me for someone else. I agree with the above...something is rotten in Denmark...is he full of shit, or a compulsive liar...

edit: forgot a word. of course, it was important for me to edit it, as you're all certainly hanging on every word I choose to lay down here.

__________________
You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

Clermont

Was he drunk at the time this happened? Does he have some sort of brain damage or psychological condition that would cause a memory gap?
The way you described him caressing your upper arm made me think of neuro linguistic programming. It's sort of a Pavlovian conditioning used to manipulate people. You might want to dig into that and see if he's doing it, though it may be far simpler to just walk away from this guy.

Destrox

Well that denial bit went and farked up my whole previous post.

I apologize for thinking you're crazy. :P

Now its just flat out confusing.

__________________
You bore me.... next.

asaris

I'm probably just repeating people here, but I don't think that the physical contact, in itself, is a big deal. But his reaction to it, especially when you asked him about it, is beyond sketchy. I'd think really hard about continuing a relationship with him.

__________________
"Die Deutschen meinen, daß die Kraft sich in Härte und Grausamkeit offenbaren müsse, sie unterwerfen sich dann gerne und mit Bewunderung:[...]. Daß es Kraft giebt in der Milde und Stille, das glauben sie nicht leicht."

"The Germans believe that power must reveal itself in hardness and cruelty and then submit themselves gladly and with admiration[...]. They do not believe readily that there is power in meekness and calm."

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

girldetective

Thank you. This is all good advice.

Now what I really want to know is what the fuck is going on here.

What is he doing and to what purpose, and really is is it even purposeful or is this him? There is nothing slimy nor seemingly mentally ill about him. Really, who is this dude? What is going on with him? Who thinks like that? Who just expects to say something like that and thats it? Its as if he is mocking up his life as he wants it to be and seeing only those things he wishes to see and only at that moment (like we all might at times), but he takes it to such a personal level. Its as if he is a star in his own movie with every other person a role or inconsequential. I dont believe Ive ever met anyone like this. He is very good at pulling one right in, a charmer so to speak, and Ive met people like that before, but in a day-to-day relationship he continues it to the nth degree so much so that he controls the dialogue and where it goes. He is very passive, almost like honey; and good. It feels good just to see him, just to set eyes one him. He makes every moment with him feel special. It is surprising when the real world breaks through, and it always does.

Im detecting here. Im trying to figure it out. Im not whining, or pointing fingers. I just dont understand and Im looking for an explanation of his way of thinking.

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

pig

Why do you care? Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone whom you don't seem to trust and perhaps have waning respect for? Someone of whom you are suspicious? I mean, if it's great sex, then I can understand that...but still...

__________________
You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

girldetective

it is.

Edit: in the end i guess it doesnt matter as i dont think this i s a long-term forever and ever relationship. i just wonder about the thinking. the howness of it sort of and if its as unique as i believe it is.

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

Makia

Logic does not always apply to human behavior. Sometimes people are illogical for reasons known only to them and that's all there is to it. Any kind of accurate explanation can only come from him, so unless he ever decides to be honest with you, you're probably just going to have to accept the fact that, for better or worse, you're not going to figure him out. Only he can know why he behaves the way he does.

Edit - BTW, I don't mean to sound crass or anything, it's just what I think.

little_tippler

Ok, I've met someone like that before. This sounds like the kind of person who always wants to be in control, and always wants to be the center of attention. The unnerving thing is...it never stops. It is relentless. And you want to get through to the person inside. But maybe, just maybe, he has become his fabrication and can no longer separate.

The guy I knew also lied about things that way...also saying he couldn't remember. I also caught him in lies he never realized about. But in his case, it started small...and escalated to bigger more serious things. He was only a friend at the time, thankfully, otherwise god knows how he'd have messed up my head. I confronted him with an event and he flat out denied it, and refused to apologise for any of it. In the end, we stopped talking. As it was, I can only feel sad for him, for being trapped in this insane construct where he is always the protagonist and director. He was a nice guy, but when it got to the point of my mentally saying, listen, we're friends, it's ok to let up and just be you, he couldn't do it.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

jewels

I think I might have an idea... but a couple of questions first.

Is he very social, loves to talk to strangers? Does he get upset if you don't agree with him?

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

girldetective

Thank you.

I think my man is similar to little tippler's man described above. It doesnt matter though. I ended it last night. Gaslighting, concealment, withholding, lying, pathological behavior. I couldnt take it anymore.

Still I wonder how he thinks and lives his life. What kind of person would actually have the chutzpah to say to someone in all seriousness that they imagined an event or mistook you when they were standing right next to you and expect one to believe it?! With so many stories going with so many people, and I suspect specific days of the week and people compartmentalized, it must be one wild roadmap inside his head.

The good news is that Ive managed to maintain adult behavior (and thinking, but that has taken until now and is precarious).

Im really quite upset.

*

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

ring

Sounds like a manipulative passive-aggressive narcissist, perhaps.

The good news is you ended it.

Peace.

Redlemon

You have just grown stronger. Congratulations, and be well.

__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.