SPINOFF: Does it matter what your SOs count is?
 

I have had this discussion with one of my friends a lot. He has the notion that the 'number' really matters for him and his partner. He would go out of his way to get a blow job from a girl that he didn't want to increase his 'number' with. He doesn't want a girl with a lot of experience or a high 'number.'

I've even heard of people on the net (a different message board I troll) who refuse to be with a girl who has had more than a partner or two.

To me this is sad, unrealistic and hypocritical. In my personal opinion I want a girl who has some experience because she is more likely to know her own body well, know what she likes and for god sakes if I'm really lucky she might teach me a thing or two.

This being said, I don't mind a girl who doesn't have much experience either. I try and not discriminate.

This of course can be related to the idea of a 'slut/whore' type person who has sex with too many people.

But I guess the question is: How many is too many for you to be interested in?

For me the answer is "its never too many"

I prefer experienced / sexually assertive women. I also prefer she know the first and last name of every guy she's snogged.

The number doesn't count as much as the last STD test does.

...

Witty answer: "As long as it doesn't read like a phone book..."

0,1, or 100. Doesn't really matter to me, so long as she's been safe and responsible.

Then again I hate the virgin/slut dichotomy that women today seem to believe has merit.

EDIT: Unless she's my daughter. Then it stays 0 until she's 50.

I don't want to be another number. In this context, yes it does.

My wife and I have the same number (2). When I initially discovered that she had had sex with someone else before me, I had an irrational surge of jealousy. Two seconds later, my rational brain reminded me that I'd done the same thing.

I don't know how I'd react to a partner with a significantly higher count than me; it's been 20 years since I've dated anyone else. But, you can always say "She's experienced a lot, and she choses me".

I suspect I have an upper limit on how many former partners I'd be comfortable with my potential girlfriend having. This isn't really a matter of double standards so much as one of practicality. I'm in my mid-twenties and my potential partners are in the same age range. Double digits don't bother me, but if she's had more than 20 partners by the time she's 23 or so, I'm gonna have to wonder what's up with that.

So, sort of like Crompsin. Only I don't think I'd expect her to be able to produce a list of every person she's ever made out with; lord knows I can't, although I know the names of all the women I went farther than that with.

I have never had sex with a virgin. I have no particular desire to change that. Let someone else deal with the awkwardness.

I guess I tend to live in the 'now' and really only concentrate on what is happening at the moment.

"shes with me now" type of deal. I often wonder what the motivation is behind the people who want a 'virginal' girl though.

When I was dating, I refused to be anyone's first.

Barring that, the reasons I never dated my 23 year old friend whose number is in the 70's was just our inconvenient inability to be single simultaneously.

ya, I'm with rugger. since I didn't know my (now) wife before I met her, I hardly have any input as to who she's been with. And Vice-versa. But as it turned out, I was her first (she had really over protective parents that she managed to ditch by going away to university) while I had serious relationship # 4 and perhaps more than 10 "dalliances" in my past.

At first I felt badly, but that passed, and we've been together for 25 yrs now.

As long as it's more than zero. I've done the virgin thing too many times as it is.

Funny, I absolutely loved the fact that ktspktsp was a virgin... I found it to be such a relief, incredibly refreshing and attractive, especially since the guy I had dated previous to him (though never slept with) had been with 50+ women and most likely had HPV without knowing it... talk about dangerous goods. I myself had only "been" (if you want to call it that) with one person before that, and was glad to have no memory of the occasion. It certainly hasn't inhibited ktspktsp's and my sex life one bit... in fact, I think we're all the more adventurous/exploratory due to our lack of sexual baggage, personally. But maybe that's just me. :)

I've been with more than a few, and while they were all wonderful people the behavioral patterns of someone who is new to sex are usually (though not always) similar. I never broke up with them as a result of the behavior because I probably behaved in a similar way once upon a time.

I say the more the merrier... that way when she tells me that I'm the best, my ego grows that much bigger.

:lol: I think that goes without saying...

70's, huh? You know, I have this five-letter word which comes to mind... If some girl told me she'd been with 70+ guys by the time she's 23, I'd tell her sayonara without batting an eyelash.

Experience is a 10 letter word.

And AIDS is a four letters.

Apparently this thread is being brought to you by Sesame Street. ;)

There's probably a cut-off point at which the age and number just don't seem "right". I mean... 70+ partners at 23... that just seems like a lot. It's not a judgment, but... it *feels* like a lot of people for that age.

Granted, though, if you think of the pure number, if she'd been having sex since maybe 17, that's one partner a month (70 partners/6 years= ~12 per year). If actively dating, that's really not that outlandish an accomplishment (especially for a female).

(of course that's nothing like the best friend of a good friend of mine, both chicks, whose number was "over 200" by her own enthusiastic admission and had been having sex for only 3 years at the time)

As for me, I can't honestly say the number is meaningless. Of course, I wouldn't ask until well into a relationship, because THEN it wouldn't matter to my brain/ego.

I'm not saying she has to be a virgin or have had only one or two before me, I'm saying there's an upper limit that's just going to make me feel uncomfortable. Would I date a girl who hit 70 when she was 23? Probably, because I likely wouldn't find that out until after hearing such news would no longer make any difference. It's not my business "how many".

Easy to rack up a body count when you play catcher.

Given your earlier posts today, I would have figured you'd be all for forgiveness and nonjudgement since that's the Christian thing to do.

Go figure.

On topic, as long as she's not doing someone else when she doing me, I don't care. I honestly have no idea exactly how many men my wife has been with, although I expect it's between 5 and 7. But if it's over 100, that's not going to change how I feel about her or how she feels about me.

This just seems like an excuse to feel inadequate. I refuse to play that game.

Hrrrm... I'm just trying to imagine how someone could screw 100 people in a matter of, say, 5 years. Busy beaver!

That's a whole lot of sweaty balls slapping on her thighs.

Ask Ustwo. Or Deltona Couple. Or any one of the other swingers we have roaming around here.

It ain't nothin' but a number, baby. Don't mean shit.

A.) Forgiveness doesn't mean acceptabce and B.) There's no passage in the Bible saying I'm not allowed to pass judgment on others (FYI). Anywho, seventy partners at 23-years old is a lot-- Hell, it's A LOT for any age for either sex in any country. Experience be damned, there are far too many STD's floating around to even make me contemplate being with someone who so recklessly sleeps around. Not only that, but chances are she's not really looking for any kind of serious relationship... >_>

Good thing Dave didnt think like that

I get so sick and tired of hearing people say a woman cant sleep around (if not currently in a mono relationship) and still be looking for something serious.

There is NOTHING wrong with a woman that fucks cause she enjoys it....I repeat nothing.

Rom. 14:10 But you, why do you judge your brother? Or you again, why do you regard your brother with contempt? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of God.

Rom. 14:13 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this-- not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother's way.

Yeah, definitely don't wanna be number 71.

I like to be taken seriously.

As for the virgin thing, here's what applies to me. Sex is not just sex to me; I refuse to sleep with any one whom I don't love. I'm a virgin, she's a virgin. I think sex is an extremely intimate area where we both can venture together. It wouldn't be fair to either of us if one of us isn't a virgin because it'd be "been there, done that, what else is new?" thing. Thankfully, I was able to experience that and it's a one-time thing for me. Next girl need not apply. But the above rule still does: I don't want to be another notch on her belt.

Ya know, I don't think me and my wife have ever even had this type of discussion..

Why the fuck do I care? She's clean, I'm clean.. we had fun.. we still have fun.. we'll continue to have fun.

Why would I want to focus on the past? I mean really?? Does a fucking number really change your opinions of that person? If a chick wants to fuck 70 people by the time she's 23, then power to her. It's her life, her choice. If I want to fuck everything I can by the time I'm 23, power to me. It's all about being smart and responsible about it. That trumps any number a person can throw out there.

I'm seriously trying to think of a way to respond to this in a corteous manner, but-- Ummm--- Yeah, I can't lol. So, without further ado, I give you a gigantic "Wtf???" Typically I tend not to care so much about people engaging in premarital sex but I do find it a tad bit... Odd... To hear someone who calls herself a Christian say there's nothing wrong with anyone sleeping around because they enjoy it. Do what you want but don't try to justify it if you know it's contrary to the teachings you ascribe to.

O_o

That is all.

Matthew 7:3-5.

3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Do I win? lol >_>

and this is why I'll never believe in some bible..

anywhoo.. back to the topic at hand.

Good point and well taken.

You're kidding, right? Shani's already given you two examples. Even an uninterested agnostic like me knows the Lords Prayer well enough to get that. Do I really have to go digging through online bibles to prove you wrong or are you just going to conceed that you're simply being contrarian and didn't really mean it.

Condoms.

It's only a number.

Chances are that she could be looking for a serious relationship after getting out of an "experimental" phase. I know there are churches in Texas that conduct "revirginizing" ceremonies to forgive (!) those who had sex before marriage. What if she went through one of those?

Where's the Minosa Line here? Is it 10? 15? 25? 40? There is a number here that is the straw. Where is it? If there's not, then it doesn't matter. If she loves you and you love her (because I know you won't have sex outside a committed relationship), why does it matter at all?

Oooohh...Battle of the Bible Passages. This is gonna be goo-ood. Somebody get the beer on ice, while I get some popcorn popped.

And...no, IL. You don't win yet. All I got out of that was that someone was working in a woodshop without their safety glasses on.

*Points to his last post*

Don't protect 100% against STD's. The more people you're with the greater your chance of contracting something. Really, that's just not appealing to me. Plus, there's something negative to be said about someone who simply sleeps around to sleep around.

Chances are you'd be "Just a number" to someone who's been with 70+ people.

I do believe that the worldwide average for sexual partners for women is something around 6. She has about 12 times that many and she's only 23. I'd be willing to bet everything I own that she hasn't gone through one of those phases and doesn't plan on going through one of those phases for quite some time. A tiger can't change it's stripes, after all ;)

For me, probably around five. Any more than that then red flags start to go off in my head.

Chances are that if you don't care what a person's experience is, you don't care if you're just a number or not.

Chances are that some people don't hold a person's sexuality against them.

Chances are some people don't care and other's do. You choose to set your number at 5. I choose to worry with it. The past is the past. What matters is what is currently happening.

pass the popcorn please.

[sigh]

I_L from your own website referrence:

Linkety Dinkety

I can't believe that we're having a debate about the Bible, and I know it better than you. Honestly, I would have thought that idea silly last week, but here we are, me being right and you talking nonsense. Not only do you not win, you lose because of your own ammunition.

So what you're saying is that if I find a woman that you'd call a "whore" or a "slut" that would fall in love with you, marry you and birth your babies, I get everything? And once a woman's had more than 5 partners she's off the market for you? Wow, talk about limiting...

Phrases like "chances are" define theories with holes big enough to drive trucks through.

Threadjack within a spinoff. Go figure.

All right. Fine. Maybe passing judgment wasn't the best use of words. I still don't back down from what I said earlier, though (About 70+ parners).

Darn skippy. You call it limiting, I call it having a sense of values.

What would you think the chances of her really being interested in a real relationship are? I would say slim to none, but that'd be a gross overestimate.

I always assumed men who say i need a virgin or an unexperienced women were just scared that they would not measure up to her previous partners ability and SIZE and hence wanted a virgin. either way just stupid.

if she/he is clean then play ball. big deal if its 2 or 200. just think of all the tricks they might have picked up along the way! rraawwarrrr

OK, now that we've gotten the whole "There's no passage in the Bible saying I'm not allowed to pass judgment on others " sidetrack taken care of (there are several and some could argue that it's the whole point of the second half of the book), let's get back to the numbers.

Let's assume that you meet a recently evangalized young woman in church who's just cute as a button. You hit it off well and go on to refer to her as your soul mate. Then you find out that she used to be a "slut" and had 15 partners before she found God. What do you do?

:thumbsup:

That's an easy answer; Nothing would change. I simply don't want to be with someone who's been with an unusually high number of guys, no matter what the circumstances. It's pretty easy to understand.

And what would Jesus call that kind of attitude?

Don't forget that Jesus made a very clear point of chillin' with whores, and treating them just like he treated everyone else.

Man judges by what he sees, God looks upon the heart.