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- - Sex after 10 years (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-sexuality/123789-sex-after-10-years.html)

Married for 5 years now, the sex is still great,though not as frequent (2 to 4 times a week)as before our son was born,but we still have that same enthusiasm ,as when we first met .

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Originally Posted by Crompsin

So... I should rotate wives out every 10 years?

cromp.. if u'd only convert to islam, and then u could have 4 wives and rotate every week or every 2nd week if u like

on a serious note though - relationship..about 9 years. married 6. fluctuates. sometime once a week sometimes 5. depends where u are in life and what mode and mood your in. its never constant

I'm in a weird situation with this question. I've been married almost 11 years, have two kids, and our relationship is probably as strong as it has ever been. We hardly ever fight or bicker anymore, are very much on the same page as parents, and are living a life (financially) that neither of us could have hoped for even five years ago.

That said, we have sex almost never. We are the typical "sex was best when we were dating" couple, and we've had a lot of miscommunication over the years about it (stemming from her being nearly non-orgasmic, various birth control prescriptions that killed her sex drive, etc.) Plus, for the last 3 years, she's been consulting and away from home 5 days a week.

We went to Europe for a week for our 10th anniversary and had no sex.

I know this would be grounds for divorce for many people, but as I said, our non-sexual relationship is great right now. Also, she got a new job, we're moving next month, and she won't be away from home all the time. The stresses of finances, travelling, etc. will be behind us, so I'm hoping to rekindle the romance. I remain optimistic, and if the sex doesn't come back, will suggest couples counseling or something. Lack of sex can be frustrating, but it's not worth breaking up over.

UsTwo was right about the health concern. Talk to her doctor about your concerns, so you can rule that out before digging into relationship and body image issues. Fax her doctor before her next appointment if you cannot talk to him, or speak with his nurse. Due to doctor/patient confidentiality, you may not necessarily get information from him. But you can get information to him so that he can take care of your wife.

A couple of sites for good diabetes information:

http://www.dlife.com/dLife/do/ShowCo...sd_female.html

http://www.diabetesselfmanagement.co.../Sexual_Health

Six times a week after 13 years. We experiment a lot and keep things interesting. Like others here, we can both honestly say it just gets better.

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Originally Posted by freeload

Been together 12 years, and at the moment my paycheck comes more frequentry than yours truly. (Just got twins - haven't got the time/energy yet)

Normally its a couple of times pr week. sometimes more, other times less.

Sort of miss the wild romps from our first years ;)

Update time.

Moved the bigger kids into new rooms at the second floor, twins sleep all night. Up to 4-5 times a week + a lot of flirting all day through:thumbsup:
Our 13th aniversary is next month.

Instead of waiting for sex I'm now waiting for my paycheck again.

Unfortunately, the waning of sex in a marriage is a too-often complaint and more times than not, it's the wife's waning and the husband's complaint.
Reasons are their own-stress, hormones, boredom, anger or simply losing desire for the man. I have a friend whose wife announced on her 50th birthday she was "done with sex". Wanna kill a marriage, there's a way....
In my own relationship, as it took its downward spiral, I was given an ultimatum/promise-the result of which has been no intimacy for over 2 years.
You reap what you sow...
I never did understand the whole "sex at our age" thing-either you enjoy it or you don't care for it and age should have nothing to do with it. It's a phony excuse. Maybe it's become painful(happens later on with menopause), maybe it's just not any fun, but that "at this age" line is a lie.

To those women(and men) who push their SO's away with such lies, I say "Don't get all riled up when he/she starts looking elsewhere-push'em away and they're bound to start wandering."

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Originally Posted by abaya

Not just connected... downright smushed into one big pile. That's how those things are, for a lot of women (not all). One big web... and if one part of the web isn't doing well, the rest isn't going to hold up either. I can't emphasize this enough, how interconnected all those things are in many women's brains... tackle the one that seems the most do-able and work from there.

Holy crap, yes.

*bows to abaya* You're brilliant.

Well, life tends to get in the way, especially since we both wake up early, so by the time we get into bed, often we're just wiped. Still, we manage to get 3-4 times a week, and we're married 23 years now. And she never complains when I grab her ass as I walk by, either, so long as I'm discreet.

i am jealous of all of you. i don't think my wife have had sex 3-4 times a week at any point in our marriage, even in the first year

be 15 years married in Feb, 17 total years, and it's still 3-5 times a week, most weeks. We both still enjoy it, positions and situations still change, and I don't see an end to it in site. in FACT, she recently took up belly dancing.. I suspect mostly to entertain US. well, I don't suspect it, I know it. Marriages don't die of natural causes, they're starved, suffocated or murdered with intent or apathy.

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Originally Posted by toxic515

Marriages don't die of natural causes, they're starved, suffocated or murdered with intent or apathy.

Yes, agreed. I think many people don't like to admit this fact. Marriage requires constant nurturing and maintenance.

eek..way to many replies to read...but I'll post anyway :)

Married almost 12 years. me(him)38, her 37. Sex has continually improved throughout the relationship. Two kids (10 and 12 both boys), so their activities, our work, hobbies, etc. All that taken into account, we have sex at a minimum twice a week, with the max probably being 4-6, depending if you count an occasional double wammy. I couldn't imagine a relationship without regular sex. Sure sex isn't absolute EVERYTHING, but I couldn't imagine not wanting to please her sexually, and vice versa. I'm hoping it'll keep me in better health as I get older...time will tell. :)~

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Originally Posted by SecretMethod70

Of course, we're in our mid-20's and you're in your 40's. I don't think that should make too much of a difference though. Just gotta find ways to keep it fresh.

*smiles* There's a REASON you see Viagra commercials on TV. There's this really bummer of a thing that happens... you age. You can find all the ways in the world to keep it fresh, but if your bodies don't cooperate - it's a bit tough. Not to mention, biologically our bodies are not wanting to make babies anymore. Hence the dreaded "changes".

Married 10+ years and, in all honesty, 2-4 (really good!) times a month. It's quality, not quantity.

I've been with my wife for 16 years; married for 10 of those (I'm 39, she's 34) We've had our moments (months) of little sex. I figured that her libido was waning due to age and stress (usually finances). For a time the marriage looked like it was going to fail; but we persevered. It is all about communication and paying close attention to what is causing stress and then WORKING TOGETHER to fix it (if it's fixable). It was during a smooth patch that our daughter was conceived and born. Then the whole sex thing disappeared for a few months. We continued to talk about it and I came to realize that her libido hadn't really waned; she was just tired and had been slightly anemic for quite a while. She just didn't have the energy for sex ...

Also, it's not really the sex that you're after ... it's the intimacy. The thing is, with men, intimacy almost always leads to the desire for sex. It's the way we are wired; touch us and we get horny. Women are a little different. Of course, there are times when we (mostly men, but women, too) just need the "release." and it has little to do with intimacy.

Communicate. Don't complain ... don't show statistics ... that just gets depressing. Find out what is causing the decrease in libido. See if the stress can be removed and work together to fix it.

Make the next time you have sex MOSTLY ABOUT HER. Remind her that sex can help relieve stress and make you feel great the next day (or later in the day if it's a nooner).

Am I having as much sex as I want per week? No. Are we trying? Yes. We average about twice a week, but not consistently.

ok, I'm 25 and currently in a long distance relationship (I seem to have an affinity for them *sigh*) for the past few months. Things are fantastic and everything is going well for both of us.

That aside (shes wonderful and we have incredible sex an incredible amount when we see each other) should I be worried about this? I'm a VERY sexual person and I believe that intimacy (including sex) is a KEY part of any relationship. I've learned this about myself through several past relationships and through this one. It's not something I am willing to just put on the side.

I realize that people have lives to live and their lives affect who they are and what they're interested in, but (sorry) I don't want to be posting here in 15 years talking about my 1 every other month horrible sex session.

In your experience (lots of it here, I love this board) are there some things that have worked to keep things fresh, frequent and exciting?

This article from cnn.com may be a bit of a worthwhile read. I've been trying to find articles or information on this topic because of a personal situation (blinding flash of the obvious on the topic of said situation) and at some point I may post a "Hey TFPers.. help me out here" thread. Let's just say I'm worried that I may be headed for the dreaded sexless marriage. For now here is one of the articles I've found to be a bit interesting.

Surprising Reasons You Are Not Getting Good Ass!

Quote:

Not getting any? You're not alone: Women today have less time for sex than their 1950s counterparts. And it's estimated that 40 million Americans have what experts call a sexless marriage (having sex less than 10 times a year).

Bringing too many distractions to bed can put a crimp in your sex life.

A regular sex life is good for your health. It can satisfy all sorts of emotional- and physical-intimacy needs and help partners stay close, says Anita H. Clayton, M.D., a professor of psychiatry at the University of Virginia and author of "Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy." So why the dry spell? You can chalk it up to a sheer lack of time, but there are a slew of other reasons, too -- from weight gain and perimenopause to technology overload (stop texting now) in the bedroom. Here's how to beat these sex busters.

Your bed isn't sexy anymore.

We hear it over and over again: The bed should be used for sex and sleep only. So why do so many of us insist on bringing third parties -- laptops, PDAs, "Law & Order" -- into the boudoir? All that technology and distraction can cause insomnia and put a damper on your sex life. After all, it's harder to initiate sex if your spouse is hiding behind a newspaper or glued to the TV or if your hands are busy exploring the Web rather than his body. Health.com: 10 dreamy bedrooms

Sex Rx: At a minimum, make the bedroom a no-technology zone, Clayton suggests. Then take a hard look at your life (from romance and work to entertainment and family), and give sex the priority it deserves. If you have to schedule sex as you would a meeting, do it!

Your meds are stealing your sex drive.

Oh, the irony. You start taking oral contraceptives (OCs) so you can have worry-free sex. Then the magic little pills start sapping your sex drive. Why? OCs contain estrogen, which increases the production of a protein called sex-hormone binding globulin (SHBG), says Michael Krychman, M.D., medical director of sexual medicine at Hoag Hospital in Newport Beach, California, and executive director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine. SHBG can trap testosterone, affecting your sex drive. There are even new data suggesting that this negative impact might be long-term. Other potential sex-drive-stalling meds to be on the lookout for: those that reduce blood pressure, anxiety, and acid reflux, and antidepressants, too.

Sex Rx: Ask your doc about the sexual side effects of all of your drugs. You may also want to try a contraceptive method that doesn't use hormones, such as condoms, a diaphragm, or an IUD.

Your crazy-busy life.

You spend your days working, cooking, working out, taking care of the family. And, still, at 11:30 p.m., "you're expected to wave this magic goddess wand," Krychman says. It's enough to make even Pamela Anderson curl up in bed and cry, "headache." Besides totally tuckering you out, the chronic stresses of modern life can also trigger a cascade of hormonal changes that mess with your body's sexual-response cycle. And here's another modern sex buster that adds to all the craziness: today's always-connected technology. Health.com: The plus side of going without sex

Sex Rx: With spontaneous sex almost out of the question, you need some serious "life management" to work it in, experts say. Put a lock on the master bedroom door and set a technology time limit. Shift gears from the harried pace of everyday life with a soothing bath, suggests Health contributor and Los Angeles--based sex therapist Linda De Villers, Ph.D. Plunging into warm water takes you away from the laptops and cell phones that clog up your day. Add a few drops of ylang-ylang essential oil; the aroma is thought to heighten sexual feelings.

You don't like your body.

Many women find themselves withdrawing or not willing to experiment sexually if they're overweight or have a change in shape due to pregnancy, Clayton says. "Emotionally, we've bought into the media's idealization of what is really sexy. The message is, you have to look a certain way in order to have really good sex." Health.com: Look 10 years thinner

Sex Rx: "Women have a talent for disliking the very things about themselves that other people find very attractive," De Villers says. Feel free to ask him what he likes about your body; his compliments can help you feel more positive. But don't underestimate the mental boost of shedding some pounds. In a recent Health.com survey, 37 percent of respondents said losing weight makes them feel sexy. In fact, even a five-pound weight loss has been shown to jump-start sex drive.

You've hit perimenopause.

Before menopause, hormonal shifts -- specifically decreasing estrogen -- lead to physiological changes that can make sex seem about as appealing as running a marathon with a pebble in your sock. Sensitive vaginal tissues become less lubricated, the ensuing dryness leads to pain, and painful sex quickly turns into no sex, Krychman says. Hot flashes don't help matters, either. A landmark study published last year in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology shows women whose sexual desire drops during menopause are more apt to report night sweats, disturbed sleep, and depression.

Sex Rx: Talk to your physician about the pros and cons of hormone replacement therapy (HRT), which may lessen menopausal symptoms. New research shows an estrogen cream or suppository may ease dryness without the risks of HRT. Lubricants such as Replens or his-and-hers lubes from K-Y can also help, especially if pain during intercourse is a problem. Pine bark extract is also getting a lot of buzz: A study in the Scandinavian Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology found that it may alleviate hot flashes, depression, panic attacks, elevated cholesterol, and other symptoms linked with perimenopause. Talk to your doctor before trying anything new.

Your man's just not that into it.

You may actually be raring to go, but your partner's engine seems stalled. Perhaps he's emotionally withdrawing, says Bob Berkowitz, Ph.D., co-author of "He's Just Not Up for It Anymore: Why Men Stop Having Sex, and What You Can Do About It." "The usual problems between husbands and wives can play out in the bedroom," he says, especially if your partner has a hard time expressing his feelings properly. Or, he may want you to be more sexually adventurous. You needn't hang from chandeliers; it could be as simple as being a more enthusiastic lover. Health.com: 12 secrets to better orgasms

Sex Rx: Talk it out in a blame-free way. "It's understandable that a woman would feel rejected," Berkowitz says. But don't confront him with 'What the hell is going on? Are you cheating on me?' or he'll shut down. If a man's sex life is not working out, he may feel he's failed as a man, because men invest so much of themselves in their sexuality," Berkowitz adds. So try to broach the subject in a loving way.

You're depressed.

When you're feeling down in the dumps, desire can take a big hit, particularly if you're female. Women tend to isolate themselves, Clayton says, and that can strain even the strongest of romantic relationships. Antidepressants may lift the dark cloud, but some affect your ability to have an orgasm.

Health Library
MayoClinic.com: Health Library
Sex Rx: If you notice your sex drive takes a nosedive after you start a new medication, tell your doctor; she may be able to prescribe an alternative, such as Wellbutrin (bupropion), which doesn't affect orgasm. Consider different avenues of treatment, too. "Psychotherapy doesn't cause sexual dysfunction and is effective, especially in mild-to-moderate depression," Clayton says. Exercise also helps; it enhances mood and energy, and it boosts blood flow to the genitals.

Your man is Viagra-ized.

The "Viagra-ization" of men, as Krychman calls it, isn't just happening to seniors. Younger men are taking the erectile-dysfunction drug, too, sometimes just to enhance sexual performance. The result can be a physical and emotional disconnect in bed. "The man takes the medication and is ready to go, but the woman needs more time to get aroused, to get connected." The sexes tend to deal with anxiety in opposite ways, too, Clayton says. Men head to the bedroom to relieve stress, while women often need to be relaxed to even have sex.

Sex Rx: Clayton suggests finding time for some nonthreatening and nonjudgmental sex talk (not in bed), during which a woman can discuss what she needs in bed to even the playing field.

You're sick and tired.

About 10 to 15 percent of the women Krychman treats for low libido end up having an endocrine problem, such as undiagnosed thyroid disease, which can affect menstrual functioning and lead to exhaustion, depression, low sexual desire, and fertility problems. Women who have chronic illnesses --such as fibromyalgia, anemia, diabetes, or rheumatoid arthritis --may not be in the mood, either, thanks to fatigue or body pain. And women who have diabetes may also experience poor lubrication, low arousal, and a propensity for yeast infections. Health.com: Boost your energy

Sex Rx: Once a thyroid condition or anemia is detected and corrected, any associated symptoms should dissipate. If you're battling a chronic disease, you should take the focus off of the intercourse and explore other ways to achieve sexual and sensual pleasure, Clayton says

I was 30 when my second husband and I married. He's about a year older. Sex began to dwindle to once a week within about two or three years due to stress, time constraints and the typical stuff. I told him we needed to talk and we did. We were misreading one another's signals somehow and things got back on track, better than ever. I did have to accept that I'd be the aggressor (make the first move or comment) 'most all the time which was tough for me at first.

After that, it got better and better. The sex was the only thing that kept me married to him for so long (14 yrs). (And yes, made the mistake of maintaining occasional sexual games with him after the divorce until I saw how that was messing with his head. :shakehead: )

Quote:

Oh, the irony. You start taking oral contraceptives (OCs) so you can have worry-free sex. Then the magic little pills start sapping your sex drive. Why? OCs contain estrogen, which increases the production of a protein called sex-hormone binding globulin (SHBG), says Michael Krychman, M.D., medical director of sexual medicine at Hoag Hospital in Newport Beach, California, and executive director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine. SHBG can trap testosterone, affecting your sex drive. There are even new data suggesting that this negative impact might be long-term.

Well, shit. I don't seem to be having issues with sex drive as far as I know.. and I've been on the pill since I was 17. Hmm, might have to look into this some more.

Thanks for that post, Blackthorn.

Hmm, let's see, we've been married almost 25 years now. We have sex probably, on average, 5 times a week. We tried an experiment back in 2000 (we were married 17 years by then) where we had sex just about every day. It really does depend on your partner. I was lucky enough to find a real minx. :thumbsup: And yes, we really do have sex about 5 times a week, no bullshit.

Once or twice a week

Over 9 years together, I'm 39 and he's 48. We go at it like we did when we first met, lot's of foreplay makes for good sex but sometimes it's just a quick one just to tide us over until the next time. Once, twice on a good week, we work too much and aren't always home at the same time.

As a woman I always wonder about these women that always have an excuse to get out of sex. You should really try to talk to her about that. If I don't want sex I always say exactly why I don't want to or can't usually it's my period but lot's of times I will still get him off but then I enjoy pleasuring him and don't mind blowing him.

The excuse, "I'm too tired." bothers me because to me nothing is more relaxing than slow sex. After you'll both sleep better.

The excuse, "I don't feel well." Ask her why she doesn't feel well, is she sick? Find out what's wrong.

My BF had ex's that were like that, they never wanted to do it then they went out and had affairs and then the relationship was over. Not saying that will happen to you though.

Do you go down on her? If no ask her once and see what happens.

Good luck to you!

We've been together for around 14 years now. Our sex life had been declining for the past few years and has since almost completely disappeared. Down to maybe once or twice a year now, if that. Variety of reasons including work schedules, age, past issues and a basic lack of sexual compatibility.
I don't anticipate having sex again unless I go find something on the side which I won't do because its not worth it in the long run.
Not going to leave her or go to counseling either. It is what it is.