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#43 (permalink) | |
Currently sour but formerly Dlishs
Super Moderator
Location: Australia/UAE
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cromp.. if u'd only convert to islam, and then u could have 4 wives and rotate every week or every 2nd week if u like on a serious note though - relationship..about 9 years. married 6. fluctuates. sometime once a week sometimes 5. depends where u are in life and what mode and mood your in. its never constant
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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy |
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#44 (permalink) |
Who You Crappin?
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
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I'm in a weird situation with this question. I've been married almost 11 years, have two kids, and our relationship is probably as strong as it has ever been. We hardly ever fight or bicker anymore, are very much on the same page as parents, and are living a life (financially) that neither of us could have hoped for even five years ago.
That said, we have sex almost never. We are the typical "sex was best when we were dating" couple, and we've had a lot of miscommunication over the years about it (stemming from her being nearly non-orgasmic, various birth control prescriptions that killed her sex drive, etc.) Plus, for the last 3 years, she's been consulting and away from home 5 days a week. We went to Europe for a week for our 10th anniversary and had no sex. I know this would be grounds for divorce for many people, but as I said, our non-sexual relationship is great right now. Also, she got a new job, we're moving next month, and she won't be away from home all the time. The stresses of finances, travelling, etc. will be behind us, so I'm hoping to rekindle the romance. I remain optimistic, and if the sex doesn't come back, will suggest couples counseling or something. Lack of sex can be frustrating, but it's not worth breaking up over. |
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#45 (permalink) |
But You'll Never Prove It.
Location: under your bed
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UsTwo was right about the health concern. Talk to her doctor about your concerns, so you can rule that out before digging into relationship and body image issues. Fax her doctor before her next appointment if you cannot talk to him, or speak with his nurse. Due to doctor/patient confidentiality, you may not necessarily get information from him. But you can get information to him so that he can take care of your wife.
A couple of sites for good diabetes information: http://www.dlife.com/dLife/do/ShowCo...sd_female.html http://www.diabetesselfmanagement.co.../Sexual_Health
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe Last edited by ItWasMe; 01-15-2008 at 09:36 PM.. |
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#47 (permalink) | |
Done freeloading here
Location: on my ass :) - Norway
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Moved the bigger kids into new rooms at the second floor, twins sleep all night. Up to 4-5 times a week + a lot of flirting all day through ![]() Our 13th aniversary is next month. Instead of waiting for sex I'm now waiting for my paycheck again.
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The future ain't what it used to be. |
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#48 (permalink) |
peekaboo
Location: on the back, bitch
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Unfortunately, the waning of sex in a marriage is a too-often complaint and more times than not, it's the wife's waning and the husband's complaint.
Reasons are their own-stress, hormones, boredom, anger or simply losing desire for the man. I have a friend whose wife announced on her 50th birthday she was "done with sex". Wanna kill a marriage, there's a way.... In my own relationship, as it took its downward spiral, I was given an ultimatum/promise-the result of which has been no intimacy for over 2 years. You reap what you sow... I never did understand the whole "sex at our age" thing-either you enjoy it or you don't care for it and age should have nothing to do with it. It's a phony excuse. Maybe it's become painful(happens later on with menopause), maybe it's just not any fun, but that "at this age" line is a lie. To those women(and men) who push their SO's away with such lies, I say "Don't get all riled up when he/she starts looking elsewhere-push'em away and they're bound to start wandering." |
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#49 (permalink) | |
Delusional... but in a funny way
Location: deeee-TROIT!!!
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*bows to abaya* You're brilliant.
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"I'm sorry, all I heard was blah blah blah, I'm a dirty tramp." |
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#50 (permalink) |
Junkie
Location: NYC
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Well, life tends to get in the way, especially since we both wake up early, so by the time we get into bed, often we're just wiped. Still, we manage to get 3-4 times a week, and we're married 23 years now. And she never complains when I grab her ass as I walk by, either, so long as I'm discreet.
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#52 (permalink) |
Addict
Location: Texas
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be 15 years married in Feb, 17 total years, and it's still 3-5 times a week, most weeks. We both still enjoy it, positions and situations still change, and I don't see an end to it in site. in FACT, she recently took up belly dancing.. I suspect mostly to entertain US. well, I don't suspect it, I know it. Marriages don't die of natural causes, they're starved, suffocated or murdered with intent or apathy.
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Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. |
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#53 (permalink) | |
Location: Iceland
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Quote:
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And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran |
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#54 (permalink) |
Upright
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eek..way to many replies to read...but I'll post anyway
![]() Married almost 12 years. me(him)38, her 37. Sex has continually improved throughout the relationship. Two kids (10 and 12 both boys), so their activities, our work, hobbies, etc. All that taken into account, we have sex at a minimum twice a week, with the max probably being 4-6, depending if you count an occasional double wammy. I couldn't imagine a relationship without regular sex. Sure sex isn't absolute EVERYTHING, but I couldn't imagine not wanting to please her sexually, and vice versa. I'm hoping it'll keep me in better health as I get older...time will tell. ![]() |
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#55 (permalink) | |
Bent
Moderator Emeritus
Location: Scaling Half Dome
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Married 10+ years and, in all honesty, 2-4 (really good!) times a month. It's quality, not quantity.
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I fear neither death nor pain. What do you fear milady? A cage. |
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#56 (permalink) |
Junkie
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I've been with my wife for 16 years; married for 10 of those (I'm 39, she's 34) We've had our moments (months) of little sex. I figured that her libido was waning due to age and stress (usually finances). For a time the marriage looked like it was going to fail; but we persevered. It is all about communication and paying close attention to what is causing stress and then WORKING TOGETHER to fix it (if it's fixable). It was during a smooth patch that our daughter was conceived and born. Then the whole sex thing disappeared for a few months. We continued to talk about it and I came to realize that her libido hadn't really waned; she was just tired and had been slightly anemic for quite a while. She just didn't have the energy for sex ...
Also, it's not really the sex that you're after ... it's the intimacy. The thing is, with men, intimacy almost always leads to the desire for sex. It's the way we are wired; touch us and we get horny. Women are a little different. Of course, there are times when we (mostly men, but women, too) just need the "release." and it has little to do with intimacy. Communicate. Don't complain ... don't show statistics ... that just gets depressing. Find out what is causing the decrease in libido. See if the stress can be removed and work together to fix it. Make the next time you have sex MOSTLY ABOUT HER. Remind her that sex can help relieve stress and make you feel great the next day (or later in the day if it's a nooner). Am I having as much sex as I want per week? No. Are we trying? Yes. We average about twice a week, but not consistently. |
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#57 (permalink) |
Cautiously soaring
Location: exploring my new home in SF
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ok, I'm 25 and currently in a long distance relationship (I seem to have an affinity for them *sigh*) for the past few months. Things are fantastic and everything is going well for both of us.
That aside (shes wonderful and we have incredible sex an incredible amount when we see each other) should I be worried about this? I'm a VERY sexual person and I believe that intimacy (including sex) is a KEY part of any relationship. I've learned this about myself through several past relationships and through this one. It's not something I am willing to just put on the side. I realize that people have lives to live and their lives affect who they are and what they're interested in, but (sorry) I don't want to be posting here in 15 years talking about my 1 every other month horrible sex session. In your experience (lots of it here, I love this board) are there some things that have worked to keep things fresh, frequent and exciting?
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Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it. --Mark Twain Do What makes you happy --Me BUT! "Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu |
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#58 (permalink) | |
Beware the Mad Irish
Location: Wish I was on the N17...
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This article from cnn.com may be a bit of a worthwhile read. I've been trying to find articles or information on this topic because of a personal situation (blinding flash of the obvious on the topic of said situation) and at some point I may post a "Hey TFPers.. help me out here" thread. Let's just say I'm worried that I may be headed for the dreaded sexless marriage. For now here is one of the articles I've found to be a bit interesting.
Surprising Reasons You Are Not Getting Good Ass! Quote:
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What are you willing to give up in order to get what you want? |
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#59 (permalink) |
Eponymous
Location: Central Central Florida
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I was 30 when my second husband and I married. He's about a year older. Sex began to dwindle to once a week within about two or three years due to stress, time constraints and the typical stuff. I told him we needed to talk and we did. We were misreading one another's signals somehow and things got back on track, better than ever. I did have to accept that I'd be the aggressor (make the first move or comment) 'most all the time which was tough for me at first.
After that, it got better and better. The sex was the only thing that kept me married to him for so long (14 yrs). (And yes, made the mistake of maintaining occasional sexual games with him after the divorce until I saw how that was messing with his head. ![]()
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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. Mark Twain Last edited by jewels; 02-17-2008 at 02:47 PM.. Reason: forgot something :) |
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#60 (permalink) | |
Soaring
Location: Ohio!
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Quote:
Thanks for that post, Blackthorn.
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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark." — Henri-Frédéric Amiel |
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#61 (permalink) |
is Nucking Futs!
Location: On the edge of sanity
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Hmm, let's see, we've been married almost 25 years now. We have sex probably, on average, 5 times a week. We tried an experiment back in 2000 (we were married 17 years by then) where we had sex just about every day. It really does depend on your partner. I was lucky enough to find a real minx.
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I may look attentive, but I'm taking peeks down your blouse faster than the human eye can follow. |
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#62 (permalink) |
Upright
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Once or twice a week
Over 9 years together, I'm 39 and he's 48. We go at it like we did when we first met, lot's of foreplay makes for good sex but sometimes it's just a quick one just to tide us over until the next time. Once, twice on a good week, we work too much and aren't always home at the same time.
As a woman I always wonder about these women that always have an excuse to get out of sex. You should really try to talk to her about that. If I don't want sex I always say exactly why I don't want to or can't usually it's my period but lot's of times I will still get him off but then I enjoy pleasuring him and don't mind blowing him. The excuse, "I'm too tired." bothers me because to me nothing is more relaxing than slow sex. After you'll both sleep better. The excuse, "I don't feel well." Ask her why she doesn't feel well, is she sick? Find out what's wrong. My BF had ex's that were like that, they never wanted to do it then they went out and had affairs and then the relationship was over. Not saying that will happen to you though. Do you go down on her? If no ask her once and see what happens. Good luck to you! |
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#63 (permalink) |
Junkie
Location: Greater Boston area
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We've been together for around 14 years now. Our sex life had been declining for the past few years and has since almost completely disappeared. Down to maybe once or twice a year now, if that. Variety of reasons including work schedules, age, past issues and a basic lack of sexual compatibility.
I don't anticipate having sex again unless I go find something on the side which I won't do because its not worth it in the long run. Not going to leave her or go to counseling either. It is what it is. |
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sex, years |
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