maleficent

Losing weight is only simple when the person who's trying to lose weight is in the right frame of mind to do so... the process is use more calories than you take in - but - if your head isn't there - especially when you've got a lot to lose -simple is not a word I'd use to describe it...

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noodle

I was almost 220.
I met my So when I was 175ish. I didn't choose to lose weight.
He left.
I lost 95 lbs, total, and gained a ton of self confidence.
He came and went and came and went and we're together now for good.
I gained back about 20 lbs for several reasons and we're both working hard to lose it. Both at the gym every other day with very few exceptions, both doing portion control, both monitoring calories closely. I haven't lost a damn thing pound-wise, but my clothing sizes are returning to where they need to be (hooray for muscles!) and he's lost 20 pounds and 3 inches off his waist.
Keep in mind that no matter what you do, men and women will lose weight at different speeds. I haven't met anyone who lost 20 pounds in two weeks in a healthy manner. There's something up there and you're much more likely to gain it back immediately if you lost anything that fast.
But all of the above posters are right. If she doesn't want to do it, than she isn't going to. You can't change it. Congrats on your own weight loss. And it sounds like a conversation that you don't want to have is looming. Good luck.

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im2smrt4u

Not to be rude, especially because it sounds like you are doing well now, but why would you get back with a guy who left you because of your weight?

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Ustwo

If done honestly I see no problem with it.

I'm not sure why we are suppose to treat weight as sacred or like it was a incurable disease.

If I became grossly obese due to my own actions I'd expect my wife to want a divorce. Once the 'sex' is out of a marriage its no longer a marriage in my book, but thats a different thread.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

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Scrub0

I lost 60 lbs over a year, and 45lbs of that in 3 months. This was 5 years ago - since then I've gotten in shape and very well toned. Losing weight is not a hard thing to do, and it soon becomes self-motivating. Obesity brings with it many health issues as years pass & old age approaches - an obese S/O would most definitely be a serious detriment to a good married lifestyle. When the obese person gets to the point of having difficulty getting around cause their knees and back hurt and they're always out of breath, and is always depressed, and you never have sex, never go for walks or do anything active.. life is gonna suck.

The OP already realizes his fiancee's obesity is a major issue, and she is unwilling to take any steps to lose weight. It's only going to get worse. End it now instead of a divorce or hellish life ten years from now.

edit: Up until earlier this year, I had only dated fat/chubby chicks. However, my current girlfriend is toned and sexy. I can say that THERE IS NO COMPARISON - once you experience the wonders of a toned female body, you will never want to see a fat chick naked again!

noodle

Maybe because his leaving helped me get the motivation to do as well as I am doing now. Perhaps the situation was oversimplified... there was more than my weight going on. But I respect someone who doesn't stick with someone who's goals don't gel. I've shifted my goals including and especially related to my health and so has he. I love the man. And sometimes that makes one forgive things that one normally wouldn't and realize that it was for the better at the time. It's hard to explain. But if we'd stuck together at that time and he hadn't said anything, I might not have had the impetus to force a drastic change.

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777

To the anon poster,

Rather than dumping your currant SO (which would make you a bastard), you simply would like her to become a better person.

The best advice I can offer, is to find an expert on your situation. Look for a personal trainer that is willing to understand your fiancee's situation, and will coach the both of you.

Good luck man.

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"I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip."

Roger Zelazny

rlbond86

AAAAAHHHHH
This thread is so frustrating!

"LOOSE" != "LOSE"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH




Oops, I meant to say "I agree with abaya."
Seriously though, I think it's kind of ridiculous that she doesn't want to do anything to help herself, let alone to try to do something that would make you really happy. If she's unwilling to work for something you really would like, I would really rethink your feelings for this person.

And I feel horrible for asking, but how do you know she doesn't have a "secret stash" of food that she's not telling you about? Eating less calories = lose weight. I am a tad suspicious she has not lost any.