ruggerp11

Like the title says exactly how important is sexual intimacy in your relationship?

Things here come into question. Frequency, performance (on both sides), interests, experience, etc.

Pretty vague of a question, but I think it begs asking. In this place here with its wide cross-section of the world populous it def begs asking.


I try and make it as simple as possible. I can't connect to someone mentally and emotionally without connecting with them physically. Not if I want to be with them in a romantic way. Otherwise they're friends. Pure and simple. Not always, well never, with emotion but as close as you can get to simple when the hearts involved.

For me the blurred line becomes worse when you look at it through the mirror. It's a lot easier to connect physically without the other two. I don't know if thats the primal urge to spread my seed speaking through my penis but its true.

What about you!?

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little_tippler

I have had problems in my sex life while in serious relationships and I have tried to kid myself it shouldn't be that important. But it is - at least to me.

If your sex life isn't going well, then your relationship can't be well either.

balanced sexual intimacy and the ability to communicate effectively with your partner, to me, go hand in hand.

I personally can't connect to someone physically if the emotional side isn't there - when that happens, I just feel empty at the end. I don't find any enjoyment in it so why bother?

I feel that I am able to connect to someone "romantically" even if the physical side isn't entirely there. But I'll tell you one thing, I need an o0rgasm every now and then, otherwise I just start to doubt everything. Sadly, I am not one of those very mature people who can affirm with great conviction that the big "O" isn't everything. It may not be everything, but it sure is fucking nice and sometimes I wish I was a guy as they seem to have an easier time (generally) in getting one.

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mixedmedia

It is very important. Critical. Mutual respect and commitment to a healthy, productive relationship are the only things to trump it. Yet, they are also tied together and rely on each other.

I have been in relationships that were unhealthy in one or another of these aspects and it eventually affected all three.

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hagatha

I'm a big fan of intimacy and agree with the posts thus far that if it isn't there it just isn't a healthy relationship. I've been with men where the sex was great but emotionally they were cold and unfeeling. I think your body reacts to that too, you end up feeling like crap even if you've had multiple orgasms.
Sex without intimacy is for pickups, not lovers.

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Push-Pull

Yup! The rose colored glasses are much easier to put on when I'm getting some. And the quality makes a difference. A huge difference.

The wife has some medical/pain issues that are affecting our sex life. She is trying, but between that and the common "men want it too much, women don't need it as often." thing, it's gone downhill as far as quality goes. Don't get me wrong, to a starving man, a saltine cracker looks mighty good, but feed him a couple hundred saltines, he'll start asking for sandwiches.

In my opinion, a man has an instinctual need to feel virile and desired sexually. It's simply the way we are wired, and I don't understand why that gets questioned.

I've tried many times, in many different ways, to tell her that what she's doing is helping, but I still need a good old sweaty, back-arching, holy-shit-what-was that kind of fucking now and then. I'm holding out hope that her back surgery will help with that once it heals up.

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FallenAvatar

As stated before. There is sexual intimacy and mental intimacy. In my relationship both are visible. We can be around each other and enjoy talking and spending time with each other. We are willing to react to each others feelings and willing to tell one another when something is unapproved of.

Frequency, well whenever we feel like it honestly. Anywhere from a couple times a week to three times a day.

Performance, it is important that each of us know what we are doing and I think in the performance section it is important to understand what the other person likes and wants, and that can really only be learned two ways. One communication. Two practice.

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xepherys

Everything above me sounds about right. Sexual intimacy is a driving factor in my relationship. I love my wife, and I love to make love to my wife. Without the love, the sex is just sex. Without the sex, the love is just love. It's the two together that make it a romantic relationship. I couldn't be married to anyone I didn't have both of those with.

After our son was born, her hormones did their thing, and even that amount of time put a dent in our moods toward each other because the physical half of our relationship was in the hole (hmmm, bad pun). But, a good emotional relationship will allow for time for the physical part to get right.

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analog

It's not the "most important" thing in a relationship, but it's one of the things that's mandatory. There are tons of women out there with a great sexual appetite, and I'm not getting with one who's sexually anorexic.

Saint

Honestly I can hardly care, as long as there IS some regular sexual intimacy. (I say this now... though when I'm horny I swear Mr. Brain works differently. Or not at all.)

I'm much more needy in the emotional (but still physical) intimacy. Is it bad if I look forward to the cuddling after sex?

cyklone

I think you must have been reading my mail. I'm with little-tippler on this, all the way. I have noticed that a couple's sex life seems to be the barometer of their relationship, not that having more sex makes it better, but when there is none, there is something going very wrong in the relationship. Normally around the emotional communication stuff, and if one person has physical difficulties, we all know there is more than one way of getting off.
I've been down the track of being in a relationship with a "sexual anorexic" myself and as with little-tippler, no matter how much you try and fool yourself, you eventually realise you are doing just that.
And being a guy may mean you have an easier time getting an orgasm, but I'd be tempted to swap that for the opportunity of having multiples You can keep the childbirth stuff though

ruggerp11

This is what prompted this discussion.
I recently got out of a LDR that was waining sexually for the last eight months. There were several reasons but I couldn't help feeling unwanted and unattractive. This really should have been a sign to me that things were not right in her mind. There were always excuses and rarely were we even comfortable sleeping in the same bed towards the end . I was more than willing to over look a lot of this because it was going to get better when we were in the same place and because of how I felt about her.

This was tough being that I'm a very sexual person and she, just by her own nature is not but in my head worth it because everything else was good in the relationship.

My only point is that emotions like love can make up for a lot of physical or sexual differences, but in the end (good ol hindsight) it is something very important and can often (as been said) be a barometer for whats really going on in the relationship.

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Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it.
--Mark Twain
Do What makes you happy
--Me
BUT!
"Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

tenniels

Sex is pretty important in my relationships. Not just because it's sex, but because it's the bond that sex represents and the closeness it can bring. I was in a long distance relationship at a young age (ended just before I turned 18) and it was a difficult thing to deal with. He was my first though, so at the time, I wasn't as in tune with my sexual needs and all that. In the whole time we were together though, we spent about a month of real time together and it just wasn't enough. At first it wasn't enough physically and then it wasn't enough emotionally. Makes me wonder if the emotional began to lack due to the lack in the physical department if this makes sense?

Edited for missing word

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RenaissanceII

being a bit of a perv, yeah veddy important....

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