What does one say after a night of bad sex?
 

Short version of the story; Out with this girl I am just starting to see, very casual sort of thing though I do like quite a bit. I invite her out for the evening with my buddies and I end up getting completely tanked. She ends up taking me home anyway and mid-coitus the whiskey dick sets in and so I just pretend to cum. Now, sober and more rational, I worry that she might think I prematurely ejaculate because this was the first time she took me back to her place. My plan is to basically just pretend it didn't happen, don't talk about it, and rock her world next time (if there is a next time), however I mentioned my situation to my roommate and his girlfriend and she practically insisted that I need to talk to this girl about what happened, because she might well worry that it was her fault or that she might have known I faked it and think that I don't find her attractive (which I very much do). Now, I've been away since the day after my amazing feats in alcohol consumption. I don't live near her and we only see each other every so often, but we usually chat a little bit each day on Facebook. Well, that hasn't happened as much, since I've gotten back. I'm not sure if it's related or just because we just spent several days together. Moreover, if I really have to talk about this with her then I certainly don't want to do it over the internet or by phone, but I won't be back her way for another week. I was pretty secure in my plan, that everything was fine and going to blow over but my friend's girlfriend really has me second guessing myself. Though this girl and I are not in a relationship, I do like her quite a bit, as I mentioned earlier, and it would really disappoint me if I blew it over something as stupid as not wanting to talk about a bad first time with her. On the other hand, I'm embarrassed enough with myself (I typically get excellent response to my sexual prowess and have never had any performance issues before, alcohol related or otherwise) and would really like to avoid talking about it with her. Plus I honestly think it might make it worse if she also just wants to put it behind us and move onto round two. So yeah... thoughts?

"I was completely wasted. It won't happen again."

BTW, this would be a good PSA about drinking too much.

General rule, for good or ill: usually, girls want to talk about things, no matter how embarrassing it might be. That's where your roommate's girlfriend is coming from, if you ask me. It really wouldn't hurt (other than your ego) to talk about it with her... it will only make you appear more humble, communicative, and open to talking about sensitive things, which are all :thumbsup: in most girls' books.

But it's up to you, really.

Fair enough. I generally agree, but let me add something and ask something further. First, she typically doesn't like talking about things. There have been a few occasions where I have tried to broach the subject of where we stood, since we live a distance apart, and our feelings about each other and such, but she would get uncomfortable and want to change the subject. I just assumed it was because she didn't want anything serious, and frankly neither did I, so I just let it slide. That partially informed my wait-and-see strategy here.

Second, assuming you still think I should talk about it. I am certainly open to suggestions about how to bring it up and what I should say beyond explaining what happened and assuring her it wasn't her fault and won't happen again. Also, there's is the distance thing. This doesn't strike me as a phone or email conversation. Should I wait the week until I am back and see her again in person, or is possibly an issue here if, as my friend's girlfriend supposed, she is somehow blaming herself? Lastly, I am concerned about coming off relationship-y. Though I do like her, and think she likes me, it is completely impractical to be too serious about our arrangement, as is it to have anything more than the casual when-you're-town dating arrangement we currently have. I don't want to give the impression that I want or expect more for fear of getting her hopes or, conversely, scaring her off.

What does one say after a night of bad sex?

Let's try that again, baby. It will be much much better while sober.

I agree with abaya that discussing what happened would be a good way to demonstrate your openess and how much you care for the lady.

Many years ago I had a performance issue with a girl I really liked. The relationship was very slow to develop to the point where she was ready to sleep with me. The foreplay was tender and sweet but apparently I had built up a tremendous anticipation for our first time. Almost as soon as I entered her I lost my load.

She was clearly disappointed. There was nowhere to hide. I did manage to blurt out something about how I was so over exited to be with her that I couldn't help it. I told her that it never happened to me before (true statement) and I couldn't imagine it happening again with her.

Well the relationship didn't go anywhere after that and to this day I regret not having tried to discuss it with her again. Maybe it was my ego getting in the way but more probably it was my then shyness about discussing such matters and my huge embarassment about what happened. Since then I have learned that most women appreciate a man's effort to open up about intimate issues and feelings.

I don't want my story to be a downer for you MuadDib; I'm just trying to encourage you to consider opening up with the lady about it. I wish I had done that all those years back.

She may not be a talker but she is definitely a listener....she needs to hear that it was the booze and not her. She may not be comfortable having a full blown conversation about it but she is totally thinking about it, replaying it over and over and trying to figure out what went wrong.

It's not necessary to make a huge deal of it or even over think the process. Say something like, "I am sure you noticed that there was some performance issues the other day, sure hope you'll give me another chance to demonstrate my skills because I have been thinking about how sexy/hot you are and you definitely deserve better."

Don't say this never happens to me....it just hammers home the girl’s irrational idea that it is her and not whiskey dick.

Thanks for the advice all! I'll take it to heart and act on it. However, I still would like some input on rather I need to chat this out asap, or wait to do it in person.

"That was not worth the $500. You wouldn't even let me shit on your chest."

I think that they should restart the old GI Joe cartoons just so that we can have this little PSA. You could have two teenage kids hooking up with the hot teacher who gives them booze and blows them behind the Gas 'N' Sip. When one can't get it up, it's the perfect opportunity to talk about whiskey dick.

Or not.

Man, GI Joe really let me down as a practical and moral compass in life. I think the show needs to be reinstated with the Jazz in charge of the post-show PSA. The world will be a much better place. ;-)

"Because knowing is half the battle."

If you're worried that having this conversation will make her think you're too serious and thinking about a relationship... then don't make it a serious conversation. You can still communicate that it was due to alcohol and that you typically have the ability to screw her senseless, but you'll need to have the confidence to make fun of yourself a bit and act like it's no big deal.

I went through a similar 'whiskey dick' situation with my current g/f a little while ago... the first time was just embarrassing and I felt awful about it, but I shrugged it off and decided that I wouldn't let it get to me b/c that's not who I really am. Luckily, I got another chance at it and everything has been great since... and now we laugh about it together.

I agree that it would be preferable to have this conversation in person, but I don't think it really matters... just as long as you're confident and get your point across without sounding too serious. Isolated incidents like this are only really a problem if you make them one.

Too bad we're not all body-builder hunks swinging diamond plate-covered railroad ties in our pants.

...

It happens. First impressions are first impressions. She should be able to rub enough braincells together to do the You + Excessive Alcohol = Bad Sex equation.

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Drunk girls have it easy. They just lay there.

...

Hey, I wonder how many couples stop dating if someone farts during sex.

BODY MASSAGE - GO!

Well I appreciate the input from everyone. I've gotten the point and sent her a message just a while ago. Basically, I decided that I didn't have to get too much into it unless she wanted to delve deeper. I essentially said that I was completely obliterated then apologized for becoming so "drunk and useless" and said that it won't happen again. I figured it best to take the blame, as it were, by apologizing then leaving the ball in her court to inquire further if she wanted.

Keeping up with the GI Jonses.

I'm pretty sure she didn't think it was her. She probably knew it was the alcohol, or thought it was you.

You could have also made her a coupon with Paint Shop Pro or such and emailed it to her. Something like "Good for one full hour (or night) body massage...sober this time." Up to her to use it or not.

Myself and my girlfriend really don't have anything to compare to having been both virgins to start off with, so we're just happy to have the opportunity to improve when we can, and I'm not worrying too much about her comparing technique that say another more experienced guy would apply. It's just a matter of practice, practice, practice.

Still I have to work on my stamina abit...otherwise I'm sure it would be as awesome for her as it is for myself, I try. I've made my apologies before if it seems to have fallen short for her, but she hasn't left me yet and she never said "Thats it??" I just say I can't help but be overcome by her. :expressionless:

You have to act fast in these situations. It's too late now, but next time, this is what you do. You don't call the next day, or a few days later. You have to act immediately. As soon as you wake up from the night of Bad Sex, you leave $200 bucks on her bedside table, and then sneak out of the house.

Works best if it's her house, not yours.

Wow, how do I rename the thread "[F]rom helpful to inflammatory in just 10 posts."

Oops, sorry. I was trying to be funny, and I apologize if I caused offense.

Nah man it's cool. I'm just playing as well. ;-)

Let the record show that this is Crompsin's fault. I had to follow up.

http://www.hasbro.com/monkeybartv/de...elect&aid=2466

For those of you that miss the old GI Joe cartoons.