pan6467

In high school when I was a kid we didn't think anything of a senior (usually 18) dating a sophomore or junior (now a senior guy dating a freshman girl was kind of looked down upon but not that badly). Hell, there were junior, senior girls in school dating college guys, and we didn't really think much other than the girl was a slut. And things were completely different for the girls, a senior girl could date a freshman guy no problem, or a guy could date a girl in college and be envied.

I have dated women older and younger and as long as we can relate and have fun and enjoy the same things it never mattered.

My first wife was 12 years younger, LadySage is 10 years younger.

First wife was a bitch and left me for a woman. LadySage and I get along pretty well.

__________________
I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

Cervantes

Old or young, I don't really have a problem with it as long as they are mature about it.

Only time I cringe about age is if one of the parts are underage, otherwise I'm of the mentality: "each to his/her own". If both partners are happy then who am I to judge their relationship.

__________________
- "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.."
- "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong."
- "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

monkey baby

Hmm, I think that as long as the two of you don't have a problem with it then you will be fine. I think it depends on the type of relationship you have. I am 11 years older than my boyfriend; with me, I was more shocked with his age when we first got together and felt a little "creepy". He assured me that age was just a number and didn't matter. My family and friends made the little snide remarks and things, but I just ignored them. For him, he became a little more concerned when we got more serious and his family kept telling him that I was a phase. We even broke up over it for a little bit.
We have been together for a year now and have BOTH gown up a lot. I feel that women are looked down upon more for dating younger men. The only difference that should matter at all is if the couple wants children. Men can keep producing children well into their 80's where women have a much shorted time frame. This has been a concern of mine due to the fact that I am 32 and don't want to rush my s/o into anything he is not ready for yet.
We deal and things are great between us.

Anyway, people should just stop criticizing others and work on themselves for a change. Don't worry what others think and all will be well.

fooie

Bogart and Bacall. Wow.

charlie manson

i am 50 and my wife is 26. i dont want a wrinkly old lady. i want a tight young one.

MSD

Creepy username/post combo of the year right here, folks.

Baraka_Guru

Shh.... I'm trying to get a visual. You're scaring it way....

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Plan9

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ring

Agreed. I think one of Honesty's comes in a close second, though.

Creepy is as creepy does.
There are too many variables dealing with an age difference to make a definitive statement as to yay or nay.

lostgirl

I used to only date older men, around 4 to 5 years older. I am currently dating a man 7 years younger, we have now been together 3 years, and fall more in love everyday. It's not perfect, and at first we had to get though a lot of crap to get to where we are now, but it was all worth it.

__________________
We're about to go through the crucible, but we'll come out the other side.
We always arise from our own ashes. Everything returns later in its changed form. - Children of Dune

Clide

This sounds incredible...woman older than man? Not seen so often

Shauk

so I'm 31 and this 27 year old thought I had some sort of complex that it would make me feel good to date a younger woman. I looked at her like she was out of her damned mind.

Yeah hey awesome, glad you're 27, I was just there in what seemed like months ago, ya know? besides I've had 20 year olds try to get up on my ass before so no, it's def not a trophy complex with me.

I just figure it's a maturity thing, if a 20 year old comes up to me and can discuss philosophic concepts with me, see the world in an aged way, and not mention their twilight addiction every 20 minutes, they might pass as being older, but most 20 year olds just make me want to take my head and jam it in a waffle press repeatedly.

GreyWolf

My wife plans to screw our pension plan by re-marrying a 20-yo when she's 112, then dying 2 years later and letting him live on half her pension (survivorship rights).

While I don't mind the idea of her doing this, I am somewhat concerned that she has completely written me out of the picture at some point before that. I am now watching what she cooks me VERRRRY carefully!

I had hoped to see a comment on this from Woody Allen, but it appears that he was too busy attending the birth of his next wife.

__________________
The secret to great marksmanship is deciding what the target was AFTER you've shot.

raging moderate

in 90% of cases, age is not a factor at all. other than legal issues, i see no big deal. ive dated older (up to 10 years) younger (up to five) and the only real benefit i see either way is that, the closer to age you are, in my experience, the closer you are in your life stage. if you are in the same life-stage at different ages, then go for it. what's the big deal anyway.

__________________

These are the good old days...



formerly Murp0434

Cuttlefish

The only "icky" thing in life is that it is short.
Age is only a number, love is everything and not everyone finds love in their life.
If you do, grab onto it and don't listen to narrow minded people.
I have seen many people of a similar age squabble every week and couples with a big difference in age enjoy every day.

Chumley

I think it's fine if two people are really attracted to each other, they should be free to do what they want. People can fall in love and there's nothing they can do about it. There's nothing inherently wrong with it per se - I would never go that far.

But there's lots of pitfalls, I feel, and I think it's harder to have a longterm healthy relationship (that meets my goals, anyway, i.e. partnership, equality, stability, mutual respect etc) if you are not in the same age range. Regardless of age, the tone of the relationship needs to be healthy, and Sweetpea points out one example where it probably isn't.

I am never comfortable when the tone is that of the older partner somehow being a parent figure for the younger. I feel the younger partner is in a situation where they're inhibited in their growth into a mature adult human being, because maybe the older partner is making more decisions. I had a gay friend who was in an unhealthy relationship like that - the older man liked that role, they met when my friend was young, but my friend realized eventually that he felt like a puppy or something, so he had to end the relationship, and it was hard at the time because he didn't have as much confidence as he does now.

I also worry that if two people are at the same maturity level but one is 40 and one 20, a) are they really perceiving things correctly, and b) if so, won't the 20-yr-old outgrow the 40 yr old, and mature more quickly. Sort of silly, I know maturity growth is not exactly linear, but I feel the odds are against you in that regards.

The other thing that can be unhealthy is older guys who only find themselves attracted to younger women. I have a single male friend in his mid-50's, and he does not pursue women in his age range. I think it's pretty immature, and yea a bit creepy, if the CRITERIA for even having a date is "I'm not going out with anyone over 45." That's when I start thinking maybe he ended up that old and single for a reason.

Overall, I find it way more natural and conducive to a long-term relationship if the couple is relatively close in age. In fact my wife is about 7 months older than me... but the point is, that wasn't really on purpose, you look for the connection between people.... it has to be there. The age really shouldn't be part of the criteria either way. And let me say, I don't mean to attack people who are in fact having these relationships. Please enjoy! You are the best judge of what's right for you.

CaliLivChick

Ex-husband is 65, I'm 31 (my dad is 60), and my ex-husband's new wife is 20. Do I win a prize? *bats eyelashes*

__________________
Don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die. Oh wait, that's me... nevermind... you can trust me.

The_Jazz

Yes, you win.

Call me to collect your prize.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

CaliLivChick

*picks up her phone and dials 1-800-THE-JAZZ* hi, Mr. Jazz? yeah, I'd like to collect my prize please. =)

__________________
Don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die. Oh wait, that's me... nevermind... you can trust me.

Cuttlefish

I'm 53 and my wife is 23 so maybe I get the prize. *No eyelids to bat*

CaliLivChick

Nope, i had 34 years, sorry. *puts on her soup nazi voice* no prize for you, come back, five years.

__________________
Don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die. Oh wait, that's me... nevermind... you can trust me.

Lindy

I'm 34, my guy is a few days shy of ten years older.
It seems like a lot when I think about it.
But not when I'm with him.

Lindy

TNJ4555

for me it would be any woman the same age or younger than my daughter
I'm 55
she's 24

(My girlfriend is 55 so no problem)

Idyllic

Age is only a problem when the younger one is 17 or younger, period. When a young girl or boy is initiated into the realms of sex at an age where he/she is not prepared to take the responsibility of life without the knowledge of living it outside of being some older creeps sexual object, then instead of creating a being who understands their own sexuality as theirs, you end up creating a sexuality that always seems to belong to someone else. Most girls of the age 17 and less are more then willing to try and make a man happy, it is what they are taught by society and the whole princess fairytale, young girls are vulnerable to older men, especially older men who know how to disguise abuse in "it feels good", once a girl turns 18, age no longer holds the stigma for me of abuse, but anything younger than 18, especially younger than 16 to me is ICK, unless we are talking of two 17 year olds, two 16 year olds or two 15 year olds etc.... When a human body is sexed, it is like turning on a switch that cannot be turned off, if that switch is activated at too young of an age the initiation of the sexual sensations elevate with age and distort the ownership of the physical awareness’ into it belonging to somebody other than its keeper. Instead of having sex because it feels good to you and the relationship feels right and loving, a young girl will have sex to fulfill that need that has been created from the inappropriate desire to feel that “good” again; the stimulation of sex becomes less of an owned experience of love and more a necessity of a “drugs” high as well as the need to “make” happy the other person more so than the "child".

Any person over the age of 18 who knowingly and willingly seeks out the attention of a child 16 years of age or younger is devoid of maturity and is a molester of innocence, it really is that simple. Any girl who seeks out the attentions of a man over 21 at the age of 16 or less has already been initiated into the realms of sexuality (in some form) and is seeking a fix for her body and/or mind and has grown to enjoy and hunger for the results of said attention, be it physical or mental, so all those of you who say it is o.k. for older man to have sex with a minor because people mature at different levels are simply making excuses for sexual abuse of minors, if the relationship is a valid one than the older person should allow the younger person to mature and develop a sexual identity of their own BEFORE they assume one for them. I am speaking only of minor ages here, 17, 16, 15 and younger. Once a person hits 18, (both physically and mentally) age no longer plays a role, but up to the age of 18, only those within the realm of minor age themselves should be sexual with other minor ages, period.

I understand there are many men who find young women attractive and desire that form of relationship, as long as the woman is 18 or older, I don’t care how old the man is, or vice versa, just so long as it is legal.

__________________
you can tell them all you want but it won't matter until they think it does

p.s. I contradict my contradictions, with or without intention, sometimes.

hapa

My younger sister is 17 and she is dating a guy that is 24. At first I felt pretty uncomfortable with the age difference (as did the rest of my family) even though my sister is known for being very mature for her age. It also didn't help that my boyfriend is younger than hers, and I'm four years older (I'm 21, he is 23).
However, after actually seeing them together I actually defend their age difference to everyone else. My sister and her boyfriend are probably 1 or 2 years apart in terms of their mental age.
Although I think it really is a case by case thing (as many people have said here ), it does get difficult trying to convince other people that the 7 year difference is not that big of a deal

Panopticon

I went back to school this past year and I felt a little weird when 18-19 year old college girls gave me a look.

I'm only 25, too.

I probably would have felt like a bit of a creep if I had pursued anything with any of those girls.

__________________
.:Panopticon:.

Magnolia

I dated a guy who was about 15 years older than me when I was 25 , I found it kinda hot at times , like oh yeah daddy give it to me hehehehe but Im also attracted to nerds, Im just attracted to who Im attracted to , I see someone and Im not wondering how old he is and yada yada Im just hoping he likes me back and he is single and doesnt have baggage or kids

Iliftrocks

Sounds like a silly-assed girl that you wouldn't want to date anyway. 4 years is nothing. She's probably still impressed with the things she and her friends did in high school.

__________________
bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

I_bleed_love

It all really depends. I mean if the young person is 22 years old then the older age doesn't really matter, unless the older person is like 90 years old. Of course, to each their own right?

JWG

tbh, the possible gap gets bigger the older you get. when you are 20, 7 years is quite a gap, so dating a 13 year old is a bit of a push. but I imagine when i'm 35, I could happily date someone who is 27. I reckon its because most people reach a point where they have matured enough to handle bigger age gaps.

As for waiting for someone to get older, i dunno if there is ever a point. if you are in to someone who is on the younger or older side you just gotta get over it if you can. i was with an 18 year old. I'm 23. she loved having someone with more experience take control, i found her enthusiasm great. I didnt expect to enjoy it as much but had a mad good time and would do it again. depending on the girl of course.

im new here by the way. hi!

vickisam

I am 43 and love men that are in their late 20's up to their early 50's. Hubby is a few years older than me. I think of you are comfortable, who cares. If your dad and his new wife are ok with it, you should embrace it. But if it falls apart, do not tell him "I told you so!"

V

__________________
I love my Nipple Rings and wear them often. I love MEN!

Strange Famous

Apologies if this has already been mentioned

But there IS an iron rule in regard to these matters

The youngest person it is acceptable to sleep with is half your age + 7

I'm 32, so the best I can get is a 23 year old. Thats all right.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

MSD

I know how you feel, I'm 26 and I work at a college.
If your concept of personal relationships involves math, you're doing it wrong. I'm amazed anyone sticks to that "rule" past high school.

Strange Famous

Its not my idea. As I said, its an iron rule

Of course to any rule there can be exceptions, but on the whole it works pretty well

For example, the youngest age you could date is 20. Doesnt that sound about right?

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

$eabas$

id say for teenagers, no more than a year, maybe 2 at very most and in your 20's, no more than 3 years

Greyfurgang

It all comes down to how old you are in the head.If someone else finds it creepy then they need to grow up. The biggest obstacle is interest and memories. If your older you have experienced most of what the other person has and more. This is remedied by bringing these things to the other persons attention. It goes the other way too. The younger person needs to educate the other in current pop culture that may be overlooked by them.

__________________


Some days it not even worth chewing through the restraints.

MSD

I know it's not your idea, I still think it's ridiculous. I'm 26, by that "rule" I should stick with 21 to 38. I'd be OK with 18 to around 45, but if I had to say I'm looking for a certain range, I'd go with 21 to 35. Anyone over 18 (age of consent for adults around here) with an adult of any age is fine with me, by then the chance of psychological harm from a big discrepancy is a thing of the past.
If you meet in high school, no problem. 18 and 14 is going to be a stretch because of the difference in maturity, but a senior and a freshman isn't going to raise any eyebrows. Met in college? sounds about right.

777

The largest extreme age difference I've seen is my mother's cousin (is he my cousin or uncle?), who is 20 years older than his wife. They've been married for 22 years now, he's in his 60s and she's hot at 40-ish, with 5 girls and a nice house in the hills.

__________________
"I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip."

Roger Zelazny

proplyd

I have generally associated with women slighly older than I am. Oddly, my companion now is 70, while I am 57. It works well with us. I have been with her for five years, and because I contacted MS and am now bedridden, am likely to stay with her for life.

Sex ended about two years ago, which suits us both. One of the dugs she takes suppresses her sex drive, and I am no longer able to perform that way. The hand still functions, but I do less of that as the years roll on.

She is probably the most intelligent person I have ever met, and certainly the best educated. A bachelore, two masters, and a doctorate. She's run the Lewis Walpole Rare Books library at Yale University for seven years, and is still probably number three in the world in her field, although she retired about three years ago. Her normal entertainment is opera and ballet, so I introduced her to football on TV. She asked about a ruling on one play, so I told her that she really needed to get herself an education.

Intelligence has always been more important to me than a woman's age. In her case, I am not sure why she hooked up with me. We knew even befpre our relationship started that I contracted MS and would become bedridden. We did have a common interest in wanting to write a fiction book on the same subject, which we have never done, but we get along. Her being excessively liberal isn't even much of a problem as I can always find a reason why her hero Obama is as defective as they get.

__________________
There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who do not.

Vaultboy

What I wonder is how would you react when your 18 year old daughter brings home a 36 year old boyfriend or older (possibly even your age - possibly even a guy you knew in school)? Would you still have a "as long as you're happy" response? Or would your creepy-sense start to tingle? The reality is that we live in social networks, with accepted norms. Sure, you can distance yourself from that network to an extent as an adult (especially in western culture), but once you have children you re-enter society. Apply your principle in a "my daughter" scenario for a check on consistency.

This is where the (x/2)+7 rule is useful. It accounts for the legal premise, but also safeguards societal norms.

__________________
"Failing tastes of bile and dog vomit. Pity any man that gets used to that taste."