A question for the caucasian ladies out there. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

JustJess · 09-09-2007, 05:44 PM

Move.

But seriously? I don't know. I grew up in the middle of nowhere, but not the south... and yet I never really cared what color someone was. If I found them attractive, that was that. What age range are you dealing with? Often it takes a few years to outgrow some of those ideas and preconceived notions.

Other than being you and letting that show through... if they're still not getting it, well, shit. I'm lost.

Maybe make friends with more white girls, so that the ones who might be dateable can see how easily you relate to their world?

Plan9 · 09-09-2007, 05:53 PM

I live where you do. I see a lot of people of all colors. Especially up north.

Ballzor · 09-09-2007, 06:00 PM

Midnight · 09-09-2007, 06:03 PM

Hey Ballzor. *hug*

I'm "white" (god i hate the way people are divided up like that. who really gives a crap about skin color and ethnicity!) and I have never dated a guy that wasn't white. Why? Only "white" guys have ever asked!
I worked with this really great, really cute guy who was of indian decent. Born and raised here, very "american" both his parents had been here for a very very long time, and were very much into the american culture and had raised their 4 kids here happily, letting them drink in the american culture. Now, while I worked with him, I dated a couple different guys, nothing major, but they were white. well, time passed, and this guy was transferred to another branch in another state. well when I heard about it, I wasn't just depressed because he was a great co-worker and I was sad to see him go in that respect, but because he had always seemed like he was SO CLOSE to asking me out....

I commented on this to a co worker on his last day. She just stared at me. I was like "what?" and she told me that he had wanted to ask me out for more than a year, but that someone else we worked with told him I only dated white guys. He must have believed her.

Point being, you're never going to know for sure who really likes you till you ask....Good luck hun!

Plan9 · 09-09-2007, 06:08 PM

I guess the other question would be:

As a white guy... how did I end up with a Korean girl for such a long time?

I don't understand the race thing because A) I'm a dumb cracker and B) I have zero idea of how racism works.

We're all the same under the skin. Don't build a wall that isn't there.

Fuck whitey. Fight the power.

serlindsipity · 09-09-2007, 06:11 PM

As much as I hate hate hate admiting this, it might as well be a product of parental conditioning. Coming from the midwest and coming from a very white area (that also happened to be really racist) we were conditioned not to find attraction in anything but our own skin tone. Now, mind you, a lot of us realize this and we strive to break away from this, but when it comes down to it, it is embedded deep in us... to the subconscious. Mix that with girls not wanting to disappoint the parentals, you have a tough challange ahead of you.

I dont want to say you are screwed. But I do want to share some insight from someone who has realized my own downfalls and how they determine who I feel that connection to. I wish you the best and if anything, move to a big city..... Anywhere, things are always different there.

ironpham · 09-09-2007, 06:21 PM

I too am an Asian that lives in the south. And, like you, I was born in the US, so I am Americanized as well.

Despite all these things, I've never really had trouble asking girls out and getting dates or numbers. And no, I'm not in exceptionally good shape or really that attractive or anything. It's not so much about the color of your skin or the way you look so much as it's about you're persona (and make sure you don't smell bad). You'll be surprised how much less racism there is in the south than what you think. But, like Midnight said, you'll never know until you ask a girl.

*Nikki* · 09-09-2007, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crompsin

I guess the other question would be:

As a white guy... how did I end up with a Korean girl for such a long time?

I don't understand the race thing because A) I'm a dumb cracker and B) I have zero idea of how racism works.

We're all the same under the skin. Don't build a wall that isn't there.

Fuck whitey. Fight the power.

I hate to call you out but I don't think that his advice is at all helpful.

To Ballzor I would hope that any female that is worth your time and energy is going to look past the color of your skin. I think just being friendly, smiling, saying hello and building up a friendship with any woman will help her see what kind of a person you are on the inside. Start small and work up to the dating thing. Don't over think your situation.

Cynthetiq · 09-09-2007, 07:25 PM

as a 1st generation filipino who has never dated a filipina and almost exclusively dated white girls and married now for 5 years, "You just let them know you are interested."

That's it. There's no secret.

If they aren't interested, they will let you know.

Ballzor · 09-09-2007, 07:39 PM

Manic_Skafe · 09-09-2007, 07:43 PM

there are no signals you could emit to signify that you're harmless - and you shouldn't have to.

while it may be hard to find someone, you should consider yourself lucky for not having to bother with people that aren't worthy of your time.

Just stay true to yourself and whatever it is you do and it'll all fall into place.

Cynthetiq · 09-09-2007, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ballzor

I suppose thats about the extent of it. My luck usually runs dry at the part where they let me know, but c'est life.

I know what I've got and its a shame more girls cant get past looks cause ther missin out. but that also means I am too lol.

I don't let it get me down too much anymore tho (it used to get me pretty depressed). I keep myself busy with my music and Im always nice regardless of how Im treated.

what are you missing out on? shallow, predjudiced, simpleton girls?

Ballzor · 09-09-2007, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cynthetiq

what are you missing out on? shallow, predjudiced, simpleton girls?

lol well if you've lived in the south then you know that those are prolly the vast majority of people. I love them and all but its difficult to find the real people in the crowd, especially when they aren't looking for you

ItWasMe · 09-09-2007, 08:18 PM

Ballzor, I'm curious, how many times has a girl actually told you that she would not go out with you because of your skin color?

cadre · 09-09-2007, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ballzor

lol well if you've lived in the south then you know that those are prolly the vast majority of people. I love them and all but its difficult to find the real people in the crowd, especially when they aren't looking for you

I'm guessing you're speaking about younger girls and women, in which case the prejudiced, shallow girls are everywhere but eventually many of them grow out of that.

I've noticed this goes the other way too though, I grew up on the east coast and I went back to visit a friend not too long ago. She's chinese and the area she now lives in has many more Asians than average. I noticed while I was there though that there weren't many who dated outside their races, for instance my friend doesn't date Caucasian men, she says she doesn't think they're attractive.

On a slightly unrelated topic, I met an Asian Indian when I was there that had green eyes. He was gorgeous, and I wouldn't turn down the chance to date him even though I'm white.

Ballzor · 09-09-2007, 09:41 PM

ejm_msp · 09-10-2007, 04:24 AM

I'd go out with you, but I'm almost married and in Minnesota.

Maybe you are upset because you aren't getting any, and your skin tone is your excuse. If I weren't getting dates, I might try to blame it on my cup size- which is at the very beginning of the alphabet- and I could then surmise that all men are a bunch of jerks who only are interested in one part of my anatomy, the one that I don't have.

What you are experiencing is probably real at times, but it will do you no good to dwell on it. If they do start forming an interest in you, avoid the ones that are only dating you to piss off their parents.

You may try dressing really sharply. If you look successful you may have more luck- one thing I've noticed about the south is that they seem to be more uptight about appearances.

ratbastid · 09-10-2007, 04:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ejm_msp

Maybe you are upset because you aren't getting any, and your skin tone is your excuse.

*Ding!* We have a winner!

I happen to know several women who totally swoon over an Indian dude on the show Heroes, and who all live in the South--further South than you, actually. So, Southern women don't like Indians: FALSE. And my anecdotal evidence is just as valid as yours. :P

Look: Indian guys hook up, even in the south. What women are reacting to isn't your ethnicity. It's something about the way you're being with them. Your "sketchiness" isn't about the color you are. And it's not some other permanent, fixed attribute of yourself, either. But it IS something for you to look at closely and really deal with, because that's what's getting in your way.

I went to college with a Korean guy who was adopted by an American family as a baby. He'd sometimes talk about his Asian heritage and his honor. I'd tell him: dude, you were raised by a Lutheran pastor from Wisconsin. Hell, I'M at least as Asian as you are!

MechCow · 09-10-2007, 05:05 AM

I think if you are approaching women subconsciously thinking about your skin colour that is likely to come off in your approach. Especially if you viewed as being middle eastern - perhaps what to you is just light nervousness comes off to them as code red terror alert lol.

Good luck Ballzor maybe you could try making a joke out of their initial fears or light of the situation. I know many Indian players.

Bill O'Rights · 09-10-2007, 05:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ballzor

I've been told that I'm scary, but theres not much I can do to change that ya know.

Huh?

Ok...you're going to have to elaborate a bit on that. More details, as to why exactly, you're scary are going to be needed. Maybe there is a way to change that.

Being of Indian descent does not = scary. At least I don't think that it does. It may have less to do with the pigmentation of your skin than it does with the "vibes" that you are putting out.

Cynthetiq · 09-10-2007, 06:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ballzor

lol well if you've lived in the south then you know that those are prolly the vast majority of people. I love them and all but its difficult to find the real people in the crowd, especially when they aren't looking for you

that's right. and so do you really want that? I think the answer is "of course not."

Seriously though, I grew up in Los Angeles. I didn't get second looks from girls until it was trendy to date other races. And then it was even worse because only shallow girls appeared interested for the wrong reasons.

You'll always find it difficult to find the real people in the crowd because those fakers are good at faking it. They exist everywhere in all countries and cultures.

Ballzor · 09-10-2007, 01:05 PM

Nimetic · 09-10-2007, 01:44 PM

I'm not a lady, but.

Seems odd to me that they don't figure it out from accent and mannerisms, in the first few seconds. You might be lucky, you might be weeding out the stupid ones.

ratbastid · 09-10-2007, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ballzor

I got the 'vibe' thing down, I'm not necessarily approachable at first glance, but if I approach you or you overhear even one word out of my mouth you can tell that I'm harmless.

Okay, but that's not what you're hearing from people. The two words you've told us that women have used to describe you are "scary" and "sketchy". So you might take the universe's advice here, and consider that you don't actually have the 'vibe' thing down, and that you're putting out signals you have NO IDEA you're putting out.

I know you think you know what's going on here, but I encourage you to expand your thinking to MAYBE include yourself in the issue. I mean, you ARE there every time somebody thinks you're scary or sketchy... MAYBE you have something to do with it, and their racism is just a convenient excuse? And, as you've said, the various things you've tried with your physical appearance haven't had any effect, right?

(I'm feeling Kpax-ish on this thread, folks. Do I get the impression that our input is going utterly unconsidered, here?)

Ballzor · 09-10-2007, 05:04 PM

World's King · 09-10-2007, 05:07 PM

"Americanized" is the worst way to ever describe yourself.

If a girl doesn't see you for what you really are then she is a waste of your time.

mixedmedia · 09-10-2007, 05:26 PM

There are places in south that still have big hang-ups about race. Lots and lots of people in those places aren't anywhere near as forward thinking as we are around here. And while lots of young white women in these places may talk and joke around with guys from different races, most of them won't date them. Especially on a serious basis.

Of course, I'm not saying this as a blanket statement about the south, just some places, especially smaller towns.

I don't know anything about Ballzor's situation and how this (my anecdotal evidence

) might apply to it, but I wouldn't just hop to the conclusion that he's only making it up. Perhaps he is using real experiences to color all of his perceptions when race isn't a factor, but we all do that to some extent. I think we can cut him a little slack.

Acetylene · 09-10-2007, 06:39 PM

Check it out--a specific, helpful response!

I like a lot of ethnic types, including the Indian from Heroes and the black ex-con, DL. What determines whether or not I like a given person of ethnic descent usually has much more to do with apparent health and cleanliness.

A lot of the Indian men I've seen have had scraggly facial hair, acne, or poor physique. Those are the Indians that I don't like. While it's possible to have attractive facial hair, it needs to be very neat and CLEAN.

Acne and irregular skin tone (another issue plagueing some Asian peoples) both indicate poor health, on a subconscious level. Take care of your skin and diet if you have these problems.

Keep your hair neat and trim, and don't put anything greasy in it. It must look clean and healthy, never oily or excessively "done-up". Fussing over your hair too much can often make a man seem sketchy or creepy--it's definitely a turn-off for me.

Finally, physical fitness cannot be ignored. This is important for everyone, but since Indians tend to be shorter than Americans (you haven't told us your height so I don't know if it's true for you), it can be difficult to get a girl to take you seriously as a potential mate unless you impress her in some other way. Sadly, height matters; if you don't have it, make up for it some other way, with confidence, a tight body, and good posture.

My favorite Indian men are the happy, gregarious young engineers in their neat, clean collared shirts and the top button undone!

Good luck!

BigBaldRon · 09-10-2007, 08:10 PM

Maybe you're just an ugly guy.

Not to insult you or anything, but if a chick isnt into you, she isnt into you. There's not much you can do about it.

MrFriendly · 09-11-2007, 01:17 AM

This is actually an interesting thread.

Melbourne is an extremely diverse and multicultural place. There are large populations of Asians, Indians (the asian kind of course), Greeks, Middle Eastern, Turks, Russians, Africans, Jews, and not to mention Anglo Saxons.

In Melbourne, for the most part, we all seem to get along. There's no real racially based gangs to warrant speaking of. Incidents of racially aggravated assault or crime is few and far between.

But one thing I have noticed, for the most part, a lot of these groups will kind of keep to themselves in terms of courtship. But this does seriously depend and what generation Australian they are.

When I first moved here from my rather white and homogeneous home town, it was a bit of an adjustment I had to make. I found it interesting that I could catch the tram home at night an be one of 4 white people on a crowded tram or train.

Once thing I found was that I developed an instant crush on Indian and African girls (Mind you, I find all women beautiful hehe). The trouble is, A lot of Indian and African girls don't really go for non Indian or African guys. But the big distinction you have to make is when people of these groups came here. If you walk through Melbourne CBD any day and you will find a lot of mixed race couples. But these are generally second generation Aussies.

Melbourne seems to have something about it that sets it apart however, because if you go to Sydney, there are HUGE social and racial tensions there. We're talking about the town that had Australia's only (and most regrettable) race riot, this was an event that made many Australians uncomfortable about what our flag is being used to represent. Aussies, historically, have never really been a flag waving nation, nationalist pride is not really done either.

And if you head out into the country though, there is a fair degree of racism, and towns start to become very white. In these areas, I can certainly relate to Ballzors plight.

I find inter-racial relationships interesting. I feel it's the next step in human evolution, something that should be encouraged to diversify the gene pool.

ejm_msp · 09-11-2007, 04:16 AM

I would like to add that self-confidence is the best and most attractive accessory. It's not even an accessory, it's #1. Franky, I think it is as important-if not more so- than physical appearance.

Ballzor, When describing your self-presentation you mentioned being a little scruffy because you are a musician, and wish this status represented in your dress. What kind of girls are you interested in? If you are downcast because preppy sorority types are disinterested, you are not presenting yourself like you are one of them. If you are scruffy-and there is nothing wrong with scruffy- you are more likely to find someone with the same aesthetic. Try going to a punk rock show, or an Ani DiFranco concert, or a poetry slam.

Seaver · 09-11-2007, 08:05 AM

I'm white, and live in the South, so my advice not mean much to you. However, from my experience the only minorities who have trouble getting women are those who are too scared to ask. More often than not, in my experience, race is not an issue until they make it one. My Arab friend jokingly said he only dates white women, because they find him exotic. My black friend only dates white girls, jokingly saying he's sticking it to the man. While they occasionally get shot down, and even fewer times blame it on the racist card, everyone everywhere gets shot down. I'm sure Brad Pitt, Clive Owen, etc. all got show down countless times.

I can see how you would be mistaken as Middle Eastern by some people. I studied Middle Eastern Studies and I can't for the life of me tell from looks an Indian and a Pakistani. Only because I've heard so much Pashtu from my studies can I tell by language. Chinese/Korean/Vietnamese/Japanese/et al are generally fairly easy, but even then occasionally I can tell.

I like how you don't get mad about being mistaken by regions of heritage, when people complain about those things I push the mirror on them. I've never met one minority who could tell if a white person was French/English/German/etc by looks.

In the South I believe you are right, racism is worn on the sleeve instead of being held tight to the chest. The young generation you'll be going after, however, very few in my experience are actually against it at this point. Their parents might have an issue, but how many women have ever stopped liking a guy because her parents didn't? As my friends prove, to me at least, it's just not an issue to the vast majority of the young generation... and as someone said if it is an issue you wouldn't want to be with them anyways.

mfh · 09-11-2007, 01:54 PM

Move to the Bay Area, CA as soon as you can.

The "sketchy vibe" you put out is the product of being a minority in an all-white surrounding. Different people react differently to being surrounded by whites. Unless you can somehow overcome this (I doubt it), you're better off just moving somewhere else.

Here in San Francisco we have bars and clubs and restaurants that go from all-white to extremely racially mixed to almost exclusively all one ethnicity. Imagine going to a nightclub and seeing 200 hot Indian chicks. Can you even imagine something like that? There's plenty of places like that in the bay area, not just in the city of SF.

StellaLuna · 09-11-2007, 02:55 PM

Hrm. As an Air Force brat born in the South and planted firmly back in home soil, I have to say: I looooooooove Indian guys. And Asian men. And-- well, show me a guy who is sweet, cute, smart, and takes good care of himself, and he's likely to get an invitation to the StellaLuna International Equal Opportunity Boy Harem. (I'm a collector.) Are you living in a big city in Virginia? Or a teeny podunk town? We Southern ladies can sometimes hop to conclusions quickly, and the fewer opportunities a person has had to interact with anything "new" (person, place, or thing) can lead to quicker conclusion-jumping. If I've only seen blue people on TV, and think they're all scary, I'm not going to do well with them in person. However, if I went to classes with blue people, I'll have an easier time sitting and talking to one when I meet him. If you're not already in a big college town, get thee hence. Otherwise, keep putting yourself out there and you'll meet someone who isn't "scared".

Infinite_Loser · 09-11-2007, 05:20 PM

Date other minorities. Problem solved

Plus white women are crazy. ...What? Who said that?

Lasereth · 09-11-2007, 06:07 PM

Hmm. I can't really add much. I do live in North Carolina though so I can talk about what goes on here.

In my family, my grandparents are racists. They don't think they are, but they are. My parents aren't -- to a degree. Once my dad told me that I could date any girl I wanted as long as she wasn't black, and he honestly saw nothing wrong with it except a chance for his reputation to be damaged (other people in our town seeing his son with a nigger would surely cause reputation damage).

I assume that even if girls are attracted to you, and are attracted to Indian guys, being attracted to you and actually dating you are two completely different things. It's hard to date someone of a different ethnic decent when you have your family BEGGING you to not embarass them with a non-whitey.

You need to find a girl that doesn't give a shit what her family thinks, or who comes from a family of intellectually and socially advanced people who also don't give a shit what their neighbors think.

Challah · 09-11-2007, 06:29 PM

If there's a local university nearby and you're of the appropriate age you could see if it has an Asian students organization (they seem pretty common in Ontario universities anyway). Befriend them and they'll probably be able to introduce you to groups of people who are warmer towards multiculturalism. That's assuming your background is actually the issue.

mfh · 09-11-2007, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Befriend them and they'll probably be able to introduce you to groups of people who are warmer towards multiculturalism

Multiculturalism?

What does this have to do with anything? The man said he was Americanized, and his skin color is the topic in question, not whether or not he speaks Hindi and dresses in traditional Indian attire or something wild like that. This is often something white people fail to understand - people who aren't white can be actual Americans without having some foreign culture overriding their behavior.

Aggravating.

Baraka_Guru · 09-11-2007, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mfh

Multiculturalism?

What does this have to do with anything? The man said he was Americanized, and his skin color is the topic in question, not whether or not he speaks Hindi and dresses in traditional Indian attire or something wild like that.

Multiculturalism has a direct reference to the idea of identity politics, including the colour of one's skin. It is an issue of multiculturalism and its acceptance, because he feels he is being singled out by the colour of his skin not his brand of Americanness. Sure he's American, but people might see the Indian first, and this is tied into a number of things unrelated to being a particular nationality.

09-09-2007, 05:44 PM	#2 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	Move. But seriously? I don't know. I grew up in the middle of nowhere, but not the south... and yet I never really cared what color someone was. If I found them attractive, that was that. What age range are you dealing with? Often it takes a few years to outgrow some of those ideas and preconceived notions. Other than being you and letting that show through... if they're still not getting it, well, shit. I'm lost. Maybe make friends with more white girls, so that the ones who might be dateable can see how easily you relate to their world? __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

09-09-2007, 05:53 PM	#3 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	I live where you do. I see a lot of people of all colors. Especially up north. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

09-09-2007, 06:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	I guess the other question would be: As a white guy... how did I end up with a Korean girl for such a long time? I don't understand the race thing because A) I'm a dumb cracker and B) I have zero idea of how racism works. We're all the same under the skin. Don't build a wall that isn't there. Fuck whitey. Fight the power. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

09-09-2007, 06:11 PM	#7 (permalink)
serlindsipity Psycho Location: Boulder Baby!	As much as I hate hate hate admiting this, it might as well be a product of parental conditioning. Coming from the midwest and coming from a very white area (that also happened to be really racist) we were conditioned not to find attraction in anything but our own skin tone. Now, mind you, a lot of us realize this and we strive to break away from this, but when it comes down to it, it is embedded deep in us... to the subconscious. Mix that with girls not wanting to disappoint the parentals, you have a tough challange ahead of you. I dont want to say you are screwed. But I do want to share some insight from someone who has realized my own downfalls and how they determine who I feel that connection to. I wish you the best and if anything, move to a big city..... Anywhere, things are always different there. __________________ My third eye is my camera's lens.

09-09-2007, 07:25 PM	#10 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	as a 1st generation filipino who has never dated a filipina and almost exclusively dated white girls and married now for 5 years, "You just let them know you are interested." That's it. There's no secret. If they aren't interested, they will let you know. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

09-09-2007, 06:03 PM	#5 (permalink)
Midnight Banned Location: Chicago's western burbs	Hey Ballzor. hug I'm "white" (god i hate the way people are divided up like that. who really gives a crap about skin color and ethnicity!) and I have never dated a guy that wasn't white. Why? Only "white" guys have ever asked! I worked with this really great, really cute guy who was of indian decent. Born and raised here, very "american" both his parents had been here for a very very long time, and were very much into the american culture and had raised their 4 kids here happily, letting them drink in the american culture. Now, while I worked with him, I dated a couple different guys, nothing major, but they were white. well, time passed, and this guy was transferred to another branch in another state. well when I heard about it, I wasn't just depressed because he was a great co-worker and I was sad to see him go in that respect, but because he had always seemed like he was SO CLOSE to asking me out.... I commented on this to a co worker on his last day. She just stared at me. I was like "what?" and she told me that he had wanted to ask me out for more than a year, but that someone else we worked with told him I only dated white guys. He must have believed her. Point being, you're never going to know for sure who really likes you till you ask....Good luck hun!

09-09-2007, 06:21 PM	#8 (permalink)
ironpham DOOMTRAIN Location: NC	I too am an Asian that lives in the south. And, like you, I was born in the US, so I am Americanized as well. Despite all these things, I've never really had trouble asking girls out and getting dates or numbers. And no, I'm not in exceptionally good shape or really that attractive or anything. It's not so much about the color of your skin or the way you look so much as it's about you're persona (and make sure you don't smell bad). You'll be surprised how much less racism there is in the south than what you think. But, like Midnight said, you'll never know until you ask a girl.

09-09-2007, 07:43 PM	#12 (permalink)
Manic_Skafe More Than You Expect Location: Queens	there are no signals you could emit to signify that you're harmless - and you shouldn't have to. while it may be hard to find someone, you should consider yourself lucky for not having to bother with people that aren't worthy of your time. Just stay true to yourself and whatever it is you do and it'll all fall into place. __________________ "Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

09-09-2007, 08:18 PM	#15 (permalink)
ItWasMe But You'll Never Prove It. Location: under your bed	Ballzor, I'm curious, how many times has a girl actually told you that she would not go out with you because of your skin color? __________________ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

09-10-2007, 04:24 AM	#18 (permalink)
ejm_msp Upright	I'd go out with you, but I'm almost married and in Minnesota. Maybe you are upset because you aren't getting any, and your skin tone is your excuse. If I weren't getting dates, I might try to blame it on my cup size- which is at the very beginning of the alphabet- and I could then surmise that all men are a bunch of jerks who only are interested in one part of my anatomy, the one that I don't have. What you are experiencing is probably real at times, but it will do you no good to dwell on it. If they do start forming an interest in you, avoid the ones that are only dating you to piss off their parents. You may try dressing really sharply. If you look successful you may have more luck- one thing I've noticed about the south is that they seem to be more uptight about appearances.

09-10-2007, 05:05 AM	#20 (permalink)
MechCow Upright Location: LSD	I think if you are approaching women subconsciously thinking about your skin colour that is likely to come off in your approach. Especially if you viewed as being middle eastern - perhaps what to you is just light nervousness comes off to them as code red terror alert lol. Good luck Ballzor maybe you could try making a joke out of their initial fears or light of the situation. I know many Indian players.

09-10-2007, 01:44 PM	#24 (permalink)
Nimetic Junkie Location: Melbourne, Australia	I'm not a lady, but. Seems odd to me that they don't figure it out from accent and mannerisms, in the first few seconds. You might be lucky, you might be weeding out the stupid ones.

09-10-2007, 05:07 PM	#27 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	"Americanized" is the worst way to ever describe yourself. If a girl doesn't see you for what you really are then she is a waste of your time. __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

09-10-2007, 05:26 PM	#28 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	There are places in south that still have big hang-ups about race. Lots and lots of people in those places aren't anywhere near as forward thinking as we are around here. And while lots of young white women in these places may talk and joke around with guys from different races, most of them won't date them. Especially on a serious basis. Of course, I'm not saying this as a blanket statement about the south, just some places, especially smaller towns. I don't know anything about Ballzor's situation and how this (my anecdotal evidence ) might apply to it, but I wouldn't just hop to the conclusion that he's only making it up. Perhaps he is using real experiences to color all of his perceptions when race isn't a factor, but we all do that to some extent. I think we can cut him a little slack. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

09-10-2007, 06:39 PM	#29 (permalink)
Acetylene Addict Location: under a rock	Check it out--a specific, helpful response! I like a lot of ethnic types, including the Indian from Heroes and the black ex-con, DL. What determines whether or not I like a given person of ethnic descent usually has much more to do with apparent health and cleanliness. A lot of the Indian men I've seen have had scraggly facial hair, acne, or poor physique. Those are the Indians that I don't like. While it's possible to have attractive facial hair, it needs to be very neat and CLEAN. Acne and irregular skin tone (another issue plagueing some Asian peoples) both indicate poor health, on a subconscious level. Take care of your skin and diet if you have these problems. Keep your hair neat and trim, and don't put anything greasy in it. It must look clean and healthy, never oily or excessively "done-up". Fussing over your hair too much can often make a man seem sketchy or creepy--it's definitely a turn-off for me. Finally, physical fitness cannot be ignored. This is important for everyone, but since Indians tend to be shorter than Americans (you haven't told us your height so I don't know if it's true for you), it can be difficult to get a girl to take you seriously as a potential mate unless you impress her in some other way. Sadly, height matters; if you don't have it, make up for it some other way, with confidence, a tight body, and good posture. My favorite Indian men are the happy, gregarious young engineers in their neat, clean collared shirts and the top button undone! Good luck! __________________ There's no justice. There's just us.

09-10-2007, 08:10 PM	#30 (permalink)
BigBaldRon Tilted Location: St Louis	Maybe you're just an ugly guy. Not to insult you or anything, but if a chick isnt into you, she isnt into you. There's not much you can do about it.

09-11-2007, 01:17 AM	#31 (permalink)
MrFriendly Psycho Location: Australia	This is actually an interesting thread. Melbourne is an extremely diverse and multicultural place. There are large populations of Asians, Indians (the asian kind of course), Greeks, Middle Eastern, Turks, Russians, Africans, Jews, and not to mention Anglo Saxons. In Melbourne, for the most part, we all seem to get along. There's no real racially based gangs to warrant speaking of. Incidents of racially aggravated assault or crime is few and far between. But one thing I have noticed, for the most part, a lot of these groups will kind of keep to themselves in terms of courtship. But this does seriously depend and what generation Australian they are. When I first moved here from my rather white and homogeneous home town, it was a bit of an adjustment I had to make. I found it interesting that I could catch the tram home at night an be one of 4 white people on a crowded tram or train. Once thing I found was that I developed an instant crush on Indian and African girls (Mind you, I find all women beautiful hehe). The trouble is, A lot of Indian and African girls don't really go for non Indian or African guys. But the big distinction you have to make is when people of these groups came here. If you walk through Melbourne CBD any day and you will find a lot of mixed race couples. But these are generally second generation Aussies. Melbourne seems to have something about it that sets it apart however, because if you go to Sydney, there are HUGE social and racial tensions there. We're talking about the town that had Australia's only (and most regrettable) race riot, this was an event that made many Australians uncomfortable about what our flag is being used to represent. Aussies, historically, have never really been a flag waving nation, nationalist pride is not really done either. And if you head out into the country though, there is a fair degree of racism, and towns start to become very white. In these areas, I can certainly relate to Ballzors plight. I find inter-racial relationships interesting. I feel it's the next step in human evolution, something that should be encouraged to diversify the gene pool. __________________ You are not a slave

09-11-2007, 04:16 AM	#32 (permalink)
ejm_msp Upright	I would like to add that self-confidence is the best and most attractive accessory. It's not even an accessory, it's #1. Franky, I think it is as important-if not more so- than physical appearance. Ballzor, When describing your self-presentation you mentioned being a little scruffy because you are a musician, and wish this status represented in your dress. What kind of girls are you interested in? If you are downcast because preppy sorority types are disinterested, you are not presenting yourself like you are one of them. If you are scruffy-and there is nothing wrong with scruffy- you are more likely to find someone with the same aesthetic. Try going to a punk rock show, or an Ani DiFranco concert, or a poetry slam.

09-11-2007, 08:05 AM	#33 (permalink)
Seaver Junkie Location: Fort Worth, TX	I'm white, and live in the South, so my advice not mean much to you. However, from my experience the only minorities who have trouble getting women are those who are too scared to ask. More often than not, in my experience, race is not an issue until they make it one. My Arab friend jokingly said he only dates white women, because they find him exotic. My black friend only dates white girls, jokingly saying he's sticking it to the man. While they occasionally get shot down, and even fewer times blame it on the racist card, everyone everywhere gets shot down. I'm sure Brad Pitt, Clive Owen, etc. all got show down countless times. I can see how you would be mistaken as Middle Eastern by some people. I studied Middle Eastern Studies and I can't for the life of me tell from looks an Indian and a Pakistani. Only because I've heard so much Pashtu from my studies can I tell by language. Chinese/Korean/Vietnamese/Japanese/et al are generally fairly easy, but even then occasionally I can tell. I like how you don't get mad about being mistaken by regions of heritage, when people complain about those things I push the mirror on them. I've never met one minority who could tell if a white person was French/English/German/etc by looks. In the South I believe you are right, racism is worn on the sleeve instead of being held tight to the chest. The young generation you'll be going after, however, very few in my experience are actually against it at this point. Their parents might have an issue, but how many women have ever stopped liking a guy because her parents didn't? As my friends prove, to me at least, it's just not an issue to the vast majority of the young generation... and as someone said if it is an issue you wouldn't want to be with them anyways. __________________ "Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

09-11-2007, 01:54 PM	#34 (permalink)
mfh Upright Location: San Francisco	Move to the Bay Area, CA as soon as you can. The "sketchy vibe" you put out is the product of being a minority in an all-white surrounding. Different people react differently to being surrounded by whites. Unless you can somehow overcome this (I doubt it), you're better off just moving somewhere else. Here in San Francisco we have bars and clubs and restaurants that go from all-white to extremely racially mixed to almost exclusively all one ethnicity. Imagine going to a nightclub and seeing 200 hot Indian chicks. Can you even imagine something like that? There's plenty of places like that in the bay area, not just in the city of SF. __________________ mike Last edited by mfh; 09-11-2007 at 01:57 PM..

09-11-2007, 02:55 PM	#35 (permalink)
StellaLuna Psycho Location: hiding behind wings	Hrm. As an Air Force brat born in the South and planted firmly back in home soil, I have to say: I looooooooove Indian guys. And Asian men. And-- well, show me a guy who is sweet, cute, smart, and takes good care of himself, and he's likely to get an invitation to the StellaLuna International Equal Opportunity Boy Harem. (I'm a collector.) Are you living in a big city in Virginia? Or a teeny podunk town? We Southern ladies can sometimes hop to conclusions quickly, and the fewer opportunities a person has had to interact with anything "new" (person, place, or thing) can lead to quicker conclusion-jumping. If I've only seen blue people on TV, and think they're all scary, I'm not going to do well with them in person. However, if I went to classes with blue people, I'll have an easier time sitting and talking to one when I meet him. If you're not already in a big college town, get thee hence. Otherwise, keep putting yourself out there and you'll meet someone who isn't "scared". __________________ Screw tradition!

09-11-2007, 05:20 PM	#36 (permalink)
Infinite_Loser Junkie Location: Lake Mary, FL	Date other minorities. Problem solved Plus white women are crazy. ...What? Who said that? __________________ I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

09-11-2007, 06:07 PM	#37 (permalink)
Lasereth Knight of the Old Republic Location: Winston-Salem, NC	Hmm. I can't really add much. I do live in North Carolina though so I can talk about what goes on here. In my family, my grandparents are racists. They don't think they are, but they are. My parents aren't -- to a degree. Once my dad told me that I could date any girl I wanted as long as she wasn't black, and he honestly saw nothing wrong with it except a chance for his reputation to be damaged (other people in our town seeing his son with a nigger would surely cause reputation damage). I assume that even if girls are attracted to you, and are attracted to Indian guys, being attracted to you and actually dating you are two completely different things. It's hard to date someone of a different ethnic decent when you have your family BEGGING you to not embarass them with a non-whitey. You need to find a girl that doesn't give a shit what her family thinks, or who comes from a family of intellectually and socially advanced people who also don't give a shit what their neighbors think.

09-11-2007, 06:29 PM	#38 (permalink)
Challah Crazy Location: Canada	If there's a local university nearby and you're of the appropriate age you could see if it has an Asian students organization (they seem pretty common in Ontario universities anyway). Befriend them and they'll probably be able to introduce you to groups of people who are warmer towards multiculturalism. That's assuming your background is actually the issue.