I'm taken but... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

TiltedOne · 08-13-2007, 05:36 AM

Hi I've been lurking here for awhile and just decided to join up. I feel this is a sensible place to talk about things and just good all around.

I've been dating my current gf for 6 years. I'm 22 shes 20. Our entire relationship has been rocky due to outside things *basically her parents not wanting her to date and treating me like crap unjustly* However things on that front has improved somewhat slightly.

Now here is my problem. When she started college and went away she kinda pushed me away. To the point where her friends and such came first before me even to the point where I woudlnt speak to her for a month at a time. That completely upset me. My friends consoled me but one person in particular really helped me through it. I ended up liking her and she ended up liking me too and things only got worse once my friend started dorming at my school. I fell for her, hard. All my friends knew it too but it was kinda kept on the hush since within our group of friends includes her brother which is one of my best friends *yes the plot thickens* Its partly because of that reason that I didn't pursue it and tried to work it out with my gf.

Ever since then things have gotten somewhat better but there is always an underlying problem with my current gf and it takes a toll on me. I try to stick around because she always says *I dont really have anyone because my parents kept me away from everything but at least your here and you stayed* and it makes me feel like crap because I realize now I stayed with her for the completely wrong reasons. I WANTED to go with the other girl but felt loyal/obligated to at least give my gf a chance.

Time has passed and I still talk to my friend on a regular basis. Although my gf does not want me to because I was honest about how I felt about the other chick and explained to her how it went down but assured her nothing happened. However, I can't seem to get over this other girl and honestly I'm not sure if I want to. I find myself just going through the motions with my current gf sometimes and I hate the fact that I can't just genuinely be happy with her because she is a good person. I dont know how to resolve this. I'm thinking I should break up with my gf but I know for a fact that she really does not have anyone right now and I'm everything she's leaning on and I feel like me just pushing her to the side for someone else is just wrong wrong wrong.

My head hurts.

albania · 08-13-2007, 06:32 AM

It sounds like you're afraid to end the relationship because you don’t want to hurt her feelings and have pretty much already terminated the romance in your head. If you have kids it might be worth a shot to try hard to make it work. However, you're young, therefore, I assume you don't have children with her, and I assume this is probably the only real girlfriend you've ever had. Maybe it's time to move on and offer the friendship card to your current girlfriend; if she truly needs someone to be by her side a friend will have to do.

Introspective aside: Why am I giving relationship advice to people? Now my head hurts too.

Push-Pull · 08-13-2007, 07:05 AM

If you're not happy, you're not happy. Don't stick around just so you don't have to feel guilty about "hurting" her. If I had a gf that didn't speak to me for a month at a time, I'd be soooooo far gone.......

Break free, have fun, and be happy.

You're young, go experience what the world has to offer. You can saddle
yourself with a serious relationship later.....

Jinn · 08-13-2007, 07:15 AM

Would you give your life to save her ego?

Because that's what you're doing if you continue to stay with her. You're throwing away your life in order to shield her from a little pain.

Don't lead her on, and don't waste your life.

It sounds like you're ready for a change, if you actually feel the way you've written.

tecoyah · 08-13-2007, 07:36 AM

Do both of you the ultimate good...be honest with her, explain how lonely you are for months on end, and tell her you will be there regardless. Her reaction to an honest conversation about the two of you will be a great guide to what the future might hold...for good or bad.

In other words, while its great to get OUR input on this, hers is the opinion that matters at this point. You already know what yours is.

08-13-2007, 05:36 AM	#1 (permalink)
TiltedOne Upright	I'm taken but... Hi I've been lurking here for awhile and just decided to join up. I feel this is a sensible place to talk about things and just good all around. I've been dating my current gf for 6 years. I'm 22 shes 20. Our entire relationship has been rocky due to outside things basically her parents not wanting her to date and treating me like crap unjustly However things on that front has improved somewhat slightly. Now here is my problem. When she started college and went away she kinda pushed me away. To the point where her friends and such came first before me even to the point where I woudlnt speak to her for a month at a time. That completely upset me. My friends consoled me but one person in particular really helped me through it. I ended up liking her and she ended up liking me too and things only got worse once my friend started dorming at my school. I fell for her, hard. All my friends knew it too but it was kinda kept on the hush since within our group of friends includes her brother which is one of my best friends yes the plot thickens Its partly because of that reason that I didn't pursue it and tried to work it out with my gf. Ever since then things have gotten somewhat better but there is always an underlying problem with my current gf and it takes a toll on me. I try to stick around because she always says I dont really have anyone because my parents kept me away from everything but at least your here and you stayed and it makes me feel like crap because I realize now I stayed with her for the completely wrong reasons. I WANTED to go with the other girl but felt loyal/obligated to at least give my gf a chance. Time has passed and I still talk to my friend on a regular basis. Although my gf does not want me to because I was honest about how I felt about the other chick and explained to her how it went down but assured her nothing happened. However, I can't seem to get over this other girl and honestly I'm not sure if I want to. I find myself just going through the motions with my current gf sometimes and I hate the fact that I can't just genuinely be happy with her because she is a good person. I dont know how to resolve this. I'm thinking I should break up with my gf but I know for a fact that she really does not have anyone right now and I'm everything she's leaning on and I feel like me just pushing her to the side for someone else is just wrong wrong wrong. My head hurts.

08-13-2007, 07:05 AM	#3 (permalink)
Push-Pull I'll ask when I'm ready.... Location: Firmly in the middle....	If you're not happy, you're not happy. Don't stick around just so you don't have to feel guilty about "hurting" her. If I had a gf that didn't speak to me for a month at a time, I'd be soooooo far gone....... Break free, have fun, and be happy. You're young, go experience what the world has to offer. You can saddle yourself with a serious relationship later..... __________________ "No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me- "Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown- DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

08-13-2007, 07:15 AM	#4 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	Would you give your life to save her ego? Because that's what you're doing if you continue to stay with her. You're throwing away your life in order to shield her from a little pain. Don't lead her on, and don't waste your life. It sounds like you're ready for a change, if you actually feel the way you've written. __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

08-13-2007, 06:32 AM	#2 (permalink)
albania Psycho	It sounds like you're afraid to end the relationship because you don’t want to hurt her feelings and have pretty much already terminated the romance in your head. If you have kids it might be worth a shot to try hard to make it work. However, you're young, therefore, I assume you don't have children with her, and I assume this is probably the only real girlfriend you've ever had. Maybe it's time to move on and offer the friendship card to your current girlfriend; if she truly needs someone to be by her side a friend will have to do. Introspective aside: Why am I giving relationship advice to people? Now my head hurts too.

08-13-2007, 07:36 AM	#5 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	Do both of you the ultimate good...be honest with her, explain how lonely you are for months on end, and tell her you will be there regardless. Her reaction to an honest conversation about the two of you will be a great guide to what the future might hold...for good or bad. In other words, while its great to get OUR input on this, hers is the opinion that matters at this point. You already know what yours is.