Hyacinthe

IL you said to be blunt so I am going to

I'm getting really sick of your attempts to enforce your own close minded beliefs on everyone else on this board. I'm also really sick of you talk of 'statistics' I have yet to see a single SHRED of proof for any of your talk such as

Wow you showed us a class exists and that you take it - I am sooo impressed for all we know you could be failing or sleeping through every lecture. You haven't linked a single verified scientific study. So from what I can see you're saying your beliefs are proven everyone elses are a load of BS and yet you have no proof to back you up - this attempt at justification of your beliefs in numerous thread aggravates me.

For someone that is so vocal about how everyone ignored what he's actually writing you seem to see only what you want to. Try reading some of the other posts

(apologies to Mods I know I'm not being as nice as I try to be, maybe I should have waited til the novocaine actually wore off but ....)

Now Mandy

I've been involved in an ongoing 3-some situation with a married couple for a few years (they moved earlier this year so we ended things).

What happened with them was they invited me over we sat down had dinner, they sent their kids to the Grandmothers place and then we all sat around and they just asked me.

"Hy (well they used my rl name but yeah), there's something we have wanted to ask you for awhile now and haven't worked out a subtle way to do so. Therefore we're going to be really straightforward about it. Is there any chance you would consider being involved in a 3-some with us?"

Ofcourse we were very close friends and they had made it clear they were both attracted to me more then once. I believe complete honesty is the best way to approach issues like this.

__________________
"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

Plan9

SecretMethod... you sonuvabeetch!

I almost died trying to laugh LIFE cereal through my nose after reading that.

Good one.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ratbastid

I'm done feeding this thread's resident troll. He's utterly blind to himself, he won't read, and he's committed to being ignorantly, bullishly, preachingly wrong.

So, this threadjack being ignored, then, back on topic.

MANDY: congratulations on having a relationship you can trust enough to bring this next level of intimacy to. You can fully expect it to be challenging, and if you stay true to who you are for each other, you'll grow (both together and individually) in ways you can't even predict right now.

Go ahead and be blunt with her, is my advice. I'll bet money that "you'll need somebody straight" was a fishing expedition on her part. She's probably deliberately letting your insinuations slide for now--my experience is that girls don't miss much.

StellaLuna

Mandy says:
Well, speaking from experience... that is how I ended up with these two. "I'd do you" was the opening statement here.

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Screw tradition!

Deltona Couple

Kudos Mandy! I wish there were more people out there who were willing to actually talk with their SO about desires and fantasies. I love how someone commented that"...fantasies should remain just that..fantasies..." WOW. If that were true than when I was younger and had fantasies about having sex, I should have NEVER actually gone through with them!

I have been in MANY 3-somes and more-somes in my life, and have NEVER seen a single one of them fail because of the 3-some itself. I saw ONE fail, because we found out later that their marriage was already on the rocks, and they were hopeing to have this help out. But all the other relationships are doing just fine...I guess that "study" didn't involve any of US being asked. I never did like the idea of a "study" to figure out things that have such a diverse complexity. I can support a scientific experiment that has a controlled situation, but when you have an uncontrollable subject(i.e. human emotions and feelings) there can NEVER be a consistant outcome unless EVERY SINGLE HUMAN IN THE WORLD is a part of that study. I stand up and applaude you Many. I hope you and your SO have an enjoyable time, for as long as you two desire to do so!

__________________
"It is not that I have failed, but that I have found 10,000 ways that it DOESN'T work!" --Thomas Edison

abaya

See, now I can definitely agree with that being a bad reason for having a threesome, but so would everyone else on this thread. I really see threesomes as catalysts for whatever is ultimately happening in the relationship... either it's already going downhill, and thus going downhill fast after that happens... or it's going uphill, and it just takes off from the point on. No one can say that all relationships will react in the same way to the same stimulus... it all depends on the pre-existing conditions, to use insurance talk.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

ratbastid

I was somewhat drunk at the time.

StellaLuna

In margarita, veritas. I'm just saying, the incredibly straightforward approach certainly made my year.

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Screw tradition!

Infinite_Loser

Sorry for the delayed reponse. Had class and work. I'm sure ya'll understand how it is -_-

Let me stop you right there. I really hate pejorative terms when used in a debate. I'm pretty sure I could go around calling people amoral, unethical, slutty etc., but that wouldn't accomplish anything, now would it? Anywho, one should know that it's not always easy trying to find information taken from reports/studies over the internet, as many times the information can only be found in the books in which they're presented. Luckily for you (And others), however, I stayed up all night compiling this information just to be able to post this. It most definitely wasn't easy (Especially considering I had class and work), so you should be thankful

In the United States, an estimated 5% of the population has had a threesome but only approximately 2% of the population actively engage in open marriages (Fact for SecrodMethod70, since he asked earlier ---> Most swingers are white, middle-class and conservative to moderate in their views). It's also been observed that instances of jealousy occur much more frequently in situations involving more than two people than of situations involving only two participants. Of the number of reported divorces per year, about 1% of men and 2% of women report report open marriages to be the cause for their divorce (Janus & Janus). While this number is, in itself, quite low, it is rather high in relation to the number of reported open marriages per year. Furthermore, in a 1995 study, it was observed that 80% of bisexuals over a five year period displayed a definite shift towards monogamy, some reasons of which being that they "thought that it got in the way of developing love, trust, and more intimate relationships with a partner."(Weinberg, Williams, & Pryor)

Page 339 - 341

Janus, S.S, & Janus, C.L. (1993). The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior. New York, NY: John Wiley & Sons.

Arno Kalen (1988) Threesomes : Studies in sex, power, and intimacy. William Morrow & Company, NY.

Weinberg, M.S., Williams, C.J., & Pryor, D.W. (1995). Dual Attraction: Understanding Bisexuality. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Some quotes since I'm probably just making this stuff up

Oh... Would you look at that. Proof of what I've been saying all along. So, what excuse will you guys and gals come up with this time? A few more straw men arguments or maybe a little bit of ad hominem? Actually, when I think about it, I really don't care. I'll just revel in the fact that I was right, you were wrong and that you-- Along with a few other people-- Are now eating a great big helping of crow and humble pie

1.) 3.81 GPA ftw! i r t3h smrt >_>

2.) Oh, really? And what other thread would that be? The last time this happened was on Mr. Friendly's thread. You tried to tell me that homosexuals don't act any differently than heterosexuals and when you were given your 'proof' you conveniently disappeared (Should I bump the thread for you?). You didn't even attempt a response. But, oh well, it's not like that was surprising or anything. People tend to ignore what doesn't benefit them.

*Shrugs*

Oh well... Like I've said many times before, I've got no reason to make anything up. There isn't a single claim I've made which isn't backed up by proof. Just because you choose to believe otherwise doesn't make anything I say untrue. For a group of 'enlightened' folk, a great deal of you sure seem to know a lot less than you think you do.

I do read other posts. Can you say the same? Now, pardon me while I go 'make up' some other statistics.

__________________
I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

ubertuber

Infinite_Loser: thanks for FINALLY providing some information. I'm sure a lot of us will be reviewing it.

I do think you might reconsider the tone in which you post. Many people have noticed it, and I'm sure that it gets in the way of your points - which often are not made as effectively as you seem to think. That's just friendly advice, because I'd like to see everyone get the most possible out of this (and other) discussions.

__________________
Cogito ergo spud -- I think, therefore I yam

Infinite_Loser

Yeah... I figured that's what you were gonna' say. Sorry. Was a bit cranky when posting.

__________________
I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

Ustwo

IL - Maybe I'm just tired but there was no information in those links. The book, talked ABOUT the concept, cited research, but didn't say anything about it. Of the research cited it mentioned how the author The wiki article was about open marriage, but no one talking about this is talking about an open marriage. I personally think open marriages are a bad thing for long term stability.

The book, which is mostly unviewable without buying cited this...

...a summary discussion of sexal mate-swapping in America,....and weather swinging poses a threat to the institution of marriage in the United States. (1978))

It was a book talking about a 1978 paper, and a wiki article on open marriages which have nothing to do with threesomes..

So really, what was one suppose to get out of your post?

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Infinite_Loser

I really think no one reads my posts In my last post I stated, and I quote:

You just turned right around and re-stated what I had already acknowledged prior. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother writing things out if they're going to be ignored... If I can't physically copy and paste that information, I can tell you where to find that information. Understand?

With that being said, in this thread I've got people on one side arguing that threesomes are good and strengthen a relationship while on the other side I have people mentioning Bobby and his relationship with his wife and then there's Ratbastid and Stellaluna. You don't agree with open marriages? That's great! Neither do I. It wasn't aimed at you, then, but rather the people arguing that point with me.

And, yes, I cited a book written in 1978. What of it? I also cited books/quotes from 1995 and 2000. You should, at the very least, read before you criticize. You know?

__________________
I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

Ustwo

Honestly the book is suspect, and open marriage has nothing to do with this.

I still think you are completely clueless and far too young to grasp any of this so you put a couple links out to back up your non-position decrees.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

canuckguy

I love the passion in this thread, great arguments on both sides, but wow did it go Jerry Springer fast!

never done it, would not rule it out. would have to the be the missus who brings the topic to the table.

mandy

*no mandy, dont...dont....do ...it...*

ok...i wont


But brian1975, why does the missus have to bring it to the table? I know the thought crossed healers mind long before I ever mentioned it and we'd spoken about it long before I ever thought I wanted it?

I know there's that whole thing of "am I not enough for you" and if you say ofcourse you're enough for me then you'll get back a "then why do you want a threesome?" that kinda thing...

but i'm sure there's nothing wrong with talking about it. i mean surely you can talk about it? bring it up casually "so honey, what do you think about threesomes? I saw this thread today about a girl who was asking for advice on how to go about it that turned into this big Jerry Springer brawl in writing and i was just wondering what your thoughts on the matter were "

anyways...ya, so I havnt spoken to "my lady friend" again but will do soon and hopefully it was just her fishing when she said "but she'll have to be straight though" .

__________________
The Imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create

Hyacinthe

You summed it up better then I ever could ratbastid

So Mandy have you decided how you are going to approach her yet?

__________________
"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

mandy

Well, i've decided on the direct approach hopefully I won't be brutally rebuffed. lol. but ya, i think, and from everyone's advice that that would be the best way.

you know, pull no punches, no beating around bushes and all that jazz

so hopefully i'llhave an answer sometime soon, but i will keep all of you posted

__________________
The Imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create

ratbastid

Atta girl.

Deltona Couple

Well lets see, when i opened your first link, it stated "Pages 133-168 are not part of this book preview" So I am assuming that you have to buy the book to see it all? Not sure. i didn't take a long time looking at it. However, I don't put much stock in the numbers that are expressed in your research. Your research shows that I disagree with that whole heartedly. Almost everyone that I know that has had a 3-some, or have had open marriages have stated that they tend to keep things like that a secret, so they wouldn't exactly be willing to admit this to a random survey.
Well isn't that a bit of a obvious answer? who is going to get jealous when only they, and their SO are involved? what my wife is going to get jealous of my hand if i go into the bathroom to rub one off? Seems a bit of a skewed statement that is trying to give a person the wrong impression.
of this survey, what was the number of divorces that came out from spousal cheating? or from just plain boredom? I personally prefer that when getting statistics from a survey, that ALL of the different results were presented, not just a one sided result. Also, I personally think that only 1 or 2% of those who were in an open marriage citing that THAT was the cause of their divorce, is EXTREMELY low, if you look at the numbers. This tells me that out of those in an open marriage, that 98 to 99% of them had a DIFFERENT reason for the divorce, so I am lead to believe that 98 to 99% of them were just fine with their open relationship.

So I am STILL convinced that your argument against 3-somes, or even open marriages is weak. Oh, and since we are going to quote GPAs here. I'll add mine. 3.869 So you don't attempt to belittle my own intelligence.

__________________
"It is not that I have failed, but that I have found 10,000 ways that it DOESN'T work!" --Thomas Edison

canuckguy

The reason i think that is because i feel that if it was me bring it up, she might only go through with it because she knows i want. not that my women or any women/person is that weak. but we all know people do things in relationships that they might not like but do anyway to make the other person happy.

that thought makes me feel that if i was too ever have a threesome she would have to bring it up. I always seem to get a sense that when threesomes are discussed, highlighted or shown on tv, net,media..whatever that the dude was creepy/controlling and you just get that gut feeling that the women was only there participating to make her significant other happy.

i know that is not always true but that is the feeling i get about the subject.

now for MY relationship my women is way more advance and open about sex to me. she has mentioned several times that she wants to touch other girls boobs and she is hot to the thought of a 3 on 3 action. as a dude i think nice!!! two ladies! but its not a fantasy i think about it. i'd do it she asked and really wanted it. but if she just said causally lets do it, i would probably say no.

hope that makes sense, home for lunch and in a rush!

still only advice i have is FILM IT....hehe

Deltona Couple

Have you ever thought that maybe in THAT subjuct, SHE is the one waiting for YOU to mention, for the same concerns you have? Just a thought!

__________________
"It is not that I have failed, but that I have found 10,000 ways that it DOESN'T work!" --Thomas Edison

SecretMethod70

Sorry, am I the only one that found this phrase amusing, considering the context?

__________________
Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

Ustwo

What good 3some wanting woman has a bush these days?

And I thank Jebus every day for that.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Infinite_Loser

Yup. You have to buy the books unless you can find them in a library (Stated in a few responses up). Anyway, you disagree with my research? That's great! Then you can do as other people told me; Get some information to back up the reasons why you disagree. Until then, you're just holding an unsubstantiated opinion

I'm going to stop you right there for a second. Almost everyone I know goes to church. Almost everyone I know are Democrats. Almost everyone I know is from the state of Florida. See where I'm going with this? Unfortunately, the phrase "Almost everyone I know..." isn't indicative of the population as a whole because it's only relevant to your experiences. The fact is that while the people you know might not parcipate in a study, there are plenty of people who would, will and have done so over the past thirty years or so.

*Shrugs*

You can't just throw out information you don't agree with.

...Thank you for proving the point It's not like I've said this millions of times on multiple threads only to be jumped on by a certain group of people. Glad to see you're in agreement

*Sigh*

You're misrepresenting the numbers. I didn't say 1 - 2% of open marriages, I said 1 - 2% of all marriages. Remember when I said that approximately 2% of all marriages are open marriages? There's a difference in the way you interpreted it and what was actually meant.

It wasn't aimed at you. If you read my response, you'd notice that Hyacinthe stated something about how I probably either slept through or failed my classes

Speaking of whom...

No offense or anything, but what's the point in presenting you with any kind of information if you're just gonna' turn around and ignore it or pretend you didn't see it? Really. This'll be the second time in as many months as you've tried that

__________________
I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

canuckguy

yep, that is why communication is the key. i tell her my fantasy, just like she tells me hers.

but a threesome is on a whole other level than "I want to fuck you while singing the theme from happy days while you water the lawn wearing a duck costume"

not that i dream of that......

healer

Wow. Some thread, hey? Lemme finally add my two cents...lord knows I've been trying to reply in here for weeks.

I've toyed with the idea of a threesome for quite a while. Luckily, mandy and I have a relationship where we can share absolutely anything with each other. When I brought it up with her, we discussed it in the way we always talk about things - keeping an open mind. And while a threesome might be more 'out there' than say, some light bondage, the manner in which it is discussed remains the same. Both parties need to raise any concerns they may have and address them accordingly.

As the TFP motto goes, communication is key. Before there can be opportunity for jealousy to rear its head, all issues surrounding the idea need to be cleared. All the whats and wheres and ifs and buts need to be covered. In the case of threesomes, boundaries are important. Discussing what you're both comfortable with is very important. Your SO might not want you kissing the new partner on the mouth, or you can lick her pussy, but not her ass and so on. Obviously these boundaries need to be discussed with the 3rd party so that everyone involved knows what's allowed and what isn't.

mandy and I have discussed this all at length. We both know what we want from the experience and why we want it. We've taken what has been said in this thread into consideration, and I want to thank all for their advice and opinions.

__________________

JStrider

Didn't you forget one?


anyways, what this thread boils down to is that threesomes and those kinds of things can work great for some people, can be something bad for others. For some they should just remain just a fantasy thats talked about occasionally. For some they should be never mentioned.

I know people that fall in all different areas with their comfort with these kinds of things.

Every person and every couple has to make their own decision, and for it to be successful that decision has to be made for the right reasons and accompanied by lots of communication

I cant say that I would recommend having a threesome to another couple... I cant make that judgment, its their own decision.

Mandy and Healer, Hope it goes well! keep us posted!





since were all posting gpas both my undergrad and masters were roughly 3.0 maybe gpa and success in threesomes are inversely related?

__________________
-=JStrider=-

~Clatto Verata Nicto

Plan9

Oh, but I don't wanna have to fuck strangers to keep my 3.8!

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Pootie Tang

abaya

The GPA posting on this thread should be correlated with the numbers being posted on the "Do you keep count?" threads to look for statistically robust results.

/after nearly having a breakdown about her GPA in high school, abaya is happy to have completely forgotten both her undergrad and grad school GPA (and I'm still in grad school, oh wells!) -- which bears no correlation to my threesome knowledge or potential

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Plan9

Threesomes: Does having sex with only one person at a time still make me a viable option in today's dynamic, multi-tasking workforce?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Deltona Couple

Actually, as I expected, YOU are taking what I am saying out of context. I am FAR from agreeing with you on ANY point. I am relating their research information is skewed, because they are not giving the proper considerations.

I see where I was looking at the numbers differently, but I still do not believe that you can make a proper research when you can't guarantee that all persons interviewed will give their honest response. I can most likely go to the mall, and interview 100 married men who are standing there with their wife, and ask them if they have ever cheated on their spouse. The chance that those who HAVE cheated will admit it in front of their spouse I think most people here would agree would be near zero. So my research would show that out of 100 men, only 1% of them have cheated on their spouse, when in fact, it might be a higher number...Do you understand the point I am trying to make here?
Lets use your numbers from your own research....lets say we interviewed 1,000,000 married couples. Of that number, 2%, or 20,000 of them are in an open marriage, Of THAT number, 1-2% or a mere 200 to 400 of them cite that they divorced because of a 3-some. that means that 19,600 to 19,800 of them were divorced for a different reason. Looks like still a pretty good argument that DISCREDITS 3-somes cause marital failure. Remember, I am using YOUR research.

I have been in the lifestyle of threesomes and swinging for close to 20 years, and we tend to usually keep things like that to ourselves. I would NEVER admit to anyone on this thread whom I didn't trust that we have engaged in this type of thing. That is why we have no photos of ourselves anywhere on this board. We like our privacy.

I do not have to have proof to disagree, based on personal experiences. How many of the researchers have actually been in a relationship of this type themselves? Yet they get their information from interviewing those people like ME who are their "test subjects" for lack of a better term. If you were actually involved and KNEW the people that I know, you might form a different opinion of your own. Who knows? As I have stated before, you can't base FACTS from a research where the "facts" are coming from a situation where PERSONAL THOUGHTS and emotions can affect the outcome of the "facts". If one chooses to not disclose information, don't you agree that the outcome will be changed? Was the survey anonymous? Was it taken from a small area or local? Or was it taken in a large city? There are too many variables that do not in my belief substantiate the claims that are being expressed. Sorry, but again, I do not agree with the results.

I NEVER have turned away and ignored ANYTHING that you have said. I HAVE however said that I disagree with the validity of the research you are using to substantiate your side of the argument. So here I will stop YOU, as you have said to me before.

__________________
"It is not that I have failed, but that I have found 10,000 ways that it DOESN'T work!" --Thomas Edison

Infinite_Loser

To be honest, I don't feel like re-hashing the same point over and over and over again. It's a waste of my time and your time alike. But I will respond to this.

I wasn't to you. It was directed towards Hyacinthe (As she was the person I quoted).

__________________
I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

Ustwo

If we use presidential definitions we only have sex with one person at a time in a threesome too

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Plan9

I miss Clinton, too.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Baraka_Guru

Don't worry, she'll be back soon enough.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

pig

hmmm...what a shit fest. good luck mandy and healer. y'all are certainly shooting through that to-do list of happily married couples...and i don't even think y'all have tied the knot yet, no? quick work

i don't understand il's perspective, or rather his way of communicating it in this thread, but then again we seem to seldom line up on methodoloy or message.

congrats jstrider and gg: it's always good to see our southerners getting crazy.

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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

Plan9

Hah! Oh, I would say that I "miss the one with the penis," but that would simply generate more witty one-liners, now wouldn't it?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Seeker5509

Hey Mandy - so after all this discussion.... whats the latest news?

__________________
Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes - Adm David Farragut