Someone you’re dating reveals they have a STD. How do you proceed? - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Ustwo · 12-28-2007, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jewels443

EDIT: All I ever wanted to get across was that the heterosexual stats have been rising, thus risk rises also, and although he may want to soothe you while you await results, he has no business insinuating that it's a gay disease. No matter how "low" the risk is, people often don't know they have it by the time they've spread it to multiple partners and their partners, etc.

If you want the facts about transmittal and the real numbers, try unaids.org. Lots of PDFs that just came out and are difficult to sift through. But Western European stats amongst heterosexuals is specified as on the rise. New infections as of 2007 are 2.5 million, with 33 million that are currently (reported) living with AIDS.

I don't want to argue about how many tests one should or shouldn't take. If the risk of getting hit by a bus is only 1:100,000, would you run in front of a bus to see what happens? I'd rather see people overly cautious, caring enough about their partners not to take any risk whatsoever, than to say "odds are it'll never happen to me."

So what should the doctor have told her?

Now YOU are the doctor, a panicky young woman comes in because a condom broke. She's worried about AIDS.

You tell her what you think she should hear.

Willravel · 12-28-2007, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ustwo

So what should the doctor have told her?

Now YOU are the doctor, a panicky young woman comes in because a condom broke. She's worried about AIDS.

You tell her what you think she should hear.

"Ma'am, please calm down. We'll have you tested and we can give you the results in a few days. In the meantime, know that you probably don't have AIDS."

Martian · 12-28-2007, 10:39 PM

This whole thread has gotten completely derailed by AIDS.

AIDS doesn't stop me from sticking my man-bit into a willing female. Hell, it doesn't even cause me to wear a raincoat. There are better reasons. Herpes sucks. Syphilis is curable, but still isn't a fun time. And I don't make enough to have my wages garnished for child support. Conveniently enough, there's a method available to me to protect myself from all three as well as AIDS at the same time. So guys, wrap your junk. And girls, don't have casual sex with guys who refuse to wrap their junk. Problem solved.

As to the question posed in the OP, it all depends on the nature of the relationship. If I'm bumping uglies with a girl on a casual basis and she informs me of this, I'm likely to cease such activities. If it's a more lasting relationship than other factors come into play, such as the length of the relationship, the exact nature of my feelings for the lady in question and what disease we're talking. If it's something curable than treatment for her and testing for me are in order. If it's not something curable, well.. see above. I suspect that it would have to be handled on a case by case basis; fortunately, I have not been put in this situation to date.

Jezzabelle · 12-28-2007, 11:19 PM

I was seeing a guy for a while and was pretty confident that if he did have something he would have told me so we didn't use protection because 'I was the only one he was with' one night I was at his house and saw a condom wrapper on the floor and knew it wasn't from out sack sessions so I backed off and didn't sleep with him. One night I called him to talk and he wasn't his normal self so I asked what was wrong and he told me that he had something weird going on down town... he didn't quite tell me what exactly because he didn't know what it was himself. I went to the doctor and got looked at and was told that I was fine. He wasn't able to get into the doctor for a while so his stuff had some time to grow and spread and he figured it was warts (pretty obvious after they grew and spread) so he called and told me. I thought i was ok but I went in for a PAP a year later and it came back abnormal. So I had to have a Colposcopy (not so fun, they tell you it doesn't hurt but all I have to say is 'the hell it doesn't) which came back positive for HPV so at this point I had to tell the guy I was now seeing that I had something... he was really understanding and we continued seeing each other. I went in for another PAP recently and was told that the strain of HPV I have is the one that causes cervical cancer... but when I was checked out the doctor said the affected area looks like it's going away... YAY!!!!

Ustwo · 12-29-2007, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willravel

"Ma'am, please calm down. We'll have you tested and we can give you the results in a few days. In the meantime, know that you probably don't have AIDS."

And how is that substantially different than...

Quote:

I know a young woman who is very sexual. She once told me a story about how during one heated sexual romp, the condom broke. (It was a one night stand in Whistler.) She went to the doctor that week all scared that she had possibly contracted HIV and he looked at her and said, "I know this is politically incorrect, but you have better odds of getting hit by a bus leaving this clinic."

?

Seems the same to me, only my guess is the second would be far more reassuring.

I'll add that I don't think any HIV test will be positive 3 days after contact.

jewels · 12-29-2007, 03:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ustwo

And how is that substantially different than...

It doesn't seem the same to me at all. Will's wording is meant to speak the truth and handle the patient with a good "bedside manner", the other statement is dismissive in attitude, reeking of personal commentary. It seems to come down to perspective, so I'm done.

Quote:

I'll add that I don't think any HIV test will be positive 3 days after contact.

Agreed, the timeframe is 3 - 6 months.

blahblah454 · 12-29-2007, 04:55 AM

Quote:

Disease , Reported cases (1996), Estimated new cases/year
AIDS 66,885 80,000
HIV (not AIDS)*, ** Not reportable in all states Not available
Chlamydia 498,884 4 million
Gonorrhea 325,883 800,000
Syphilis (all stages) 52,976 101,000
Chancroid 386 3,500
Hepatitis A** 31,032 180,000
Hepatitis B** 10,637 128,000
Hepatitis C, non-A/B** 3,716 28,000
Human papilloma virus (HPV)*** Not reportable 500,000 to 1 million
Herpes simplex virus (HSV) 1 & 2**** Not reportable 200,000 to 500,000
Trichomonas Not reportable 3 million
HTLV-I/II** Not reportable Not available
Molluscum contagiosum Not reportable Not available
Lice/Scabies** Not reportable Not available

* = The estimated total number of cases of HIV is 650,000 to 900,000.
** = Can be transmitted through non-sexual ways as well.
*** = HPV causes genital/anal warts.
**** = The estimated total number of cases of HSV-2 alone is 45 million.

http://www.thebody.com/content/art2277.html

Does no one even care about STDs? I think the fact that 1/2 sexually active people have an STD is kind of scary.

Sultana · 12-29-2007, 06:56 AM

AIDS aside, I would have a very difficult time engaging in a physical relationship with someone with an incurable STD, like herpes (the painful, genital kind; no, not referring to simple cold sores on the mouth from time to time). Frankly, that's a hell of a lot of baggage to saddle oneself with for the rest of one's life. I can't see doing it.

If they had something curable, well it's curable. Once it couldn't get spread to me, I don't see why not. I've had throat infections and such in the past, doesn't mean anyone doesn't want to kiss me (that I know of).

noodle · 12-29-2007, 07:10 AM

I honestly don't think that I could make a statement about what my decision would be without actually being in the situation. I've only been with one man, and I'm happy about that, so I'd pretty much know where it came from. And he's fanatical about keeping an eye on anything related to his penis, so he'd know immediately if there was any symptom of anything. If he'd had something and lied about it, that would be another story.

But the main reason I commented here was because I was dx with HPV when I was 18 or 19. And a virgin. No sexual contact of any kind and yet TA DA!!! I magically had an STD. So be careful sometimes before you judge on that one.

Willravel · 12-29-2007, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ustwo

And how is that substantially different than...

Seems the same to me, only my guess is the second would be far more reassuring.

I'll add that I don't think any HIV test will be positive 3 days after contact.

I didn't treat her like she was stupid, and I didn't provide her with a scenario where she was run over by a bus while she was crying about a broken condom. You have to bear in mind that your reaction to something is different than the average person because you often don't give a shit. If I was your doctor, knowing you, I'd be totally blunt with everything and not spare your feelings one bit because that's who you are. If you had cancer, you wouldn't want me dancing around it for a minute in a desperate attempt to soften the blow of the news.

Dr. Willavel to Ustwo: "You've got cancer on your left nut. No, no... on YOUR left. My right. We're going to need to lob it off in the next month, so keep your schedule open."

Dr. Willravel to the average man: "I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but the tests have come back positive for testicular cancer. Don't worry, we will only need to remove one testicle if we do this fast, and there are prosthetic testicles that can take the place of the testicle we're removing. Hopefully your quality of life will not change after we've finished. You can still have kids and, barring any complications, you should still be able to be sexually active after you heal. You're going to make it through this."

ring · 12-29-2007, 11:44 AM

How to deal with an STD that is untreatable is the original question.

Approaching it medically, emotionally, and unfortunately judgementally,
is what I have been reading in these posts so far.

To equate someones maturity level by their diagnosis, seems immature to me.
There are new strains of Hepatitis that cannot even be tested yet.

Hep G is still fairly new. Hep C showed up for many years as a ?
There are roughly 200 strains of HPV.

Being cautious is one thing, writing off a good majority of the population
as sexually leperous, untouchable, and branding them as immorally undesirable is another.

How many times have we read the phrase 'I caught it from a blood tranfusion'
or it must of been a dirty 'acupuncture needle.' People need and use these
phrases because the stigma is real and painful.

I need to find an article I read some time ago...later folks

Prince · 12-29-2007, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Mango

Someone you're dating reveals they have a STD. How do you proceed?

I don't proceed.

12-28-2007, 10:39 PM	#43 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	This whole thread has gotten completely derailed by AIDS. AIDS doesn't stop me from sticking my man-bit into a willing female. Hell, it doesn't even cause me to wear a raincoat. There are better reasons. Herpes sucks. Syphilis is curable, but still isn't a fun time. And I don't make enough to have my wages garnished for child support. Conveniently enough, there's a method available to me to protect myself from all three as well as AIDS at the same time. So guys, wrap your junk. And girls, don't have casual sex with guys who refuse to wrap their junk. Problem solved. As to the question posed in the OP, it all depends on the nature of the relationship. If I'm bumping uglies with a girl on a casual basis and she informs me of this, I'm likely to cease such activities. If it's a more lasting relationship than other factors come into play, such as the length of the relationship, the exact nature of my feelings for the lady in question and what disease we're talking. If it's something curable than treatment for her and testing for me are in order. If it's not something curable, well.. see above. I suspect that it would have to be handled on a case by case basis; fortunately, I have not been put in this situation to date. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

12-29-2007, 06:56 AM	#48 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	AIDS aside, I would have a very difficult time engaging in a physical relationship with someone with an incurable STD, like herpes (the painful, genital kind; no, not referring to simple cold sores on the mouth from time to time). Frankly, that's a hell of a lot of baggage to saddle oneself with for the rest of one's life. I can't see doing it. If they had something curable, well it's curable. Once it couldn't get spread to me, I don't see why not. I've had throat infections and such in the past, doesn't mean anyone doesn't want to kiss me (that I know of). __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

12-29-2007, 11:44 AM	#51 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	How to deal with an STD that is untreatable is the original question. Approaching it medically, emotionally, and unfortunately judgementally, is what I have been reading in these posts so far. To equate someones maturity level by their diagnosis, seems immature to me. There are new strains of Hepatitis that cannot even be tested yet. Hep G is still fairly new. Hep C showed up for many years as a ? There are roughly 200 strains of HPV. Being cautious is one thing, writing off a good majority of the population as sexually leperous, untouchable, and branding them as immorally undesirable is another. How many times have we read the phrase 'I caught it from a blood tranfusion' or it must of been a dirty 'acupuncture needle.' People need and use these phrases because the stigma is real and painful. I need to find an article I read some time ago...later folks Last edited by ring; 12-29-2007 at 11:54 AM..

12-28-2007, 11:19 PM	#44 (permalink)
Jezzabelle Upright	I was seeing a guy for a while and was pretty confident that if he did have something he would have told me so we didn't use protection because 'I was the only one he was with' one night I was at his house and saw a condom wrapper on the floor and knew it wasn't from out sack sessions so I backed off and didn't sleep with him. One night I called him to talk and he wasn't his normal self so I asked what was wrong and he told me that he had something weird going on down town... he didn't quite tell me what exactly because he didn't know what it was himself. I went to the doctor and got looked at and was told that I was fine. He wasn't able to get into the doctor for a while so his stuff had some time to grow and spread and he figured it was warts (pretty obvious after they grew and spread) so he called and told me. I thought i was ok but I went in for a PAP a year later and it came back abnormal. So I had to have a Colposcopy (not so fun, they tell you it doesn't hurt but all I have to say is 'the hell it doesn't) which came back positive for HPV so at this point I had to tell the guy I was now seeing that I had something... he was really understanding and we continued seeing each other. I went in for another PAP recently and was told that the strain of HPV I have is the one that causes cervical cancer... but when I was checked out the doctor said the affected area looks like it's going away... YAY!!!!