I guess I need help to "move on"
 

I don't know how to do this really.

Last night I fired up the laptop to do a little internetting. I noticed her picture on my friends list changed on myspace. I opened it up and it was the picture I had taken of her over the weekend.

We had a fairly emotional weekend together and talked about stuff pertaining to lots of "if" type things as to getting back together and givng things another attempt.

I was under the notion that she was "getting over" the ex that she left me for so I just said "you're not ready"

well, back to her myspace, I believe in body language, and people saying what they want to say without meaning to say it. I also believe you can tell a lot about a person who keeps things fairly updated through some sort of expressive conduit on the internet, be it myspace, livejournal, or TFP.

Well her song had changed to "if tha mood" by esthero. Not a song I'm familiar with, but the lyrics were basically saying she wants to fuck this guy who she used to be with, that she dumped (ok at this point, could have been me right?) but the lyrics also go on to say that this guy is with another woman, and they wind up fucking anyway.

I didn't really wanna make any assumptions. Then she called me last night and I was pretty blunt with the whole "what the fuck is the story with your profile song?"

she basically got weepy again, said she didn't wanna tell me because she didn't want me to think any less of her. well eventually it came out that she had slept with him again on the tuesday and wednesday just before she came to see me on saturday. He's with 2 other girls right now too and they aren't even dating and she just keeps trying to throw her fucking pussy at him to get him back

how fucked up is that? then she got all upset and said something like "I didn't wanna tell you because I knew it would upset you and it feels like we're headed down this path again"

I asked her to clarify and she said that it felt like we were getting back together and that she felt it was fucked up that she felt the need to apologize to me since we're not even together, but her feelings are her feelings.

I can understand that.

I just told her off as best I could though. She can't get her emotional/intellectual needs met by me while she chooses to fuck some 20 year old bitchass who's sleeping with 3 girls a week. We're not headed down any path as far as I'm concerned. I asked her why it was so fucking important to her what I thought of her, we're not dating, we're not together, what the fuck am I to her?

her response, "the most important person in my life"

to which I said "i don't know if I can handle that kind of responsibility.

she said "Well I figure you wouldn't talk to me so much if you didn't want it"

to which I pretty much ended our phone call right there and I have no intention of talking to her until she isn't fucked up anymore, which at this rate, is never.


but fuck this hurts like an open wound all over again. Don't be friends with your exes if you still love them, its bullshit.

I bet you $10 you can't stop talking to her for 3 months.

If you contact me Wednesday, November 7th, 2007 and you can honestly tell me that you haven't spoken to her, I'll Paypal it to you. If you don't have paypal, I'll write you a check.

PROVE ME WRONG

I think you're going to fuck up and talk to her again. This post and other posts makes it clear that she's trying to manipulate you and keep you around for emotional needs while she gets everything else from someone else.

Is that really who you want to be for someone?

PROVE ME WRONG.

She is really not worth it if she treats you like this; especially when you consider how many available women there are to choose from. I suggest you go out to a bar and flirt with random attractive women; you need to realize how much better you deserve. :)

Loose change...
 

Hell, I'll one up Jinn Kai. I got what you need, bro.

Shauk, I'll take down your address and come beat the shit out of you in a month. I'm available Friday after noon, Sat, Sun, and Monday.

Getting beaten might work better than the cash equiv of a 6-pack of MGD. Yeah, that whole "Fight Club" cliche.

Seriously though...

Shauk... if you wanna talk about this bitter-over-women crap... PM me, bro. I can give you my email, my phone number, etc. You're not alone so don't act like it.

We are in the same spot... but we see it differently.

You're probably right, but thats why I'm pretty much seeking advice, a "how to stop talking to someone who's emotionally draining you 101" course if you would.

So PM me sometime if you wanna get constructive.

Don't make me change your avatar to a bunch of scrolling penis icons.

The same way you do anything. By doing it.

I quit smoking cold turkey by... not smoking any more cigarettes. How you stop talking to her is by (say it with me) not talking to her.

cigarettes don't call you, pm you, text you, call your roomate to get to you, or drive 300 miles to come visit you unexpectedly. She does.

it's not "quite" the same.

Nice guys always end up being the "emotional tampon" of unstable girls.

This situation reminds me so much of me and my ex from hell. She cheated on me so many times and ran back to me right away because she knew I was stupid enough to take her back and continue to be her emotional tampon.

In my opnion she is poison for you and she needs to stay out of your life. This may sound off the wall or cruel, but if you find valid reasons to hate her in your mind you'll have a much easier time getting over her and move on with your life.

It is all part of the game. Don't play the game with her. Don't do it.

You read the threads "Mekanik" and "Untouchable" a month ago? Don't do it.

Nobody wins that war. Chemical reactions just rot your insides like Drano.

Then disconnect all connections you have. Change your phone. Change your AIM. Change your email. Don't reply.

And don't tell me it's too hard to do these things--it isn't.

And if she shows up at your house--leave. She'll get the message eventually.

Yes, it fucking sucks, but if you have made your intentions clear, then it's her fault for trying to keep pursuing you.

You've clearly never quit smoking...

There are days I'll suddenly get cold sweats and SMELL (actually, TASTE) cigarette smoke, even though there's none around. Sometimes in a bar or walking down the street, I'll walk through a cloud of somebody else's smoke and FUCKING NEED ONE RIGHT NOW. And I quit March 1, 2001--over six and a half years ago.

How do I stay quit? By not smoking a cigarette. I do whatever I've got to do NOT to smoke one. There's nothing more complicated to it than that.

Wisdom from my brother regarding my situation (just like yours):

"Stop playing catch with the bitch. Just because she throws the ball doesn't mean you have to hold the glove up and intercept it. Let that sucker keep going."

Good luck with cutting ties, I know it's difficult but it's something you really have to do. Many people never understand that to get over someone you have to be apart and I think that's why so many people are emotionally fucked up. It may seem really complicated and hard but in reality it's not, you just have to do it. Meet new people, that will help.

CUT. OFF. CONTACT.

What everyone else said. Especially Ratbastid and Onesnowyowl.

Be a man of your word. Let that e-mail be your ABSOLUTE LAST.

Refuse to be a cuddle bitch. She's a goddamn tar baby.

Ditto Ditto Ditto to what everyone else said. Yes it's hard, probably one of the hardest things you'll ever do for yourself, but if you do it, you can look back later in life and be so glad you did. She doesn't deserve you!

Quit whining and take some action to improve things in your life, dude.

I stopped doing the bad behaviors by not responding to them any longer.

Put her email address in your spam filter.

Put her IM on ignore.

When caller ID comes up with her name, don't answer the phone.

She knocks on the door. Don't answer it.

She leaves a message saying she's driving over, you leave before she is to arrive.

Stop making excuses and do it already. I'd say be a man and do it but these things apply to women too. Be a mature adult and do the things you need to do for yourself.

good luck.

You will find in your life there are triggers that make you want to speak to her. The first thing you want to do is remove all triggers. This may involve trying some new activities or hanging out more with new people whatever.

I'm right there with you in a similar situation bud. Just been spending time with my housemates and friends I never had a chance to catch up with which is really helping. Its working for me your mileage may vary y'know.

Just decide to kill the love, it takes awhile but can definatly be done. Once you dont care about her anymore, its very easy to ignore whatever she does.

... and when we say "kill", we really mean ignore.

This process does not involve a machete, a few garbage bags, and some lime.

Got it? Good.

Everyone has given you the righteous advice, and I'd like to add some of my own.

That hurt in your heart? You know, that dull ache with the sudden flare ups of stabbing pain when you think of her? Aren't you just a little bit pissed that you feel that way? Take that hurt, and turn it into anger for the situation and then into the strength to do what needs to be done. When you wake up every morning, tell yourself that you're tired of feeling hurt and that today you refuse to feel that way. Eventually, you won't have to tell yourself that.

The BEST thing you can do for yourself is to keep your head up and don't let her phase you in any way. Even if she comes to your door, your responses should be cool and robot-like. She'll get the hint.

Good luck man, we know you can do it.

well. I guess we'll just have to come to terms that I'm a weaker person than you'd like to see. I don't know. whatever, cold turkey or all in, I guess I have other things more important to worry about than this girl, like, me.

I dunno, maybe thats just my problem all along. Maybe if I take care of myself then the situation with her will take care of itself as well, I don't know, but It's taking just as much out of me to try to NOT talk to her as it does to try to talk to her.

Maybe I shouldn't devote any energy or effort to either direction and live and let live.

Just live.

Oh, that's all right. I'm a weak person too. My ex can do to me as she pleases and I'll never ever grow a backbone where she's concerned >.>

No no no... what you need is constant verbal abuse. If you so desire, I challenge you to not talk to her- whether you tell me you managed to keep away from her or not, I will PM you in a month and start verbally abusing you until I break your spirit.

Really though... she's playing you. She doesn't really care about you if she's doing this shit to you. She doesn't. "But she does"- no, she doesn't. Move along, there's nothing more to see here.

Hit it once more if you must... go fuck out all your frustrations onto her... it'll be great sex, and then you can walk away a new man.

fuck if I know, maybe sex would clear the brain at least, seemed to work on my last ex. hah.

god damn men and our penii.

Hmmmmm, maybe having sex with a random.

If it were me at least, If I had sex with the person I'm trying to get over it would completely slay me.

Thanks a lot, Yoda. :thumbsup:

DON'T - DO - IT! Don't put your penis in that emotional beartrap! She'll trick you into using the "L" word and stuff-and-stuff. Bad juju, Sam-You-Am.

I hope that you've moved on, it's been about a month since the last post. Be strong, don't be the one left holding the bag.

Everybody's advice of cutting off communication is spot on. It will be real tough though, especially when you're feeling lonely. If you have some good friends to heavily lean on for a while, do it. If you have another girl you're interested in, pursue her. I know many won't agree with the last line, but I think the potential risks in starting something new outweighs the consequences of not cutting her out of your life. It may not have to be one or the other, but again, I think when someone is feeling lonely, he/she is susceptible to reverting back to someone that meant/means a lot.

Three easy steps to consolidate most of the advice here:
1. Stop talking to her in every way
2. Get fucking angry, shes using you godammit.
3. Do something new, meet new people, have some fun.

Unqualified: I lived with the last one for more than 25 years before I realized I was being "emotionally drained".

Be wiser.

I like your summation.

Also, Shauk: I promised to start verbally abusing you in about 5 days, so what's the verdict? lol

the verdict is i'm moving in with her.... make of that what you want I guess.

Well, that didn't exactly go according to plan...

Best of luck man, I hope this works out for you.

lol no joke.

When you say moving in, as in, you're now together and going to be living together, or moving in and staying friends?

to elaborate..

I'm kinda fucked at this point no matter what I do.

I don't know.

ugh where to start.

shortly after this she started showing me a lot of attention, I was still just kinda 'meh' whatever about things, and was just trying to get inside that little head of hers and just flat out asked her if she just wanted to keep seeing me or what?

she pretty much was still just fucked up over her ex and needed a friend I guess. For some reason, I'm ok with that, I know it probably seems weird to feel somewhat sympathetic for her being fucked over and cheated on by some guy, but I guess I just like to know whats going on in her life.

at which point she reminds me of an upcoming cruise. we go on said overnight cruise, once we get in line she starts acting weird. tells me she's changed sexually, that it's no longer and expression of love, it's just "fucking" to her now. which kind of pisses me off, I guess thats how she was treated by her ex so now she's "damaged" in that regard. She goes on to tell me about these guys in line for the cruise that she knows and how she had a crush on this one and that one (it was an "employees and friends" cruise and they were her co-workers

anyways, the cruise basically went as well as you could imagine with that kind of fucked up set-up and I just really wasn't feeling it, she was helping me in more ways than she could imagine as far as "getting over her" went at that point.

we're laying in bed on the ship and I'm just like "what the fuck are we doing?"

"you tell me we're "heading back down that path", that you miss me, love me, invite me all the way out here to go on a cruise with you, tell me that you're so fucking excited that I'm coming to visit, and as soon as I show up, you act distant, and start talking about how you're so fucked up sexually that you go on to tell me about all these guys you want to sport fuck, and don't even manage a single substantial conversation with me for the entire day, why the fuck did I even come out here?"

she's pretty much completely blank and cant say anything other than she's sorry for the most part. I just stop talking to her, go to sleep..

next day I wake up and she's got her arm around me and her head on my chest. lots of memories of good times going through my head, put me in a slightly better mood, but I wasn't forgetting yesterday.

I just didn't talk to her aside from necessity as we went about getting our bus back to seattle. At which point I took a different seat and buried myself in the laptop and didn't so much as look at her for the next 3 hours.

Get in the car at the pier and we're heading back to the house, where my key is, the key to my car, my way home is waiting for me.

she's trying to talk to me in the car and I'm just so upset at myself for getting my hopes up for thinking that she'd want to be with a guy like me given that I have no direction. Just plans, lots of plans, plans that I need to do something with, but never do.

you know how you get so upset/angry/embarrassed sometimes that you start crying but you're not making any noise or having any muscular issues with your face, your eyes just water.

yeah that was me for about 2 hours as I just sat in the car. We'd pulled up to her place and I just didn't wanna talk or move. Just think about my errors.

I finally just got up and grabbed the bags out of the back of the car, slung them around my back and my sholder and went in, picked up my key and started for the door.

she blocked my way and wouldn't let me go, she was just pretty much calling out to me while I was standing there buried in my own cloud of emotions. i didn't want to talk, I just wanted the weekend to be over, to go home, to put my embarrassment behind me.

then it all came out from her end, I don't know, maybe she realized that I had had enough?

after the waterworks I just asked her if I was wasting my time wanting something that I couldnt have. she just said "not yet"

lots of "not yet" "not ready" "i can't go back" and then I just said "ok" and went to leave again.

having managed to barely sleep because of being upset, and being on a cruise that docked at 7am when we hit the room at 3am. Driving home exausted from my emotional expunging was probably a bad idea. I didn't even make it half an hour away before I pulled over and passed out on the side of the road for 3 hours.

as soon as I hit spokane county, I got the text messages, "I miss you" "<3" "when are you moving over here?"
I was confused, I called her up and asked her what was with the messages. Apparently, sometime in those last 7 hours or so she decided she was "warming up" to the idea of us getting back together.

huh, whatever, still no real invested emotion from me at this point, I did that already.

so again she starts in with asking me when I was going to move over there. Now if you recall my post history at all, this was a plan of mine sometime back in june or so to move over there, but on a visit, things with us got awkward, to the point that I thought it wasn't a good idea for me to move over there just yet.

I told her I wasn't moving over there because things were awkward, I asked her why she wanted to know.. to which she says "isn't it obvious?"

"nothing with you is ever obvious, you fuck my shit up, you confuse me so badly, now tell me why you want me to move over there so bad!"

"because I want you around, I miss you"

"thats all? thats not a good enough reason"

"well why not? you want to move over here anyway dont you?"

so it went.

I hadn't made any choices, i told her I'd think about it.

I went back to work, my pizza delivery gig as it is... I interacted as poorly as ever with my roommates... of course, I'm not happy here either.

ok so fine.... I'm impulsive and just give notice to my roomates and my employer and say "ok, ill move over there then"

of course i'm not emotionally in to this... she's acting very happy again. Why not? she gets the guy who puts up with every last bit of shit that she manages to dish out and still winds up being able to cuddle him when it suits her.

bitch.

that'd be me, not her. lol

*sigh*

so yeah, another phone call goes by, I'm learning more and more about her situation over there, about her ex, the guy she left me for. How he was cheating on her from the moment she left me to be with him with HIS ex...
She got played the fool for 4 months with this guy before she broke up with him. then he cheated on his new girlfriend with my ex. I found this out pretty much due to a slip of the tongue and her body language. but it was before she started expressing an interest in me. well her ex's best buddy has been trying his hardest to "be there for her" and be her friend, and get in her pants, but she's having none of it because according to her, she has standards.

I don't get it, the guy is in shape, he's pretty cool, a little on the emo side, but not a bad guy I don't think, kinda weirds me out how I met her standards if he couldn't. I'm out of shape, impulsive and erratic, and generally can come across as an asshole if something is bugging me at all. but hey, at least I don't cheat on people. I guess that counts for something.

So no, we're not "back together"
not yet anyway.

She told me on this call that the guy (her exes friend) who keeps trying to get in her pants and her were hanging out when she just decided to tell him that "James is moving back over here" (yes, she said "back" as if I've lived there before, which is weird because she said she told about 4 people and she's said "back" every time, which is weird to both of us, she doesn't know why she says it that way) he pretty much /emo'd about it and just asked if we were getting back together, and she said "yes"

of course at this point in the call i'm kind of half listening.

then it kinda hit me, what.... last I heard... you were just "warming up" to the idea.. now we are getting together?

I mean I guess i'm not all that adverse to the idea, it's what I wanted originally before all the obstacles and emotional bullshit happened.

she told me the reason she started freaking out and being stupid on the cruise and talking about other guys is because before we got in line, when I was taking pictures and showing them to her, she had this really strong urge to kiss me.

it scared her into being a retard and hurting me apparently. She doesn't know how to deal with her emotions I guess. she never really has, and it's been something I've understood about her and have always been able to extract as i've grown rather "good" at reading her other non verbal cues.

I know I'm walking in to a potentially bad scenario, but it's also potentially good. It really could go either way, it just depends on how she handles it at this point since she knows how I feel about everything now. She knows that I wont be content being "just a friend" unless she proves to me that she's got no more redeeming qualities as a partner to me, at which point we could probably just be friends since i'd no longer have interest in her finer qualities (which I never write about because apparently I only write about negative things I need help with, I really do paint a gloomier picture than it is)

So right now, my personal focus is getting in to seattle and getting a job and being in an area where my music will better accepted than... Idaho/Spokane.
She's a side project, I can't let her consume me any longer really. I just don't have it in me to even try to be remotely clingy about this, not when I'm going to be living with her again.


but then, I decided to bring up the issue of rent the other day. it was going to be 900 a month split 3 ways in a 2 bedroom house.. now if my math is right, that means, I wont have a room. I'm not bringing a bed, I was going to crash on the couch.

her solution. sleep in her room. We slept together for 5 years, she says, I'm sure I can handle it.

it's kind of funny because I felt rushed to be her "lover" or something at this point. Straight out of my apt into her bed? no dating? no reacquainting?

I guess dating would be stupid for us though, what am I going to ask her? her favorite color? what she does for a living? her taste in music? I know everything about her.

I wouldn't really say we're together but it sounds like thats where I'll be.. hard to say. *shrug*

I'll keep you guys up to date for sure though, dont doubt that one bit.


until then, please hold your "i told you so's"

my gut feeling is that she's sincere at least, my gut feeling is also that we have a lot of shit to figure out before we're free and clear into "together" status.

Go for it Shauk. Most people will do this sort of thing at least once. You have to do it at least once to really have it burnt into your soul that it is a fucking stupid thing to do. Please just promise us all one thing Shauk, that you will learn from the pain that this is going to bring you. Having said that, sometimes miracles do happen, so, best of luck.

absence makes the heart grow fonder......

-Will

yeah, which is why I'm not really expecting much for when i actually do move in.


as much as i'd like to believe that this is what she wants, seems like she's had the opportunity to make something of it several times before now.

She seems to be into the relationship with me as long as i'm not actually there. *shrug*

This will just remove the 300 mile gap between us though so it's one way to tackle this beast of an issue, thats for sure. Throw myself right into it and she'll have to deal with it head on. She'll either completely retract, or level out. I think she has a weird shy gene or something thats causing her to panic when she realizes I'm actually there, in person, looking her right in the eyes, talking to her. I guess that can be fairly intimidating. I have a presence about me I suppose.

I have my own best interests at heart though so don't worry about her being wishy washy about me moving over there. Even if things do go badly, I have my own contingency plan for that.

Dude, if you're quite sure you can walk out of this alright if things fuck up, then I say go for it and give it a chance.

You know this situation better than any ones else does. As someone on the outside, I would say you're making an awful mistake. I did something similar a few years back, and all I can say is moving in with someone you think you're over is not a mistake I'll ever be making again.

But if you think you can make this work then more power to you and the best of luck dude.

heh, well, like I said, I'll keep you guys updated, I should know if things are working by december at the latest I'd imagine. I'd say i'd know within a month of moving there but it's hard to say what kinda time there is going to be between me and her to interact with me looking for work and her working.

and then theres the question of when I get a job, what our schedules look like, and so on, who knows? i might not see her enough for it to even matter.

I don't get it. Whose soap opera is it, anyway, yours or hers? Not to sound not "emo", man, but everybody empathized and gave you good advice, and you moved 300 miles to be with the source of your dismay.
While I understand the power of a vaginal wrench (with apologies to any ladies here), I just don't get it.

I hope it works out for you.

The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care.

theres not much to get.

you guys gave advice that didn't mesh with my long term plans.

plus if there is even a chance that she's not fucking around, I'd question it for the rest of my life, and I can't have that shit kicking around in my head. I've already heen bitter towards relationships for the last year in general.

one thread isn't going to change my world view. Hell, it's so easy for everyone to say "run" "run away" "run as fast as you can"

Hell i've given the same advice, but i've also noticed that theres no allowance given for mistakes.

the core of the situation as to why we broke up a year ago is no longer an issue for either of us, so in essence, that was resolved. what remains is that we had a solid relationship aside from that, that we've cared for each other through some tough shit over the last year even through we were broken up.

so in my mind, we still could "live happily ever after" if we talk it over and get back to where we left off at least.

I also believe your environment has a bit to do with your personal conduct, Seattle could be an entirely different chapter in this book than Idaho ever could be.

I'm sure some people who read this are just annoyed that I don't accept advice, think i'm stubborn just because "it's not what I want to hear" and thats fine. Maybe what's right for you isn't whats right for me though.

that said, the way I see it, it's either a horizontal move, or a step up from my current situation no matter the outcome.

I mean if nothing happens between us, then great, ill still be in a better place, i'll still have a friend.

if something does happen between us, then great, i'll still be in a better place, and I'll have someone I love closer to me in my life.


I wouldn't be surprised at all if we get back together and do just fine for another 5 years+

however, worst case scenario, She'll set me up to move over there, she'll do something to fuck it up, I'll get pissed at her for wasting my time again, which means I'll be able to let her go this time. I think it's a lot easier for me to let go the 2nd time around if things just suck. It worked for one of my other relationships really well *shrug*

"if at 1st you don't succeed, try try again"

plus, cmon, i'm giving you all a SWEET opportunity to be like "I TOLD YOU SO!"

just roll with it.

So why did you start the thread in the first place?

I don't think she's as messed up as she says, no-no, I think she's as messed up as she needs to be for you to take the right amount of interest in her.

People are more needy than they are broken, bro.

SAY IT WITH ME: "my nuts in a car door, my nuts in a car door"

Wow, what a great thread. I seriously was dumbfounded. I just want to thank everyone who replied to his post, because although he didn't take your advice, I am taking yalls advice. I am going through a real bad one right now. She calls me and tells me she loves me........what to do......get away. thanks again, and good look with your woman.

Yay!!! SOMEone's listening!!! :) Good on you man, best of luck resisting her attempts to get your attention. It's like a friggin' siren call with some women. Crompsin said it best.

Pff Shauk, I hear ya. It is a real dumbass move but I've done it too ha ha ha.

Vive le dumbass!

Sometimes you have to do some batshit crazy thing and hit rock bottom to finally get over the person (or find out that you are batshit crazy for each other).

Anyway, good luck and enjoy your new life out there. It is a great place to start over.

P.S. Just want to note (no offense) that your girl sounds like a dumb bitch. And by dumb bitch I mean a girl who has no idea what she wants and kind of shits on people who care about her as she stumbles along trying to "figure things out." She might be nice, smart, funny and a good lay to boot but she's acting like a dumb, immature bitch.

She's not playing games - she's not smart enough for that. I PM'd you about this but yeah, if she's as serious as she should be about the two of you (and she SHOULD be cuz you are moving in together) she shouldn't be making out with some dude, PERIOD. There should be no DOUBT in your mind about her commitment and fidelity. You shouldn't be justifying her dumb bitch actions, either (doesn't matter if the guy looks like you, you don't matter enough for her to keep her mouth/legs closed).

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Oh, and all those times she called you to bitch about her ex or to get emotional support - she was using you. She probably knew how you felt about her but went ahead and used you for emotional support anyway without reciprocating. That is selfish, dumb bitch behavior.

Basically, she doesn't have the ovaries of a real woman. She's still acting immature (you're moving over in a couple weeks!?) - she needs to grow up if she wants to be in a relationship with you.

Stop indulging her. Lay down the law when you get there. You're the one with bigger balls (in comparison to her weeny little-girl ovaries) so don't cave to her dumb bitch behavior. As soon as she starts waffling again and talking about other guys or about getting back with her ex or exhibiting any other kind of dumb bitch behavior (accidentally making out with that guy), DUMP HER PATHETIC ASS AND MOVE ON!!!!!!!

Don't make excuses and don't coddle her cuz she seems to have a shy disposition or because she has self-esteem issues. You will only fall back into co-dependence because she'll want you there to prop her up all the time and you'll want to be there to do it because you are a NICE GUY.

It really sucks to date someone emotionally immature. You seem like a good guy - this girl needs to prove she's worthy of YOU.

Once again, speaking from experience and every word is from my cold, black heart. :) just kidding, it's from my healthy, red and blue heart!

Interesting thought. May be true. I guess we all take our own time to learn our own lessons...

How did this turn out anyway...I'm guessing not good?

Call me pessimistic, but I can only see it going one way.

You'll never get an answer from her. Women are to be led not followed. It's your job the figure out what the hell you want and the terms of the game. At the moment you are trying to apply logic to an emotional animal. The pieces wont fit.

It's fucking hard but at times like this being a caveman is allot easier than this "monder man" emo bull you are trying to pull.

Figure out what you want. Figure out what makes you happy and unhappy. Get your head out of the sand and look around for the first and run the fuck away from the later.

lol, thanks for bumping this

good timing, i'm moving out this weekend.

What happened?

nothing worth repeating, there are numerous threads by me and a journal on here that detail all of it.

nothing good.

oh since this thread is like a year and a half old, here's an update for the "I told you so" crowd.

She wound up sleeping with like 3 guys the 1st week I moved in with her because she was trying to get it out of the way, assuming i'd make a move and get her in to a relationship with her. But I found out about the guys, called her a slut/whore etc..

moved out, got a job in I.T.
had a few very bad short term relationships
lived in a shitty part of town, didn't like it much, but the job was good.
got laid off cuz of the economy
still friends with the ex but finally got over the idea of getting back together with her now. Realized I was in love with a memory of her, not who she is currently. She's medicated into submission and mediocrity, her spark is gone, she "settled" on some guy she knows she'll not be with "forever" and despite everything she's told me about wanting to get back together, admitted to not having the confidence to go through with pursuing a relationship with me which is why she sabotaged it all as it was about to go down again. Obviously... as if I couldn't have diagnosed that on my own.

anyways, moved back out of Seattle because I missed my dad and he's getting up in his years so I want to be close by for the holidays and stuff. Also reconnected with some old friends. Still tend to avoid the WoW crowd, they're zombiefied as ever, i'd rather hang out with a church group than with WoW players, if that tells you anything.

Been focusing on the whole self improvement thing again, gym, eat right, etc..

pew pew

You need to be more Fight Club and less True Romance.

:thumbsup: and you only find out the hard way that they meant more to you than you to them...sorry dude, keep your head up!

Sometimes life is tough for unknown reasons.

You seem like a decent guy and I'm sure everything will work out in the end.

Good luck with everything
:thumbsup: