Plan9

You don't say?! Ya know, I was verbally assassinated by a woman once.

Got a picture of the crime taking place, too:



...

MM, I'd suggest that the individual's life experience is, as you so eloquently put it, "unsupportable hogwash."

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

mixedmedia

uh, I'm sorry, is that what I said?

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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Plan9

Yeah, you said: "unsupportable hogwash." I even checked twice.

Opinions.

Fun stuff.

*whistles "Getting to Know You"*

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

mixedmedia

well, I said unsupportable hogwash, but in a totally different context

and, you know, I'm all for opinions, but when someone's opinion takes the form of an absolute statement about human behavior, that's just begging for some quick and painless repartee

*hums Run, Woman, Run*

Actually I'm only humming it 'cause it was on a minute ago.

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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

MSD

Cheating is the fault of the cheater. If they're not satisfied, they need to speak up and ask for something to be changed rather than find it somewhere else. If someone is in a relationship that doesn't satisfy them and can't be changed to do so, they need to get out because they're being unfair to themselves and their partner.

The reason so many people cheat is that they're typically a subset of the 90% of people who suck.

ShaniFaye

I was going to comment on BR's post last night but it pissed me off too much to post and make any sense lol

Saying that keeping your man sexually satisfied 100% of the time and he wont stray is bullshit. What you have stated makes it appear that the only thing worth value in a relationship is sex and thats just not true.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Hyacinthe

Quoted for truth!

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"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

abaya

I can get behind that. I definitely agree that cheating has nothing to do with gender, and usually nothing to do with actual sex. Cheating is only the surface expression of much deeper pathologies of the relationship, in my opinion.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Menoman

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xxxafterglow

Women don't have to pity fuck.... And men have to (because....???? what?)?

Pff.

Isn't a pity fuck when you have sex with the person cuz you feel bad for them? In that case, the last half of my failed relationships have been filled with 100% pity fucking.

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Uh huh her.

inBOIL

Pity fuck is something of a misnomer, imo. There's no sense of altruism, it's just a way of saying "I slept with someone I normally wouldn't, because I was desperate."

There's also more pressure on a man to get laid than there is on a woman. The biological pressure alone is significant, and it seems there aren't many women who really understand this. It's sort of like having to pee. Often, you can easily hold it until you get home. Sometimes you just have to find a nearby restroom that you would prefer to avoid. But if you wait long enough, you may find yourself in an alley behind a dumpster, looking over your shoulder and hoping that nobody sees you. Sure, you'd prefer to do your business in more pleasant environs, but you're getting antsy and your body is screaming at you "TAKE CARE OF THIS NOW!"

Now, it's not just biology exerting pressure. If it were, rubbing one out would always suffice. But a hand is a poor substitute for a vagina, mainly because of what's attatched to it. Having sex with another person is, of course, a much more rewarding experience; there's stuff you get with sex that you never get from whacking off. The same kind of urgency can apply to getting all of this extra stuff.

On top of all this, there's the psychological pressure. Women have to deal with societal judgements and pressure concering "slutty" behavior. Many of them internalize this and begin judging themselves. Similarly, men deal with and internalize societal judgement and pressure concerning our ability to get some. The sweet release of masturbation is tempered by a bitter aftertaste - the realization that you're getting a one-arm workout because you weren't able to get a woman to join you. This is cumulative; the longer you go without getting laid, the more acutely you feel the shame.

The pressure from all of these sources combines to form a potent motivator, an almost irresistable urge to find someone, anyone, to go home with. This is something that most women don't seem to have any direct experience with.

Infinite_Loser

^Methinks you've spent a bit too much time analyzing things... >_>

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

xxxafterglow

I like to think self-respect has stopped me from going home with guys, not the "slut" label.

I can admit to sleeping with people to get over a relationship or to just feel close to someone or to feel dominance or to fuck someone up. Plenty of women and men have those experiences.

Urban Dictionary defines pity fuck as any sex motivated by pity rather than desire. I suppose self-pity counts (your definition) but so does feeling sorry for the other person.

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Uh huh her.

analog

She said:

I said:

Someone else replied:

I think you misunderstood what I said. Or something. Either way, the above is insane.

This is why I said what I said:

Because saying what bloody_rose said is basically "you're supposed to be a slave to your man and if he strays it's because you're a bad wife" which is utter shit, in my opinion.

Plan9

Because we have the Tab A not the Slot B.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

analog

Women don't normally ask for the "pity fuck" because their sexuality isn't more stereotypically tied in to their self image and happiness. If a guy is feeling down, the stereotypical response is to go out and get laid. This does not seem to be the case for women- in fact, it seems to be the exact opposite. When women are being down on themselves, it seems the last thing they want is sex or any other form of intimacy.

But that's just personal observation on stereotypes; obviously it's not a universal truth or anything.

MrFriendly

Hehehe, my auto response to feeling down is to go out, buy some pints beer and get face to brick wall fucked up, preferably at a live music gig.

But you make a point, guys deal with the emotions in a completely different way to females a lot of the time.

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You are not a slave

inBOIL

I never mentioned self-pity; a feeling of not getting what you need or should be getting is very different, as is desperation. As for the motivation being pity, I have a hard time believeing that most men would do that. They may convince themselves that they're doing it out of pity for their partner, but the true motivation has nothing to do with pity, either for themselves or their partner. Which is why I said that "pity fuck" is a misnomer.

xxxafterglow

Maybe you mean... fucking.

I have a hard time believing you speak on behalf of all men!

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Uh huh her.

Menoman

He doesn't speak on behalf of all men, But he's right. Men just don't have the mentality to fuck beneath themselves without some mind altering substance, or they can't do better for whatever reason for extended periods of time.

Pity fucking is a women only business for the most part.

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mixedmedia

Sorry, I did misunderstand you.

But granted, I don't see what is insane by saying the quality of sex a person is getting at home isn't always the issue when they pursue extramarital affairs.

Sometimes people do cheat because they aren't getting the sex they want at home.

Sometimes they do it because of stress.

Sometimes they do it because they are drunk.

Sometimes they do it because they are excited by fucking someone new.

Sometimes they do it because they'll fuck anything that moves.

etc, etc, etc.

This was my point.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Baraka_Guru

Yeah, it's called testosterone.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Plan9

(drinks a big glass of C19H28O2)

Liquid Conflict.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ring

Quick.. where's the auntie dote!!

analog

Gotcha. I know and agree with the above. Somehow I didn't get any of that from the initial post I said was insane. You misunderstood what I said, then I didn't get what you said because you replied in a seemingly odd way (because you misunderstood). Pretty easy feedback loop in which to get tangled.

mixedmedia

Well, I was approaching it from knee-jerk angle of presumptive reasoning.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Ustwo

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

bloody_rose20

Okay I figured I would clarify some things up here to what I said. People seem to think its alright to assume here on this forum sometimes and don't actually take the time to think about things before they write them. First off, I NEVER said that its a womans job to be a slave for her man. I mean it that guys AND girls have to be %100 sexually active for their partner, BOTH need to be that way. I was just focusing on the men because well duh, thats what the original person who created this topic was talking about that stray. And to say that a relationship is not about sec, is bullshit. Take a look at all relationships, ever notice how married couples for many years joke about how they don't even know what sex is anymore? I bet if you got down to it, they will tell you they are miserable with their relationship. I know that its not the first thing on people's minds, but sex is a very big factor in a relationship. Ever notice in a relationship, if something is going wrong and both aren't happy that no sex is going on? Its simple, its just most people don't want to admit thats whats wrong with alot of marriages. That and not communicating. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of other factors of why relationships get ruined and why people cheat, but sex as I have seen it every time, is a key factor. So no its not just men who cheat or need to be there sexually 100% for woman, its the same damn thing the other way around for the woman too.

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"The only way to enjoy life, is to try different things, and take risks. Sometimes you just have to jump in with both feet and hope for the best "

mixedmedia

Well, just in my own experience, I've found that sex starts to lose it's attraction in a relationship once other factors (resentment, unhappiness, stress of child-rearing, money problems, etc.) start to take their toll on the feelings of intimacy between two people.

Seems to me you are still trying to place ultimatums on mature relationships when the truth is the hardships of living and the stresses they place on people trying to maintain them cannot always be explained in a nutshell.

Sex is important, but it is not the be-all and end-all of a marriage. More important than the act is the intimacy that makes it more than just fucking.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Aladdin Sane

Yep.
It is often said that sexual problems are "a symptom" of other problems in a relationship. True, but it is just as likely that the problem IS SEX. If one partner is naturally less inclined to sexual activity or is a sexual prude, it is a huge problem for the relationship. Understand that it may be more acceptable to say the problem has its origin in "lack of communication" (for example) because of the social stigma against overvaluing sex. In this society, admitting that bad sex is the reason for your relationship problems is to suggest that you are hormone-driven and shallow.

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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Infinite_Loser

More than likely not. If a couple stops having sex it typically because of something non-sex related. People typically never pay attention to said problems until the sex stop; Then they suddenly care to find out what ails the relationship.

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

Menoman

I'm usually someone who can understand putting the label of "majority" or "people" as you've put it, fairly synonymous in this situation I think, on others and finding that statements will hold true.

But as someone who has been in long term relationships, I think the type of person you are describing is most definate the minority IL.

I can agree that sometimes a problem will be shuffled aside, until a catalyst comes into play such as lack of sex. But typically no sex is not that catalyst, there are far more catalysts that will occur in a good relationship other than no sex. Firstly, the fact that a problem even exists is usually enough to begin the process of finding it and dealing with it.

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Plan9

Yes, yes... sex is a relationship thermometer... warning when things get too cold.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."