Advice for a new member? Please
 

Ok...I'm 21 and I just moved in with this amazing guy. He's perfect and I'm pretty sure we're going to get married later on down the line. *Fingers crossed* We've been together for about...oh six or seven months now. Only thing is...we haven't had sex.
Now this isn't a problem at all. I love him for him, not for the physical aspect of our relationship, but let's face it, a women has to get her fix too! :)
So I talked to him about this little problem because I've started to notice that every time we start to get physical, he feels like he's holding back. It almost feels like he's scared I'm going to object to something he might do. (Which is definitly the complete opposite, I might add)
Well, he says that he is just not the type of guy who likes making the first move toward sex and that if I really want it, I'm going to have to do it! Now, I'm not a virgin by any means but I'm not a whore either. I'm really very shy when it comes to these things. So...basically what I'm asking here is what are some ways to get things started that aren't just completely over the top. I'm talking about easy little things that will let him know that I'm ready and willing. And something that will turn him on so he'll have to do something! LOL!

kissing and nibbling his neck and ears. when you are kissing, take his hand and put it on your breast or between your legs. lead him gently. slide your hand under his shirt. or, you can push him down and get on top of him and kiss him and grind on him.

Are you sure hes not gay?

And I'm being serious, but then again I know thats most likely a silly question, women are very bad judges of 'gayness'.

But that sounds a lot like stories I've heard from women who were dating men in denial.

Maybe some ultra shy guys can chime in here, but in my early years my problem would be being over eager, and if a girl obviously wanted me I'd have not have thought twice. I don't know any males who would basically have forced their young girlfriend to do everything in order to have sex.

I'm pretty sure he's not gay. I think he's just very shy and I know he's gotten hurt quite a few times by some pretty mean girls (from what I understand anyway). No, I don't think he's gay.
On top of that, he does sort of get into it. I guess I should have said something about that! LOL! He just won't go any further then making out. That's it. He gets me going real good, but I feel like I can't get him going enough to where he'll do something!
It drives me nuts sometimes.

I'm too shy to do this though! Plus I feel like I'm forcing him to do something. LOL! I know that sounds really silly but that's the truth. I don't want him to have sex with me or do anything else with me if he doesn't want to.

One of the nice things about being older is you can be blunt without blushing.

Pull down his pants, pull down his underwear, put his penis in your mouth, begin fellatio.

If that doesn't get it going, I'll stick with my first theory.

Seriously at 21 its time to stop beating around the bush (pun intended).

I'm not ultra shy, but I can kinda understand the mentality.

Once I get clear signals it will be game on though.

It's interesting you thought of gay though, that hadn't even occurred to me. But it could be possible. I mean, they have been together for 7 months, you would think that is more than enough time to be comfortable with each other.

For the OP,

I think what Squeeb suggested is pretty much on the money. Just lead his hands to where you want them, put your hand down his pants and.... well grab it :D

I would highly suggest you guys just fool around with some foreplay and just ease the boy into it, get him more comfortable as it were.

Although it is odd it's the guy in this situation who isn't entirely comfortable, but there yu go. :)

Yeah...I see where yall are coming from with the whole gay idea, but I'm pretty sure I would know. I've had some pretty...odd...experiences with gay guys and I think I know how to spot them now! LOL

I don't mean to be so shy and I guess I should just suck it up and do it, but I've just never been that type of girl. Maybe I've been catered to by my past boyfriends. LOL!

Well...thanks for the advice. Maybe when he gets home I'll have a little more courage to do something huh!

It seems unusual in this day and age for a couple to move in together before the relationship turns physical. Are you sure he views the relationship the same you do? (i.e. "perfect" for each other, marriage in the possible future, etc.)

Are you sure signals aren't getting crossed, and maybe he views you more as a friend/roommate, or that he's helping you with some situation by you two living together?

It seems kinda strange you guys haven't done it yet and you've already moved in together. He might be old fashioned, wanting to wait till marriage?

Why the hell are you shy anyway? When you move in with someone they see EVERYTHING! How are you shy about this? It seems like you guys kind of did your steps different than the average couple would...date, sex, love, move in, marriage? Or am I wrong? I dunno, it just seems really off to me.

You two really shouldn't be shy. If you trust eachother and are able to communicate, there is no reason both of you should be so shy about sex.

What happens in the bedroom will should stay there. You should both shed your shy skins and start to explore eachothers bodies.

No one else needs to know what you two get up to. It's between you and him.

So have fun, explore :thumbsup:

This strikes me as utterly ridiculous. Either one of you is going to have to make a move, or I'm going to write a paper for bio class on how this supports the theory of evolution. This is quite a feat, mind, as I'd have to enroll in college to do it, but I'd do it all the same. That's how ridiculous your situation is to me.

I've never understood girls who act all shy about sex or won't take the initiative. Guys like sex. You know guys like sex and that most of the straight guys in the world would probably have sex with you, given the opportunity. Within the context of a relationship it's highly unlikely that your man will think you slutty for being overt and in fact many, many guys find it sexy when a girl knows what she wants and goes for it. So what's with the bloody hang-up? Stop making us do all the damn work!

Seriously, now. Next time you're alone in a room with him, stick your hand down his pants and grab him by the phallus. I guarantee he will get the hint.

Think of guys like a slide-action shotgun:

Pump to start, pump to go, pump 'til finish.

He wants your sex. He might suck at asking for it.

Guys don't do that.

When we move in with a girl either the ground rules of no-sex are laid out (by her) prior, or we are expecting sex.

Wow! I left a lot out I guess.

I moved out of my previous friend's house due to some...things going on between us. She was just...a bitch pretty much.

I moved in with him just recently after that. We had been having a long distance relationship. I've only been living with him for probably...a month or so now.

And he did initiate the relationship and he says he loves me, so I certainly hope he feels the same way!!

I think we have just been hurt quite a few times and are scared of getting attached. I know I get attached really fast to a guy I have sex with. Thats why I normally wait a little while.

Thanks for the thoughts though. It's made me think about things and I think I've pretty much answered my own questions! Ha! I do that sometimes. But thanks yall.

Are his parents strict religious conservatives?

Is he overly worried about Pregnancy or STD's?

Is he nervous about getting caught in the act?

Does he have any hang-ups about cleanliness?

What about basic intimacy? Does he initiate hand holding or hugs and whatnot?
Does he kiss you hello and goodbye?

As for your own initiative and finding the right balance between shy or whore, gently unbuttoning his fly while looking him in the eye is a fine technique for seduction.

Like-WHOA. He dropped the "L" bomb and he hasn't laid any pipe?

Not gay, huh... Is he Mormon? Quaker? Martian?

...

You need to do the sex and do it immediately. Grab his junk - time NOW.

Don't think it means anything other than healthy physical release.

:orly:

I thought the one of the ideas of a relationship is you get attached to eachother.

I'm sure I've heard it said somewhere before........ maybe Big Bird said it once.... :p

LOL! I'm so glad I've found people who are so completely blunt!! This is exactly what I needed!

I won't have sex unless I love the person. Call me old fashioned but that's just how I am. I had sex with a guy I knew for a week one time and it just wasn't happening. I have a problem getting into it. Probably due to the shy factor.

His parents disowned him when he was 18 due to his piercings and tattoos so yes...I'd say they're rather conservative. Again, I think it's just the fact of getting hurt and maybe doing something I don't like.

I had another guy somewhat like this. He just wouldn't do anything because he liked it really rough and he thought he would hurt me because I'm a pretty small girl. (5 foot and only 98 lbs) It could be the same thing. But...to be so shy...I do like it rough... :)

Getting attached and having it thrown back in your face is what I meant. I've had that happen quite a few times and so has he. We've talked about it...and both are stories are pretty sucky.

Are you saying Martians are prudes?

Martian! Hahaha, no-no, not you.

We all know you rock the casbah.

How did I know you'd immediately find this thread and make this comment?

:)

...

This whole thread reads like an impossibility given how real men operate.

Do parents really disown their kids for piercings / tattoos? WTF?

Does said "badass" guy not want to have sex with the girl he lives with?

Martian your first post was hilarious.

Tabby I used to be REALLY shy like you, let me guess when you go to make a move you get butterflies in your tummy, your lips start feeling dry and your palms start to sweat and all you can think is that he doesn't really want this.

Since then I have managed to get over it but it IS hard.

Few ideas for you:

1) Depending on the season you could try some phallic foods (sausages in winter and bananas or ice lollypop things in summer) lick and suck the tip like you would give head then when he looks over at you wink and deepthroat it (gagging here is not going to help so don't push it too far)

2) Arrange to sit down and watch a movie, sit in front of him on the floor bewteen his calves, start running your fingers/ nails/ hands along his legs, start down at his ankle and work them up under his pants. Easier if the guys is wearing wideleg pants or shorts.

3) (requires in the investment of massage / baby oil) Next time he gets home from work in a bad mood mention that he seems stressed and offer a massage to help him relax. Put a towel down on the bed, warm a bit of oil in your hands then start running them all over him, spill a bit of oil on his pants and mention he should take them off, I'm sure you can manage once you've got him in his underwear right?

4) Invest in some sexy underwear. Buy a new set, something that you know he would love to see on you and then put it on and ask whether he likes it, has any suggestions for the next time you go lingerie shopping, whether he likes the feel of the material (run your own fingers over the material when you ask that) then afterwards give him a big kiss and press up against him.

Hope these help a bit.

EXACTLY! That is what I feel every time! But those tips sound great! I'll definitly have to give a few a try. I think I could handle them since they aren't just fuck-me-now ideas. LOL!
That helps lots.

Crude yet effective.

...

I can't hold it back anymore:

I'm thinking this guy might want to drag his balls on Brad Pitt.

C'mon... after 16? Being awkward just isn't a viable excuse.

I had all the raging fury of an albino lab rat and even I smacked some ass the first time.

Haha! He's not gay. Promise. I'm pretty sure I could tell. I was just looking for some tips on how to get things going...lol...
Goodness!

your hand + his penis + stroking = impending intercourse

Well..... you know.....

It's not very often that it's the guy who's too shy in bed.

But I can sort of understand the mentality.

Feel free to tell me to fuck off for asking, but is he a virgin?

Nobody here is trying to be mean... :paranoid: The male consensus is, "WTF?!"

I mean... if you have this awesome relationship where sex hasn't been an issue yet or is too awkward regardless of your age and living situation... it just seems too wholesome to be true.

Like a plot line from that puketastic WB channel: "Piercing and tattoo boy kicked out of house by conservative Buddjewchrislam parents, moves in with the horny woman he loves but chooses to wait for the right time to do the nasty with her."

Oh, tweens everywhere will watch it and cry!

LOL! I understand what it sounds like, but we've never really had the chance untill now. So...now I just need some tips to get the ball rolling!

And I'm not that horny! LOL! ok...maybe just a little bit. It has been a while.

Oh...and I don't think he is a virgin...

Do the two of you share the same bed for sleeping? Or are you in separate rooms? If its the same bed and the two of you haven't bumped in the night, I'd take things into my hands so to speak and find out just what in the hell is up, or not. Rub his cock while you kiss him. Keep rubbing it until he can't hold back. If that doesn't work you should be in separate beds.

What is your background? As far as family, parents, how you were raised, etc?

I am just trying to understand this situation better.

Well...I was raised by my grandparents and they are very old fashioned. They're the whole, "no sex before marriage cause its a sin." I don't really believe in that. I think sex is fine between people who love each other. So I was pretty much raised to look at any kind of sexual stuff as a big taboo.

My grandmother pretty much beat it into my head that if I do anything to turn a guy on (ie: hand jobs, blow jobs, etc) I was no better then a prostitute. Yeah...

Gotcha. At what age did you move out of their house?

Was it straight into this guy's place, or anywhere in between?

Any other major relationships in between?

I moved out at 18 right after I graduated. I moved in with my best friend at the time who graduated with me. Then about a month ago I move out of her apartment and moved in with my boyfriend, which is also in a different state.

I had one "major" relationship when I was younger. I was about 16 and that guy was my first and all that. We were together untill I was almost 18. My grandparents found out we had sex and nothing was ever the same. They now treat me like I'm a whore and that I have sex with anything that has a dick and will stand still long enough.

Yes...We share the same bed. Sometime things heat up at night...but it never leads anywhere. LOL! Its really rather pathetic.

I'm sticking with gay.

Its either that or some major psychological issues.

Same bed, living together, young, has the balls to get tattoos and piercings but not to have sex?

I can understand the 'don't want to be to aggressive' thing on a first date or so, but not when you are living together and the girl wants it.

... NM.

hmm.. If he's not gay, I don't know whats his hold up.. for that long. Could he be getting it from somewhere else??

Well...Last night I got up the balls when he got home and just went down on him randomly. After that, he was all over me the whole night! I think we just needed one of us to break the ice because this is the first time we've ever really had plenty of chances to actually be physical.

So...I don't think he's gay. And he did return the favor this morning! :)

God tongue rings are certainly a blessing...

Yeahh!!! Congrats!!

I have a feeling this is going to work out great now. You two know each other as friends before sex and the energy has a net to fall onto now than if you did it on the first night of meeting each other.

This is what happens when you follow Ustwo's advice in all things, bliss.

Let this be a lesson to all of you.

:applause: