Plan9

Hell, change your phone number anyway.

Temptation is an issue with you, man.

I know it was with me.

Glad I dumped it all.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

dirtyrascal7

Martian, that was awesome... I would QFT, but it's just too damn long, haha. I can't even imagine how long that must have taken to write.

It is definitely time to move out, shauk... think of it like you're being evicted if you have to. Staying there is not an option, so you'll have to be resourceful and find something else temporary, which will very likely be less than ideal... but in the end, you'll be better off and can make a better life for yourself. Without her.

__________________
"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

neflyte

i'm going to sound like a broken record, but these people speak the truth. get the fsck out. seriously.

completely cut off all contact with her. resist her at every temptation. don't pick up the phone, block her emails and instant messages, block her on facebook (if you're into that); just get rid of her.

a little more than a year ago, i was in a situation where i didn't want to let go of someone that was taking me for a ride. she didn't know what she wanted and i did. her family and best friend were manipulating her against me but i refused to let go because we actually "loved" each other at one point. don't get me wrong, it was amazing in the beginning but it didn't last. there were more lows than highs. this is what i see you're in. more lows than highs. if you can't balance it or tip the scale the other way, get out.

once she decided to "move on" and leave me emotionally beaten, she then decided she wanted to still be friends. at the advice of several people here that are much wiser than I, I cut off all contact. to this day I have not spoken to her nor heard anything of her, nor do i ever want to. i've seen random pictures (those which i did not delete from my plethora of hard drives) and one on facebook before I blocked her. that's it.

after a year or so, i'm starting to finally move on. i got my head back into my job and my music. i got into different groups of people and now have a pretty nice life in an area that's relatively new to me. it's a wonderful feeling. try it! you can do this

__________________
"I'm not a vegatarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." -- A. Whitney Brown

Infinite_Loser

A couple of things here.

1.) I don't understand your "This girl shows no remorse" remark. On numerous occassions she states how she didn't-- And doesn't-- Want to hurt Shauk, signaling she has at least a bit of remorse for what she's done.

2.) I said this earlier, but there's no better way to work out conflicts then to talk about them. But that's virtually impossible when one person doesn't wish to listen to what the other has to say, or comes off as stand-off'ish ("What the fuck is this for?" and "Fine" display an unwillingness to talk).

3.) I doubt this girl is a loose cannon. I've known loose cannons and she doesn't seem to fit the bill. If anything, she seems to be going through a bit of a transition in trying to figure out what she wants in life. You can't exactly hold that against her, can you? Personally, I wouldn't. A person can't change if you don't let them change.

It appears to me that Shauk is getting a free pass simply because he's known around TFP... No one said he doesn't have a right to be angry. Being angry, however, doesn't justify being beligerent. If I so wanted, I could confront my ex and call her a two-timing, cheating, bonafide whore and I'd be 100% right. But what would that accomplish? Aside from possibly pissing her off and causing an otherwise unecessary argument, nothing (I should know). Hurt feelings shouldn't be an excuse for overt abrasiveness. If they were, then conflicts would never be resolved. Constructive communication is always better than destructive communication. I'd be willing to bet that if both parties were willing to sit down and talk to each other without the finger pointing and accusations that things would, if nothing else, be a lot less stressful.

Anyway, where on Earth-- Or should I say TFP-- Did you ever see me say that Shauk should attempt to fix his ex-girlfriend?

Well, for one, I never mentioned anything about overnight change. If you re-read what I typed out, you'd notice that I said it's entirely possible that she doesn't like the person she's become/wants to work the relationship out. You'd be surprised at how many people have an 'epiphany', as you want to call it, overnight. I have, I'm sure you have and I'm sure a lot of people reading this thread have. But, really, there's no use in trying to qualify other people's experiences.

No one's ever said that she didn't have to fix her own problems, but she has to-- At the very least-- Be allowed to fix them without being belittled along the way. And, yes, I'll agree that talk, without action, is cheap.

As this is a fact, I don't see what's wrong with this comment.

This isn't a knock on you, per se, but I absolutely hate it when people only quote part of a sentence. I'd just like to point out to you that you left out the words "Right now". Once again, I don't see what's wrong with this comment, as they're not a couple "Right now".

If you come out swinging in an argument, you can back almost anyone into a corner and have them admit to just about anything you want to. I'm sure we've all had arguments in which we've accused the other party of being something they're not, only to have them respond with "You're totally right". It doesn't mean that you are, in fact, right, but rather that they don't see the point in arguing with you when you've already made up your mind regarding the person they are. Sure, I might be reading into her comments a bit, but I think I'm overall right.

...What's wrong with this comment? She's expressing her feelings. How's that a bad thing...?

Admitting to one's faults doesn't make you crazy or a psycho. It means you're able to take responsibility for your actions.

I'm still wondering how she's all over the map. The only thing your quotes did were to assert that:

1.) They're not in a relationship at the moment and
2.) She's made some mistakes.

It's seems readily apparent to me what she wants. She wants Shauk. I get the feeling that because Shauk has been posting about his ex for quite some time now that most people have already demonized her in their minds and, as a result, have painted her as the 'bad guy'.

*Shrugs*

Not to say that might not be true but, from what I've read, it definitely doesn't seem true. No one's perfect. Everyone makes mistakes-- Some people moreso than others. That doesn't mean that she isn't serious about the things she says. As I said earlier, it appears to me that the only reason this relationship isn't going to work is because Shauk doesn't want it to work.

Think about this; If Shauk didn't care about his ex-girlfriend, then he wouldn't post about her so much. Just food for thought.

__________________
I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

abaya

You've got to be kidding, Infinite_Loser. Are you trying to screw with Shauk's mind even more than it already has been screwed?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Infinite_Loser

Ummm... I'm pretty sure I was serious. Like I said in my post, I think that most people have already painted Amanda(?) as evil incarnate due to the fact that Shauk has quite a few posts regarding her. She might be yet she might not be.

*Shrugs*

A little objectivism (I don't think that's a word, but meh... Whatever) never hurt anyone. Also, I'm pretty sure you could come up with a better response than "You've gotta' be kidding me".

Edit: I forgot to add. No, I'm not trying to screw with anyone.

Edit #2: Also, I never said that his ex-girlfriend is a saint (Don't want anyone thinking that) or should be treated as such.

__________________
I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

abaya

Objectivity about what? No one's saying Shauk's an angel here, let alone a victim. There's proof of that all over his journal entries about the situation, and on each and every one of the threads he started here on TFP. He certainly knows my opinion, and it's not always very kind, either.

However, there is no benefit to be gained from saying that he should "try harder" to be in a relationship with this girl. Even if he exaggerates some things in his narrative, she's got (as they say) more issues than National Geographic. Any sane man--or any man wanting to regain his sanity, after being with her--will run the hell away from anyone as toxic as this girl seems to be.

She's got to fix herself, period. She might never fix herself. But that has nothing to do with Shauk, and it shouldn't, period. This is one of life's most important lessons about relationships, in my (and many, many other people's) opinion.

The only thing I agreed with you about was that if Shauk didn't care so much about his ex, then he wouldn't post about her so much. Yeah, obviously he still cares, that's his problem... and we're trying to help him with that, at least as long as he's asking for help. In a situation like this, the hardest (and best) thing to do is kill any ounce of caring you have for someone like this, before they take you down with them into their own emotional shithole. I can't count how many times I've seen it happen, though usually it's a co-dependent girl who's hanging on to the toxic guy and won't let go until she's totally destroyed. Equal opportunity, I guess.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

trilene

Blowing strangers in the back seat. Come on Dude get your balls back and move forward. You will be fine with time but the longer you fuck around the longer its gonna take. She blows strangers. What a fucking whore. I know it hurts but life goes on and as soon as you meet another chick that you really like you will forget all about her.

tooth

Shauk, if your Dad's garage is really an option, I'd take it at this point.

You need to seriously cut and run ASAP.

Martian

Neither do I, as that's not what I said. She is showing remorse. What she isn't showing is any understanding or self-control.

Again, this is true of healthy relationships. I'm normally at the front of the line advocating communication, but sometimes it's better to just cut your losses. This situation shows every indication of being one of those times.

I will never fault anyone for taking steps to be the person they want to be. I will fault someone for not trying to make the changes necessary in their life, particularly if their current actions are harming both themselves and those around them. This is not a case of self-discovery and it's not a situation where she's changing her ways for the better. She hasn't shown any signs of even wanting to do so. Being involved with a person like this is not a good idea.



I most certainly am not giving Shauk a free pass. Why should I? I know hardly anything about him; even if I did, that's just not the way I operate. What I'm doing is attempting for a bit of empathy; not with him, but with her. By using what's been described I try to put myself in her shoes and figure out why she's acting the way she's acting; assuming Shauk hasn't grossly misrepresented the situation, I feel confident in saying I have a pretty good handle on how she's feeling, which is why I feel confident in in giving the advice I have.

I don't want to vilify this poor girl. I don't think she's evil. In fact, I feel quite a bit of pity for her, as I think she's got a hard road ahead of her and there's nobody and nothing that can change that. I sincerely hope for her own sake that she will eventually be able to figure out that her problems are all a result of the way she's acting and therefore be able to change the pattern, but I don't know that I'd be terribly optimistic about that.


I won't argue that she's happy with who she is, because it's pretty clear that she's not. The part I disagree with is her wanting to work the relationship out. What she wants is to use the relationship as a life preserver, to try to cling to what she had. This is not possible, and further means that Shauk really should get gone; again, it's not him she wants, it's the comfort he brings her. And he deserves better than to be someone's security blanket.

The inconsistency arises between what she says and what she does. It's understandable, because I really don't think she has any clue at all what it is she wants or even why she wants it.

If she wanted to be with Shauk, she'd be with Shauk. It's not a complicated situation; they're living under the same bloody roof. And yet, whenever Shauk tried to get a handle on that or steer things in that direction, she was very quick to point out that they are not in a relationship. She won't commit to being in a relationship with him and seems to still want to be with this other fellow as well (trying to make him jealous, which is often a result of wanting someone and not being able to have them).

She doesn't want to be with Shauk, but she doesn't want to let him go either.

That's not in question. abaya beat me to it, but I'll say it anyway; what makes the situation difficult for Shauk is clearly that he does still care for her. I'd think that's pretty self-evident, and is also a fairly natural result of the circumstances. If he didn't about her still, he wouldn't need all of us to tell him to leave; hed've already done it.

This girl is not evil; nowhere have I asserted otherwise. As I believe I said above, I'm quite sure she has a lot of redeeming qualities. Nonetheless, she's engaged in a self-destructive behaviour pattern and all Shauk can do is remove himself from her presence before she causes him any more harm than she already has. Again, you cannot save people from themselves. It's up to her to sort herself out and there is absolutely no positive influence that Shauk can have on that process.

You've twice now made a call for objectivity, which is utterly strange to me. There is no objective truth behind emotions; they are subjective by nature. Relationships are not and should not be calculated rational things, because they're based on those subjective feelings.

I understand where you're coming from. I'd love nothing more than to see a happy ending to this situation for all parties. But the fact is that there is no happily ever after here. I will say it for you and Shauk both now, there is no possible way that these two can go back to having a positive relationship at this point. That's not entirely her fault, but it is what it is. The happy times are in the past and it will be better for both parties if they go their separate ways and keep those happy memories for what they are, instead of tarnishing them by trying to breathe life into something that's already gone.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Shauk

ok so heres the deal. I finally got my head around her perspective.


heres her side.

she wanted me to move out here so we could get back together
she did not feel she had any pressure or obligation to make sure that it happened, only that it would be "possible" if the mood struck us.
she did what a single woman would do and hung out with guys she was interested in regardless.
she had sex with one of them, and thought she may have gotten pregnant.
Upon getting here she told me because she was still interested in getting back together, and thought things would be nasty if all of a sudden 3 months later I'm going "what the hell is that?" and for her "secret" to come out that way
She had no intention of telling me about anything else, nor was she obligated to do so, because we're not together.

this, actually makes sense to me. She told me about ONE thing, but i found out about EVERYTHING.

Because I straight up told her, she had no reason to tell me any of this except if she wanted to hurt me.

she only admitted to it after a while because she couldn't live with lying to me.

the only real issue I'd have at this point with her wanting to get back together with me is that her texts that I read when I flipped out, said that she'd choose him if he'd only have her back.

*shrug*

all the same though, I really should just not be so fucking attatched to the outcome of a potential relationship with her. It's just hard to differentiate between who she was for 5 years (mine) vs who she is now (not mine)

I treat her actions as though if we were still together and it just makes things go bad, because ultimately, she has expressed that she wants to make that decision, not me. Strangely enough, it's what I also asked for, I just seem to have forgotten that in my impatience.

I always have said, I want her to come back to me when she feels she's making the choice to come back to me, not out of convenience, not out of surrender (she wanted to move back to Idaho to be with me and I told her no).

Honestly, I try very had to put myself in her perspective and it makes sense, you just have to emotionally detach yourself to see it I guess.

her ex blew the lid on all of this. Had it simply been "yeah I had sex before you moved over here, I may be pregnant, and I wanted to tell you because I want to get back together with you, but don't want to have a nasty surprise" I could at least go "ok, well she was honest at least"

She's not in a hurry to get back together with me, she knows she's confused, and I'm the one putting all the pressure on it, she just feels whatever happens will happen.

I don't know that it will happen, not with her being hung up on her ex.

I can't deal with that. I don't have a problem going out and getting a different girlfriend, moving out and setting things up for whatever I feel like doing in Seattle. I understand her perspective though, it just means that the time isn't right, may never be, and I just need to stop caring so much about the outcome of our interaction.

Hyacinthe

I'm a big believer in that, you can not rely on someone else to make you happy with your life. That is something that has to come from within and as long as that unhappiness remains it will carry over into other aspects of your life, in this specific case her relationship with you. That's kinda what I meant earlier when I was saying that the situation isn't fair on either of you.

At this point in time she's obviously not capable of putting her all into a relationship with you. If she tried and you two got together there would just be more problems because of her current situation, she might really really want to make things work but because of her own unhappiness with herself it just wouldn't.

Shauk when it comes down to it you don't have to deal with that. There's no reason for you to put your emotions on hold until she sorts out what she wants from life.

I still think you need to cut your losses and move on with your life, find someone who can value you for who you are and give you what you want in a relationship. I also still think that cutting off contact with her would be a good idea, not for her sake but for your own, you've made it obvious that you still care about her and being around her is just going to make moving forward more difficult.

What it comes down to for me is you could be waiting around for the next 5 - 10 years waiting for her to sort herself out mentally and emotionally and then she might decide that no she doesn't want you. She doesn't deserve you giving up that much of your life when you could have been happy, no one does.

__________________
"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

dirtyrascal7

In the most simple terms --

She wants a relationship based on convenience. You want a relationship based on commitment.


It is doomed to fail as long as both those statements are true.

__________________
"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

Cynthetiq

So is this where you are rationalizing what she is doing so that you can find ways to accept it and continue to believe in her and your chances of having a relationship in the future as being greater than zero?

Just what is the dealbreaker for you and her? What is the point for you that you're willing to finally back off and move on? What does she need to do that you'll say, "Sorry, you fucked up I'm not interested in you anymore." How much more of this are you willing to take from her or from anyone for that matter?

You can know what's going to happen with you. Make your choice and decision, and move onwards and upwards.

Anything less is Kpax 2.0

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

ruggerp11

After reading only what the OP posted I have a bet.

I'll bet just about anything that if you move out, get your own place/life that she will come calling. She likes chasing, likes being the one in power.

If I were you, I would do just that. Move out, move on and if she does come calling cross that bridge when you come to it. The bonus is, by then you will probably have some friends and money and a new life in Seattle. Then you can deal with it on equal terms.

__________________
Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it.
--Mark Twain
Do What makes you happy
--Me
BUT!
"Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

inBOIL

No, No, No. If she does come calling she should be ignored. Remember, she asked Shauk to move out in the first place, just so she could have him on hand in case she wanted to get back together. If Shauk moves on and she asks him back, it'll probably just be a repeat of what has already happened.

tooth

Yup. She's been pulling this crap on him for the past year (after a 4 year relationship). Time to learn your lessons and move on.

match000

How is being the chaser the one who is in power? The chaser is the one who is powerless.. I mean, sure, the chaser has the ball in their court, but the one being chased has all the power to reject or accept.

LazyBoy

Personally, I remove people like that from my life. I cut off all contact with them, and end any discussion of them. It may not be healthy, but it works for me

-Will

__________________
Life is nothing, everything.....and something in between...

tooth

Because, to this point he has accepted everytime she has pursued him. She knows this, and that's what gives her the power.

xxxafterglow

Hey Shauk, your girl is a skank-ass, good-for-nothing, can't-keep-it-in-her-pants, needy, manipulative, pathetic, blackmailing LOSER and the guys she cheats on you with have more of a conscience than she does.

She's a scab, a lowlife, a leech, a cheat, a slut, a scrub, and a fucking no-good bitch!!!!

YOU need to stop justifying her behavior for her. Don't try to understand what she's feeling cuz she's got a fucked up black heart and no respect for herself or anyone around her. Don't cut her any slack, don't give her any money. Right now you're just renting a room.

You don't need to talk to her or eat the food she makes you. You don't need to be cordial. Get the fuck out of there. She doesn't deserve you.

There are plenty of hot girls in Seattle - the fun, crunchy granola type too who will be happy to work out with you, cook a healthy meal with you, go hiking or see a midnight movie at the Egyptian. Move out of Renton!!!!!

One more time, sir.

THIS GIRL IS TOXIC. She's a grade-A loser. Her snatch is a 7-11. She's USING YOU.

Get out ASAP and DO NOT LOOK BACK.

Check Craigslist for a house or apartment share. I was able to get one in Seattle for $400 per month with $100 deposit. You can stay there for a month until you move out (or decide you like it). You might end up digging your apartment mates a whole lot.

But the most important thing... KICK THAT BITCH TO THE CURB!!!!

EDIT: Regarding the point that Infinite brings up and our role as TFPers... Shauk, you've been posting about this relationship for a long time on this board. I think all of us here want to see you happy. As such, we bat for your team. It doesn't matter if she's really a nice person or going through a phase or whatever... she doesn't treat you right and she's not going to give you the adult relationship you are looking for.
The only thing that matters is that you are happy. You've moved out to a fantastic place, you've got a new job that is better than pizza job, you're working out - you have a new life!!!! Think of living with this bitch as a remnant of your old life - a shitty but necessary step to getting over it.
By now you should realize that the relationship will not work, is not worth your time and that she is manipulative, a cheater, a lier, doesn't value her body and DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. She is a self-serving narcissistic pile of shit. And I can say that without even meeting her because the facts you gave all point to that.
Stop moping and stop dwelling on the reasons behind her behavior and stop grieving. That can come later. Now is the time to take action and get yourself OUT OF A BAD SITUATION!!!!!!

Move out. The air will be better without the stench of stale, sleazy, passed-around snatch fouling it up.

On your next post here, I want to see a plan of action. You've done really really well with the move, the new job, the new lifestyle. You deserve better.

__________________
Uh huh her.

Plan9

Is it wrong that "fun, crunchy granola type" gave me a hard-on?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

xxxafterglow

Granola gives me a hard-on too!!!!

__________________
Uh huh her.

ruggerp11

I only say that because he seems to be more than willing to over look the things that the rest of us would not tolerate in the least. I would just suggest being in a better situation before dealing with her at all.

Because she gets to be the instigator then the one making the effort. When its brought to her Then all of the sudden it's not on her terms anymore and she has to consider what he wants as well as what she wants. She wants to be able to instigate and reach out when she wants to and not when she doesn't.

__________________
Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it.
--Mark Twain
Do What makes you happy
--Me
BUT!
"Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

Plan9

*busts through Shauk's wall like the Kool-Aid man*

Shauk! Shauk, what are you doing!? I wanna know what you're doing!

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

xxxafterglow

,............ OH YEAAAAAAAHHHH!

__________________
Uh huh her.

Ourcrazymodern?

Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow.

I hope you're okay, too, Shauk.

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

DaveOrion

He said, she said, they said.......I'd love to know the real truth.

__________________
Syriana...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...

Shauk

well I've been looking for a place to move out actually.

I realize that I can't stay here.

I can't very well bring home a girl who DOES give a shit about me and bring her to my bed, or rather, my ex girlfriends bed, lol. How odd.

like I said, the thing that hurt the most, the thing that told me EVERYTHING I needed to know, was seeing the text she sent her ex saying that she'd choose him over me that monday... the day after I had moved in with her. She was trying to get him to let her come over so they could fuck and then she had to say that when he was confused why she was doing that when I was here.

look, the reason this is hard for me is there is 5 years where she was able to prove that she was able to be the woman I wanted, OBVIOUSLY this is the wrong perspective, I KNOW this. But you can't explain emotion :\

I know we can't get together on these terms. Reading that hurt me more than anything, more than her sleeping with 3 other guys, I could get over that, it's just sex. But the fact that she'd choose this guy who she complained about forever, the fact that she'd even SAY that, destroyed any hope I had.

I expect nothing from her now, I've stopped talking to her as much as possible , and have been looking to move out. I get paid on the 5th, I expect to be out by then.

I can already see what is going to happen though. She will try her best to break me down, to pursue me, to "prove" herself to me, and to "win" by trying to fuck me or whatever she has to do in her mind. I guess as long as I deny her, i'll have the power. I just hope I find a girlfriend fairly quick to help with keeping my mind off this shit though.

I don't even want to talk to her as a friend unless she deletes his number from her phone, and the 1200 texts I had to go through to piece this drama together.

It wont happen though.

This is depressing. good job or not, i'm alone out here.

inBOIL

It's probably best to get over this before finding another girl. Or at least keep it light and be honest with her (the new girl) about where you are emotionally. No need to spread the misery around. Good luck and stay strong. Doing what's right is hard as hell sometimes.

Shauk

yeah that probably wont happen without someone to prove to me that there is a better life waiting with their way of doing things when it comes to relationships. Until this, THIS is the best i've got. Sad I know.

soma

Ahh. It all makes sense now. I'm a bit late to this party.
I don't know. I think the whole her brining your hopes up to get back together is what's fucking you over the most. Having that hope given to you and just smashed is definitely not easy.

Hrm. I think this can be boiled down to people wanting what they can't have. Like, you want your ex because she doesn't seem so interested in you. The reverse is true too, where people don't want what they can have. When your ex saw your willingness to get back with her, it was too easy for her. No dice. I don't know how helpful that is, but I think it makes sense :S


That's very sad to read. I really hope you can find some new friends and start enjoying life again.
In the meantime, you can always count on the TFP for company
edit: (ehug->shauk)

__________________
Having Girl Problems?

abaya

Yes, but the key word is "here." You're IN SEATTLE. That, in itself, kicks ass. It is one of the best places you could possibly be "alone," if that makes sense... so much to see and do, and if you ask me, the people are kick-ass once you start making friends and finding cool places to hang out. I can't think of any better place to start one's life over, really.

Carpe diem, man. Seize the day. You want to look back on this time in your life as when you really got going, when life opened up for you and you never looked back... that's the outlook you need to have. Make the most of it while you have the opportunity.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

dirtyrascal7

Damn, abaya... this post almost makes me want to pack up and move out there right now instead of next summer like I had planned.

__________________
"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

abaya

Well, do it then. Yeah, I'm partially biased, I lived in Seattle for 22 of my 28 years... I know it's changed a lot in the last 5 years, but it's still the best city in the US, if you ask me.

And I am always a fan of picking up and starting over some place new... I've done it too many times to count. Not to run away from things, but to run towards, I guess.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

cj2112

This is a great philosphy in general. I have found that the darkest times of my life are those when I grew the most. My greatest personal triumphs have always been when life was kicking my ass. years later I am now grateful for those times. They prompted me to take action.

xxxafterglow

... alone and depressed FOR NOW. It's ok, you're going through heartbreak and you just moved out there!

Seattle's so awesome for starting over. I'd really recommend doing a house share. It's cheap and you can live with a lot of people at various stages in their lives (settled, searching, starting over) but they'll be young and fun and mostly single and you'll have that bit of social support. My house had musical instruments, a bunch of cats, and two PS2s... we'd watch football and Colbert together, go see movies, play GTA or just kick it on the porch with some beers and gas station fried chicken. Pretty much an instant social circle.

It was a really great time and really good for getting me out of my loneliness.

If you want to meet some people you can try couchsurfing.net - a lot of the people on there are really friendly and will dig showing you around the city. It's a starting point at least...

No worries, the light is at the end of the tunnel. And if anything, you have plenty of support here.

And dude, once you're out, do not look back!!! You're leaving that chapter and going on to bigger and better things!! Btw, I also recommend getting a library card if you're a reader/movie fan. You can take out 100 items at once from the Seattle Public Library system and request them to be brought to your local branch for pickup. It got me through the winter cheaply... and yes, the winters are damn depressing. I read a lot of comic books (btw, if you're a comic fan, Seattle is home to the incomparable Fantagraphics!).

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Uh huh her.

Cynthetiq

reminds me of the song from Avenue Q - For Now

good luck bro... I seriously hope you find your way...

<embed src="http://www.seeqpod.net/cache/seeqpodSlimlineEmbed.swf" wmode="transparent" width="300" height="80" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" flashvars="playlistXMLPath=http://www.seeqpod.net/api/music/getPlaylist?playlist_id=ca9f500676"></embed><img src="http://pixel.quantserve.com/pixel/p-caFB2qWKw6vJs.gif" style="display:none" height="1" width="1" alt="Quantcast"/>

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

ssratt

Well I can't compete in any relationship stories, since I have never had one (thats MY story)

G.E.T O.U.T NOW!!
Don't let her know you are going, look for room to rent/roommate/apartment whatever and during the first week you have it stay with Amanda(plead headache) and slowly move everything out, until the last day you rent a uhaul for furniture/TV.
On that day leave a note with the key on the top of the toilet seat (can't miss it) and just walk out no forwarding, no numbers nothing.

Sultana

I refuse to offer any (more) advice. It will be disregarded anyway. Just like all the other advice that's been offered all this time.

You gotta do what you gotta do. Experience all the pain and drama you need. You will get *exactly* as much of that as you allow, and you allow a lot.

Folks, you gotta remember that all we know of the girl in question is represented through the filter of the person telling us. So I also refuse to jump on the "she's a skank, whore, cunt" bandwagon. She may well be, but that is completely irrelevant. It is only Shauk's actions that need to be addressed.

I am done offering sympathy. I will offer congratulations when real action is taken, and real progress is made. I hope that's soon.

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.