MrFriendly

I've always found it interesting the looks I get when I hug my friends. My male friends that is. And interesting is the amount of people that assume we're gay, or that there's something going on.

But I don't hug just any one. These are all close friends, with whom I've been through a lot with. We've all seen each other at our very best, and at our very worst. The only real way I can describe how close I am to some of these people is that we love each other. Not in any erotic way, but in the sense that these are people I've shared some extraordinary experiences with, and they are the very proof of my being, the very evidence that at one point in this earths history, I existed, I walked the earth, and I was who I am. These are people I've chosen to give a great amount of time, energy, and emotional pain to.

As an acknowledgment of our past, as sign of our friendship, we hug.

We live in the 21st century now, the barriers and hang ups of old really have no place any more. I feel males should start to embrace the chance to show their mates a more feminine side, without being so insecure about their own sexuality. We hug our family, we hug our SO, why then, should blokes not be able to hug each other?

Those hang ups have no place in my life, and damn it, if you're someone I hold dear, you're getting a damn hug.

So what about you other guys here, do you hug your male friends, do you ever show signs of physical affection, do you ever let them know how much they mean to you, as a mate, and as a friend?

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Charlatan

With a name like Mr. Friendly, what are people expecting?

I don't have a problem hugging other guys. I do it frequently enough. That said, I don't generally initiate a hug. But that has nothing to do with guys... I don't initiate hugs with women either.

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Meditrina

We were at a wedding last night. At the end of the night the groom and best man hugged good bye. It was definitely filled with love. It was nice to see. Two best friends hugging, who cares what gender they are.

My husband starting joking how there should be a time limit on man hugs. Maybe he needs one.

I say hug all you want! It's a great way to show how you feel.

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healer

I've hugged guy friends. I don't do it all that often, but I have done it before. It really isn't a big deal. I'm the type of person who doesn't show emotion (to others) easily so it's something I would reserve for only the closest friends, and also only when the occasion calls for it.

Mostly, my friends and I do the handshake-one-handed-hug-half-shoulder thing, but even that's only when we haven't seen each other in a long time.

I don't feel like I'm missing anything by not hugging 'em.

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BBtB

I have no issues hugging a man. Though at the same time it should normally be around some sort of event. I mean if you just hug hello every day thats... odd. It should be noted that I generally hug female friends even less often, although I also just got out of a 3 year relationship with an extremly possive woman so that might be part of that.

Sorta on subject, last night I was at work and had a couple guys come in. Well dressed. Didn't think much of it but one man asked the other to scratch his back and... it was probably also how he did it but THAT seemed a little gay. I dunno. Maybe it was just a little to coupley or maybe I am homophobic. It should be noted that where I live gay couples are fairly common.

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shesus

I don't see an issue with it, but I don't see it very often either.

Generally, as mentioned above, I see the hand shake, one hand on the shoulder greeting.

I don't think it has anything to do with gender per se, although men aren't as in touch with showing affection as women as a rule. However, there are some women who don't like to be hugged either.

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kurty[B]

I hug my closest friends that I love like family, guy or girl. I hug girls more often, because I love the feel of breasts.

Willravel

And there we have it. This is the answer the the thread question. Sure hugging guys can seem gay to some people, but the only way it's actually gay is if the two men are gay. Express your affection.

But yeah, hug women more.

cadre

So I currently work part time with a good amount of men who all get along very well. One of my exes and one of his and my good friends works there too. My ex and this guy are unusually close but they hug all the time and I see no problem with it, I've seen them kiss each other on the cheeks too (they have an odd relationship).

Men hugging is no different to me than women hugging though, it's actually nice to see men who are comfortable with themselves.

I will say though that I am a woman and I never liked hugging people until I grew up and realized that there are people important to me and I should hug them.

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Lady Sage

I understand exactly what the OP means... He hugs people he considers his own special "Family". I do the same thing. If I dont accept you for one of my own? No huggies for you!

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Ourcrazymodern?

The feeling of being hugged is so wonderful, how could one not share it?

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Dilbert1234567

the last 4 months I've been buried with school, Friday i went to a party and saw some friends i haven't seen in a while. the length of the hug is directly proportionals with how much they've had to drink.

it's not 'gay' nothing wrong with it at all. but most guys are afraid to, so it takes more booze to get the job done.

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abaya

Hmm, I'm a woman and I'm really not much of a everyday hugger, to anyone of any gender, other than my husband of course... he gets more hugs per capita than anyone I know. Hehe.

Now, if I haven't seen someone for a long time, of course that deserves a hug (likewise if I won't be seeing someone for a long time). But friends/relatives, on a daily basis? Naah. Maybe with my parents, we used to hug a lot when I was younger... but less as I grew up.

I am a fan of strong, meaningful handshakes, to show that I really am glad to see someone. And I do like to touch people on the arm, on the shoulder, etc. as a gesture of intimacy (if I am walking behind them or passing their work station), but not hugging. I don't think that's a gender thing... is it?

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World's King

I'm Italian...

We hug and kiss each other on the cheek.



And I actually kiss most of my female friends on the lips when we say hello.

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Borla

I have certain friends who are very "huggy". I'm not a person who hugs a lot, but I do hug my friends who initiate it. I don't find anything gay about it, most of us have wives, lol.

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longbough

I kiss my Romanian male friends on both cheeks.
I don't hesitate to hug my best friend ... heck, I even say, "I love you, man." on occasion.

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MexicanOnABike

haha! OP sounds like J.D from scrubs.

I only hug my gf. the most I do with anyone is a handshake. If I had more hot woman friends, I'd be more interested in giving hugs. but I was never a really touchy person.

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MrFriendly

Nice to see a lot of people appreciate a good hug.

I should mention, it's not like I hug them every day. But the thing is, I don't really see my friends all that often. I only have a few very close friends that live in my city, and I only see them once or twice a week. All my other close friends are scattered across the country.

But even when we were all in the same city and we'd catch up for drinks or whatever, this particular group of people were always very physically affectionate.

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Carno

What does hugging have to do with a "feminine side"? Is hugging feminine?

Why do you think hang ups and barriers of old have no place anymore? Why do you think they are "of old"? Males hugging each other is nothing new. Why do you think it is?

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Charlatan

I don't know Carno... why don't you tell us?

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MrFriendly

Well, it's still not widely accepted by many people in my country, and I've been to many places in the US that seem to still harbor a very psychotic paranoid homophobia. Also, guys in general aren't always the best at communicating their feelings.

I say feminine side because in my experience it is something female friends do all the time and no one thinks anything of it. Yet it's something you rarely see males do.

The hangups of old I'm referring to are the rigid rules and ideas of gender rolls and sexuality. You must be straight, a women must cook and clean, and man must work and provide. Unfortunately, I live in a country whose old and out of touch prime minister would love to see a return to the 50's where homosexuality was taboo, women stayed home and raised the kids, and men were more or less the entire work force.

You're right to question my comment, I still believe those hang ups still exist. As a generation Y, I take far too many freedoms for granted and don't even think twice of it. But the older generation grew up in a very different time when what is social acceptable, especially between males, was much more rigidly defined.

And for what it's worth, I grew up in a Catholic family, my old man was quite a devote and religious man, and still is, but he's always accept us for who we are. I've always been raised with the idea that you can be who you want, and as long as that's what you believe, that shit will fly. Unfortunately, there are still a lot of people who seem too scared to break away from the imposed norm.

I can only comment on the experiences of where I'm from, and what I've seen.

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pig

yeah, it's kind of like king said: i'm of irish decent...did you ever seen braveheart? it's a good bear hug to some of my oldest friends, male or female. of course, i might lift the female ones off the ground...which i won't typically do with dudes. dilbert also has a correct observation in my experience...everyone hugs when they're fucked up. i don't really just hug my male friends hello...frequently a handshake or the old hand shake/one arm hug. it's situational, i suppose.

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spectre

I hug friends and family, and don't see why people get so insecure about it, it seems kind of silly to. I tend to hug women more because I know it makes a lot of guys uncomfortable.

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Carno

Uh, one generally asks questions to learn something they didn't know before. That's why I asked him.

Hmm, I've never run into a guy who was afraid or embarassed to hug, but then again I'm not a touchy-feely person, so I don't generally go around hugging lots of guys. I usually don't hug friends unless I haven't seen them in a long time or won't see them for a long time. I don't mind hugging anyone (as long as I know them well enough), but I like to do it sparingly. I'm just not a really touchy person. I prefer to show my affection in non-physical ways.

I don't really have any use for gender roles and other such nonsense either. I guess it will continue to be the norm until more old people start dying off and the younger generation's world view will become the new norm.

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Baraka_Guru

This is only an issue for those who actually think being gay is a bad thing... I'm not sure if I would mind if people were to think I'm gay. It's not like I'm looking for a relationship or anything; I'm engaged.

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tenniels

Yea for males that can hug!!! I think it's a great way to show people that you care for them, miss them, love them, appreciate them, etc. I think hugs make people happy, whether between males and females, females and females, or males and males. I especially love a big hug from one of my dogs, nothing beats that!!

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jth

I don't mind hugging my close friends when I see them. However it depends a great deal on their own personality. My closest friend I hardly get to see anymore, maybe once a year or two since we do not live in the same country and when I am back in Canada we are not in the same cities as we both move around a lot for our careers. When we do finally meet up it is a very strong hug filled with emotion, we're very close. Even picking him up off the ground. Again, he is an affectionate person and very empathic, plus we go sometimes years without seeing each other and we might as well be brothers.

Other friends of mine we will share a strong hand shake and one of those "man hugs" pressing of shoulder, slap on the back sort of thing. That is quite common, again because we do not see each other. This is most common between my friends from back home. I don't have any close friends here that I would consider close enough to Hug.

I find a Handshake to be just as effective to show respect and strength between men in a friendship. I have a formal/professional shake and I have a shake for meeting people and then I have a shake for my friends. They are various degrees of strength, eye contact and length. That sounds much more calculated then it really is but that's really what it comes down to.

Speaking of Brothers, my Brother and I are fairly close. However he's not an affectionate person and I don't ever remember Hugging him once in my entire life with the only exception of hugging him after his wedding which I was the Best Man. It's not needed between us, a hand shake time to time if we've been separated for a long period. He just doesn't like to be touched except by his Wife and even then I don't think he's comfortable with that in public.

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Toaster126

I'm a touchy-feely type person, but I hug women much much more than I hug men. Male hugs, as previously mentioned, are usually the handshake-into-one-armed-hugs, but I don't have a problem with two guys hugging.

A man hugging another man isn't gay or feminine in any way.

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xepherys

I don't have a problem with it. I don't see my best friend very often... when I do, we often hug/handshake, kind of at the same time. In MANY cultures (maybe most), there's nothing wrong with men hugging. Much of Europe sees it as a common thing. Hell, in a lot of countries men holding hands is not abnormal or homosexually erotic.

As for "hang ups of old", they're really rather new hang ups. Like decades old at the most. In the 60s and 70s, obviously this wasn't a problem. In the 40s and 50s it may have been slightly less common, but even looking at old Hollywood movies and such, it wasn't that odd back in the 20s and 30s even. Before that, we were more like Europeans, less homophobic and more open to people in general. We being those cultures who seem to have such issues today.

As for the femininity of hugging... that's a general response regarding emotions. I do believe, and please correct me if I'm wrong, that languages which express gender onto nouns generally express a female gender on affections. Even the ancients put goddesses in domain of love and affection, and men in domain of war. I think it's part of the human psyche in many ways, and also likely directed by biochemical makeup, especially in hormones that humans express themselves that way, and less due to culture like some suggest. Probably a mixture of both... *shrug*

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Jinn

Sometimes I'll opt for the man hug (hands clasped between, hug and slap back) if I think they'll be uncomfortable. but I really don't have a problem hugging other men.

I love hugs in general.

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kelkel

My husband hugs his mates often, but it varies from person to person. Some people just aren't the touchy-feely type.

What really disappoints me is when I see men who are too homophobic to be affectionate with their own sons.

Redlemon

I'm a big-time hugger. It really depends on the person who I am considering hugging, however - some people are more touch-adverse than others, and that has to be monitored when attempting a hug.

Actually, as I think about it more, as a guy it is often easier to hug another guy -- because they know it is not sexual.

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robot_parade

Another vote for male hugs from me - I'm male, and hug my guy friends all the time.

About the breasts - like others have noted, hugging a girl gets much more contact with her breasts than would be socially acceptable in other circumstances, and I too enjoy it. However, I try not to over-do it (I only hug girls/women I'm 'close' to, since I don't want to be the creepy guy feeling up every girl in sight). How do the ladies feel about the whole 'breasts-against-chest' thing during hugs?

Or should I just start another thread for this topic?

tenniels

So funny you would mention that robot_parade. When I was just getting boobs, I was so self conscious, when I hugged my mum, I did this kinda arm hug, no body contact, everyone made fun of me for it, still to this day! It's like, oh remember when you wouldn't hug... HAHA! Anyways, now I don't even think about it. Unless I am wanting some sex from a guy, then it might be a turn on, but when I'm just hugging someone, it's just any old body part.

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Logarithm

I agree with Redlemon. A alot of my girl friends are really timid and I can tell theyre uncomfortable hugging, so I hardly ever initiate a hug with them. I hug my guy friends all the time, though.

stevie667

I'm all for male hugging, me and my friends usually go completly overboard bear hug stylee.

There does seem to be a correlation between the hug given and the length of time apart and type of friend.

My friend in the army who i rarely see (but have been through a fair bit) gets a socking great big hug, as does my best mate when i see him (also rarely these days). Other friends get, as jth said, the 'man hug' of slapping backs.

The average male hug in my friendship circles seems to entail a much deeper bond than the hugs that go around in my g/f's circles with her female friends for instance. I guess there is that extra bit of anti-touchy feely that most guys have which stops hugging except with good friends. That and my friends are quite possibly the most homosexual straight people in existance, your just as likely to get a squeeze on the ass as a hug, so frak knows.

...I feel a psychological study coming on...

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analog

A lot of guys in this country have started doing the handshake-into-one-armed-hug thing.

It seems like the more severe the situation is, the more the hug is socially warranted (in this country). I've been to a funeral for a firefighter recently (not lost on duty, lost during retirement due to damage received during duty)... you better believe there was some hugging going on. I don't know if anyone beats a room full of firefighters on macho posturing, but no one in my experience is as close in brotherhood, either (probably members of the armed forces).

Anyway, as this guy i once knew said, "men can hug. Sure. But when you're hugging another man, you always do that back-thumping with a tightened fist, or back-slapping with an open hand. It's a manly way to hug because it's like... 'yeah, i'm huggin' ya- but i'm hittin' ya' "

I don't know if it still cracks me up more because it just sounds funny, or because he was half-serious when he said it.

Plan9

There are a lot of hugs among the ranks of badasses in the Army.

Being a man means showing your brothers you care without words.

I suck at words anyway. I'd rather give the joker a big hug.

"Don't you go 'n get no unnatural holes blown in your ass now, bro."

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little_tippler

I love hugs and need them sometimes...funnily though I'm not a touchy person and don't like insincere hugs...I hope you know what I mean. All my hugs are genuine

I think boys should be able to hug each other...poor guys, hugs are lovely things, I think they're no getting enough of the wonderful things...

I think guys should hug more. To hell with convention and other peoples' opinions!

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