Push-Pull

OK, so here's the situation.....

Over the past couple years, the wife and I have had a fairly large drop in sex due largely to her back pain troubles, and in intimacy as I've become somewhat withdrawn and distracted. Currently, she is laid up after having 5 discs fused, and won't be able to do much for a few more months. Also adding to the intimacy issue is the major stress we've both been under after the move, lack of money, etc. On my end, I can imagine that I've been a complete ass at times. I'm also sure that I haven't been supplying a lot of what she needs, and with her laid up, and me working as much as I am, that has been even more so. And on top of it, I make a lousy nurse, so that doesn't help either.

Anyhow, she's been home from the hospital for about 2 weeks now, and things seem to have started to settle down. She's definitely more alert, and we're having full blown conversations at times when the meds are not fully in effect. I'm thinking that this is a perfect time to be able to repair and reconnect our life together.

What I need from you TFPr's, especially the ladies, is that if I wanted to plan a comeback, what do you suggest I do? I just need some different points of view to help me get the intimacy of this relationship back on track so that when she is ready, we can truly take up where it left off. I don't care how large or small the idea is, I just want an arsenal of different things to let her know that I care enough about her and our relationship to breath some life back into it as she's healing up.

And just so you know, I'm already aware that I need to pay more attention to her and her condition and try to be a better caregiver, so I'm ready to take care of the obvious. I'm also well aware of the power of just listening.

TIA, and wish us luck.

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Hyacinthe

My advice might be terrible - I'm not good at this whole caring for a loved one thing (should be since I take care of strangers for a living)

I'd say mainly little things, as she gets better maybe find things she can do that aren't too strenuous rent her favourite movies or get her favourite books so she has something to do while shes in bed all day.

Make her tea/ coffee in the morning if you have time before work - every morning my Mum and Dad lie in bed together Mum with her tea and Dad with his coffee and split the newspaper talk about anything in there that caught their interest, share plans for the day etc etc. Course if she enjoys sleeping in maybe not the best idea.

Arrange to have meals that she enjoys - especially if she feels terrible atm. A lot of people when they're not well and on pain meds loose their appetite having foods she likes will help with that and show you notice what she likes.

If you're feeling affectionate look up some massage techniques for legs, arms, stomach, shoulders and try them out (swiss massage techniques are usually pretty gentle and have things specifically for these areas) - will help her relax and I dunno about you but I always have good thought about someone who has just given me a massage of any kind.

I dunno maybe you do that kinda stuff already but that's all I can think of while she's semi bed bound with her back.

I'll see if I can think of anything else.

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"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."