The Rush - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

neflyte · 07-30-2007, 02:29 PM

So, I just got the "lecture" from my grandmother on how I'm not getting any younger (27, atm) and have no girlfriend/fiancee/wife and kids to show for it. I'm taking her speech pretty lightly as I want to handle that part of my life on my own terms, but it's still rather annoying how I need to conform to how she sees relationships. She apparently believes its as easy as marrying the first woman I see.

I'm not in a rush for kids. Heck no. I still want to enjoy myself (and whatever partner I may encounter) for a while first. Plus, i'm not exactly dating material, having been described as purely marriage material by several women. So, there's no way I can rush into a relationship and get married, etc, etc just to satiate my grandmother, although sometimes i wish it were that simple.

Has anyone else been victim to this sort of speech? If so, how did you deal with it?

kurty[B] · 07-30-2007, 02:47 PM

Letting relatives know that you're going to have a baby boy, and you have no plans on an intimate relationship with the mother seems to do away with any of the "Why don't you have a serious girlfriend/everyone else in your family is married why aren't you?" conversations.

I'm not advocating this course of action at all.

Cynthetiq · 07-30-2007, 02:55 PM

Grandparents want to be part of the joy. They want to see the grandchildren. Really when they say YOU aren't getting any younger it is really about them not getting any younger.

I do have some regret in the choice that I have made in not having children that if we were to change our minds in the future, it may be too late to meet the grandparents.

But I don't do things because of what other people think, I do however let them know clearly my intentions as best as I can express them at the time.

My parents are expecting for us to not have any children. They aren't so okay with that, but at the same time respect our decision.

Adri · 07-30-2007, 03:18 PM

I get the opposite lecture...

My husband is 15 years younger than his next-older brother. Both of his older brothers waited until their mid-thirties to get married and have children, and as a result of this "waiting", they have a lot of money saved up. A lot of money. As in, my brother-in-law's unborn child has her college AND law school paid for already, should she choose to go.

As a result of his uber-youth (in comparison to his bros), my husband and I constantly get the, "You guys aren't going to have kids yet, right?" lecture from everyone in his family. I'm starting to wonder if they're loathe for my demon spawn to become part of the family or something.

They were angry with us when we moved in together, when we got married (Vegas FTW!), and I'm absolutely positive that if/when I ever call my mother in law to tell her I am pregnant, her first words will not be joyous, but instead, tearful.

It's a shitty situation, and it would be really nice if people would butt out about others' life timelines. But they won't, so you just have to deal, I guess.

MrFriendly · 07-30-2007, 05:06 PM

LOL hey, that's better than the talk from my dad :

"Have you got a woman yet?"

"Nah, haven't really been looking to be honest."

"What's with that boy, you haven't had a woman in years."

"Eh, just the way the dice got rolled."

"You know, if you're gay, it's alright, we wont care."

"I'm not gay dad."

"Ok, ok. But if you are, it's fine."

*Sigh*

"Dad, really, I'm not gay, fuck, at least if I was gay I'd be getting laid"

"Righto, I think we'll drop this now"

"Oh really? Because before you seemed keen to talk about it. Maybe I should get a mail order bride, or a thai lady boy...."

"MICK!!!!! SHUT UP!"

Plan9 · 07-30-2007, 06:11 PM

I put the rush on myself.

I wanted to get married so women wouldn't be a chase goal anymore.

I wanted a house because I wanted a place to do my old man hobbies.

I wanted kids to lug the ammo cans to the range.

...

Now I just want to not want those things anymore.

monkey baby · 07-30-2007, 08:13 PM

I'm getting the same thing. I am the ONLY child/grandchild that has not gotten married. One of my brothers is the only one that has not had a baby (although they are trying) I had a son when I was 17. This is one of the main reasons I am not married yet, the other is that I've lived through my Mother's 3 failed marriages and my Father's 2. I love my son and he is number one, therefor I am very picky about the people I have dated (very few and far between).

I have found the person that I KNOW I want to spend the rest of my life with and (the best part) he and my son get along really well. My family, now that I am with my boyfriend they are really pushing. (so if they are pushy now, just wait until you bring someone home) My boyfriend is much younger than me and I constantly have to keep that in mind so that I don't let my family push me into pushing him.

So, anyway...my advice would be to tell them that you do not want to end up in divorce and you would rather hold out for the right person. This might hold them up for a bit. Just remember that it may go into full force when you do start seriously dating someone. Just make sure it is something/someone that you REALLY want and not your family convincing you that it is.

Good luck

TotalMILF · 07-30-2007, 11:17 PM

I got married at 21, so I never got this talk. In fact, I got the opposite.

When xepherys and I got married I was still in AIT to be a combat medic, so I was stuck in the barracks up until a couple hours before our courthouse wedding. Needless to say, our pseudo-eloping made it hard for any family to get to the event, although my Dad did manage to call me the night before:

Me: "Hello?"
Dad: "Hey. So you're getting married tomorrow?"
Me: "Yeah, at 1:30."
Dad: "You know, you're too young. In fact, the only reason I married your Mom when I did is because she was pregnant."
Me: *stunned* "Huh?"
Dad: (very nonchalant) "Yeah, your Mom was pregnant, but he was stillborn."
Me: "... what?"
Dad: "I'm just saying, don't rush into this. Are you sure this is what you want?"
Me: *sniffle*
Dad: "Well, OK, do what you want."
Me: (holding back tears) "I will. Bye."

Best. Pep. Talk. Ever.

Except not.

xepherys · 07-31-2007, 05:11 AM

I had almost forgotten that event. I was FURIOUS that your father made you cry the weekend of our wedding (well, at all actually). *grumble*

ngdawg · 07-31-2007, 05:22 AM

As Cyn said, she's lamenting that she's not getting any younger. I also think they (parents, grandparents) want what they think is the American Dream for their kids-a spouse, cute kids, nice home, yadayadayada....it's all a bunch of hokey and when I remind my mother that she would stomp around the house threatening to divorce my dad, she, now in her old age, shrugs it off, now telling me to 'stick it out, it'll get better'.
There's a whole world out there waiting for you-don't settle because you have to appease someone else. They'll be gone someday and you'll be wondering "what the fuck happened??"

neflyte · 07-31-2007, 07:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ngdawg

There's a whole world out there waiting for you-don't settle because you have to appease someone else. They'll be gone someday and you'll be wondering "what the fuck happened??"

Honestly, I almost did settle for my ex. Luckily, she broke up with me before either of us committed. And actually, it was her lack of commitment that ended the relationship (she was 6 years younger and we were both each other's firsts).

I totally intend to just ride it out and see what comes my way. Meeting people doesn't happen often with me, but I figure something will turn up eventually. I met my ex that way and we thoroughly enjoyed at least one of the three years we were together.

Heh, my grandmother would also like it very much if I learned to speak German and Spanish so I could understand her better before she passes. I doubt that's going to happen, but it would sure make her happy in some manner.

07-30-2007, 02:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
neflyte Tilted Location: Kitchener, ON, CANADA	The Rush So, I just got the "lecture" from my grandmother on how I'm not getting any younger (27, atm) and have no girlfriend/fiancee/wife and kids to show for it. I'm taking her speech pretty lightly as I want to handle that part of my life on my own terms, but it's still rather annoying how I need to conform to how she sees relationships. She apparently believes its as easy as marrying the first woman I see. I'm not in a rush for kids. Heck no. I still want to enjoy myself (and whatever partner I may encounter) for a while first. Plus, i'm not exactly dating material, having been described as purely marriage material by several women. So, there's no way I can rush into a relationship and get married, etc, etc just to satiate my grandmother, although sometimes i wish it were that simple. Has anyone else been victim to this sort of speech? If so, how did you deal with it? __________________ "I'm not a vegatarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." -- A. Whitney Brown

07-30-2007, 02:55 PM	#3 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	Grandparents want to be part of the joy. They want to see the grandchildren. Really when they say YOU aren't getting any younger it is really about them not getting any younger. I do have some regret in the choice that I have made in not having children that if we were to change our minds in the future, it may be too late to meet the grandparents. But I don't do things because of what other people think, I do however let them know clearly my intentions as best as I can express them at the time. My parents are expecting for us to not have any children. They aren't so okay with that, but at the same time respect our decision. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

07-30-2007, 05:06 PM	#5 (permalink)
MrFriendly Psycho Location: Australia	LOL hey, that's better than the talk from my dad : "Have you got a woman yet?" "Nah, haven't really been looking to be honest." "What's with that boy, you haven't had a woman in years." "Eh, just the way the dice got rolled." "You know, if you're gay, it's alright, we wont care." "I'm not gay dad." "Ok, ok. But if you are, it's fine." Sigh "Dad, really, I'm not gay, fuck, at least if I was gay I'd be getting laid" "Righto, I think we'll drop this now" "Oh really? Because before you seemed keen to talk about it. Maybe I should get a mail order bride, or a thai lady boy...." "MICK!!!!! SHUT UP!" __________________ You are not a slave

07-30-2007, 06:11 PM	#6 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	I put the rush on myself. I wanted to get married so women wouldn't be a chase goal anymore. I wanted a house because I wanted a place to do my old man hobbies. I wanted kids to lug the ammo cans to the range. ... Now I just want to not want those things anymore. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

07-30-2007, 11:17 PM	#8 (permalink)
TotalMILF Delusional... but in a funny way Location: deeee-TROIT!!!	I got married at 21, so I never got this talk. In fact, I got the opposite. When xepherys and I got married I was still in AIT to be a combat medic, so I was stuck in the barracks up until a couple hours before our courthouse wedding. Needless to say, our pseudo-eloping made it hard for any family to get to the event, although my Dad did manage to call me the night before: Me: "Hello?" Dad: "Hey. So you're getting married tomorrow?" Me: "Yeah, at 1:30." Dad: "You know, you're too young. In fact, the only reason I married your Mom when I did is because she was pregnant." Me: stunned "Huh?" Dad: (very nonchalant) "Yeah, your Mom was pregnant, but he was stillborn." Me: "... what?" Dad: "I'm just saying, don't rush into this. Are you sure this is what you want?" Me: sniffle Dad: "Well, OK, do what you want." Me: (holding back tears) "I will. Bye." Best. Pep. Talk. Ever. Except not. __________________ "I'm sorry, all I heard was blah blah blah, I'm a dirty tramp."

07-30-2007, 02:47 PM	#2 (permalink)
kurty[B] Sauce Puppet	Letting relatives know that you're going to have a baby boy, and you have no plans on an intimate relationship with the mother seems to do away with any of the "Why don't you have a serious girlfriend/everyone else in your family is married why aren't you?" conversations. I'm not advocating this course of action at all.

07-30-2007, 03:18 PM	#4 (permalink)
Adri Tilted Location: Orange County (the annoying one)	I get the opposite lecture... My husband is 15 years younger than his next-older brother. Both of his older brothers waited until their mid-thirties to get married and have children, and as a result of this "waiting", they have a lot of money saved up. A lot of money. As in, my brother-in-law's unborn child has her college AND law school paid for already, should she choose to go. As a result of his uber-youth (in comparison to his bros), my husband and I constantly get the, "You guys aren't going to have kids yet, right?" lecture from everyone in his family. I'm starting to wonder if they're loathe for my demon spawn to become part of the family or something. They were angry with us when we moved in together, when we got married (Vegas FTW!), and I'm absolutely positive that if/when I ever call my mother in law to tell her I am pregnant, her first words will not be joyous, but instead, tearful. It's a shitty situation, and it would be really nice if people would butt out about others' life timelines. But they won't, so you just have to deal, I guess.

07-30-2007, 08:13 PM	#7 (permalink)
monkey baby Upright	I'm getting the same thing. I am the ONLY child/grandchild that has not gotten married. One of my brothers is the only one that has not had a baby (although they are trying) I had a son when I was 17. This is one of the main reasons I am not married yet, the other is that I've lived through my Mother's 3 failed marriages and my Father's 2. I love my son and he is number one, therefor I am very picky about the people I have dated (very few and far between). I have found the person that I KNOW I want to spend the rest of my life with and (the best part) he and my son get along really well. My family, now that I am with my boyfriend they are really pushing. (so if they are pushy now, just wait until you bring someone home) My boyfriend is much younger than me and I constantly have to keep that in mind so that I don't let my family push me into pushing him. So, anyway...my advice would be to tell them that you do not want to end up in divorce and you would rather hold out for the right person. This might hold them up for a bit. Just remember that it may go into full force when you do start seriously dating someone. Just make sure it is something/someone that you REALLY want and not your family convincing you that it is. Good luck

07-31-2007, 05:11 AM	#9 (permalink)
xepherys <3 TFP Location: 17TLH2445607250	I had almost forgotten that event. I was FURIOUS that your father made you cry the weekend of our wedding (well, at all actually). grumble __________________ The prospect of achieving a peace agreement with the extremist group of MILF is almost impossible... -- Emmanuel Pinol, Governor of Cotobato My Homepage

07-31-2007, 05:22 AM	#10 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	As Cyn said, she's lamenting that she's not getting any younger. I also think they (parents, grandparents) want what they think is the American Dream for their kids-a spouse, cute kids, nice home, yadayadayada....it's all a bunch of hokey and when I remind my mother that she would stomp around the house threatening to divorce my dad, she, now in her old age, shrugs it off, now telling me to 'stick it out, it'll get better'. There's a whole world out there waiting for you-don't settle because you have to appease someone else. They'll be gone someday and you'll be wondering "what the fuck happened??" __________________ Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.