radioguy

nope....men aren't as emotional....it's just masterbating!!!


and we'd end up replacing the dildo with our dicks, so we would be having great sex out of it!

Jam

anyone here watch the 70's show... eric... picture of jackies mom...

MrFriendly

I agree entirely.

Some of you other blokes might like to think it wouldn't affect you, but I'd place money on it being a pretty big blow to your ego. I know it be a pretty big blow to mine.

I wouldn't fly off the handle over it, but we would be taking a serious look at where our relationship is and what's actually going on here.

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You are not a slave

cadre

You may find it hard to believe but there are different opinions on this. I can honestly say that I would not get upset if my so used pictures of my friends to masturbate.

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My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

canuckguy

that is cool, i totally understand now.

i always leave the seat down. i once fell in myself!

BigBaldRon

The guy's a tool and the fact that he would even keep the pics on his PORN folder is proof enough.

Dump his ass and get a new man.

surferlove007

I can't say that. It would piss me off to no end. I would never feel as secure about myself after something like that. It would make me think, so what's not good enough about me that you need to look elsewhere?

Friends are off limits no matter what way you look at them to me.
If I caught him wanking to my friends then there would be trouble.
Serious trouble.
This topic is troubling because even though it's about another relationship, it could happen in others. I guess somewhat of a rude awakening.
I know I've been thinking about it more often since I left to work.
(mostly because of certain comments on the subject)
I just don't think it's appropriate, and I think it's creepy.
She was insecure, and it's like he totally disregarded her feelings by doing this. I know guys are sometimes insensitive jerks, bla, bla bla, but still this was crossing a line deep in enemy territory.
I can't believe some of the rude comments...give him something to remember in bed. That is just hurtful. Shame on you!

Menoman

bingo

Men and women are completely different emotional beasts.

More often than not we'd just be happy she is masturbating and hope that we can watch once in awhile, and help out.

It's completely possible he didn't know it would be hurtful to her, since it probably wouldn't be hurtful to him.

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BigBaldRon

That's a load of crap.


If a dude thought somebody that he loved was thinking of ANYBODY BUT HIM while playing with herself, it'd hurt his feelings, if not simply his ego.

I know it would be that way for me at least.

Jinn

Shani, shani, shani.

Apples to apples, please.

Does NOT equal

She didn't walk in on him masturbating, she doesn't even know that he's masturbated to it. She found pictures while SHE was looking at HIS porn, so frankly I don't see how HE did anything wrong.

Fruit of the poisonous tree. I really don't see how you can be okay with him looking at random girls, but not your girlfriends. It's either all or none, as far as I'm concerned.

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Infinite_Loser

I'm shocked at all the "Kick him in the balls!" comments. That seems a tad bit extreme for something so trivial.

Maybe it's just me, but what's the difference to jacking off over some total stranger and jacking off over one of her friends? I sorta' believe that if the OP's bf wanted one of those other chicks, that he'd be with them.

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Hyacinthe

If it was me it would definitely be a major issue. I've been in a situation like this when I found an ex of mine had pictures of my little sister from our summer vacation, sounds innocent until you realise that he has gone onto my computer looked through my pictures taken the photos of my little sister and copied them across to his computer.

Fantasising is fine - but it's only fantasy when it's not happening and the fact that he probably interacts with these women on a regular basis since they're your friends takes it that step beyond fantasy to me.

Friends, Parents, Siblings = out of bounds it's just not something you do. If I am having sex with a guy I want him thinking about me not about my friend.

To break that would cause a big loss of trust on my behalf.

As for not knowing it would hurt her, they've been together 2 years he should have some idea of what is going to be a problem for her by now. When does it go from not knowing and sheer stupidity to simply not caring if it hurts her as long as he doesn't get caught? 5 years? 10 - maybe he can just do stupid hurtful things for the next 8 years and use the "aww sorry I didn't know" card.

What it comes down to for me is that he has evaluated your friends physically, found their myspace pages, downloaded photos of them and probably every time he sees that girl from now on is going to be thinking about them in skimpy outfits or naked. I couldn't deal with that.

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"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

Menoman

Wow...

I really don't think it's like that at all Hyac..

Sex and masturbation are two totally different things, as is fantasy and real life.

Firstly, like I've been trying to say, masturbation has nothing to do with feelings, it's simply getting off. If this guy really is in the relationship with her because he wants to be, he isn't thinking of other people while they fuck.

I hate to break this to you, but, just because your boyfriend may not have pictures of your friends, there is absolutely ZERO doubt in my mind he is beating off thinking about some of them. Thats just how it is, and always will be.


1. Evaluated friends physically: I garrentee he, as well as any other straight guy is evaluating EVERY female physically, your mom, your sisters, every single one of them.

2. Found their myspace: I've had friends of my g/f on my myspace page, it's not as if he sluethed these people out and went all secretive to find this stuff.

3. Everytime he see's the girl......skimpy outfits or naked: HAHAHAHAH Man.... That is happening anyway lol, whether he beats off to them or not, unless they are ugly he is envisioning them naked! Thats just how it is!

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Baraka_Guru

Are you a machine, or do you feel lust and desire like the rest of us?

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Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
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Jetée

First off, if not you, it might've been me responding.

I, too, wanted to ask a moderator if it could be moved to the sexuality foruum, because I don't believe getting the same mentality that was present there helped much to adequately assess the entire situation and gravity of the occurrence.

I see now that my thoughts on the subject have been clearly expressed already in the short interval in which I last checked. I did appreciate ratbastid's summation very much, yet I also felt some women had valid points to be less than pleased with what transpired. I see opinions that are too biased and condemning, while others do not clearly address the problem and perhaps do not realize why the OP has a justification to be upset and wracked. Not to repeat what has already been addressed is that this, like any other relationship, is based upon a foundation where communication and trust are key; to making it work well, last long, and flourish beautifully.


The bottom line is men seem to act without clearly assessing all the arguments beforehand, while the women analyze what had happened in a myriad of ways to no end instead of perhaps the one point that they seem to overlook. Internalizing the situation and constantly pondering what occurred leaves little room to simply ask the person(s) in question what their thought process was at the time.

If you can understand the how, what, and why, then can you finally uncover the elusive answer.

__________________
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—Mohandas K. Gandhi

Menoman

You don't have to be a machine to know, hey it feels nice to jack off, and when I'm horny its a good relief.

Not that it has much to do with it, but desire/lust is what all fantasy is based on, and by nature, jerking off as well.

Just because I lust to fuck someone doesn't mean that I'm going to fuck them, even if given the chance. There have been quite a few times I've wanted to fuck the shit out of a girl, and had the opportunity and turned it down for various reasons. Do you think just because he thinks these girls are attractive he is going to try to fuck them? That seems like quite a stretch.

Whether he has pictures of them or not, he is still jerking off thinking about them, that is fact.

That's why the point is, this girl can either a) Make a big deal out of something that is going to happen in EVERY relationship on the damn planet minus a few extremely rare cases, or b) work on her own insecurities because thats the entire problem here.

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powerclown

I don't see whats wrong with a woman exerting a little effort to please her man in the bedroom. By the same token, a gentleman will treat his woman with respect outside the bedroom. Are girlfriends of hers off limits for him to fantasize about? The politically correct answer is yes, but we all know it can happen. The same way it happens when a woman can be sexually attracted to and fantasize about his male friends.

pig

ha. i saw this earlier when it was in ladies' lounge...and i thought 'that's fucked up.' i still think it's fucked up. it seems to me that this is as much about how the op found out as much as anything else. it's obvious that everyone fantasizes about their so's friends...or that most people do. however, to take that extra step towards acquiring tangible masturbatory material...yeah...that's just a little creepy. sorry fellas...masturbation doesn't happen in a vacuum. i liked powerclown's post...only i don't think it's up to this girl to throw in something special in the sack.

i don't know that i'd necessarily drop his ass over this...but it'd be a blow to the relationship. good luck.

edit: sorry, i meant powerclown's first post.

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analog

Double-standards don't always work. You can't always take "one side" of something and hot-swap the people involved to see if it would work the same way, then call bullshit when it doesn't.

Example:

Two people show up somewhere wearing the same shirt. The stereotypical guy response is instant friend status and mutual beer-buying. The stereotypical female response is to get pissed or petty or insecure (and yes it happens, if you haven't been witness, it can be really bad actually- and note I said stereotype).

The point is, many of you are yelling because you make claim to some magically universal infallibility of logic that just because something holds true for one sex, it must be exactly the same for the other, otherwise it's a "double standard". Not all inequities of human behavior are because something is perceptually "acceptable" for one group and "unacceptable" for another.

Some things are different because they just are, and different people react differently to things.

For some people, masturbation is just about getting off to the thought of bumping uglies, and nothing more. For others, masturbation is just as emotionally driven as making love to their SO.

Also, there's a huge difference between thinking about having sex with your SO's friends, and actually doing something (them) about it.

SecretMethod70

ShaniFaye: Generally speaking, I think it's true that most guys would not be happy if they discovered that their girlfriend masturbates to pictures of their friends. I can't say how I would feel because, frankly, it's impossible to know something like that until you're in the situation. Nonetheless, I would still say the same thing: provided there is not a deeper relationship issue going on (i.e. the girl wanting to break up with her b/f for his friend), the problem lies in the insecurity of the guy who is getting upset, not in the girl masturbating to pictures of his friends.

Saying that the root of the problem here lies in burtsbees' insecurity is not the same as saying that her insecurity isn't understandable, or that the boyfriend has no role in this. Of course it's understandable that burtsbees would feel insecure about this, but this event alone did not create the insecurity, it just helped bring out and amplify what insecurity was already there. Society trains most of us to feel insecure about things like this, and now is a perfect time for burtsbees to explore whether or not this is really something to be so upset about. Again, assuming there are no deeper relationship issues here and the guy was simply fantasizing, as people are known to do, then what he did really isn't very meaningful. This is where the boyfriend comes in by the way. What he did was not wrong, but nonetheless he needs to understand that whether it was wrong or not doesn't change how it has made burtsbees feel. They need to work through this together with some very honest communication about how burtsbees feels and also about how her boyfriend feels, both about her and about her friends. The only way burtsbees is going to understand where her boyfriend is coming from is by talking about it with him, no matter how many times people here try to explain that there is often a difference between who a guy masturbates to and who he wants to be involved with.

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

Terrell

I'm also curious as to why the OP was going through her boyfriend's porn folder? Aren't there some zones of privacy, even for people in relationships? I would think that going through a guy's porn folder, unless he has previously said it's okay to do so, would be comparble to a guy going through a lady's most personal and private spaces, unless she previously said it was okay to do so.

As many of the guys have said, we do think about most of the women that we see sexually, except for the ones that we think are unattractive, on some level. That doesn't necessarily mean downloading their photos into our "wanking material" folder.

Now I do think that a guy should make an effort not to rub her face into it (on a PC that would be putting it on the desktop, or some place on the PC where she's likely to stumble across it without looking for it or making a conscuous effort to find it, rather than in a folder that is out of sight), but on the same token, the lady shouldn't be rummaging through his files to find it. This also applies to porn on DVD or VHS, (in a case where the man and lady are living together) he should keep it out of her sight (and not being so carless as to leave it in the player) and she shouldn't go out of her way to look for it.

Even in a relationship there should be some zones of privacy, that the partner doesn't intrude upon, unless the other person offers permission for it. (it's inapropriate to ask in my opinion).

MrFriendly

Analog You do make a point that this could be one double stand that might not work, even though I and one of other male have stated that if this was a direct role reversal, we'd be pissed off.

So, I'll throw this question out to the guys. If you walked into a room to find one of your best male friends whacking of to a photo of your girlfriend or sister, how would you react?

Here's another question for the guys. We're visual creatures when it comes to sex, especially wanking. That's ok. Now say you are having a fantasy about your so's friends, so you download some pics. How much effort do you go to to make sure your SO never finds them, and would you want her friends to find out what you're doing? If you're going to good lengths to keep in secret, why is that?

Seriously ask yourself those questions.

Like I and others have said, fantasizing is fine, we all do it, it's natural. But I just think the pics thing is totally bad etiquette.

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You are not a slave

Terrell

In reply to Mr. Friendly on how much effort is taken to keep SO from finding porn.

My computer porn is on a separate external hard drive. If I had a live in girlfriend or wife, I would remove said drive while not using it and put it somewhere she really doesn't have a reason to look. The chances of her accidently stumbling on said porn by mistake are exactly zero (none of it is on my main hard drive). If she were to find it it's because she deliberately went looking for it.

My girlie magazines, as well as my VHS/DVD porn are put out of sight. If you're not going through drawers, or cabinets you're not going to find pornographic videos/DVDs. In addition my regular videos/DVDs, are kept seperate from my pornographic videos/DVDs. So if someone visits me and wants to watch a DVD, they can see where the regular DVD's are without having to open any doors/draws (though you do have to open a glass door to actually get them). My regular VHS tapes though do require that you open a door (at the bottom of my entertainment center) that is below the DVD's.

Generally if you've ever watched one of my regular DVD/VHS movies, you would know exactly where they are when you want to watch one, there aren't any reasons to go looking elsewhere for them.

ItWasMe

I feel silly pointing out the obvious, but it's VERY easy to accidentally run across something like that. I recently ran across an old 'home video' that I forgot existed (and I so hope the kids didn't find it too) even though I thought it was well hidden. Heck, it was even in a "hidden" folder that was in another "hidden" folder.

...Even if you have a folder address such as "c:/mystuff/my private stuff/don't go here/really serious dont go here/you have been warned/soandsos-naked-pic.jpg" ...

If you save an internet photo into that folder (on my pc anyway)...when the next person tries to save an internet photo, it will automatically suggest saving into that folder, and show you the file names in that folder. And sometimes it shows thumbnails of everything in that folder. And if the next person has a browser open to look for *their own* file somewhere and hits file/browse...it's going to suggest the last folder that something was saved to, as well as show you what is there. My graphics program works the same way.

I'm not saying this is how she found the picture. I have no idea how she did. But before shaking my finger at her, I'll remember how many times I've had to move the milk to get to the ketchup in my own fridge.

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . .


"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

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Terrell

Note my above post about how my computer porn is arranged. It's not on C drive at all, it's on my removable drive. If I had a live in girlfriend, I would remove said drive whenever I wasn't using it and put it into a private place. So in my case it's IMPOSSIBLE for her to acidentally stumble on porn, unless she goes and looks for the drive, finds it, hooks it up to the computer, and opens said drive. In which case she would have taken 4 affirmative steps to find my porn folder, and would not be able to say that she stumbled onto it.

Labelling a folder as private stuff or porn folder, should give a strong enough message not to go into it. It's clear and to the point. If that is the case. In addition she did say in the OP that she was looking into her boyfriend's porn folder. She didn't say that she stumbled across the porn folder by accident. Calling her actions "looking for trouble" is reasonable based on how she described it. (If you're going into something you KNOW is a porn folder, I really don't think you have much cause to be angry if you find adults that your SO finds arousing in said folder, even if you don't approve of his choice in adults, children would be another matter entirely.)

Edit: In my reply I forgot to address one of your points about the hidden folder within another hidden folder. While you could see the folder name, and the files of a similiar type to the one that is being saved, you cannot see what the files actually have in them. (you could see what the photos are saved as, but it doesn't really tell you the contents of said photos, unless they are titled, based on their contents). Of course if you have issues with "private stuff" being seen by people you don't want to see it on a shared computer, my method makes it impossible for that to happen accidently) If I were to remove my external hard drive (or simply turn it off), after saving a porn pic, and someone else were to come to my computer wanting to save a non porn pic, it wouldn't go automatically into my porn folder, because the external hard drive is unavailable unless it's both hooked up and turned on.

SecretMethod70

I'd close the door, and hope he didn't notice that I walked in (saving him the embarrassment of being walked in on). Then I'd chuckle and be happy he finds my g/f attractive. Why should I be upset that my friends think I have an attractive girlfriend? Seems the only way to avoid that is to only date people who are particularly unattractive.

I think I'd probably just ask my g/f if she'd mind first (note: that's because I'm pretty positive she wouldn't - it's easy to ask something when you know the answer will be in your favor). As for her friends finding out, that depends on the friend. A lot of people have a bunch of unreasonable hangups and expectations regarding sexuality, so it depends on the person.

I'm not saying everyone should ask their significant other whether or not it's ok to masturbate to their friends, because for most people that's not something that can be casually discussed. The only way to get to that point is through a lot of communication and openness.

And, Terrel, why go to such lengths to hide your porn? If you don't want your significant other looking at it, just say "This is my porn. I'd appreciate it if you didn't look at it without me, because I'd like to preserve that personal space."

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

Terrell

What you mention is the ideal solution. However, some women are highly offended by porn, and will want to argue about it. What it does, is that it takes away any possibility about her "accidently" finding it. I would have made an effort to keep it out of her sight, and freed up more space on my C drive for non-pornographic applications. I would strongly prefer not to have such a woman as a significant other, but sometimes said woman has other redeeming qualities that more than make up for this view of porn.

Glory's Sun

Actually, no I wouldn't be pissed off, it would be pretty hot and I'd understand it was just a fantasy. Fantasies happen, they happen constantly. Women fantasize about their bosses, co-workers, men in power positions etc. Why would I get pissed if my wife was <b>only masturbating</b> to a pic of my friend?? Big fucking deal. She's actually fucking me.. and enhancing her own sexuality by using her imagination and fantasizing.

I would laugh my ass off at him and tease the shit out of him. I know my wife is hot.. she's bangin hot.. so I know that guys/girls are going to toss one while thinking about her.. it doesn't' hurt my ego.. it only enhances it. I get to say "Yeah my wife is fucking hot and you wish you could have it".

The only thing I would ever get pissed at is when it comes to my daughter but I know that when she's old enough things will happen and that it's a normal fact of life and there's nothing I can do to change that.

vanblah

Although this is a little off-topic I find it most interesting that people feel the need to "hide" their porn. Is it to save your SO from being upset over it? Or is it because you are embarrassed about it? Either way it's deceptive and probably not the most healthy expression of sexuality. My wife is well-aware of the porn on my computer. There's not much there anyway ... why waste hard-drive space when it's everywhere on the net?

I don't think I could say anything else other than if it really bothers the original poster that she should talk with her boyfriend about it (which apparently she is doing). As to whether it's right or wrong I can only offer that I don't think it's too abnormal ... but that is MY opinion; you have to find your way to your own opinion on the matter.

Have I found friends of my wife physically attractive? Yep. Have I fantasized about having sex with her friends? You bet. Have I told her about these fantasies? Yes. Does it freak her out? No. Are the roles reversed (ie, she finds some of my my friends attractive)? Yep. Does she fantasize about sex with them? Yep. Has she told me about it? Yep.

Plan9

I'm sure its been done... probably excessively... but the thread about the necessity of a huge porn stash needs to be thrown in here, I figure.

External hard drive? DVD? VHS? Magazines?

Jesus, are you people single or what?

Who's getting real sex? Who needs to supplement it so much as to have a porn library?

I'm a guy. I'm single. I look at the intarweb porn. If I was in a relationship... I would consult it much less as my member would be occupied by another human being instead of myself.

Thats how my marriage was, anyway.

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mixedmedia

I still think this was categorically wrong. On many levels. I like pornography. I give my boyfriend pornography. I encourage masturbation and fantasy. But I would be offended if I found that he was masturbating to pictures he had secretly copied off of my friends' web sites. Sorry, it's just wrong. Not only would be it be disrespectful to me, to our relationship and to my friends, but I think it would betray a lack of judgment and character that I would find to be very dismaying. An occasional fantasy is one thing and it wouldn't bother me to know that he fantasized about them occasionally, but the copying of the pictures and keeping them adds an "ick" element to it that would set off some big-time red flags for me. But that's just me...granted.

There should be, running through the dealings of any mature mind, the concepts of respect and appropriate behavior. I don't see masturbation and fantasy as an "anything goes" endeavor. One can be sexually open and adventurous and still have a sense of propriety. This situation shows a distinct lack of propriety, in my opinion.

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PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Jinn

Most of the women in this thread have made a very distinct distinction between "random women" and "my friends" and I'm not sure why there's a distinction between them.

I'm not picking on you MM, you're just the last one to make the line explicit:

So you like pictures of random naked men and women. You give your boyfriend pictures of random naked women. You encourage him to masturbate to said pictures of random naked women. But you'd be offended if you found he was masturbating to pictures of a SPECIFIC naked woman that you know?

Why the divide?

A naked woman is a naked woman, whether you know them or not. I really don't see why you need to differentiate.

My hypothesis is that anyone freaked out by naked friend instead of naked random person is (in reality) insecure about their appearance and afraid that their SO will leave them for their friends. The reason it is "freaky" with friends and not random strangers is their proximity; the 'threat' of them leaving you for the other person is presumably higher, because they actually have geographical access to the person?

The only problem with that presumption is that it's a stupid one. If someone is going to cheat on you, they're going to do it regardless of physical distance. Sure, their proximity might increase the likelihood - but if you're really worried by that increase of probability, then you have other issues to deal with (like that either (a) you don't really trust your SO or (b) your SO is a cheater).

To further add; if I'm going to be downloading pictures of naked women, there isn't a hesitation in my mind - "oh, I know this person. it'd be weird for me to do this." Why is there for you (or women, in a generalized sense)?

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mixedmedia

Uh no, I think you presume a lot to make your point. I'm very secure about my appearance and I'm not afraid of losing my boyfriend. I stated very clearly what my opposition to it was and you just ignored it.

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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Jinn

So your reason is that "Not only would be it be disrespectful to me, to our relationship and to my friends, but I think it would betray a lack of judgment and character that I would find to be very dismaying."

I ignored it because it didn't make sense to me. Perhaps you could clarify?

What is inherently 'disrespectful' about him downloading pictures of naked women you know as opposed to naked women you do not know?

What 'lack of judgment' is displayed? What would he judging incorrectly? Your reaction?

How is him downloading naked pictures of women you know a demonstration of lack of character whereas downloading naked pictures of women you don't know isn't?

And as a side note, I wasn't referring to you directly in my hypothesis of poor self-confidence. My experience with you has been the opposite, but I think you're an exception to the otherwise widespread and sad prevalence of poor self-esteem in young women. The fact that you're comfortable with mainstream porn is demonstrative of your elevated confidence level, I'm just not sure why people you know are somehow off-limits.

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Jetée

I think most everyone, if not all, is in agreement that this was an insensitive, stupid, and creepy thing for the OP's boyfiend to do. No one is arguing that opinion anymore. We are now delving deeper into the heart of the problem that lies within the initial and subsequent reactions to the incident, and also the entire relationship in question. There are many problems that lie beyond what one initially perceives as the "bonehead boyfriend move".
There is also a communication barrier, along with insecurity issues among both parties. I also see a radical perspetive put forth by a majority of the female posters that they would be deeply hurt and be quick to "dump him" if this ever occurred to them. I can see the emotional appeal, but I cannot firmly grasp the rationale behind it. Personal space is one thing, intentions are another. Unless we are to hear directly from the boyfriend about why he had the said pictures "seemingly misplaced" in an area primarily dedicated to "depections of erotic and sexual fantasies for use thereof", we cannot unjustly condemn him for doing a natural tendency for all human beings.
Aside from the already overly-stated fact that it would be troublesome and creepy to have pictures of his significant other's friends, it was just a lapse in male sensitivity to such matters (which are not ingrained in our minds from birth, mind you )

We falter at times to assess the feelings of others in a selfish quest to get ours, but the way I see it, it was a minor fault on his part that devastated a worn-armor of insecurities on hers. Perhaps in time, the communication and self-esteem will be elevated to a point where both parties can collaborate on depend on the other for support.

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As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.

—Mohandas K. Gandhi

snowy

The fact is, people who look at porn are unlikely to meet the actual people in the porn unless they actively go out and try to do so (by attending adult entertainment expos or whatever), but if a guy is looking at his girl's friends--those are women he knows. He has met them, he probably sees them every so often, etc. That's totally different. Porn is well within the realm of healthy fantasy, but looking at your girlfriend's friends is not, just because of that very key difference--porn stars are strangers. These women were not strangers to this man.

To me, it's offensive, because there is plenty of porn out there to be had--a guy doesn't need to be whacking off to his girl's friends.

But this whole relationship sounded like it needed some communication work anyways--lesson learned here: don't snoop but rather encourage clear communication SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO SNOOP. Ta-da.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Jinn

I am. I don't see any malicious intent on his part in downloading the pictures and placing in the same place as other pictures. He didn't say "hey honey, I'm masturbating to pictures of your friends." That'd be malicious, creepy, and insensitive. If he had simply downloaded these pictures and placed them in his "My Documents" or "My Pictures" folders, would the OP have even second-guessed it? His only lapse was a lapse in judgement, realizing that she'd overract to his placement more than his intent. I do not believe he intended to hurt her, nor do I believe that he did anything wrong. She did, by snooping in his porn folder. Even if it was within the relationship boundaries to do so, I don't think she has the right to be upset by whatever she finds in there.

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

mixedmedia

1. These women were not naked. They hadn't posted pictures of themselves naked on the internet for people to masturbate to. If I happened to have friends in the porn industry who have pictures on the internet then that might be different, although, I would much prefer he masturbate to pictures of women that we don't know. Just as I know for a fact that he would not like for me to masturbate to pictures of other men that he knows. I don't think it necessarily denotes a lack of security. I think it denotes a sense of propriety and appropriate behavior.

2. For me, in my opinion, it shows poor judgment and character to download pictures of women that you know and who are friends of your SO and keep them for masturbation. This is my opinion.

3. He's judging incorrectly the priorities of behaving responsibly and procuring material to masturbate with.

4. I am not a young woman.

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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Jinn

So where do you draw the line, then? It seems inexplicably complex. Is a man allowed to 'fantasize' about a woman he met at a bar? He's seen her in real life, he could probably see her again - they're even a woman "he knows." Is this too close to home? What about a coworker? A cashier at the local supermarket? The next-door neighbor?

How far separated do they have to be before you draw the line? To me, it seems like an unnecessarily complex rule set for (by all appearances) no real benefit.

Bottom line, I don't how you can expect another person (particularly another male person) to have the same expectations of "distance" and somehow think that "oh, I can't masturbate thinking of this person, I see them too often."

Is this an issue to other women? I again do not see a difference between masturbating to clothed or unclothed women. Does being naked make them sexual objects, and being clothed makes them a person? You can only be masturbated to if you advertise your sexuality? If your friends were posting topless pictures on their mySpace, would it suddenly be OK for your boyfriend to masturbate to them, because they've advertised their sex-object status?

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

ruggerp11

ok there is a bottom line here a lowest common denominator if you will.

He thinks about her friends when hes all hot and bothered. ok, this isn't the best but it happens sometimes I'm guessing on both sides.

He surfed to her friends Myspace pages, made an effort to save said pictures to his hard drive for future use.

Over the line.

Its one thing to have a passing thought about someone when you're in the moment or feeling frisky but to make an effort doing something you know you would not like done to you? Over the line.

Now its between the OP and her BF as far as the consequences go but he did something he knew would hurt his GF of 2 years.

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--Mark Twain
Do What makes you happy
--Me
BUT!
"Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu