Weirdest thing you heard, or said, during sex.
 

A man I dated used to like to shout SHE LOVES MY COCK right at the moment of lift-off.

LOL

lmfao!

quote unquote "are you going to put ALL THAT in there??"

"Why do I feel so dizzy???"

Mommy


No, just kidding. :D

She was joking, but right at the moment of climax, my wife once yelled "I'm a momma tiger!!" I don't know where it came from, or why the hell she chose to say that then, but it all but ruined a good orgasm.

Lol. Haha. These are funny :thumbsup:

"Ahh, Ahhhhh, AHHHHHH, *THUD*...... uuuuggghhhhhh"

She was bent over a chair with me behind, when a leg of the chair broke and slammed her forehead into the table.... the second I realized she was ok I couldn't stop laughing. Needless to say she wasn't too happy I couldn't stop laughing.

"Why is there a smiley face on your junk?"

"Duh! It's happy!"

Wow these are awesome. I have nothing funny to add though :(

Me: "Engage..."

I always like to ask a girl about her parents during our first sexual encounter.

Dunno, man... I wish I had a lady like that. Hot quote.

LOL. It wasn't at the time. It was hilarious. But not hot. But thanks!

There was a time damn near 20 years ago while the Mrs Hat to be and I were horizontal, superimposed, done with the act but still engaged, and I leaned down and whispered in her ear as I was wont to do at that moment, but instead of sweet nothings I said, "Snakes have no arms, that's why they don't wear vests." She cracked up, which was quite stimulating, and, as I recall, lead to another round almost immediately.

She was looking for Mr. Right, she got Steven Wright.

"If your mother could see you now!"
Really stupid comment, she choked and wouldn't go down again.

Guys, if you're getting head and need to warn her you're about to finish, the only acceptable way to do so is yelling, "THE JUICE IS LOOSE!"

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"I haven't been fucked like that since grade school"

Great line. In the book it's "I want to have your abortion."

"How the hell should I know, I'm not a doctor...."

even better.

"The crab escaped...and itt's staring at me." (said by itwasme)

This ain't too weird, but I'm just glad I can contribute:

"What's this spot?"

"A razor burn."

"Oh..."

"Snakes have no arms, that's why they don't wear vests."

Oh, I'm so using this line later, Tophat. I'll let you know how it works out.

Just having reached that climatic moment and winding down, he let rip a hearty one...and then started pumping me hard. "I kicked in the fours".....

"not that one, asshole."

And some people say commas don't matter!

"Oh my god... Oh my god... My feet are numb" That was an odd moment.

A friend's story.... whilst showing his woman friend his ardent love in a bouncy, physical way, she let a fart. He replied,"Quiet now, little one. You're next."

Can't swear it happened, but kinda hope so.

"Your girlfriend decorated this room really nice."

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0362919/

That would be interesting.

ItWasMe to ex-husband: "WTF?? That isn't my name!"

she (after sex): "would you rather have Herpes or HIV?" ... we're both doctors and it turns out she just wanted to talk shop.

Subtle!

Applause...

what a classic

cheers

Unfortunately, I don't have anything witty to add, however, I always crack up when she rips a far during her orgasm, then feels the need to apologize while screaming.

I had just orgasmed, it was one of those head to toe ones i said: "i can't feel my face!!" doesnt sound great but it was funny at the time

The all time best weird events during sex story is this.

holy. freaking. hell. that was ridiculous and a bit unbelievable. However, quite entertaining.

My GF is hilarious. We had some fun and I hit the pillow asking, "I wonder why us guys get so tired after we cum". She quips, "cuz there are no more seamen to row the boat."

too funny. Not the greatest idea to read it in the 911 center though.. Something about people calling for help, and hearing me laughing int he background.

I was in a production of CATS once upon a time, and one night, while cumming, my girlfriend shrieked "Macavity!". If anyone knows the show, it is an often random and (for me) hated reoccuring moment in the show. I laughed so hard that we had to stop

For he's a fiend in feline form, a master of Depravity.


While probing her concavity, McCavity's not there?

Hahaha! Furthermore, it happened to be a friend of her's who was playing Demeter (they had graduated together from a school in T.O.) who is one of the two characters who sings the duet Macavity (she is the "sexy one"). I had "hooked up" with during my first year @ York. She was convinced that she wanted me to Rum Tum Tugger her if you catch my drift (sort of sad if you do). I thought it was her trying to fight about it mid sex after the laugher stopped. I was right.

lol wow that was so long ago.

I'd have to bust out Old Possum's Book of Pornographical Cats to be sure.

/ Never saw Cats.
/ Like Eliot when he's being silly
/ Not so much when he's more erudite than thou.

Been meaning to post this for a while. Couple months ago, it was fairly chilly for nudity in the bedroom, and so I was face down in Mrs Hat's lap under two comforters. We finished that phase of things and I slid up, and the top comforter sort of hung off my head like a hooded cloak. She sez to me, "You look just like a narwhal."

She meant Nazgûl

I laugh about it now, but in the middle of sex with my then girlfriend, she requested I talk dirty to her, and in doing so, I accidently used an ex's last name (they both had the same first name..)
needless to say she pushed me off and was pretty upset.
whoops.

Ha ! I went to this link and my sides have just now stopped hurting from the laughing fit I experienced late last night - while I read and worked hard to not wake up my whole household -- like trying to NOT laugh in church ... the writing style of the 'author' was outstanding ... sample from this piece -- titled: The worst "Anal Sex Accident" The all time best weird events during sex story is this. "" I looked at my date, lying there motionless. I called her name. No response. I called her name while shaking her a bit. Nothing. Fear shot through me, as I thought, "Oh my god, what if she's dead?" But this fear quickly dissipated when I heard her snoring. "

I spent about a hour in that NYC Craigs list of 'stories' Thank you ! My sense of humor appreciates the link ! Ha !

Thank you - originally Posted by loquitur ---

I can't recall the name of the author of this story. He had (and possibly still has) a website of his adventures. He was originally based in Chicago and then later in Miami. They were all over the top and I think were mostly just exercises in creative writing. But all hilarious.

"Taste the rainbow" :)

Tucker Max?

i once said "im gonna fuck your mind out" instead of saying brains

we both just stared at each other and laughed...

Just before sex, he says, "Can I put this pizza box on my head when we do it?"
After I say no and he turns off all the lights and we start doing stuff.
"ohhhh (stops abruptly) what is on your head?"

Bump for post #40 by loquitur

:eek:

The other night my wife we were just laying in bed and I had my iPod Touch and knew my wife was going to give me a little head. I opened a lightsaber app on the iPod, and just as he pulled my cock out of my pants I pressed the button to "unsheath" the lightsaber. The timing was perfect. She started laughing and loved it; I kind of expected an "OMG seriously, you're such a dork".

I see your craigslist asscapades, and raise you Tucker Max

**blaaaahhhhhaahhhhhrghh!!**

Yes. That's the worst thing I ever heard. His ex's name.

Good times.

After my daughter walked in on us, she asked me
"Mommy, why do dogs hump like that? Are they counting the puppies each hump?"

BWAHAHAHA!

Isn't that what they used to call "rodeo fucking"? Where you're doing it doggy style, you say something like that to her, and then hold on for 6 seconds until she bucks you off?

This is the worst and funniest thing I've heard during sex:

I spent the day with this girl in my building in September. We ended up drinking in my room and then kissing. Kissing led to touching. Touching led to undressing. Etc.

She starts the sex. Yes, she. She is also super into it. And just as she is about to come she says:

"I shouldn't be doing this." And then comes really hard.