absence makes the heart grow fonder......

-Will

yeah, which is why I'm not really expecting much for when i actually do move in.


as much as i'd like to believe that this is what she wants, seems like she's had the opportunity to make something of it several times before now.

She seems to be into the relationship with me as long as i'm not actually there. *shrug*

This will just remove the 300 mile gap between us though so it's one way to tackle this beast of an issue, thats for sure. Throw myself right into it and she'll have to deal with it head on. She'll either completely retract, or level out. I think she has a weird shy gene or something thats causing her to panic when she realizes I'm actually there, in person, looking her right in the eyes, talking to her. I guess that can be fairly intimidating. I have a presence about me I suppose.

I have my own best interests at heart though so don't worry about her being wishy washy about me moving over there. Even if things do go badly, I have my own contingency plan for that.

Dude, if you're quite sure you can walk out of this alright if things fuck up, then I say go for it and give it a chance.

You know this situation better than any ones else does. As someone on the outside, I would say you're making an awful mistake. I did something similar a few years back, and all I can say is moving in with someone you think you're over is not a mistake I'll ever be making again.

But if you think you can make this work then more power to you and the best of luck dude.

heh, well, like I said, I'll keep you guys updated, I should know if things are working by december at the latest I'd imagine. I'd say i'd know within a month of moving there but it's hard to say what kinda time there is going to be between me and her to interact with me looking for work and her working.

and then theres the question of when I get a job, what our schedules look like, and so on, who knows? i might not see her enough for it to even matter.

I don't get it. Whose soap opera is it, anyway, yours or hers? Not to sound not "emo", man, but everybody empathized and gave you good advice, and you moved 300 miles to be with the source of your dismay.
While I understand the power of a vaginal wrench (with apologies to any ladies here), I just don't get it.

I hope it works out for you.

The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care.

theres not much to get.

you guys gave advice that didn't mesh with my long term plans.

plus if there is even a chance that she's not fucking around, I'd question it for the rest of my life, and I can't have that shit kicking around in my head. I've already heen bitter towards relationships for the last year in general.

one thread isn't going to change my world view. Hell, it's so easy for everyone to say "run" "run away" "run as fast as you can"

Hell i've given the same advice, but i've also noticed that theres no allowance given for mistakes.

the core of the situation as to why we broke up a year ago is no longer an issue for either of us, so in essence, that was resolved. what remains is that we had a solid relationship aside from that, that we've cared for each other through some tough shit over the last year even through we were broken up.

so in my mind, we still could "live happily ever after" if we talk it over and get back to where we left off at least.

I also believe your environment has a bit to do with your personal conduct, Seattle could be an entirely different chapter in this book than Idaho ever could be.

I'm sure some people who read this are just annoyed that I don't accept advice, think i'm stubborn just because "it's not what I want to hear" and thats fine. Maybe what's right for you isn't whats right for me though.

that said, the way I see it, it's either a horizontal move, or a step up from my current situation no matter the outcome.

I mean if nothing happens between us, then great, ill still be in a better place, i'll still have a friend.

if something does happen between us, then great, i'll still be in a better place, and I'll have someone I love closer to me in my life.


I wouldn't be surprised at all if we get back together and do just fine for another 5 years+

however, worst case scenario, She'll set me up to move over there, she'll do something to fuck it up, I'll get pissed at her for wasting my time again, which means I'll be able to let her go this time. I think it's a lot easier for me to let go the 2nd time around if things just suck. It worked for one of my other relationships really well *shrug*

"if at 1st you don't succeed, try try again"

plus, cmon, i'm giving you all a SWEET opportunity to be like "I TOLD YOU SO!"

just roll with it.

So why did you start the thread in the first place?

I don't think she's as messed up as she says, no-no, I think she's as messed up as she needs to be for you to take the right amount of interest in her.

People are more needy than they are broken, bro.

SAY IT WITH ME: "my nuts in a car door, my nuts in a car door"

Wow, what a great thread. I seriously was dumbfounded. I just want to thank everyone who replied to his post, because although he didn't take your advice, I am taking yalls advice. I am going through a real bad one right now. She calls me and tells me she loves me........what to do......get away. thanks again, and good look with your woman.

Yay!!! SOMEone's listening!!! :) Good on you man, best of luck resisting her attempts to get your attention. It's like a friggin' siren call with some women. Crompsin said it best.

Pff Shauk, I hear ya. It is a real dumbass move but I've done it too ha ha ha.

Vive le dumbass!

Sometimes you have to do some batshit crazy thing and hit rock bottom to finally get over the person (or find out that you are batshit crazy for each other).

Anyway, good luck and enjoy your new life out there. It is a great place to start over.

P.S. Just want to note (no offense) that your girl sounds like a dumb bitch. And by dumb bitch I mean a girl who has no idea what she wants and kind of shits on people who care about her as she stumbles along trying to "figure things out." She might be nice, smart, funny and a good lay to boot but she's acting like a dumb, immature bitch.

She's not playing games - she's not smart enough for that. I PM'd you about this but yeah, if she's as serious as she should be about the two of you (and she SHOULD be cuz you are moving in together) she shouldn't be making out with some dude, PERIOD. There should be no DOUBT in your mind about her commitment and fidelity. You shouldn't be justifying her dumb bitch actions, either (doesn't matter if the guy looks like you, you don't matter enough for her to keep her mouth/legs closed).

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Oh, and all those times she called you to bitch about her ex or to get emotional support - she was using you. She probably knew how you felt about her but went ahead and used you for emotional support anyway without reciprocating. That is selfish, dumb bitch behavior.

Basically, she doesn't have the ovaries of a real woman. She's still acting immature (you're moving over in a couple weeks!?) - she needs to grow up if she wants to be in a relationship with you.

Stop indulging her. Lay down the law when you get there. You're the one with bigger balls (in comparison to her weeny little-girl ovaries) so don't cave to her dumb bitch behavior. As soon as she starts waffling again and talking about other guys or about getting back with her ex or exhibiting any other kind of dumb bitch behavior (accidentally making out with that guy), DUMP HER PATHETIC ASS AND MOVE ON!!!!!!!

Don't make excuses and don't coddle her cuz she seems to have a shy disposition or because she has self-esteem issues. You will only fall back into co-dependence because she'll want you there to prop her up all the time and you'll want to be there to do it because you are a NICE GUY.

It really sucks to date someone emotionally immature. You seem like a good guy - this girl needs to prove she's worthy of YOU.

Once again, speaking from experience and every word is from my cold, black heart. :) just kidding, it's from my healthy, red and blue heart!

Interesting thought. May be true. I guess we all take our own time to learn our own lessons...

How did this turn out anyway...I'm guessing not good?

Call me pessimistic, but I can only see it going one way.

You'll never get an answer from her. Women are to be led not followed. It's your job the figure out what the hell you want and the terms of the game. At the moment you are trying to apply logic to an emotional animal. The pieces wont fit.

It's fucking hard but at times like this being a caveman is allot easier than this "monder man" emo bull you are trying to pull.

Figure out what you want. Figure out what makes you happy and unhappy. Get your head out of the sand and look around for the first and run the fuck away from the later.

lol, thanks for bumping this

good timing, i'm moving out this weekend.

What happened?

nothing worth repeating, there are numerous threads by me and a journal on here that detail all of it.

nothing good.

oh since this thread is like a year and a half old, here's an update for the "I told you so" crowd.

She wound up sleeping with like 3 guys the 1st week I moved in with her because she was trying to get it out of the way, assuming i'd make a move and get her in to a relationship with her. But I found out about the guys, called her a slut/whore etc..

moved out, got a job in I.T.
had a few very bad short term relationships
lived in a shitty part of town, didn't like it much, but the job was good.
got laid off cuz of the economy
still friends with the ex but finally got over the idea of getting back together with her now. Realized I was in love with a memory of her, not who she is currently. She's medicated into submission and mediocrity, her spark is gone, she "settled" on some guy she knows she'll not be with "forever" and despite everything she's told me about wanting to get back together, admitted to not having the confidence to go through with pursuing a relationship with me which is why she sabotaged it all as it was about to go down again. Obviously... as if I couldn't have diagnosed that on my own.

anyways, moved back out of Seattle because I missed my dad and he's getting up in his years so I want to be close by for the holidays and stuff. Also reconnected with some old friends. Still tend to avoid the WoW crowd, they're zombiefied as ever, i'd rather hang out with a church group than with WoW players, if that tells you anything.

Been focusing on the whole self improvement thing again, gym, eat right, etc..

pew pew

You need to be more Fight Club and less True Romance.

:thumbsup: and you only find out the hard way that they meant more to you than you to them...sorry dude, keep your head up!

Sometimes life is tough for unknown reasons.

You seem like a decent guy and I'm sure everything will work out in the end.

Good luck with everything
:thumbsup: