SPINOFF: Does it matter what your SOs count is?
 

I have had this discussion with one of my friends a lot. He has the notion that the 'number' really matters for him and his partner. He would go out of his way to get a blow job from a girl that he didn't want to increase his 'number' with. He doesn't want a girl with a lot of experience or a high 'number.'

I've even heard of people on the net (a different message board I troll) who refuse to be with a girl who has had more than a partner or two.

To me this is sad, unrealistic and hypocritical. In my personal opinion I want a girl who has some experience because she is more likely to know her own body well, know what she likes and for god sakes if I'm really lucky she might teach me a thing or two.

This being said, I don't mind a girl who doesn't have much experience either. I try and not discriminate.

This of course can be related to the idea of a 'slut/whore' type person who has sex with too many people.

But I guess the question is: How many is too many for you to be interested in?

For me the answer is "its never too many"

I prefer experienced / sexually assertive women. I also prefer she know the first and last name of every guy she's snogged.

The number doesn't count as much as the last STD test does.

...

Witty answer: "As long as it doesn't read like a phone book..."

0,1, or 100. Doesn't really matter to me, so long as she's been safe and responsible.

Then again I hate the virgin/slut dichotomy that women today seem to believe has merit.

EDIT: Unless she's my daughter. Then it stays 0 until she's 50.

I don't want to be another number. In this context, yes it does.

My wife and I have the same number (2). When I initially discovered that she had had sex with someone else before me, I had an irrational surge of jealousy. Two seconds later, my rational brain reminded me that I'd done the same thing.

I don't know how I'd react to a partner with a significantly higher count than me; it's been 20 years since I've dated anyone else. But, you can always say "She's experienced a lot, and she choses me".

I suspect I have an upper limit on how many former partners I'd be comfortable with my potential girlfriend having. This isn't really a matter of double standards so much as one of practicality. I'm in my mid-twenties and my potential partners are in the same age range. Double digits don't bother me, but if she's had more than 20 partners by the time she's 23 or so, I'm gonna have to wonder what's up with that.

So, sort of like Crompsin. Only I don't think I'd expect her to be able to produce a list of every person she's ever made out with; lord knows I can't, although I know the names of all the women I went farther than that with.

I have never had sex with a virgin. I have no particular desire to change that. Let someone else deal with the awkwardness.

I guess I tend to live in the 'now' and really only concentrate on what is happening at the moment.

"shes with me now" type of deal. I often wonder what the motivation is behind the people who want a 'virginal' girl though.

When I was dating, I refused to be anyone's first.

Barring that, the reasons I never dated my 23 year old friend whose number is in the 70's was just our inconvenient inability to be single simultaneously.

ya, I'm with rugger. since I didn't know my (now) wife before I met her, I hardly have any input as to who she's been with. And Vice-versa. But as it turned out, I was her first (she had really over protective parents that she managed to ditch by going away to university) while I had serious relationship # 4 and perhaps more than 10 "dalliances" in my past.

At first I felt badly, but that passed, and we've been together for 25 yrs now.

As long as it's more than zero. I've done the virgin thing too many times as it is.

Funny, I absolutely loved the fact that ktspktsp was a virgin... I found it to be such a relief, incredibly refreshing and attractive, especially since the guy I had dated previous to him (though never slept with) had been with 50+ women and most likely had HPV without knowing it... talk about dangerous goods. I myself had only "been" (if you want to call it that) with one person before that, and was glad to have no memory of the occasion. It certainly hasn't inhibited ktspktsp's and my sex life one bit... in fact, I think we're all the more adventurous/exploratory due to our lack of sexual baggage, personally. But maybe that's just me. :)

I've been with more than a few, and while they were all wonderful people the behavioral patterns of someone who is new to sex are usually (though not always) similar. I never broke up with them as a result of the behavior because I probably behaved in a similar way once upon a time.

I say the more the merrier... that way when she tells me that I'm the best, my ego grows that much bigger.

:lol: I think that goes without saying...

70's, huh? You know, I have this five-letter word which comes to mind... If some girl told me she'd been with 70+ guys by the time she's 23, I'd tell her sayonara without batting an eyelash.

Experience is a 10 letter word.

And AIDS is a four letters.

Apparently this thread is being brought to you by Sesame Street. ;)

There's probably a cut-off point at which the age and number just don't seem "right". I mean... 70+ partners at 23... that just seems like a lot. It's not a judgment, but... it *feels* like a lot of people for that age.

Granted, though, if you think of the pure number, if she'd been having sex since maybe 17, that's one partner a month (70 partners/6 years= ~12 per year). If actively dating, that's really not that outlandish an accomplishment (especially for a female).

(of course that's nothing like the best friend of a good friend of mine, both chicks, whose number was "over 200" by her own enthusiastic admission and had been having sex for only 3 years at the time)

As for me, I can't honestly say the number is meaningless. Of course, I wouldn't ask until well into a relationship, because THEN it wouldn't matter to my brain/ego.

I'm not saying she has to be a virgin or have had only one or two before me, I'm saying there's an upper limit that's just going to make me feel uncomfortable. Would I date a girl who hit 70 when she was 23? Probably, because I likely wouldn't find that out until after hearing such news would no longer make any difference. It's not my business "how many".

Easy to rack up a body count when you play catcher.

Given your earlier posts today, I would have figured you'd be all for forgiveness and nonjudgement since that's the Christian thing to do.

Go figure.

On topic, as long as she's not doing someone else when she doing me, I don't care. I honestly have no idea exactly how many men my wife has been with, although I expect it's between 5 and 7. But if it's over 100, that's not going to change how I feel about her or how she feels about me.

This just seems like an excuse to feel inadequate. I refuse to play that game.

Hrrrm... I'm just trying to imagine how someone could screw 100 people in a matter of, say, 5 years. Busy beaver!

That's a whole lot of sweaty balls slapping on her thighs.

Ask Ustwo. Or Deltona Couple. Or any one of the other swingers we have roaming around here.

It ain't nothin' but a number, baby. Don't mean shit.

A.) Forgiveness doesn't mean acceptabce and B.) There's no passage in the Bible saying I'm not allowed to pass judgment on others (FYI). Anywho, seventy partners at 23-years old is a lot-- Hell, it's A LOT for any age for either sex in any country. Experience be damned, there are far too many STD's floating around to even make me contemplate being with someone who so recklessly sleeps around. Not only that, but chances are she's not really looking for any kind of serious relationship... >_>

Good thing Dave didnt think like that

I get so sick and tired of hearing people say a woman cant sleep around (if not currently in a mono relationship) and still be looking for something serious.

There is NOTHING wrong with a woman that fucks cause she enjoys it....I repeat nothing.

Rom. 14:10 But you, why do you judge your brother? Or you again, why do you regard your brother with contempt? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of God.

Rom. 14:13 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this-- not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother's way.

Yeah, definitely don't wanna be number 71.

I like to be taken seriously.

As for the virgin thing, here's what applies to me. Sex is not just sex to me; I refuse to sleep with any one whom I don't love. I'm a virgin, she's a virgin. I think sex is an extremely intimate area where we both can venture together. It wouldn't be fair to either of us if one of us isn't a virgin because it'd be "been there, done that, what else is new?" thing. Thankfully, I was able to experience that and it's a one-time thing for me. Next girl need not apply. But the above rule still does: I don't want to be another notch on her belt.

Ya know, I don't think me and my wife have ever even had this type of discussion..

Why the fuck do I care? She's clean, I'm clean.. we had fun.. we still have fun.. we'll continue to have fun.

Why would I want to focus on the past? I mean really?? Does a fucking number really change your opinions of that person? If a chick wants to fuck 70 people by the time she's 23, then power to her. It's her life, her choice. If I want to fuck everything I can by the time I'm 23, power to me. It's all about being smart and responsible about it. That trumps any number a person can throw out there.

I'm seriously trying to think of a way to respond to this in a corteous manner, but-- Ummm--- Yeah, I can't lol. So, without further ado, I give you a gigantic "Wtf???" Typically I tend not to care so much about people engaging in premarital sex but I do find it a tad bit... Odd... To hear someone who calls herself a Christian say there's nothing wrong with anyone sleeping around because they enjoy it. Do what you want but don't try to justify it if you know it's contrary to the teachings you ascribe to.

O_o

That is all.

Matthew 7:3-5.

3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Do I win? lol >_>

and this is why I'll never believe in some bible..

anywhoo.. back to the topic at hand.

Good point and well taken.

You're kidding, right? Shani's already given you two examples. Even an uninterested agnostic like me knows the Lords Prayer well enough to get that. Do I really have to go digging through online bibles to prove you wrong or are you just going to conceed that you're simply being contrarian and didn't really mean it.

Condoms.

It's only a number.

Chances are that she could be looking for a serious relationship after getting out of an "experimental" phase. I know there are churches in Texas that conduct "revirginizing" ceremonies to forgive (!) those who had sex before marriage. What if she went through one of those?

Where's the Minosa Line here? Is it 10? 15? 25? 40? There is a number here that is the straw. Where is it? If there's not, then it doesn't matter. If she loves you and you love her (because I know you won't have sex outside a committed relationship), why does it matter at all?

Oooohh...Battle of the Bible Passages. This is gonna be goo-ood. Somebody get the beer on ice, while I get some popcorn popped.

And...no, IL. You don't win yet. All I got out of that was that someone was working in a woodshop without their safety glasses on.

*Points to his last post*

Don't protect 100% against STD's. The more people you're with the greater your chance of contracting something. Really, that's just not appealing to me. Plus, there's something negative to be said about someone who simply sleeps around to sleep around.

Chances are you'd be "Just a number" to someone who's been with 70+ people.

I do believe that the worldwide average for sexual partners for women is something around 6. She has about 12 times that many and she's only 23. I'd be willing to bet everything I own that she hasn't gone through one of those phases and doesn't plan on going through one of those phases for quite some time. A tiger can't change it's stripes, after all ;)

For me, probably around five. Any more than that then red flags start to go off in my head.

Chances are that if you don't care what a person's experience is, you don't care if you're just a number or not.

Chances are that some people don't hold a person's sexuality against them.

Chances are some people don't care and other's do. You choose to set your number at 5. I choose to worry with it. The past is the past. What matters is what is currently happening.

pass the popcorn please.

[sigh]

I_L from your own website referrence:

Linkety Dinkety

I can't believe that we're having a debate about the Bible, and I know it better than you. Honestly, I would have thought that idea silly last week, but here we are, me being right and you talking nonsense. Not only do you not win, you lose because of your own ammunition.

So what you're saying is that if I find a woman that you'd call a "whore" or a "slut" that would fall in love with you, marry you and birth your babies, I get everything? And once a woman's had more than 5 partners she's off the market for you? Wow, talk about limiting...

Phrases like "chances are" define theories with holes big enough to drive trucks through.

Threadjack within a spinoff. Go figure.

All right. Fine. Maybe passing judgment wasn't the best use of words. I still don't back down from what I said earlier, though (About 70+ parners).

Darn skippy. You call it limiting, I call it having a sense of values.

What would you think the chances of her really being interested in a real relationship are? I would say slim to none, but that'd be a gross overestimate.

I always assumed men who say i need a virgin or an unexperienced women were just scared that they would not measure up to her previous partners ability and SIZE and hence wanted a virgin. either way just stupid.

if she/he is clean then play ball. big deal if its 2 or 200. just think of all the tricks they might have picked up along the way! rraawwarrrr

OK, now that we've gotten the whole "There's no passage in the Bible saying I'm not allowed to pass judgment on others " sidetrack taken care of (there are several and some could argue that it's the whole point of the second half of the book), let's get back to the numbers.

Let's assume that you meet a recently evangalized young woman in church who's just cute as a button. You hit it off well and go on to refer to her as your soul mate. Then you find out that she used to be a "slut" and had 15 partners before she found God. What do you do?

:thumbsup:

That's an easy answer; Nothing would change. I simply don't want to be with someone who's been with an unusually high number of guys, no matter what the circumstances. It's pretty easy to understand.

And what would Jesus call that kind of attitude?

Don't forget that Jesus made a very clear point of chillin' with whores, and treating them just like he treated everyone else.

Man judges by what he sees, God looks upon the heart.

She'd never cheated on anyone, just taken advantage of the times when she was single. I was #71, I think there's been another two since then, both serious relationships, one of whom she is still with.

Sticking to ones values? :D

I'll 'chill' with anyone. Nothing says I have to date them.

Is it just me or is this a contradiction? Nothing would change between you and this fictional woman. But you don't want to be with someone who's been with an "unusually high" number of guys no matter what the circumstances.

Yet there you are with this fictional woman and nothing's changed.

I'm still trying to figure out why you think this matters if the person wants the same thing out of the relationships as you.

So if I give you her phone number, and you call her, and she tells you how she's effectively engaged now, I get everything you own? Do you have anything cool?

I still stand by the fact that it is more dangerous (in terms of disease) to sleep with someone who's slept with 'a few' people' and isn't informed enough to use protection properly every time, and is too ashamed to get checked, than it is to have a roll in the hay with an independant woman who knows how to take care of herself. If sex with many people was inherently dangerous, we'd have a lot of dead porn stars.

Abaya, I'm starting to think that I_L knows a different 8 lb 6 oz Baby Jesus than you and I do.

What I mean is I wouldn't be with her because nothing would have changed in my stance, not what I would be with her but not changing my stance (If that last part makes any sense at all).

Is she 23? And ummm... Nope. I have nothing cool. Sorry.

Sure... as long as we agree that the Pharisees loved sticking to their values more than they loved Christ.

Yeah, well we all know that Jesus didn't date, period. But nowhere in the Bible does it say to hold someone's sexual past against them; quite the opposite. God looks at the heart. I don't see a whole lot of room for interpretation there.

Funnily enough, the Bible DOES say not to have sex before marriage, so it's interesting that you've decided to take such a lenient stance on that one, hmm...

Most people that don't have sex before marriage make that decision based on fear. Jesus Christ are they missing out. One person, and he/she is a virgin? That's like having a PBJ for every lunch for the rest of your life and never knowing what cold lamb or roast pheasant sandwiches taste like. At the most you get up to organic peanut butter, with jam and bread you make yourself. Delicious, of course, but you're still only getting a fraction of experience.

BTW, I looked up funnily and was surprised to find that it is a word. You learn something new every day, so ty abaya.

...So why bring it up, then?

Okay... In case you haven't noticed, I'm not God, so I don't (And can't anyway lol). Still, everyone has preferences. Mine is that I don't want someone who has been around the proverbial block. It's really just that simple.

If I really, really, REALLY wanted to I could scream "Fornicators!". But I choose not to. Pus it'd make me a hypocrite. Therefore, I typically say nothing regarding those who choose engage in premarital sex. Simple, isn't it? =D

I'll avoid the "How many partners would Jesus want me to have" aspect of this thread and say that the only problem I would have with my wife's previous partner count, is that count growing after we were married. Were I not able to accept the fact that she, like me, was sexually active prior to our relationship she would have been better off without me for the last 23 years.

And I half suspect that there are a fair amount of men who take issue to the number of partners a woman has had due to insecurity rather than "sticking to their values".

Except that it begs the question of why you're so adamant in following some tenets of the bible, but are perfectly okay with ignoring others; particularly when the one you're ignoring and the one you're espousing are essentially the same sin.

Nope, she's now 25, after having been in (and currently being in) two serious relationships since then.

Will, just because someone has only had one partner does not mean that they "waited until marriage;" I think you know that. Also, I wasn't suggesting that waiting till marriage was a good idea, but I'm holding I_L to his "good values"... which he has clearly drawn from the Bible. They are not my values, but I see them as relevant to the discussion as long as he's involved.Since you've put yourself out there as a Christian, it's relevant to pretty much everything you say. Be imitators of God. That's as clear as day, from what I remember. Well, except that it's not that simple. I can understand preferences, especially based on health reasons (you're right, condoms do not protect against all STD's). However, your reasons are not "simple" preferences. You are actively making judgments about the morality of people based on their number of sexual partners, which is more than just preference.
Yeah, your last word is the key one. It clarifies a lot. As does Psycho Dad's last sentence.

Psycho Dad: don't know if your first sentence was addressed to me, but I'm certainly not suggesting that Jesus would give a rat's ass about how many partners anyone has had. Pretty much the opposite. However, having formerly (long ago) called myself a Christian, I am always amazed at the lengths to which people will go to justify themselves using "good values" and "moral judgment," linking that to sexual activity and the Bible in various ways that please their lifestyle. Go figure. I prefer hell. :lol:

Ummm... Ummm... Ummm... Didn't I already explain this? No one said I actively pick and choose what I adhere to. I did say, however, that it'd be hypocritical of me to get on other people's case about things which I've done, so I don't. It's really easy to understand >_>

You tried to make a point by linking it with an irrelevency (Since Jesus didn't date), so I'm still puzzled as to what your intentions were and/or what you were trying to prove.

Actually, it is that simple. You're just trying to make it more complicated then it really is. If I wanted to judge morality, I'd just say "I'm not dating any non-Christian!" That'd be much more effective, wouldn't you say? Yes, I believe it would.

No worries. You'll get your wish :D

(Just had to get that in.)

Except that this doesn't actually explain anything. It's my understanding that all sins are damnable and that in the eyes of God there's no real difference. One partner or a thousand, they both break the same rule. How is it not hypocritical, then, to admit to premarital sex in one breath and condemn others for the same thing in the next? That seems to be the very definition of hypocritical to me.

If the number is significant from a theological standpoint, who decides what the appropriate number is? I'll admit that it's been several years since I read the bible, but I don't remember any passages that say 'breaking this commandment six times is cool, but seven is too much.'

I have no issue with wanting someone who may be limited due to personal comfort. As I said above, I'm pretty sure there is a number I'd be uncomfortable with myself, although I've never actually sat down and figured out exactly where that line is, nor have I encountered it. The difference is that I don't pass judgment on people who have surpassed that hypothetical number, except insofar as I don't think I'd personally want to add to it any further. If having a flavour of the week makes someone happy, who am I to tell them otherwise?

I guess what I'm saying is that I see no need to couch your own personal comfort in biblical terms, and that to condemn people based on that logic seems a bit weak to me. Perhaps you can clarify that, though.

Once again, because I don't. You've never seen me tell anyone they're going to hell because they'd engaged in premarital sex, have you? No, you haven't. And you haven't for the reasons stated above. This isn't to say I couldn't (And boy could I ever), but I don't because I choose not to. Now, if you want me to start, I can lol

I never said it had any theological basing. I did say, however, it's a personal preference. Big difference.

See: Post #31

Well, you see, you'd have a point if I was couching my own comfort in Biblical terms.

*Points above to his previous response*

It wasn't.

Considering I've only ever had one female sexual partner, the chances are any girl I'll sleep with in the future will have had many more partners than me.

Honestly, it doesn't bother me though. They had a life before they met me, I have no right to get jealous and weird about what they did before then.

The only thing I'm interested in is what the sex we're having now is like and that we both have the same expectations and understanding of our relationship.

Being honest with myself, there is an upper limit where I might feel a bit uncomfortable. But honestly, it's something I can get over.

Cheers :)

*Resists the urge to unleash a deluge of Biblical quotations.*

I don't think it matters at all. If they are clean and honest about their past (if you choose to ask), who cares? If someone was 23, had been with 70+ people and was behaving in a way that might suggest the continuation of that lifestyle, then I, personally, would not be interested in them. I don't want to be another notch but I don't care how many notches a person has, providing they're genuinely interested in me.

Good point.

So how come when I do it...the cops get all pissy? I wonder how that argument would work during an arraignment.

Can we end the threadjack please?
1) There are tons of different interpretations of the Bible. No ones interpretation is right and no ones interpretation is wrong.
2) Refer back to #1.
3) Threadjacking sucks.

*busts through the walls, jumps up a soapbox labeled #71*

I forget who said it (Se7en?), but I think it applies a little:

"What sick little puppets we are and what a gross stage we dance on, dancing, laughing, fucking, all the while not realising that we are nothing. We are not what was intended."



The Great Reverend says:

...

Tell me again how having sex with 70 different people doesn't cheapen it.

Conversation is awesome, but how about those who want to walk about The Bible create a new thread somewhere, where it can be discussed at length without impeding the discussion people are having here?

Both discussions are worthy of having their own space, let's not derail a good thread (any more than it already has been). I think many people were really getting into the concepts presented here, and it'd be cool if we could go back to focusing on that.

Not when it involves the bible. Turns out? The bible is the all time best seller and has lead to more deaths than cigarettes, firearms, and automobiles.

Like I was saying... high sexual body counts probably cheapen sex.

Just like drugs: You start small and eventually not even meth does it for you.

Back to the OP....

I honestly never asked. I didn't want to know. I still don't want to, four years on and off later. My SO knows that my number was zero before him. Some days he likes that, sometimes he complains. I don't regret it one bit.
So by default, he's got more experience. What matters to me, like someone else said (PsychoDad, I think?), is that the number doesn't increase while we are together.

I still hold by my comment in the Ladies' Lounge a few months back...

How would you know how many others your lover has had unless you asked? And why would you?

Low
Self
Esteem
/end thread

I personally consider 'disclosing sexual history' to be a natural and necessary step in the development of a relationship. I don't expect an itemized list or anything like that, but getting a rough idea of where she's been and when falls firmly into the 'getting to know you' process.

EDIT - for cross-post with willravel. I don't think it's an issue of self-esteem as such. More one of self-protection. If she has a history of wild unprotected sex with outlaw bikers, I would want to know that. Conversely, if she's only been with one other guy I want to know that too; in that case, I'll know that I should probably be a bit more gentle than I might be with a more experienced girl.

Either way, it seems like prudent information to have.

Natural and necessary is both parties being tested before becoming sexually active. I've dated my fair share of liars, and anyone else who's dated quite a bit will agree. Women can give a far lower number.

Funny... I remember in sex ed class they said the one question you should ask your partner is how many other partners they've had. Didn't think it had anything to do with self-esteem.

I think its a stupid question designed to keep anyone from getting laid.

It would really break the mood.

Any answer greater than one puts you at risk, therefore the question to ask is 'are you a virgin'.

So the rule should be only virgins are allowed to have sex with a new partners, but only if they are a virgin too.

Mmmmm that sounds familiar.

Good thing I'm a sinner.

Do you think they were referring to Deuteronomy or Matthew?

The clear point is that partners can lie and blood tests are more reliable.

I think a distinction needs to be drawn here; personally, I see a big difference between a casual sex partner and a significant other. If you're just out to get laid than you're probably not going to have much success asking your companion of the evening how many partners they've had. At best you're inviting them to lie to you, although I suppose it would be a good way to protect yourself from STD's; as Ustwo pointed out, I can't imagine anything actually happening after you ask a question like that. This type of encounter carries an inherent risk and it's only sensible to be cognizant of that and take reasonable steps to protect oneself.

Dealing with a long-term partner, however, is a whole 'nother animal. In those circumstances (as presented in the OP) I would consider it a valid question. Personally, I select my long-term partners based on character traits that I find appealing, rather than sexual compatibility. Those character traits include honesty and integrity, which I expect from those around me every bit as much as I do from myself. If she tells me that she's had two partners before me and used condoms every time then I probably won't be as adamant on blood tests than if she's had ten and has had unprotected sex with all of them. The circumstances dictate the response. Yes, it's true that she could be lying, but if I thought that were the case I wouldn't be with her to begin with.

Bingo. Always a worry of mine.

The number and the variety tells the story, I think. Regardless of gender.

Yes, oh-shit-I-said-it, men can be included in this here babble.

"This one time... I had sex with the Dallas Cowboys. All of them."

Like whoa.

It's like GI Joe says in those post-cartoon PSAs: Knowledge makes for safer sex.

okay so why the need then to ask how many partners? why not just ask if she is clean? if that is the main concern.

Feel free to ask any questions of your SO. Just be prepared for 2 things.

1. He/She may not want to share the information (regardless of number)
2. You will have to live with knowing the answer.

If you can accept both of these I would have no problem asking, if you cannot, then I would not.

Btw, to put my input in. Both my wife and I asked each other before we were married and are both comfortable and accepting of the answers.

-Peace

for someone i'm seriously dating, i agree with martian that it's a pretty natural topic in learning about your partner's pyschology, background, personality, etc. part of that whole bit where you give your personal histories. if you're just having sex; the question is probably pointless, and i don't see why it would matter. you're rolling the dice and you know it. you wrap it up or flush her out with a garden hose or bring biological agents and organic solvents mixed up in a squeegee bottle - whatever your particular approach, that's part of the game. if i assume i'm trying to get my funk on with her, then why get judgemental about it? although it probably does help you be discriminating about the whole thing. people on opposite sides of this question are just going to give each other headaches if they do actually manage to trip into each other's special purposes.

Dude, you should teach sex ed in Africa.

i'm on paid retainer for several high-ranking nigerian and south african public figures, now that you mention it.

My number for significant others is 3 I'd say, I'll be the third, but anymore than that and I stay clear unless I'm drunk or something.

I think its a pretty satisfying number.

Dante Hicks: You said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him!
Veronica Loughran: Because I never HAD sex with him.
Dante Hicks: You sucked his dick!
Veronica Loughran: We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, WHY did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys?
Veronica Loughran: Because I DID only have sex with three different guys; that doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous!
Veronica Loughran: I'm sorry, Dante, I thought you understood!
Dante Hicks: I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said!
Veronica Loughran: Please calm down.
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: Dante...
Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran: Let it go!
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many?
[long pause as customer buys something]
Dante Hicks: Well?
Veronica Loughran: Something like... 36.
Dante Hicks: What? Something like 36?
Veronica Loughran: Lower your voice.
Dante Hicks: Wait a minute, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?
Veronica Loughran: Ummm... 37.
Dante Hicks: I'm 37?
Dante Hicks: Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot! - Hey pal, where the fuck do you think you're going?

You're holding out for a chick who's only had sex with 2 or less people?

I've never even thought of asking someone how many people they've slept with. The only thing that matters to me is that they're clean. Period.

Personally, I try not to be anyones first or second. Mostly because of the inability of most people to differentiate love from sex. Then again, I had no idea my current boyfriend was a virgin when I met him and it wouldn't have stopped me in that case because of the connection we made. Two years later, we're still together and he still hasn't asked me how many people I've been with.

I have no problem being with someone more experience, and I don't really think 70 is a high number but maybe that's just my experiences and the fact that I wasn't raised with a bible.

Not holding out for anything, I've not gone more than a month without finding someone, they always fit the criteria. It's really not hard.


70 is not a high number??? :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: I'd say thats where the stereotyping comes from..

If you're opposed to the number of sexual partners a member of the opposite sex and they are clean then the only motivation behind your displeasure can be what you can consider moral. I sincerely hope that if you're coming at it from a moral ground that you are morally clean yourself.

In my personal opinion people that judge deserve others that judge as well. I would also think in my own personal opinion that god or whomever will judge our souls when we pass would be more concerned with people who live falsely (hypocrites can be included in this) than good people who enjoy physical pleasure.

Despite the bible posturing my feelings are the same, I do not care how many men a woman has been with as long as she treats me with respect when we're together.

In my book Honesty, Kindness are qualities that outweigh desire for physical pleasure.

Lets concentrate on the important things, and I think your SOs number isn't one of them.

I've had more than 3 partners lol, if someone doesnt wanna fuck me coz of that... no big deal, I have no trouble finding those who want to, and since I'm not christian none of that hoopla applies to me. Just my own compass.

I won't degrade someone for doing exactly what I do.

It isn't the number necessarily, but the number / time factor.

70 in what? 5 years? 10 years?

In 2-3 years? Yikes.

I don't care who you are... that's a red flag.

Yea pretty much.

If I were in my lower 20's and a girl told me she slept with 70, odds are I'd be 71, but I wouldn't be asking her out for another date.

Honestly I think 70 is a bit high for pretty much any age, but I never hung out with 'party girls'.

You may be alarmed to know that 75 to 80% of the population has HPV.

Just thought I'd share that with you.

And Cancer is 5 and your odds of dying of cancer are 50 50 and your odds of contracting HIV as a straight male are 1 in 360,000.

Well, he said she was 23 at the time right? So what if she started having sex at 14 like many people do? That's nine years, plenty of time to rack up 70 partners.

Besides, since when do we look down on people who enjoy sex and actively seek out partners?

She's clean, that's really all that matters to me.

I completely agree.

I've gotten to this point and I am amazed that no-one has said, "I don't even ask what my partner's "number" is"

Honestly, I stopped counting at 6 myself. I can't say with 100% certainty what my "number" is.

I would NEVER EVER ask a woman what her "number" is. If she wants to tell me, fine. If anything, I'll be turned on and ask her who was the best, or who had the biggest cock, or if she ever had a MMF threesome. I certainly wouldn't judge her for her sexuality.

I'd be far more concerned dating a woman whose number was 3 or 4 and she felt some sense of pride about having a low number.

I love women who LOVE to have sex.

Okay... I really suck at math.

So 70 partners divided by 9 years is 7.777 partners a year. We'll round up to 8.

12 months in a year divided by 8 partners = 1.5 months per partner. 45 days?

45 days per partner for nearly a decade?

A major case of crotch ADHD.

My math is probably wrong.

I have to wonder if you guys would be singing the same tune if it were a man with 70 partners.

A man with a 70 tally body count probably has a nice permanent ring around his wang from all the condoms he (hopefully) uses.

I'd like to meet him, get some pointers.

Of course it would be a different tune!

Men actually have to work at getting laid (by decent women)

Any decent looking girl can get fucked 7 days a week by 7 different guys.

Man, you Americans are so hardcore when it comes to sex. I can't believe what I am reading here for the most part.

I think of all of my friends, and other than one judgemental guy I know, none of them have ever made any similar statements as to what I am reading here. I can recall more than a few dinner parties I have attended where the conversation turns to sex after a few red wines and the explicit stories about past experiences flow and no-one EVER lays out the kind of judgement I am reading here.

Must be a Canadian thing that we are way more laid back when it comes to sex than Americans. We certainly don't run around quoting the bible (none of us go to church - we'd probably just spontaneously combust anyway.)

I don't think it's just Canada, Europe is like that too, which I why I always enjoy myself there. This thread could easily be tied into the one about modern media devalues sex though.

Don't worry, I'm well aware of the fact. I had one partner (when I was blacked out) before I met ktspktsp, and I got HPV from him. That guy told me he had been with 7 people before me. Not high numbers, not at all. I slept with ONE person. I still got HPV. It's not the end of the world, I realized. I'm going back for my 6th pap smear in 3 years soon (you have to have 6 clear paps before they declare you free of it), and I hardly even think about it.

But yes, if I ever had to sleep with someone else again (threesome or whatever), I would have to tell them that I had HPV, and as a result, ktspktsp probably has it too. I've slept with two people, he's slept with one. That's enough to screw us over, if I had contracted the kind that leads to cervical cancer.

On the European note: Yeah, here in Iceland, pretty much everyone has slept with everyone. Nobody asks what your "number" is, that would be asinine. I would be willing to bet good money that 8 out of 10 Icelanders (including women) have had at least 20 partners, probably closer to 40 or 50. No one cares, no one asks. What you're seeing in this thread is good ol' American puritanism at its best.

My women must be virginal and pure in the eyes of the Lord.

Michael Flatley?