Willravel

This is based on nothing but personal experience and completely unreliable reaserch. You've been warned.

There are 28 days in a womans mensrtual cycle. But for fuck's sake you already know that. You probably have a pretty good handle on things, now. You know when to expect it, what symptoms arise, and just what you need to keep it from mucking up your life. Things are good. But what about men?

Well, ladies, there is some scientific research that suggests that men have pseudo-cycles. Man periods (or manrods) are characterized by apathy, indifference, and a slightly decreased libido. Obviously there are going to be massive biochemical differences between a period and a manrod, so I'll start from square one.

From what I can tell, an average manrod has a cycle of 4-6 weeks. Oh, Jeuss, here we go again.

DAY 1 TO 7: The Boys are Back in Town.
What's happening to him: The video game-playing malaise has finally worn off and he's feeling a shit-ton better. A smile has returned and he's getting back out with friends and may even be a bit frisky. The pituitary gland in men releases gonadotropin-stimulating hormone (GSH) at a more regular basis in response to low levels of serum testosterone that are regulating. This hormone then stimulates the testes to start releasing out testosterone. When the testosterone is high enough, the GSH factory stops and serum concentration gradually decreases until the whole process begins again, sometime in the early hours.*
Your strategy: Enjoy this time. The world is his oyster and he may be open to trying new things like that swing dance class you've been bugging him about for 4 years. Settle old arguments. Have dinner with your parents (not his).

DAYS 8-14: He's Normal. Too normal.
What's happening to him: He's calm, he's happy. He's completely forgotten about the malaise that we'll cover at the end of the manrod. Now because his body is totally regulated he's back to average.
Your strategy: Do whatever you normally do.

DAYS 15 TO 21: He Wants to Fuck Your Brains Out.
What's happening to him: Muhahahaha... get ready because now that everything has been running well for a while he's realized that he's gone without sex for a while, or at least it slowed down. By the way, he knows you're looking good and you're probably happy after the past few weeks.
Your strategy: Go play. He's got enough love juice for a few rounds and don't tell us you aren't thinking about it after the swing lessons.

DAY 22-25: He May Knock at the Back Door.
What's happening to him: He's gone batshit fuck crazy. Now might be one of those times that you have a few drinks and let the dog have his bone. It's also a good time to test out things you may have been wanting to try but you weren't sure that he was in to.
Your strategy: Do not let him out of the house. Those handcuffs your slut/friend gave you as a "joke" are for just this time.

DAYS 26 TO 30: He's Sleeping Off That Thing You'll Never Discuss with Anyone
What's happening to him: You know what happened, and it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Be glad that you could make Jenna Jameson blush. BTW, he's exhausted and probably needs aloe vera. This is one of those times where he watches TV for 4 hours straight and he won't listen to you if you talk and there's not a commercial on.
Your strategy: Don't talk during the TV show. We all hate that. Also, we may be a bit snippy. It's not that we're not grateful for that thing, but it hurts to walk.

DAYS 31-36: Don't Argue over Who Does the Dishes.
What's happening to him: The circadian rhythm of testosterone (high in the morning, low in the evening) is a bit off and it's as if someone hit the slow button on him. Not only that, but he feels like suddenly the game is set on hard. He'll have more typos on the computer, he may drive more sluggishly, and expect the video-games to come out. This is the malaise we were talking about.
Your strategy: Go hang out with your friends.

DAYS 37-40: Shhh...It's Sleeping...
What's happening to him: Apathy. Ugh...and indifference. Zzzzzzz.....
Your strategy: So long as he's still actually getting to work on time, just leave him to his own devices.


Memorize this if you want, but I will remind you again that it may very well be complete bullshit. Men don't have menstrual cycles and there is virtually no recent medical data about male hormonal cycles. I might as well trademark the manrod.

I figured it was time to create the other side of my "Hall of Fame" thread about the menstrual cycle. I hope everyone enjoys.

*http://www.altpenis.com/penis_news/male_period.shtml

jewels

Exhausted and needs aloe vera!

Thanks, Will. Funny stuff.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

madp

Will, you should publish a manuscript and submit it to the Oprah show.

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why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

Willravel

Haha... ty.

Madp - while that would be a smart business plan, that woman scares the living shit out of me. Quite frankly I'd be less intimidated being on the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Show wearing an american flag bikini and wearing a Bush mask.