mandy

so congrats JStrider and GG on your first threesome. I can only imagine what that must have been like....

oh, and we're fine thanks love.

OK, so we've actually made some progress...

We've found our "one"!!! This girl, both healer and I know. Healer knew her before me though and he actually had a little thing for this girl and she for him but this was years ago when they were still in high school.

anyways, the thought always crossed my mind until one night at the club we frequent at, I saw her and I was covinced that she is the one!!!

and healer is too. ok, so here's the deal with her though...she's lesbian which turns me on like WOW!!!

I'm comfortable with her and so is healer...all we have to do now, is ask her and i'm not sure how to do that. she's a really sweet girl and a really good friend of mine.

how do i ask her? any suggestions?

__________________
The Imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create

MrFriendly

Oh that's the easy bit, you just have to slip it in to normal conversation.

Eg. "So I was on the train the other day and I saw this girl who had these amazing shoes so do you want to have a threesome with Healer and I?"

It will at least give her subconscious a chance to consider the question before she does a double take and asks you to repeat what you just said.







And no, I'm not serious

__________________
You are not a slave

rgroovy07

gg that is pretty hot nuff said

Ustwo

Congratulations, and I mean that.

Pretty soon you will start to feel sorry for couples don't don't share your new 'level' of togetherness and trust.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Average_Joe

Hey, I'm all for sexual experimentation, 3-somes, 4-somes, whatever, but something about this statement bothers me. I don't think anyone should "feel sorry" for how other couples feel about themselves. Trust and togetherness come about in many different ways.

__________________
I think I'll procrastinate......in a little while.

ratbastid

I'm all for inclusiveness, but... if you haven't been there, you just don't know what Ustwo is talking about.

I see all these couples around me with such narrow views of what's possible, and such straight-laced, culture-imposed opinions about what relationships are supposed to be. I don't know what's best for them, and I definitely don't think my lifestyle is for everyone, but I DO feel sorry for people whose world-view doesn't allow them to say how their lives and relationships and modes of sexual expression are going to go.

That's not to say there aren't plenty of completely happy and satisfied monogamous couples. Just that there are lots who are doing whatever they're doing because they're locked onto the rails about it and would never dream of considering alternatives. Those are the ones I feel sorry for.

Average_Joe

Well, I haven’t been there, so I can’t say that I’ve felt the same way as other couples who have been there. I suppose it’s a feeling of having shared something special, a new level of excitement, which results in a tighter bond. Furthermore, since non-monogamous relationships are considered taboo by most of society, I suppose there is a sense of freedom attached as well. But, again, since not having been there, I can only speculate.

Perhaps that's what Ustwo's quote was trying to imply as well, but that's not how I interpreted it. Having a closed-minded view of relationships does not equate to a lack of one's trust and togetherness in a relationship. They are separate.

Perhaps, the statement about “feeling sorry for those who don’t share your level of togetherness and trust” felt too “elitist” to me. Does having a 3-some result in a feeling of higher trust and togetherness? From what I have gathered from multiple threads around the TFP – yes. Are there couples out there that also cultivate a high sense of trust and togetherness without having a 3-some? Again, yes. Perhaps these people don’t want it to be implied that their relationship is inferior.

__________________
I think I'll procrastinate......in a little while.

Plan9

I don't let my cock measure my heart.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Racnad

I haven't been there either, but I've read a bit about this topic in the past few years. There are lots of people who say that threesomes damaged their relationship. Of course, a lot of relationships are damaged despite the fact there never was a threesome. A popular view is that threesomes are only for couples who are very comfortable and secure with themselves & eachother. If there are any sexual insecurity or jealousy issues, adding third person can make these problems much worse.

Ustwo

I wouldn't call it elitist, I'd call it almost pity. I've seen so many couples with issues in their marriages and relationships. So many jealous wives and husbands, afraid that every time they go on a business trip their spouse may cheat, so many issues focused around sex, that I really do feel sorry for them. Its a pointless suffering thats imposed upon people based on societies recent and I think unrealistic sexual expectations.

Actually having a threesome doesn't mean higher trust and togetherness in itself. It was GG's description of her feelings after that makes me think they did it 'right' and were able to see their relationship in a new light. There really is nothing special about doing it in a threesome, thats just one way, but I can't think of a way to really separate sexual jealousy and the like from your relationship without something like that. Maybe its possible, and it doesn't mean you have a bad relationship but being able to put the sexual baggage behind you and not basing the strength of your relationship with imposed fidelity is really a great feeling. You can't know that until you test it.

The problem of course is with any test you might fail and thats where the destructive aspects of this sort of thing can come in.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Average_Joe

Ustwo,

Thanks for your reply. You have clarified your statement in a way that I understand its intent (at least I think I do). I agree that with most traditional relationships that love, sex, and jealousy go hand-in-hand. Many relationships end due to cheating, and even perceived cheating, which invokes jealousy and mistrust. Wouldn't it be much easier if couples could just separate love from sex with an understanding that no matter who I have sex with, or want to have sex with, that my love for you is still true?

However, I'm not convinced if the level of trust is any different between a monogamous relationship and a non-manogamous relationship. In each, you still want to be loved by the person you love back. In both cases you trust that the one you love won't deny you love and run off with someone else.

As an example, if I go away on a business trip, and I'm in a non-monogamous relationship, I might have an agreement with my wife that I would be allowed to have sex with whoever I want, with some rules, as long as I promise to come back to her. In a monogamous relationship, I am expected to take care of business without extra-marital sex, and a promise to come back to her. Either way, I'm expected to come back as a loving spouse. She has to trust that I don't find something else I want out there more than her. That's the same level of trust as far as I can see. The difference in each case, as you pointed out, is the jealousy.

Therefore, I think the level of trust is no different, but the level of pain due to jealousy is different.

Well, I'll have to think about this a bit more, but I think you can have a sexual jealousy-free relationship without testing it. It's simply called faith.

__________________
I think I'll procrastinate......in a little while.

Ustwo

True my wife has always trusted me and I've always trusted her. We had a long distance relationship for a while and I never once had even the slightest worry about her cheating on me despite it being obvious that several men were attempting to have her do just that. It was a source of amusement to me as I kept telling her one of them was trying just that and she was in oblivious land until he finally asked her out (he couldn't before as he was a TA in one of her classes, he had to wait until she was out of his class).

So perhaps trust isn't really the issue, its part of it, but its a different kind of trust. Its not 'I trust you to be loyal' its 'I trust you to have fun and still love me', which is part of your second example.

Now a word of caution here. I'm not advocating an open marriage. Some jealousy and fear for your partners safety is normal. Shared experiences bring you together, while if you do it on your own, it drives you apart. Thats just part of nature and friendship. A threesome is still 'us', doing the cougar at the hotel on a business trip is just 'me'.

You can explicitly trust your partner, I always have, but still have jealousy issues. I don't think you can really KNOW about that aspect until you do something like a 3some or whatever where you really stand there. Also I think a big benefit is it helps to overcome the natural wanderlust we all have. We haven't evolved for only one partner until death do us part. I could get into this more, and I'm not saying marriage isn't natural, but 100% monogamy is not natural as far as I've been able to research.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Average_Joe

Ustwo,

I appreciate your well-thought-out replies, and I better understand your POV.

I wish all in this thread continued success in your relationships, and I hope they continue to be as fulfilling as my own.

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I think I'll procrastinate......in a little while.

mandy

healer and I, I think have that level of trust. Sure, I may joke about him cheating or whatever the case may be with another women but i know that it'll never happen.

In the begining and even now, my green monster rears it's head every now and then but that's something I have to get past. I know I do. And even though this convo was not directly aimed at me but rather at the situation others are faced with, i feel that i can relate to it.

guys, i dont know how i'll feel if i should see healer touching another woman or vice versa...i do know that it was my idea and it's something that i have come to want very much and to have that, i need to be okay with the fact that there'll be alot of interaction between the three of us.

and after that, i need to lay there and think that "i did it, it's done, it was great, it was horrible and i never want to do it again".

i know that no matter what, healer is mine and i am his and nothing is going to change that.

and i think also that parly why i want to do this is also that healer has never been with any other women besides me and this is kinda a present to him from me before we get married...not to mention me having the FFM threesome that i've been fantasising about for so long

so, thanks for all your input and discussion guys and GG, you and J are FRIGGIN' awesome!!!

so, anyone have any suggestions for me on how to entice my lesbian friend to have a threesome with healer and myself?

__________________
The Imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create

ratbastid

Which is why we're all behind you doing it. I've had people talk to me about this where it was a compensation for something missing in the relationship or a way to "cheat without cheating", and I've regularly advised them not to try it. But I can really tell you and healer will be okay, no matter how it goes--so why not find out how it's going to go?

Only thing... If she's a lesbian, will she be into both you and healer? If not, makes sure healer's good with that, because it will be almost completely about you and her being together, and he might feel like a third wheel.

DuneHunter

[I went to an all boys school, so a lot of my rather close friends are all guys. The thing I have observed over my little life is that a lot more guys are curious to try things with other guys than you might think. But, many young men are simply too afraid to ever try or admit it because of macho culture (well, this is from what I've observed in Aus). And this was especially true at the school I went to because everyone was so damn homophobic.]

Great post MrFriendly! Very wel thought out too. Sorry I didn't get back to it sooner. Situations like that are why I said it's not 100% when it comes to the homosexual aspect. But there seems a difference soemwhere between homosexual and curiosity, etc. And in some cases men are not put off at all by other men involved in a MFM. And that's all good. I certainly am not one to tell them they're wrong. ut being with other men while pleasing a woman is different than the woman and onother man concentrating on the man is what I mean. Many men don't mind interacting, but I am referring to direct attention. Maybe that makes a difference, maybe not.

Thanks again for the thoughts! I like it when someone actually will say when they don't necesarily agree. Gets me thinking!

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When it comes to rut... there's nothing like a hot doe!

Ustwo

Undoubtedly there are some people into the MMF as compared to the MFM (note how the letters are arranged) but there is really nothing gay or bisexual about it. I once had a co-worker talk about an MFM he had and he said 'I told the guy you have your end I have my end and as long as it stays that way, its cool'.

As long as you aren't a homophobe of the latent homosexual type I can't see how it would be an issue unless that was desired.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

analog

That actually makes me nervous for you. Not for nothing, but it's not the "before" that messes people up, it's the aftermath of your thoughts. "He gave her a lot of attention- does he still like her? Does he like her more? Is he trying to get back with her?"

I'm sure you'll say that won't happen... but that is exactly what everyone says. I'm just saying, be careful.

I hope she's actually bi, at least on some level, or you may ask her and get told you're the only one she'll play with. While the thought might be nice, it would kill me if my chick was doing the fantastic female nasty with another chick and I couldn't participate.

mandy

And I'm not saying that that wont happen either...which is why we still have so much to work through. well noted on the be careful part

what i do know is that it's what we both want...but mainly, it's what I suggested.

well, healer told me that he wouldn't mind the both of them "playing" only with me however, i think that would be quite boring. I want interaction between all three parties...i mean that is the point of a FFM threesome isn't it?

anyways, this girl, i'm comfortable with and so is healer.

will keep you all posted

and guys, thanks for all your support and concerns. they are all much appreciated *mwah*

__________________
The Imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create

thespian86

Ash and I are having the same "threesome sounds good" discusion except we are having trouble finding someone we are comfortable with. We don't know if we want it to be a spur of the moment thing, or a planned thing. She is kind of discovering this side of her sexuality and I'm totally into it.

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EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

lktknow

Sex is nobodys business except the three people involved.
I used to have a t-shirt that said that on the front of it.

the whole threesome scene can , imo, be a deeply satisfying experience for all involved, or it can go terribly wrong, like someone else said.
It's sort of like, you don't really want to do it with someone you are going to see on a daily basis, or sit down to Christmas dinner with..but then again, you don't want a stranger, or someone you don't know at all. But where do you draw the line, its like you want your fun for the night and then you want them to just go away, or it to be over...but, if it's someone you don't know well, there is always the risk of them becoming a drama queen about the entire matter, and could turn out to be your worse nightmare...all sorts of scenerios come to mind, blackmail, stalking, etc.....any way you look at it, there is a lot of risk involved..but that is a part of the allure, I suppose.
I'm no expert, but I would venture a guess that over half of these types of things turn out to be not only NOT satisfying , but destructive to the relationship. Human emotions are so hard to be exact about, because no one really knows what they are going to feel at a given moment until they are experiencing it.
And just because the two of you feel you are mature enough to handle it, who's to say the third party is..unless you have the pep talks with them also, before it transpires...and then you have the aftershocks...like the earthquake, where the both of you have your minds to deal with the visuals of what you saw the one you love doing...and it hits you sometimes at the most inopportune moments.....and it can be a real mind blower.....
In my opinion, the fantasy should remain just that, don't act on it. The odds are not in your favor ..but then again...??
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted

ratbastid

Which is exactly why communication is key to this whole deal--not just between the two of you, but with your third as well. That person is about to become a very special kind of friend, even if you rarely see them again. Everybody has to be as sure as they can be before the fact that they can deal with that, and you don't want to just walk away and not talk about it afterward, either.

lktknow

I can't seem to get this topic out of my mind.
In retrospect, both my husband ( ex, now)and I were positive in every way, that we were mature enough to handle every aspect of this situation. We talked at length about all the pros and cons. The anticipation of the reality was titillating. We decided on a dear friend of mine, whom we both admired for her emotional stability. we talked at length, with her about the "game". After months of weighing all the facts, it was decided. And, it was one of the most satisfying intimate moments in my life. We pulled it off without a hitch. With everyone going home smiling.
It was about 3 months later, a mutual friend of the three of us, told me confidentially, that my husband and my friend were seen at different places together; restaurants, motels, etc. I thought for sure there was some logical explanation. But, there wasn't.
He refused to stop seeing her without me, but also said, he didn't want to lose me. What a horrifying nightmare I lived through.
Elvis Presley in one of his songs said,
"If you bring a friend into your love affair, that's the end of your sweetheart, that's the end of your friend, that's when your heartache begins" "When dreams of a lifetime must come to an end, "
just my input on the subject. perhaps a little daunting, but just another way of looking at it...the excitement can be squelched like a bucket of cold water in your face. And I really do not mean to rain on anyones parade.

Ustwo

The problem was your husband didn't respect you nor was your marriage as strong as you thought.

Something like this is a test of sorts, and a test you can fail.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

ratbastid

Of course there was. Just not one you were prepared to accept.

Plan9

Seems like a real bullshit way to test yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

...

I can't get over the whole "dick goes in the hole" thing when it comes to relationships, I suppose. Call me primitive. Where is the higher power telling me that life isn't just a dog and pony show or a meat market venue and that we're all out to fuck as many people as possible while we cuddle up to the current "one" that provides the cushiest lifestyle environment.

I wish someone could prove me wrong.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Ustwo

I wouldn't do it to test a relationship, but it does put a different kind of strain on one that does in fact test it. You don't need to have a threesome to end up with a divorce, but my guess is that if you are headed that direction, a 3some will hasten it.

Welcome to normal evolution my friend. Thats exactly what it is, but its also what you make out of it, but you don't have to be a slave to your instincts either.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Plan9

Hell, I got a divorce like-WHOA and I didn't even have my penis within 8000 miles of the woman! Damn, I'm good.

Oh, how my lamentations go unanswered by the higher power!

If three people fucking was "normal evolution"... evolution would have given us additional genitals.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Ustwo

No three people fucking isn't normal evolution, fucking multiple people is.

Sexual monogamy is not natural for humans but pair bonding/marriage is.

Riddle that one out batman.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Plan9

I'm no Batman, but I'm a decent joker. (rimshot)

I'd suggest that pair-bonding (marriage) is a social (perhaps legal) construct mostly designed to manage, maintain, and pass-on wealth through the confusing branch system that is the "family" name. Wealth could be anything... cold hard cash, spitting camels, or wampum.

I'd say we only really get married so we can have stability. No guy really marries a woman saying to himself, "Man, I can't wait to spend 40 years boinking the same old snatch!" We wouldn't go through some bullshit promise rite if it didn't outweigh crotch-slamming a different woman every 2 weeks to 6 months.

This is where the sexual end of the animal overrides the fiscal animal and we ask our wives how they feel about reenacting a scene from Ten Miles of Tough Tongue whilst we simultaneously pound away on the hindquarters of a newer model named Sherry Von Skankyslot.

You know why I miss being married? Because it made me feel more financially successful.

My exwife would have never gone for a threesome. She couldn't even handle the idea that men utilize pornography as a fantasy / release mechanism.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Lucifer

Really?? Have you checked out Bobby's photos recently? They started when they were pre-teen and as far as I can tell, haven't stopped for breath anytime since then. Now they are old-er, and still going on strong. I only hope that I can settle with a woman, that I'm still in love with and still horny for when I'm Bobby's age.

__________________
I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.
- Job 30:29

1123, 6536, 5321

Ustwo

Not quite I think. About every society has marriages, even in polygamous ones there tends to be a 'head wife'. Its more than just society, its society mirroring our genetics. There are survival advantages for a woman linked to one man which are obvious, but there are survival aspects for a man linked to a woman.

True polygamy as we think of it, is in fact a modern invention, based on wealth accumulation which is not possible in a 'natural' state. A great hunter can only accumulate so much wealth, but once agriculture entered the picture, truly vast sums of 'currency' could be gathered and more importantly it was easier to specialize in society.

Again, historically its been both. Its only in very recent times that sexual monogamy became the societal rule for men. Even the Catholic church used to accept brothels as necessary evils.

Well gotta go.....

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

albania

Did anyone else find this utterly hilarious?

lktknow

[QUOTE=Ustwo]The problem was your husband didn't respect you nor was your marriage as strong as you thought.

You are right, but at the time, and the sequence of events as they played out, to me, it was unreal.
It totally made me rethink anyone's intentions, or the fact of taking someone at their word.
The amount of deceit involved was mind boggling.
To put the blame, if there is blame to be put, on my ex husband, would not be fair. It was me, who brought the whole subject of a threesome up, and his initial reaction, was one of distaste. But at my urging of the whole scene being something we could handle, he relented.
I realize this is a test, as you said, but to even put your entire life to a test such as this , doesn't seem sensible .
We are supposed to keep this positive, and in that vein, what happened to me in my situation, was most likely not to be misconstrued as the norm.
And as I said , it was one of the most satisfying intimate moments in my lifetime.

Ustwo

Has bobby ever stated what kind of relationship he has? Open, swinger, 100% monogamous for 40 years?

It really doesn't matter as its great to be that much into your wife after all that time, I know I am still that way about mine after almost two decades. With their openness I'd not be shocked to learn they were 'ethical sluts' so to speak.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

mandy

Right...seems like this thread has turned into something completely different to what it was intended Although, i believe it's a good thing and I have learned so much in all regards to doing what I plan to do.

The aim of this thread was to ask for advice and I am so thnkful for the advice as well as the constructive criticism that I have recieved from all of you.

Gosh Cromp...seems you really had a tough time with your wife and I can respect that fact.

Marrrlee, I am so sorry for what happened to you. But I have to believe that this will be good for all three of us...mostly because I want it so badly and I know Healer does too.

I understand there are major risks involved in this but it's one both of us are willing to take.

I know healer loves and respects me and I suppose that will just have to be enough for now. I trust him completely and i suppose that will just have to be enough for him.

and that's not to say that either of you felt this way at the begining of your relationships or rather married life? ... and that too is also a big factor for me which is why i want to do it before we get married...because I do want to speng the rest of my however many years with healer and he in turn is always telling me how badly he wants that to and i believe him with all my heart.

putting yourself out there like that is a risk in itself...and that i can clearly see from the examples some of you have brought forth and through your experiences.

But I have to believe that we are strong enough to get past anything, because it's not the fact that healer did'nt have the opportunity to cheat on me because there were ample, especially when he lived 350 kilometers away on his own...always in hotels and bed and breakfasts, and even though he might have been lonely in that time and even now he might get the urge or whatever...the fact is that he chooses not to act on them.

and that in my book is a most admirable trait in a person. I cant emphasise how much i trust this man and how much i love, care for and respect him.

And the only reason I'm reiterating all this is not so as to convince myself that it's true, but rather to remind myself that it is. And I know some might say why would she need reminding if she feels so stongly about it, well for the simple reason that it is a big step in our relationship that could cause major ramifications.

but if i dont have the belief that things will be okay, what do i have? Paranoia? Insecurity? those two feelings were stitched into my head for a period but not because of healer but because i'd been hurt before...a good many times over again...

but i havnt lived like that in a long long time and i'm all the better for it.

__________________
The Imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create

Infinite_Loser

Trust be damned, threesomes are the absolute best way to ruin a relationship. You want my advice? Don't do it. It'll come back to bite you in the ass (And here's hoping someone quotes me as saying that >_>).

__________________
I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

mandy

Well, you got what you wished for...

but are you always like this?

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The Imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create

Ustwo

Odds are I'll be involved in one this week but, oh noes my relationship will be ruined, RUINED I SAY, some internet guy said so!!!!!oneoneeleven!

Dude I'm sorry but you are obnoxiously clueless on this sort of thing, really, you have no idea what you are talking about. I will say its not for beginners with sex and relationships, and at your age thats what you are, but for people beyond the 'young adult' stage they can be quite harmless and often beneficial.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

ratbastid

As a rule, I don't take advice on relationships from people who constantly post their girl troubles on the internet. But maybe that's just me.

It's sort of like, if I want help with my car, I'm not going to ask the guy driving the smoking, sputtering beater. I'm more likely to go to the guy who can maintain and care for his car.